University of Virginia Library

Scena secunda.

Enter Iaques solus drunk.

This London wine is a parlous liquor; twill turn
you a mans head so long round, that at last
'twill set it where his heeles should be: another

glass ont had prov'd me a reeler, a cotqueane,
which I was never brought up to; I learnt a song
of my old grannam, many a good ballad she
would have sung me by the fire side ore a black
pot, but your city wine is a more stinging liquor.
She left me a very fair cow, but a villanous thief
stole me her, (foul cheeve him for it) and escap'd
I know not whither: but alls won, much good do
him with it, my Ladies Worships service is better
then a team of oxen. But the song must not be
forgot.

Till I have done a.

Mount Helicona.

What she may brag of.

To break ones crag off.

Io he loved.

As may be proved.

Well, I'le to my chamber and sleep awhile, otherwise
I'st ha a foule deal of do to keep me on my
legs this afternoon,

Enter Lorece.
Iaques is now a very Barnabey!

Lore.
Iaques! so ho my boy!
Exit Iaques.

His match is extraordinary, sure the rogue's drunk,
He's so very deaf—

The report is that Doctor Aristotle cast himself into
the sea, because he could not (with all his rambling
Philosophy) find out the natural cause of
the ebbing and flowing of it: but (had his good
scholarship been troubled with my Mistris) he
might a jolted out his brains against a rock, for
his dulness in inventing a method of wooing to
win her Ladiship withal. I here will sit and muse.

Sits in a private place.
Enter Vandona and Iaques.
Iaq.

Indeed Madam I will be very serviceable unto

you, if now and then you will suffer me to be blith
and full of merry moods:

Van.

Iaques! where ha you been?

Ia.

At the spigget. Is it not a very rainy wet day?

Van.

Thou art well washed within.

Iaq.

Tis a very dark day: the sun shines clear tho.

Van.

T'hast a light head Iaques.

Iaq.

And yet I cannot bear't stedfast on my shoulders,
wine's monstrous strong.
Let me see who am I?

Van.

Th'art a fool.

Iaq.

The play's the better for't.

Van.

Y'are a drunken coxcomb, go.

Iaq.

Thou captive Greek, I am a Beglerbeg.

Van.

Thou woot be a beggar and thou leav'st not
thy drinking.

Iaq.

Thou me Roxalana! am not I the great Sultan?

Van.

A booby.

Iaq.

You shew your breeding to upbraid the Majesty
of the Grand Signior.

Van.

Peace, no more fooling.

Iaq.

You are drunk with north countrey Balderdash,
you keep no wine, water your kitlings with
beer, nothing but wine shall be drunk in my court.

Van.

I shall be troubled with him else. Embassadors
wait your return at your Palace.

Iaq.

We will withdraw: send the Bashaes after
me, they shall present me wine.

Exit.
Lorece discloseth himself.
Van.
Is he here?
I shall be courted certainly, and perhaps shall yield.

Lore.
Most welcome happiest Genius of my life,
Dearest Vandona, let your lilly hand
Enrich my lips.

Van.
Y'are very complemental, servant.

Lore.
Mistris, faith I love you, as for millions of causes,
So also for a natural demeanour,
It showes you are no of-spring of the City.

Van.
You would marry none of them, servant?

Lore.

No, six thousand pounds cannot hide a squint
eye, a crooked back, or a red head, or a muddy
face, though they may gild them.

Van.

This is very Satyrical, but there be Beauties of
all coloured hair, eies, and complexions.

Lore.

I at any time will carry you to a Play, either
to the Black Friers or Cockpit. And you shall go
to the Exchange when you will, and have as
much money as you please to lay out, you shall
find me a very loving husband in troth dear Lady.

Van.

But servant, you have been a very deboist gentleman.

Lor.

Forget what y'ave heard, and you shall hear no
more on't. But we are extravagant, come, let's
to'th joyner.

Van.
To whom, and for what Mr. Lorece?

Lore.
To Hymen in his saffron coat, to be married.

Van.
Some other time, a month hence will serve.

Lor.
Then must I court another bout.

Van.
What you please Sir.

Lor.
O Cupid the Bow-man,
I am not thy foe man;
For I love this woman,
As well as I know man.
And therefore I pray thee,
From mischief to stay me;
And quickly to lay me
In bed with this Lady.

Van.
What call you this Sir?

Lor.
Tis my imploration, and ode.

