University of Virginia Library

Filling Space: Don't Count Them, Weigh Them

By DONN KESSLER

In a confidential letter received
last week by David A. Shannon,
Chairman of the Future of the
University Committee, Ernest H.
Ern, Dean of Admissions, disclosed
a revolutionary admissions policy
that might be, in Mr. Ern's words,
"the solution to the growing
problem of students at the
University." Reaction from both
students and other members of the
committee was said to be favorable
and the proposal, if approved by
the Board of Visitors, could
completely change the look around
the Grounds.

What Mr. Ern has proposed is an
answer to the State Council of
Higher Education's requirement on
the number of square feet of
classroom space per student. It was
this requirement in addition to the
increasing size of the applicant pool
that led President Edgar Shannon
to push for increased enrollment.

Mr. Ern has proposed that
instead of counting numbers of
heads in enrollment figures, that
the class be admitted by body
weight. In an ingenious plan
enclosed in the letter, which was
marked "Highly Confidential Mr.
Ern proposed that a scale b "the et up
equating body weight to college
board scores and that the class be
divided into six quintiles instead of
the present five quarters.

One can only applaud Mr. Ern's
proposal. It is indeed timely in
solving the whole problem of
overcrowding Charlottesville. It is
only the highest levels of
intelligence, such as in the
University administration, that
could develop such an imaginative
plan.

According to Mr. Ern's proposal
a high school student would be
granted one SAT point for each
pound he or she weighs above 200
pounds. Therefore, a 250 pound
student having 1100 on his College
boards would be considered to have
1150 SAT's. Mr. Ern indicated in
his letter that by this plan, "the
University would be able to meet
the State Council of Higher
Education's space requirements
while still maintaining the
University's high academic
standards."

Mr. Ern has gone even further
by dividing the class into six
specific quintiles. In this way he has
assured both students and the
General Assembly that high
academic standards would be met
by his plan.

The dean of admissions has
labeled the top quintile of students
as the "slow distance runners." This
group would consist of those
students weighing more than 400
pounds and having an original
board score of 900 or better.

The second quintile of students
would be labeled the "Best All
Round" and would weigh between
300 and 400 pounds and have
above 1200 unadjusted board
scores.

According to the rest of Mr.
Ern's revolutionary plan, the third
group of students would be those
students weighing between 250 and
300 pounds with board scores
between 1100 and 1200. The
fourth group would be those
students weighing between 200 and
250 pounds and having better than
1100 board scores.

Mr. Ern described the fifth
quintile as being those students
weighing less than 200 pounds but
having above 1350 board scores. He
explained the stringent score
requirements of this quintile as
making up for the student's light
weight.

Mr. Ern stated that the last
group of students would be the
"happy bottom quintile". He
described these students as being
"rich alumni sons with savings
accounts over $200,000." He
indicated that this last quintile of
students would "round out a
perfect class profile."

Mr. Ern's plan is indeed a
perfect solution to the problem of
expansion. With the state
requirement of 12 square feet of
classroom space per student, larger
numbers of students would have to
be admitted, causing severe
overcrowding in Charlottesville.
With over two-thirds of the entering
class weighing more than 200
pounds, however, it has been
estimated that two classroom seats
or 24 square feet will be needed per
student, therefore fulfilling state
requirements by changing the
standard amount of space needed
per student.

In responding to Mr. Ern's
proposal, Eugene Paige, Director of
the Office of Institutional Analysis,
examined the state requirements
and told the Future of the
University Committee that "Mr.
Ern's proposal would be perfectly
legal."

Some problems have cropped
up, however, concerning
discrimination. Annette Gibbs, an
Associate Dean of Student Affairs,
stated that it would be extremely
difficult to find women weighing
more than 200 lbs. and therefore
only women who were geniuses or
"rich alumni daughters" would be
admitted to the University. Mr. Ern
stated, however, that the problem
would be rectified if women could
show an addiction to starchy foods.

During the committee meeting
in which Mr. Ern's letter was read,
the response of the committee
members to his plan was said to be
favorable. One student member
stated that he would have a hard
time gaining admission to the
University under the new standards,
but if it was between expansion in
number or expansion in waist, he
would prefer the latter.

With the run-around given
students by the administration
concerning the source of pressure
for expansion, one could only agree
with that student.