 | The Marriage-Broaker, or The Pander |  |
Act. V.
Scæn. 1.
Ent. Shift & Hog.Shift.
Shame and perdition fall upon this gipsie.
His false predictions are like oracles,
Deceiving with their Ambiguity.
Hog.
What ailes the man? sir, have unquiet dreams
Troubled your rest to night, that you thus talk
Wildly of gypsies, and predictions;
Of oracles and ambiguities.
71
I'le tell thee Hog, I had a fortune lately
Told me, which did imply I should Injoy
Her, unto whom I oft had su'd in vain,
Hog.
Your Fortunes true: for you have often su'd
Unto my Mistris Lydia in vain.
Because her nights were at too dear a rate,
Yet you have found her thrown into your arm's.
Shift.
I do confes't, and therefore I complain
Upon my Fortunes ambiguity,
Which I applyed unto a wealthy heir,
Whose maiden zone I hop't for to untie.
Hog.
I hope that Lydia made you sport enough.
Shift.
I'le not deny's, yet she mistake doth vex me,
Though 'tis my Ioy I am not gull'd alone
Hog.
If to Injoy fair Lydia alone,
You call a gull, then you are gull'd alone,
Shift.
I mean this gipsie hath deceived others,
(If it be lawfull to believe a Huntsman)
For telling this sweet Ladies fortune, whom
But now I nam'd, before a Cityzen
Who did usurp the name of her olde servant,
He said within three nights she should Embrace
The man whom she would honour with the stile
Of Husband, whom she present did behold
Though his disguise did then conceal his person,
Which the vain gull apply'd unto himself,
When I more justly may the Fortune claim,
Because I am not what my outside speaks me.
Hog.
How can that be, seeing you were not present?
Shift.
She might behold me present to her fancy.
This meaning only my thoughts look't upon.
Hog.
For shame leave talking of these gulleties,
The truth is this, the Huntsman whom you nam'd
Did purchase you the pleasure of this night,
72
When you were drunk with wine and Ioy, you meant
To Wed this beauty, which you came to meet,
But found contriv'd in bed before you came,
Say then sir, will you marry Lydia?
Shift.
Thou know'st she has a foolish property
Might make me pardon my self this mistake,
Yet I regard not that which nicer men
Do blame; the thing I might dislike in her
Is, that she's poor, but yet to shew, that I
Am a Philosopher, I'le marry her.
Hog.
Nobly and wisely spoke, and chear your heart
Though she be poor, she cannot make you poorer
Shift.
This consolation my Philosophie
Doth likewise teach me, but I'le tell thee news,
I have a husband in the pickle too
For thy old Mistris, one of her own trade,
For both of them do live by coupling sexes,
He in olde Saxon's call'd a match-maker.
Hog.
Good sir for once do you usurp his office
To make this decent match, and I'le assist you.
Shift.
I do arrest thy promise, yesterday
I hear his worship sought me at my lodging,
But first I'le give him a preparative.
Hog.
I'le give him that shall work I warrant you;
First I'le advance my Mrs. wealth and vertues,
Then swear the greatness of my own revenew's,
Which I gain only by the Fees of suiters.
Shift.
I do not doubt thy art, go and prepare
Thy Mrs too, within this hour or two
I'le send him, untill then adieu.
Hog.
Farewell.
Exeunt
Enter Falconer and Grace.
Falc.
And why wilt thou needs have me marry thee?
73
'Cause I would have you make me an honest woman.
Falc.
Why dost thou think all married women honest?
Grace.
I cannot tell, but surely I am one
If I am brought a-bed in matrimony.
Falc.
Is that the point? but tell me when y'are married,
How think you to maintain your honesty?
Gra.
You know the Iustice promis'd us last night
His worships licence to sell ale i'th city.
Falc.
Now you have hit it; was't ere heard that women
Maintain'd her honesty by selling ale?
Gra.
Surely I hear it is a thriving trade.
Falc.
Surely but not to thrive in honesty;
For if she be not open as her tub,
My Hostess takings will be very small,
Although her lanted ale be nere so strong.
Gra.
