University of Virginia Library

SECT. VI.

A formlesse female you shall find,
As well in body as in mind;
Her face, her speech, her breath bewray'd,
Her hands, back, sides, legs, feet, display'd:
She'd faine turne Whore, if not a Bawd,
Her meanes have Suitors; none applaud
Her parts, nor person, in disgrace
They leave her, when they see her face.
Ere Flora's savour had the aire perfum'd,
Or barren winter was by time consum'd,

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The teeming earth did promise wealth and peace,
When she was stor'd with blessings of encrease.
The day had morgag'd time to envious night,
Then was a Female brought unto my sight,
Drain'd from the dregs of time; which when I saw,
How she was fram'd t'oppose great Natures Law,
I could not chuse but wonder: then my Muse
Call'd Fancie in, took libertie to use
Her skill, to limb this virgin: you may see

Descriptions.


How both her beautie, and her parts agree.
You might perceive the haire upon her head
Was took on trust, or purchas'd from the dead.
Her ears were large, and hang'd about with glasse,
She'd shak'em oft, and prick them like an Asse:
Her browes were furrow'd, verie deep, and large,
And fill'd with soyle, ('twas but an easie charge)
They like a Pent-house hung, to save her face
From all mis-fortunes; colour'd with such grace,
Say what you would, her colour would not change,
'Twas Chesnut-like: In maids 'tis verie strange.
Her nose did shew, how Envie doth appeare:
Above 'twas pale: Consumption, griefe, and feare,
Had made it shrink; the other part did swell,
And look't so red, as if it would rebell:
It did disdaine the other in distresse,
That part grew rich, the other poore and lesse:
The lower part turn'd up againe with spleen;
To quiet all, there was a hill between,
Kept downe the fire: but still the graine doth fret,
The holes were made, some of the Rubies set.

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Two streames run through't, how strange it was to me,
That fire and water should so well agree!
Her eyes perceiv'd this strife about the nose,
Though they were sunk, the water then arose
To coole this broyle: fresh remedie it seeks,
With running post it gutter'd all her cheekes,
But all in vain: then both her eyes did bend
Their force to wait upon the lower end.
Though divers waies they seem'd to go astray,
They view'd the nose as constant as the day;
They altogether sham'd great Neptunes pride,
When that is low, 'tis alwaies here high tide:
Her pimpl'd cheekes made fruitfull by the itch,
Deckt o're with pearles, but were not halfe so rich;
They still were solid in the midst of mirth,
For gardning time, her nailes had rakt up earth.
Her breasts were like two bottles made of leather,
Yet they were twins, for they stuck close together,
Some Carbunkles, with Saphires there were set,
The ground, some yellow, some as blacke as jet,
She had one fault, her mouth was too too narrow,
Reacht but from eare to eare, mouth'd like a sparrow;
Her lips were shrewdly beaten with the weather,
And so at ods they would not come together:
They swell'd with pride, then emulation rose
Which first should catch the droppings of her nose;
The lower lip did alwaies cheat the other,
And quite forgot the upper was her brother;
Her teeth being kind, did grieve so much, that they
Fell in consumption pining still away.

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All mourn'd in blacke, each tooth did lose his life
Dy'd by degrees, and left them thus at strife;
The language that did steale out from her throat
Did jarre, and sound just like a Ravens note;
The Screech-owle in the tone did beare a part,
But not a word proceeded from her heart.
To see this Damsell many there did throng,
Her breath did keep them of it smelt so strong,
Full six yards of (Muse prethee do not lye)
Her breath was smelt, judg'd of the standers by,
A sillie cur was for this savour blam'd,
He being guiltlesse, ran away asham'd.
Her neck was sable, and decitfull too,
Bearing the head with verie much adoe;
Nor could it once be brought to owne her face,
But sinke it downe, and left it in disgrace.
Her shoulders still were constant at a pinch,
Her head abov'em could not creep an inch:
They held together and did domineer,
Keeping the head with force below in fear;
Her hands were wrinkled, with so grosse a graine
You could not see the rising of a veyne.
And being colour'd of the sadest white
Like mourning-gloves, and yet swell'd up with spite:
Her fingers were too short to tell a sum,
Nor could you know her fingers from her thumb.
Then looking on her backe, a bunch I spi'd
That was most constant on the weakest side:
'Twas broad and ridged, yet not much in length,
Made fit for burdens, but she wanted strength.

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She'd lost a joynt being frighted in this fray,
One side sunke halfe a yard the other way:
Her hips did shrink aside, yet they with passion
Broke out, 'cause fardingales were out of fashion.
To all the rest, her buttocks were unkind,
They followed after, but a yard behind;
Her massie legges, seem'd to be made of wood,
Here's one fault more, the wrong ends downwards stood.
She on her leg did scorne to nurse a calfe,
The lower end was fuller fed by halfe:
Her fleshly ancles would not be content,
But spread themselves (think but how spare she went)
Her corn-fed feet with haste were never mov'd,
Her heels would strike each others, yet they lov'd;
The sides were not so hollow as the rest,
The bottomes too did like plaine dealing best:
She loves square play, she is even with her toes,
Th' were borne together, but they live like foes.
They will not yeeld, although they are kept under,
They keep true distance still a yard asunder;
Her temper is the lowest in degrees,
Pray pardon one mistake, I've mist her knees;
They did uphold each other in this fight,
Like faithfull friends, yet they would often smite;
Her mind was wanton but her face and shape
Would coole the lusting of the filthiest ape.
She was a Fowle of night, what nature did
Lay open to her shame, she would have hid;
A whore she would have been, none did applaud
Her parts, nor person, then she'd turne abawd,

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But that she prov'd to be the common scoffe,
But as a foyle, to set such cattell off,
She might be us'd, if she could get a place,
For she's as shamelesse, as the begger's base.
To shun temptation, there's no need to maske her,
Shew but her face, there's none alive will ask her.
Her fame was spread, to see this lasse came store,
But then her looks did fright'em from the doore:
The rayment on her backe was verie rich
Or for her lands and coine, I know not which
Suitors came in; the wealth they came to woe,
But none could hav't except they'd have her too,
Then they left off their suits, still to this time
She leads a single life, being past her prime.
If I should show her wit, how she will vapour,
'Twould steale my time, besides a sheet of paper:
Her out-side now shall satisfie my rime,
Ile blaze her inside at another time.
Look where she is, and view her in the light,
Now Ile be silent, least I shame her quite.