14. Fresh Mortifications, or a Demonstration that Seeming
Calamities May Be Real Blessings.
THE journey of my daughters to town was now resolved upon,
Mr. Thornhill having kindly promised to inspect their conduct himself,
and inform us by letter of their behavior. But it was thought
indispensably necessary that their appearance should equal the greatness
of their expectations, which could not be done without expense. We
debated, therefore, in full council what were the easiest methods of
raising money; or, more properly speaking, what we could most con
veniently sell. The deliberation was soon finished. It was found that
our remaining horse was utterly useless for the plough, without his
companion, and equally unfit for the road, as wanting an eye; it was
therefore determined that we should dispose of him for the purpose
above mentioned, at the neighboring fair, and, to prevent imposition,
that I should go with him myself. Though this was one of the first
mercantile transactions of my life, yet I had no doubt about acquitting
myself with reputation. The opinion a man forms of
his own prudence is measured by that of the company he
keeps; and as mine was mostly in the family way, I had conceived no
unfavorable sentiments of my worldly wisdom. My wife, however,
next morning at parting, after I had got some paces from the door,
called me back to advise me, in a whisper, to have all my eyes about
me.
I had, in the usual forms, when I came to the fair, put my horse
through all his paces, but for some time had no bidders. At last a
chapman approached, and, after he had a good while examined the horse
round finding him blind of one eye, he would have nothing to say to
him. A second came up, but observing he had a spavin, declared he
would not take him for the driving home. A third perceived he had a
windgall, and would bid no money; a fourth knew by his eye that he had
the botts; a fifth wondered what a plague I could do at the fair with a
blind, spavined, galled hack, that was only fit to be cut up for a
dog-kennel. By this time I began to have a most hearty contempt for the
poor animal myself, and was almost ashamed at the approach of every
customer; for although I did not entirely believe all the fellows told me,
yet I reflected that the number of witnesses was a strong presumption
that they were right; and St. Gregory, upon good works, professes
himself to be of the same opinion.
I was in this mortifying situation, when a brotherclergyman, an
old acquaintance, who had also business
at the fair, came up, and shaking me by the hand, pro
posed adjourning to a public-house and taking a glass
of whatever we could get. I readily closed with the
offer, and entering an ale-house, we were shown into a
little back room, where there was only a venerable old
man, who sat wholly intent over a large book which he was reading. I
never in my life saw a figure that prepossessed me more favorably.
His locks of silver gray venerably shaded his temples, and his green old
age seemed to be the result of health and benevolence. However, his
presence did not interrupt our conversation; my friend and I discoursed
on the various turns of fortune we had met, the Whistonian controversy,
my last pamphlet, the archdeacon's reply, and the hard measure that was
dealt me. But our attention was in a short time taken off by the
appearance of a youth who, entering the room, respectfully said
something softly to the old stranger. "Make no apologies, my child,"
said the old man; "to do good is a duty we owe to all our
fellow-creatures; take this; I wish it were more; but five pounds will
relieve your distress, and you are welcome." The modest youth shed
tears of gratitude; and yet his gratitude was scarcely equal to mine. I
could have hugged the good old man in my arms, his benevolence
pleased me so. He continued to read, and we resumed our conversation,
until my companion, after some time, recollecting that he had busi
ness to transact in the fair, promised to be soon back, adding, that he
always desired to have as much of Dr. Primrose's company as possible.
The old gentleman, hearing my name mentioned, seemed to look at me
with attention for some time, and when my friend was gone
most respectfully demanded if I was any way related to
the great Primrose, that courageous monogamist, who had been the
bulwark of the Church. Never did my heart feel sincerer rapture than at
that moment. "Sir," cried I, "the applause of so good a man, as I am
sure you are, adds to that happiness in my breast which your
benevolence has already excited. You behold before you, sir, that Dr.
Primrose, the monogamist, whom you have been pleased to call great.
You here see that unfortunate divine, who has so long, and it would ill
become me to say, successfully fought against the deuterogamy of the
age.""Sir," cried the stranger, struck with awe, "I fear I have been too
familiar, but you'll forgive my curiosity, sir: I beg pardon."-"Sir," cried
I grasping his hand, "you are so far from displeasing me by your
familiarity, that I must beg you'll accept my friendship, as you already
have my esteem."-"Then with gratitude I accept the offer," cried he,
squeezing me by the hand, "thou glorious pillar of unshaken orthodoxy;
and do I behold-" I here interrupted what he was going to say; for
though, as an author, I could digest no small share of flattery, yet now
my modesty would permit no more. However, no lovers in romance
ever cemented a more instantaneous friendship. We talked upon several
subjects: at first I thought he seemed rather devout than learned, and
began to think he despised all human doctrines as dross. Yet this no
way lessened him in my
esteem; for I had for some time begun privately to
harbor such an opinion myself. I therefore took occasion to observe
that the world in general began to be blamably indifferent as to doctrinal
matters, and followed human speculations too much. "Ay, sir," re
plied he,-as if he had reserved all his learning to that moment,-"Ay, sir,
the world is in its dotage; and yet the cosmogony or creation of the
world has puzzled philosophers of all ages. What a medley of opinions
have they not broached upon the creation of the world! Sanchoniathon,
Manetho, Berosus, and Ocellus Lucanus have all attempted it in vain.