I will do any thing which you will have me.
Falc.
Then first I'le have you to release our contract,
Then I will have thee travel into Ireland,
There thou mai'st make a nurse 'tis better far
Then live by'th muddy trade of selling ale,
And thank my bounty, which hath qualified
Thy Inabilities for this Imployment.
Gra.
Did not you swear that you would marry me?
Falc.
I have done better chick, far better, for
I've layn with thee, which I had rather do
Twice twenty times, then marry the but once.
Gra.
Ay me, & shall my love be thus requited?
Yet know it is not in your power to leave me,
The Iustice now is witness of the contract,
Who I am sure will see it executed.
74
Now thou hast truly said, what marriage is,
That is, an execution, well, then since
It will no better be, lets quickly set
All things in order, and be executed.
Gra.
As nimbly as you can good Richard, for
My time draws near, and I desire to be
An honest woman e're I am deliver'd.
Falc.
Lets find my Mr. first, I do not mean
To leave him and his service to sell ale,
Where I last left him, thence, they say the devil
Fetcht him away, and sure he hath been there
For they look all as if they had been frighted,
And still he may be there, for they do talk
As if they were possest, come, let us go,
And when my Master's found, appoint the day
When thoul't be married and I will obey.
Gra.
Then this shall be the day, I'le be thy guide
To find thy Mr. and more guesse beside.
Exeunt
Enter Shift and Derrick.
Shift.
The hast of your return, I fear hath made
You leave more weighty business unperformed
Der.
Care of your good makes me forget my own,
Yet in one day, (for know my clients do
Observe my day) I have directed ten
To their preferment, two to reputed maids
Which I do rank alone in my black book,
Three unto widows of the second head,
And five to maids of just maturity.
Shift.
Pray Mr. Derrick are not you allied.
unto the famous headsman of your name.
Der.
Somewhat I am, but whats the cause you ask?
Shift.
Because by you there is contriv'd the loss
Of many maiden heads.
Der.
You'r merry sir,
75
As the extreams of torment and delight,
My office is not staind with bloud, and those
Who suffer by my means do live to thank me,
I beg no pardon for my fault, before
The maid's depriv'd of her virginity.
Shift.
Yet you may ask forgiveness afterwards
Of those who curse your pains, and find the hell
Of marriage worse then a decollation.
Der.
You shall want cause I hope for to complain,
When you shall see your flying love return
To meet you, that you freely may enjoy her.
Shift.
Thanks unto both our pains, that I have done
Already, our close kisses have been warm'd
With the soft flame of love, and I have seal'd
The match so sure, that it doth need no witness.
Der.
Forget not him then that procured your blisse.
Shift.
I am so full of joy, that you shall make
Your own conditions, and besides I will
(Be you not wanting to your self) in your
Own way requite you with a wealthy widow.
Der.
I am not yet so frozen, but my blood
Will heat without a fever, be then pleas'd
To give me a full knowledge of my hopes.
Shift.
She hath a servant, who was sometimes mine,
And still desires to be so, for the love
I paid to his deserts, which he requires
In promising his aid to win his Mistris.
But you have happily prevented him,
And therefore no man fitter then your self
T'enjoy the benefit was meant to me.
Der.
I cannot but confess my self most fit,
76
Shi.
You shall take letters of my commendation
To my old servitour, his name is Hog,
One whom his Mistris justly doth regard.
Der.
Let me alone for to commend my self;
I'le onely take your letters for to purchase
My free admittance, then condemn my cunning
If my own courtship do not win the widow.
Shift.
Well may you speed, I'le presently go write.
Der.
Though 'tis no need, I'le help you to indite.
Exeunt
Enter Goodwit.
Good.
How strangely fortune guides my destinies?
It is not yet five moons since I liv'd free,
Yet in a forrain haven, now I breath
My native aire, but want my liberty,
Which method of my fate, yet lets me see
Some likenesse in this contrariety.
