University of Virginia Library

Act. 4.

Scœn. 1.

Strepsiades.
Streps.
The fift, the fourth, the third, the second; hum.
The most abhord and dreadfull day's at hand,
The old and new; all I ow money to
Threaten to sue and vow my utter ruine;
Yet I require nothing but what is just reason:
My friend forbear me till some other time;
But they all answer me, words are no payment,
Revile me, swear they'l put their bonds in suit,
And let 'em, what care I, so my Phidippides
Have learnt the art of cheating: I shall know straight;
It is but knocking at the school, ho son.

Scœn. 2.

Strepsiades, Socrates.
Socr.
Save you Strepsiades.

Streps.
The like to you.
First take this bag of meal, for it is fit
We pay our duty to our reverend Master,
Now tell me, has my son attain'd the art
For which I plac'd him with you.

Socr.
Yes exactly.

Streps.
Thanks to deceit, the Queen that governs all things.

Socr.
Now you may overthrow all adversaries.

Streps.
What though a witnesse swear that I have borrowed.

Socr.
I though a thousand swear't.

Streps.
Iò. Iò.
Triumph my boyes, wo to you money-mongers,
You and your bonds, your use on use may hang now,
You'l trouble me no more! O what a son
Have I, that fenceth with a two-edg'd tongue,
My Houses prop and Guardian, my foes terrour,
Quickly come forth, and meet my glad embraces,
Come forth and hear thy Father.

Socr.
See the man.

Streps.
O my dear boy!

Socr.
Away and take him with you.

Scœne 3.

Strepsiades, Phidippides.
Streps.
Io my son! O how I joy to see
Thy chang'd complexion! Thou lookst now me thinks
As if thou wert inspir'd with contradiction
I read, crosse questions in thy very face,
Thy very eyes me thinks say, how, how's that?
Thou canst perswade the world that thou art wrong'd,
When thou art, he that does the wrong. I see't,
I plainly see't; a very Attick mine;
Now let it be thy study to recover
Him, whom thou almost hast undone.

Phid.
Why, what
Is that you fear?

Streps.
The old and the new day.

Phid.
Can one and the same day be old and new?

Streps.
I know that: I'm sure my Creditors
By joint consent that day threaten to sue me.

Phil.
They'l loose by it if they do: for 'tis impossible
To make two daies of one.

Streps.
How is't impossible?

Phil.
As for a woman to be old and young
At once.

Streps.
But law has so determined it

Phil.
But these men know not what the law doth mean.

Streps.
Why what's the meaning of it.

Phil.
Antient Solon
Was naturally a lover of the people.

Streps.
What's that to this?

Phid.
He did appoint two daies,
The last day of the old month for citation,
The first oth' new for payment of the money.

Streps.
But why the last day for citations?

Phil.
That
The debtor having th us one day of warning
Might fly and shun the trouble of the next.

So.
Why do the Magistrates then take all forfeits
Upon the old and new day?

Ph.
They are hungry,
And tast their meat before they should fall too.

Str.
We the fools that sit still and do nothing,
We that are wise and quick have done the businesse;
Ye blocks, ye stones, ye sheep, ye empty bubbles;
Let me congratulate this son of min
My selfe and my good fortune in a song.
“Now Strepsiades th'art blest
“Of the most discreet the best,
“What a Son thou hast, now may
“All my æmulous neighbours say,
“When they hear that he alone
“Hath my creditours orethrown.
But come my boy, now thou shalt feast with me.

Sect. 4.

Pasias, Strepsiades, Witnesse.
Pas.
And must a man be outed of his own thus?
Better take any course then suffer this.
You must assist me in this businesse neighbour,
That I may call my debtor to accompt;
There's one friend made a foe; yet I'le not shame
My country, ere I do't, I'le give him warning.
Strepsiades.

Streps.
How now, what would you have?

Pas.
The old and new daies come.

Streps.
Bear witnesse friend,
He nam'd two daies. What summe is't you demand.

Pas.
Twelve pounds you borrow'd when you bought your Son
A Race-horse; with the interest.

Streps.
A race-horse,
You know I neer car'd for 'em in my life.

Pas.
And swor'st by Jove and all the Gods to pay it.