Van.
Y'are! very fluent Sir.

Lor.

And yet neglected. But Ile make Cornelius
Gallus speak English, and he shall wooe for me.

Van.
What say you servant?

Lor.
Be you attentive, and you shall hear.
My sweet Vandona, fine and comely lass,
(Whose beauty Milk and Lillies doth surpass,
And the sweet Roses, both the white and red,
Or Indian Ivory new polished)
O spread, O spread abroad thy yellow hair,
Like glorious gold, shining all out as fair:
Thy purest Alablaster neck, and show's
VVhich (from between thy graceful shoulders) growes;
Open thy Starry eyes, and let us view
Their browes above them of a Sable hew:
And both thy Roseal cheeks let us espie
Beautified with a natural Tyrian die.
Put forth thy lips, their Corral let us see,
And (Dovelike) gentle kisses give to me.
Kisses her.
Of amorous life thy breath did draw out part:
Those kisses peirc'd me to the very heart.
Why didst thou suck my blood (O cruel she?)
Henceforth thy dugges (like Apples) hide from me,
Which with Ambrosiack cream shall swell thy breast,
Discloseth Cynamon I yield, and best
Delights arise from thee: yet thy Paps cover,
Whose growth, and beauty, do make me a lover:
For seest thou not, that languishing I lye?
A man half dead how canst thou thus destroy!

Van.
This is meer flattery.

Lor.

Tis but a spark (Madam) an almost invisible
atome of truth, which can scarce be discern'd in
the Sun-shine of your perfections, credit me Madam

Van.

They are most childish will believe all that
their servants, say, my most poetical Servant.

Lor.

Most obdurate Lady.

Van.

Will you wrangle?

Lor.

Was ever Widow so hard to win? Sure your husband
got not your maidenhead you are so backward.

Van.
Adieu Sir.

Lor.
Not yet I pray you sweetest Lady, if—

Van.
Pray you trouble me with no more speeches.

Lor.
O cruel reply to a Lovers suit!
If ever you have felt this passions pain,
If ever you would pitied be your self,
Or if you know that Love hath power to kill;
For all these (which you heretofore have been
Subject unto) commiserate a heart
So full of love for you that it will break.
If you deny:
But if you will remain inexorable,
And frown on him who ay must fawn on you,
I wish my fortune may be yours, and that
If ere you love you may be served so.

Van.
I'm but a woman, and these words would move
A stupid rock to pitty, Sir I can
Resist no more, your tongue has magick in't:
You have overcome me, and enjoy your conquest.

Lor.

My dear widow, let me kiss thee for this! thy
date of wearing black is almost out. O my joy!
methinks I could out-sing old Homer, the nine
Muses, and put their Patron Apollo out of fame.

Enter Falorus, Cleanthe and Phyginois in brave apparel.

My Vandona, yonder is my brother, he will be glad
to hear of my good fortune.

Fal.

Who's he?

Clea.

A friend of mine (my Lord)

Fal.

I shall be desirous (Sir) both for your own,
and for Anclethes sake, to be better acquainted
with you.
May I demand your name?

Phy.

Your servant is cal'd Phyginois.

Fal.

How have you sped brother?

Lor.

She will be cal'd your sister: salute her, go kiss
her for't.

Fal.
Lady, I hope my brother will deserve you,
By proving an affectionate husband to you.

Phy.

Madam, I am a stranger, but will endeavour to
make my self known unto you by any service I
can do you.

Van.
Thank you Sir.

Phy.
My Nentis doth excel her sister— Aside.


Lor.
Come brother, will you go with us?

Fal.
Ile wait upon your Mistress.

Exeunt Fal. Lor. Van.
Cle.
My faithful friend, may all thy wishes prosper,
And a fair end crown them most happily.

Phy.
Sweetest of Ladies!

Clea.

Thou didst prefer goodness before the raising
of thy house.

Phy.

It grieved me to think so noble a Lady should
be so poorely dispos'd of;
My brothers birth, nor forunes could deserve you.

Cle.

I was ignorant, and might have undone my
self.

Phy.

I did pitty you.

Cle.

And ever have oblig'd me to you for't.

Phy.

If your sisters woman Mistress Nentis be obstinate,
and you prosper;
Hereafter you may do me a multitude of favours.

Cle.

I nere will fail to do the best I can; now let us
follow them.

Love is a passion not to be withstood;
And (until hearts be mutual) never good.

Exeunt.