For Spain to me was but a wider prison,
From whence there was no way unto my freedome,
But in a hazardous capativity,
Glad in a floting prison to be in immur'd,
Since 'twas my safety to be so confin'd
Where I did fear more dangers, then I now
Do suffer, and so the bounteous heavens became
My School-Masters while they my mind prepar'd
For future sorrow, by foregoing its;
And taught me, that my later sufferings
Are little blessings by comparison:
But that which lessens not my misery
In this constraint, is the society
Of a good old man my fellow prisoner,
The Rhetorick of whose love, would needs perswade
I have no cause of sadness, and I think
77
And why I know not, but lo here he comes.
Enter Freeman.
Free.
Come I must chide you, 'cause you'l be alone.
Goodw.
I take this place to be a monastery,
And we are all monasticks by our order.
Free.
This is a fain'd derision of your fortune,
I see your thraldome makes you melancholy.
Good.
Sir, I have learn't that there is nothing free
But what is infinite. Captivity
Is the inheritance of all things finite;
Nor can we boast our liberty, though we
Are not restrained by strong holds, when as
The neighbouring aire confines us, & each man
Is thraldom's perfect emblem, for in all
The soul is captive, and the bodi's thrall.
Free.
Well can I see, that this Philosophy
Is not the argument of true content,
But constrained patience, which seeks reasons why
We ought to suffer, what we cannot flye:
But give me now to know my pardon first
Being granted for my curiosity.
Did fate or choice acquaint you with this gallant,
Who now unworthily doth see you want?
Good.
I cannot without thanks recount the love
Of that good man, with whom I travelled, he
Was the sole guide and guardian of my youth,
I was his onely care, his pupill, son,
So he, so all call'd and accounted me,
And I were most ingrate did I deny
My self his son, whose love made me his heir.
Free.
This answer's strangely wide from what I askt.
78
Being very sick, and ready for to pay
The debt he owed to nature, call'd me to him
And councell'd me for England, to receive
Some moneys owing him, but above all
To find a father: fate only lent him leave
To name his dwelling, and that done, he dyed.
Free.
Still you seem forgetfull of my question.
Good.
I now was coming too't? when I had spent
Those sums, my forward'st creditours would pay,
Then I began to seek a father, where
My Father did direct me, there I found
You Mr. of the house, but this young gallant
(As I then learned) his Fathers onely son
Who late had purchast both the house and land,
I thinking then my Father was the seller
Meant with a sweet revenge to pray upon
The buyers heir, and therefore I entice't
His folly to the City, but now I
Do justly suffer for my foul intents.
Free.
However then you mist him, you shall find
A Father in that house, half uncle to
This vain expensive gallant, now your cozen.
Good.
But how can you assure me in this truth.
Free.
My self is witness of the time, when you
Were first committed to the carefull trust
Of him who since adopted you his son,
My old friend Curtise, to confirm your faith,
Know I am prisoner for a debt is owing
Unto your uncle this young gallants Father,
Which I was surety for, his rigour made
Me obstinate, but dying, he bestowed
This debt upon your Father, who is willing
To grant my freedome at an easier rate,
And I of him to purchas't at a greater.
Good.
Thanks unto heaven and you, who thus have lightned
79
I have debts owing, which would set me free,
That I may now go see him, for if I
Am son unto the Guardian of this heir,
He's now in town with his fair neece & daughter.
Free.
I can command the price of both our freedomes,
And be you rul'd by me, you shall enjoy
A greater happiness then liberty,
By a new bondage but a sweeter,
Good.
If our thoughts agree, your promise crowns my wishes.
Free.
When we are free, I will unfold the riddle
Before your Father, therefore my first care
Shallbe we may enjoy an open aire.
Exeunt.
Enter Hog and Derrick.
Hog.
Sir, for my good old masters sake, I will
Do what I can, but this our little fort
Is so besieg'd with suiters, that I fear
The Governness will be constrained to yield
By open force, if she be not ensnared
By some strange stratagem of Poetry.
Der.
I care not this for all their ribaldry,
I never read of widow, won by ryming.
Hog.