The latter has these words, [Greek quotation], which imply that all things
have neither beginning nor end. Manetho also, who lived about the time
of Nebuchadon-Asser,-Asser being a Syriac word, usually applied as a
surname to the kings of that country, as Teglat Phael-Asser,
Nabon-Asser,-he, I say, formed a conjecture equally absurd: for, as we
usually say, [Greek quotation], which implies that books will never teach
the world; so he attempted to investigate.But, sir, I ask pardon, I am
straying from the question." That he actually was; nor could I for my
life see how the creation of the world had any thing to do with the
business I was talking of; but it was sufficient to show me that he was a
man of letters, and now I reverenced him the more. I was resolved
therefore to bring him to the touch-stone; but he was
too mild and too gentle to contend for victory. When
ever I made any observation that looked like a challenge to
controversy, he would smile, shake his head, and say nothing; by which
I understood he could say much, if he thought proper. The subject
therefore insensibly changed from the business of antiquity to that
which brought us both to the fair; mine I told him was to sell a horse,
and very luckily indeed his was to buy one f or one of his tenants. My
horse was soon produced, and in fine we struck a bargain. Nothing
now remained but to pay me, and he accordingly pulled out a
thirty-pound note, and bid me change it. Not being in a capacity of
complying with his demand, he ordered his footman to be called up, who
made his appearance in a very genteel livery. "Here, Abraham," cried
he, "go and get gold for this; you'll do it at neighbor Jackson's or
anywhere." While the fellow was gone, he entertained me with a pathetic
harangue on the great scarcity of silver, which I undertook to improve,
by deploring also the great scarcity of gold; so that by the time Abraham
returned we had both agreed that money was never so hard to be come at
as now. Abraham returned to inform us that he had been over the
whole f air and could not get change, though he had offered half a crown
for doing it. This was a very great disappointment to us all; but the old
gentleman having paused a little, asked me if I knew one Solomon
Flamborough in my part of the country; upon replying
that he was my next-door neighbor: "If that be the case,
then," returned he, "I believe we shall deal. You shall have a draft upon
him payable at sight; and, let me tell you, he is as warm a man as any
within five miles round him. Honest Solomon and I have been ac
quainted for many years together. I remember I always beat him at
three jumps; but he could hop on one leg farther than I." A draft upon
my neighbor was to me the same as money; for I was sufficiently
convinced of his ability. The draft was signed and put into my hands,
and Mr. Jenkinson (the old gentleman), his man Abraham, and my
horse, old Blackberry, trotted off very well pleased with each
other.
After a short interval, being left to reflection, I began to recollect
that I had done wrong in taking a draft from a stranger, and so prudently
resolved upon following the purchaser, and having back my horse. But
this was now too late: I therefore made directly homewards, resolving to
get the draft changed into money at my friend's as fast as possible. I
found my honest neighbor smoking his pipe at his own door, and
informing him that I had a small bill upon him, he read it twice over:
"You can read the name, I suppose," cried I, "Ephraim
Jenkinson."-"Yes," returned he, "the name is written plain enough, and I
know the gentleman too,-the greatest rascal under the canopy of heaven.
This is the very same rogue who sold us the spectacles. Was he not a
venerable looking man
with gray hair, and no flaps to his pocket-holes? And
did he not talk a long string of learning, about Greek and cosmogony
and the world?" To this I replied with a groan. "Ay," continued he, "he
has but that one piece of learning in the world, and he always talks it
away whenever he finds a scholar in company; but I know the rogue,
and will catch him yet."
Although I was already sufficiently mortified, my greatest struggle
was to come, in facing my wife and daughters. No truant was ever
more afraid of returning to school, there to behold the master's visage,
than I was of going home. I was determined, however, to anticipate
their fury by first falling into a passion myself.
But, alas! upon entering, I found the family no way disposed for
battle. My wife and girls were all in tears, Mr. Thornhill having been
there that day to inform them that their journey to town was entirely
over. The two ladies having heard reports of us from some malicious
person about us, were that day set out for London. He could neither
discover the tendency nor the author of these; but whatever they might
be, or whoever might have broached them, he continued to assure our
family of his friendship and protection. I found, therefore, that they
bore my disappointment with great resignation, as it was eclipsed in the
greatness of their own. But what perplexed us most was to think who
could be so base as to asperse the character of a family
so harmless as ours, too humble to excite envy, and too inoffensive to
create disgust.