The three tours of Doctor Syntax In search of 1. The picturesque, 2. Of consolation, 3. Of a wife. The text complete. [By William Combe] With four illustrations |
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 | The three tours of Doctor Syntax |  |
“My understanding's too refin'd To fathom a fine Lady's mind,
I cannot know and do not care What whimsies may be passing there,
For my best half doth never own A thought that is to me unknown.
A fond and amiable she, As frank as honest heart can be;—
But hear the best authority.
—The Widow's Rector oft displays
His thoughts of what she does and says,
And he is known, I believe, to shine As a sagacious, learn'd divine.
He has free entrance at the Hall, Whenever he is pleas'd to call,
Though I've been told it is but rare He's known to pay his visits there,
For when she's in a certain whim
She strives to play some trick with him.
—He says he's sure she will not stray From virtue's fair and open way,
Nor that she e'er will give offence To the mind's purest innocence:
But she's as lightsome as a fairy In pranks and whimsical vagary:
As a coquette she daily dances, Then gratifies blue stocking fancies;
To-day, to deck her charms inclin'd, To-morrow to enrich her mind;
Nay, 'mong the Jacks, the Dicks, the Harrys,
'Twill not surprise him if she marries,
If she chuse one of science full, Or one impenetrably dull,
Some grave man for his sterling sense, Or parson for his eloquence:
Nor would he wonder, if through life
She ne'er renew'd the name of wife.
And now, Sir, you may form a notion
Of Madam Omicron's promotion.”
It must be own'd that all this news
To Syntax was of sovereign use,
To shape the plans he had in view, Inform him what he had to do,
And how and in what way to woo.
—Thus arm'd, he sent Pat on before,
T'announce his coming at the door,
Where Madam O---, with smiling face,
And the most condescending grace,
Gave her best welcome to the cot, Which was her philosophic lot,
For such she's named the charming spot.
The walls were festoon'd o'er with flowers,
Here winged boys and there the hours
Floated along in airy ease, The surface of the lengthen'd frieze;
And all around he seem'd to see Some well-dress'd Pagan Deity.
She plac'd him in a satin chair, 'Tween Mercury and Jupiter,
And plac'd a stool with fruitage drest On which his either foot to rest.
—Thus seated with the Olympic folk, Syntax began to scent a joke;
And, fitting their forms to his own,
Doubted if he should smile or frown.
“If this,” he thought, “be classic fun,
I'll gravely wait what's to be done:
If of the scene I am the jest I'll work my way and act my best.”
The Doctor felt that his queer phiz
Was such as might invite a quiz;
For, right or wrong, he seem'd to see Quizzing was her propensity.
At all points therefore he prepar'd To keep himself upon his guard,
In jesting to give joke for joke, If it were wit, give stroke for stroke;
If learning he were call'd to ply, To mix it up with flattery,
And cull from poets and from sages The gallantries of former ages.
I cannot know and do not care What whimsies may be passing there,
For my best half doth never own A thought that is to me unknown.
A fond and amiable she, As frank as honest heart can be;—
But hear the best authority.
—The Widow's Rector oft displays
His thoughts of what she does and says,
And he is known, I believe, to shine As a sagacious, learn'd divine.
He has free entrance at the Hall, Whenever he is pleas'd to call,
Though I've been told it is but rare He's known to pay his visits there,
For when she's in a certain whim
She strives to play some trick with him.
—He says he's sure she will not stray From virtue's fair and open way,
Nor that she e'er will give offence To the mind's purest innocence:
But she's as lightsome as a fairy In pranks and whimsical vagary:
As a coquette she daily dances, Then gratifies blue stocking fancies;
To-day, to deck her charms inclin'd, To-morrow to enrich her mind;
Nay, 'mong the Jacks, the Dicks, the Harrys,
'Twill not surprise him if she marries,
292
Some grave man for his sterling sense, Or parson for his eloquence:
Nor would he wonder, if through life
She ne'er renew'd the name of wife.
And now, Sir, you may form a notion
Of Madam Omicron's promotion.”
It must be own'd that all this news
To Syntax was of sovereign use,
To shape the plans he had in view, Inform him what he had to do,
And how and in what way to woo.
—Thus arm'd, he sent Pat on before,
T'announce his coming at the door,
Where Madam O---, with smiling face,
And the most condescending grace,
Gave her best welcome to the cot, Which was her philosophic lot,
For such she's named the charming spot.
The walls were festoon'd o'er with flowers,
Here winged boys and there the hours
Floated along in airy ease, The surface of the lengthen'd frieze;
And all around he seem'd to see Some well-dress'd Pagan Deity.
She plac'd him in a satin chair, 'Tween Mercury and Jupiter,
And plac'd a stool with fruitage drest On which his either foot to rest.
—Thus seated with the Olympic folk, Syntax began to scent a joke;
And, fitting their forms to his own,
Doubted if he should smile or frown.
“If this,” he thought, “be classic fun,
I'll gravely wait what's to be done:
If of the scene I am the jest I'll work my way and act my best.”
The Doctor felt that his queer phiz
Was such as might invite a quiz;
For, right or wrong, he seem'd to see Quizzing was her propensity.
At all points therefore he prepar'd To keep himself upon his guard,
In jesting to give joke for joke, If it were wit, give stroke for stroke;
If learning he were call'd to ply, To mix it up with flattery,
And cull from poets and from sages The gallantries of former ages.
| The three tours of Doctor Syntax | |