This and another thing will do the feat
Infallibly, but you shall hear a coppy
Sent her this morning, which you will confesse
Is very dangerous, thus it begins,
Even as the heedless flye, seeking to taste
The liquor glutinous, is taken fast
Within the galli-pot, so wretched I
Am caught, alas! by my viscosity,
Labouring for life in love-lime, such is my lot
For to be drown'd in Cupids galli-pot,
Then call me as I am, 'tis all I crave,
Sweet widow, thy intangled gally-slave,
80
We of two simples may make one confection.
Der.
This rascal talks like an Apothecary.
Hog.
He talks sir as he is, and 'tis more likely
He will be worth his words, though he do promise
Miracles in these verses following.
I am no common suiter, thou shalt see
I can do wonders by my facultie;
My drugs thy you hand beauty shall ressore,
Level those wrinckles, which age 'gins to score
Vpon thy furrowed brow, thy fading hue,
Cold bloud, decaying limbs, I will renew;
Ceruss of asses milk and Mercury,
Lac Virginis, but pedling trifles be
To what I use; I give not by my art
Colour alone, but strength to every part,
Which work when I have finish't in thee, then
I'le Idolize thy beauty with my pen.
Der.
And when this Idoll's set up by the Noddy
I'le be the man shall worship her with my body.
You see sir, I can rime too for a need.
Hog.
Sir I am glad of your abilities,
Which may prevail, if that his threatning lines
Writ in poetick rage, do not o're come her,
When you have heard them with a judging ear,
You cannot blame her if she love for fear:
Thus he goes on.
Yet know he begs who may command; my skill
Can temper for thy scorn a draught shall fill
Thy veins with rage, till thou hast spent a night
In my Embrace, and dull'd it with delight,
Love-sallets cropt by Circe and Medea
Which Sagana with bold Canidia
Gathered by moon-light in mount Esquiline
Are but weak Philters, if compar'd with mine?
Then think upon my power, and yield thy heart
81
Your humble friend and servitour. Iohn Pestle.
Der.
This Pestle shall ne're pound i'th widows mortar.
I care not for his sorc'ry, he conjures best
Can raise an active spirit in her circle.
Hog.
'Tis that his verses threaten, had she seen um
I know not what effect they might have taken.
Der.
Has she not seen um then? nor ever shall;
Thus ought seditious lines, haretical, Snatches um,
And Magical doctrine to be abolisht. & tears um,
Hog.
But for you friend, your ears shall feel, that they
Are guilty too, of hearing of this doctrine,
Der.
Nay, prethee honesty be not offended,
Here is a quarter Iacobin to buy
Thee cooling Iulips to allay thy choler.
Hog.
I am appeas'd, now listen to the way
How to obtain my Mrs. first you must
Take no denyall, women often yield
Sooner to importunity then reason.
Der.
Like to the warlike Ram I will assail her
So fiercely, that she shall not dare resist.
Hog.
The very name of Ram is ominous,
aside
May you prove none of those whose tongues are stout
And threaten much before the onset, when
They come to fight, their noses fall a bleeding;
Now know my Mrs. chiefly in her match
Regards delight, promise enough of that;
'Tis the best widow lime, you apprehend me.
Der.
I warrant thee I'le pay her debt is due
By rev'rend Solons law, thats thrice a month.
Hog.
Wise Solon was a fool, I do perceive
You know not the commandements of love;
If you could do no more then Cybels Priests,
82
Promise enough, but if your Impotence
Fail in performance, be it at your peril.
Der.
Thou art too young to teach me how to woo,
I have prevailing Canons of my own,
Prethee begin the way unto thy Mrs.
Hog.
So you might prove a warlike Ram indeed.
Der.
To her I mean, not into her, that is
Go thou before, and I will follow thee.
Hog.
My apprehension doth obey you sir.
Exeunt
Ent. old Good. Crab. Elisa. Friendly. Phillis. Whittington. young Good, Freman. Dove.
Old Good.
Cozens, heaven send you joy of your own choice,
As much as Mr. Friendly and his sister,
He hath deserv'd my Neece by freeing of
My Nephew from the hands of bawds & villains,
And cover'd this with a new benefit
In giving him his fair and vertuous sister.
Friend.
Thanks unto heaven and you, I do enjoy
My hopes, my sister more then she could wish.
old Good.
