University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

A spacious outer room in the prison. Enter an Under-Gaoler and a Clown.
Clown.

I pray thee now, my good friend, here is a piece of money for thee—very good money too; thou mayst look o' both sides of it an' thou wilt: it has been wrapped up in the foot of my old holiday stockings since last Michaelmas twelvemonth, and neither sun nor wind has blown upon it. Take it, man, thou art heartily welcome to it if thou canst put me into a good place near the scaffold; or a place where I may see him upon the scaffold; for I am five-and-thirty years old next Shrove Tuesday when the time comes round, and I have never yet seen in all my born days so much as a thief set i' the stocks.

Gaoler.

Poor man! thou hast lived in most deplorable ignorance indeed. But stand aside a little, here is the famous executioner of Olmutz acoming, who has been sent for expressly to do the job; for our own is but a titulary hangman; he has all the honours of the office, but little experience in the duties of it.

Clown.

O dickens, I'll creep into a corner then, and have a good look of him. A man that has cut off men's heads, save us all! he must have a strange bloody look about him for certain.

Enter two Executioners, speaking as they enter.
1st ex.

What! no execution in this town for these ten years past? Lord pity you all for a set of poor devils indeed! Why, I have known a smaller town than this keep ye up a first executioner for the capital business, with a second man under him for your petty cart-tail and pillory work; ay, and keep them handsomely employed too. No execution in such a town as this for these ten years past! One might as well live amongst the savages.

2d ex.

It is a pitiful thing to be sure, but don't despise us altogether, Mr. Master: we shall improve by-and-bye; and here is a fair beginning for it too, if heaven prosper us.

1st ex.

Ay, thou wilt, perhaps, have the honour of hanging a thief or two before thou art the age of Methuselah; but I warrant ye, the beheading of this young nobleman here by the famous executioner of Olmutz will be remembered amongst you for generations to come. It will be the grand date from which every thing will be reckoned; ay, your very grandchildren will boast that their fathers were present at the sight.

2d ex.

I make no doubt on't, my master, but you are a very capital man in your way: heaven forbid that I should envy the greatness of any one; but I would have you to know that there have been

others in the world as good as yourself ere now. My own father cut off Baron Koslam's head upon this very scaffold that we now hear them hammering at.

1st ex.

Some wandering hocus-pocus baron, I suppose, that sold nostrums for the toothache. I always put such fellows into the hands of my underling to operate upon; I never count the dealing with them as your prime work, though for certain we must call it your head work; ha! ha! ha! (Holding out his axe in a vain-glorious manner.)
Seest thou this axe of mine? The best blood of the country has been upon its edge. To have had one's father or brother under its stroke, let me tell thee, is equal to a patent of nobility.

2d ex.

Well, be it so. I envy no man, though thou art set over my head upon this occasion. I have whipped, branded, and pilloried in great meekness and humility for these seven years past; but the humble shall be exalted at last, and I shall have better work to do by-and-bye. Let us have no more contention about it.—Who's there? (Observing gaoler and clown.)
Ay, gaoler, do thou go and kick up the black prince, he is snoring in some corner near us, and send him for some brandy.

[Gaoler coming forward, with the clown creeping after him, half afraid.
Gaoler.

The black prince is nowhere to be found; he has not been seen since the cells were locked.

2d ex.

Go fetch us some liquor thyself then.

1st ex.

But who is this sneaking behind thee, and afraid to show his face?

Gaoler.

Only a poor countryman, a friend of mine, who wanted to look at you as you passed.

1st ex.

Yes, yes, everybody has a curiosity to look at extraordinary persons. (To clown.)
Come forward, man, and don't be afraid. Didst thou ever before see any thing better than a poor parish priest, or a scrubby lord of the village? didst thou, eh?

Clown

(abashed).
I don't know, please you: my brother did once stand within a team's length of the Prince of Carrara, when he passed through our village on his way to Franconia.

1st ex.

So then thou art not the first of thy family that has seen a great man. But don't be afraid, my good fellow, I a'n't proud nor haughty as many of them be: thou shalt even shake hands with me an' thou wilt.

[Holding out his hand to clown, who shrinks from him, and puts his hands behind his back.
Clown.

No, I thank you; I ben't much of a hand-shaker: I have got a little sore on my thumb, may it please you: I thank you all the same as though I did.

1st ex.

Ay, thou art too mannerly to call it the thing that we wot of. Well, thou art a good sort of fellow; don't be abashed: thou seest I am very condescending to thee. Come, then, thou shalt drink a cup of liquor with me. Follow us into the next ward, my good friend.

Clown

(shrinking from him again).
O na, save your presence! I'll go with the gaoler here.

1st ex.

(to 2d executioner).
Ay, he is but a poor bashful clown, and don't know how to behave himself in good company. [Exeunt executioners.

Clown.

Shake hands with him, Mary preserve us! it sets the very ends of my fingers a-dingling. Drink out of the same mug with him, too! (sputtering with his lips)
poh! poh! poh! the taste of raw heads and carrion is on my lips at the thoughts of it. (To gaoler.)
Come, let us go out of this place; I be long enough here. (Stepping short as he goes off.)
What noise and hammering is this we hear?

Gaoler.

It is the workmen putting up the scaffold.

Clown

(starting).
What, are we so near to it? mercy on us! let me get out of this place, for it puts me into a terrible quandary.

Gaoler.

If this be the mettle thou art made of, thou hadst better take thy money again, and I'll give thy place for the sight to somebody that has got a stouter heart than thou hast.

Clown.

Na, na, I won't do that neither; I have a huge desire to see how a man looks when he is going to have his head cut off, and I'll stay for the sight, though I should swoon for it. Poor man! poor man! what frightful things there be in this world, when one's mind sets a-thinking upon it!—Is he a tall man, now (to gaoler)
, or a short man? a palefaced man, or—ay, pale enough, I warrant. Mercy on us! I shall think of him many a night after this, before I go to sleep. Poor man! poor man! what terrible things there be in this world, if a body does but think of them.

[Exeunt clown and gaoler.