Thank heaven alone, you know my brothers will
Did bind my care to hinder you, next I
Confirm my daughters choice, joy to you all
As much as I conceive for the return
Of my long absent son, by thee no grief
Shall trouble the just gladness of this day
which is augmented by your liberty.
Kinde Mr. Freeman, unto whom I owe
Next heavens blessing, that I see my son.
Free.
And I do owe to him that I am free,
'Tis for that goodness I saw shine in him,
I pay to you what rigour can exact.
83
Sir, when your bag's unsealed, we will divide
Were I extream to you I were ingrate.
Free.
I need no such requital, I have wealth
Enough, I only beg to be alli'd
To both your vertues, by the marriage
Of your best son unto my onely daughter,
Viis & modis, I will make her worth
Five thousand pounds, this is my sum to both.
young Good.
Sir, let me beg your favour for to seal
Your blessing with this grant, mine eyes have seen,
While she did daily visit her old Father,
More excellence united in her breast
Then there is scatter'd in all woman kind,
I never saw her but me seem'd, an Angell
Did come to comfort us, in our constraint,
she is all good, vertue it self Incarnate.
old Good.
But how are you assur'd, that she who is
The Mrs. of such noble worth, doth love you?
yo Good.
Such sweetness can't want mercy, and her face
Silently tells me, she is full of grace,
A thousand graces on her polisht brow
The throne of love, do lead their stately measures
And lower millions dance in either eye,
Their active rounds, with nimble majesty,
And if my love to her do not deceive me,
I saw love lighten from those eyes on me.
old Good.
May your success, prove your love doth not erre.
Free.
My promise shall secure him, for I know
Her love of him, she thinks her only vertue.
Enter Falcner and Grace.
Falc.
Lordings and Ladies save you save you all
My good old Mr you are welcome first
Vnto the City, and I beg my pardon
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Next, I invite you all unto my wedding.
Cr.
Faith Richard as your manners gave me leave
To marry first, so they might wish me joy too.
Falc.
To expiate my fault I wish you double
Ioy, Ioy and Ioy; that is, Ioy upon Ioy:
For I confess I heard it by your neighbours
And that my sometimes Fellow Francis is
My good old Mrs. son, and my young Master.
For which I Ioy, and wish him also Ioy.
Yo. Good.
I thank you Richard, but is this your Bride?
Grace.
For want sir of a better I am she.
Fal.
Peace my Incarnate frailty am not I
Thy head, then give me leave to speak sir this
Is she, that frivolous thing I must call wife.
Ent. Hog (in a strange disguise, a Torch in his hand) Shift, Lydia, Derrick, and Cunnimonger, (following hand in hand.)
Elder. Good.
But soft, what have we here, a mask?
Hog.
Least any here, who has been musled up
In ignorance, and never yet did sup
Of the Poetick Fountain, should mistake me,
And for Alecto, or some fury take me;
Who ever thinks thus from the mark is wide all,
For I am he is guest at every bridall:
Welcome god Hymen, I am he doth lead
With my directing torch, the Bride to bed,
Where she with trembling joy doth long to taste
Those cares from which she hitherto did fast
Shift.
Now Mr. Hymen you are out, my Bride
Doth know the rellish of the thing you wait on.
Hog.
I was not out till you did put me out,
But by my god-head I'le begin again.
85
(Ioy blesse the time) in matrimonial bands,
Hath fill'd the mouth of fame, and therefore hither
I bring these paires that with you altogether
I may be present, suffer them to be here,
And they shall recompence with mirth your cheer.
Old Good.
God Hymen's welcome and the guests he brings.
You sir, I am inform'd have been a suiter
Vnto my Neece, and that regard will claim
An Invitation, my old neighbour Derrick
Hath as much right as your divinity
For to be present at these nuptial's,
For besides him we know no other Hymen;
Then mix your selves with us, and let us all
Contend who shall exceed in mirth, and may
The Brides sweet brows presage a glorious day.
Hymen waves over his couples to the other side with his Torch.
| The Marriage-Broaker, or The Pander | |