Streps.
By Jove? 'twas then before my son had learn't
The all-convincing speech.

Pas.
You'l not deny't.

Streps.
What have I got but that, for all this learning?

Pas.
Darst thou deny't, if I should put thee to
Thy oath, and make thee call the Gods to witness it?

Streps.
What Gods de'e mean?

Pas.
Jove, Mercury, and Neptune.

Streps.
By Iove? yes that I will I hold thee three pence.

Pas.
Curse on thee for this impudence.

Streps.
If thou wert rubb'd with salt, 'twould make thy wit the quicker.

Pas.
De laugh at me?

Streps.
Thou wilt take up six bushells.

Pas.
So help me Jupiter, and all the Gods,
I will even be with you for this scorn.

Streps.
I am extreamly taken with your Gods,
And this same Iupiter you swear by, they
Are excellent pastime to a knowing man.

Pas.
Well, you will one day answer for these words.
But tell me, whether I shall have my money
Or not, give my answer, and I'me gone.

Streps.
Stay but a little, I will answer presently,
And plainly.

Pas.
Sure hee's gone to fetch the mony.

Streps.
Where is the Man that comes to ask me mony?
Tell me, what's this?

Pas.
That which it is, a Cardopus.

Streps.
You ask for mony, and so very a dunce;
I'le never whilst I live pay him a penny.
That calls a Cardopa a Cardopus.

Pas.
You will not pay then?

Streps.
Not for ought I know:
You'l stay no longer, pray about your businesse.

Pas.
Yes, I'le be gone, but in the mean time know
I'le have my mony, if I live this day.

Streps.
You may chance go without it; yet I'm sorry
You should be punish'd so for a mistake,
For saying Cardopus for Cardopa.

Scœn. 8.

Amynias, Strepsiades, Witnesse.
Amyn.
Oh, oh, alasse.

Streps.
Who's that keeps such a bawling?
What art thou? one of Carkinus his sons?

Amyn.
'I is I unhappy!

Streps.
Keep it to thy selfe.

Amyn.
Unlucky chance, oh cruell destiny,
To spoil at once my Cart and all my Horses!
Oh Pallas, how unkindly hast thou us'd me?

Streps.
What hurt did ere Tlepolemus do thee?

Amyn.
Deride me not, but rather bid your son
Pay me the mony which he had of me,
For I was never in more need of it.

Streps.
What mony man?

Amyn.
That which he borrowed of me.

Streps.
Then I perceive you're in a sad condition.

Am.
I had a scurvy fall driving my horses.

Streps.
Thou dost but jest, 'twas driving an Asse rather.

Amyn.
I do not jest when I demand my mony.

Streps.
Upon my word thou art not right.

Amyn.
How so?

Streps.
Thy brain me thinks is troubled.

Amyn.
Either pay me
My money strait, or I will trouble you.

Streps.
Tell me, doth Jove beget and send down rain,
Or doth the Sun exhale it from the sea?

Amyn.
I neither know nor care.

Streps.
What? are you fit
To receive mony, and so ignorant
Of these sublime and subtle mysteries.

Amyn.
Well, if you cannot let me have the principal,
Pay me the interest.

Streps.
Interest, what kind
Of creature's that?

Amyn.
What, but th'encrease of mony
By months, and daies, as time runs on.

Streps.
'Tis well.
And do you think the sea is fuller now
Then 'twas at first?

Amyn.
No, not a drop, it is
Not fit it should.

Streps.
The sea by your confession
Is nothing grown; then with what conscience
Can you desire your mony should encrease.
Go get you from my doores, fetch me a whip there.

Witn.
Well, I'le bear witnesse for him.

Streps.
Why de'e not go, will you move Sumphoras?

Amyn.
Is not this riotous?

Streps.
Will you be gone?
Or shall I lead you in a chain, and make you
Shew tricks? if you but stay a little longer,
I'le send you, and your Cart and Horses packing.

Chor.
“Now observe what 'tis to bend
“Studies to an evill end
“This old man, that is intent
“Creditours to circumvent,
“Foolishly himselfe hath crost,
“And will find so to his cost;
“That in this false Art his son
“Hath attain'd perfection:
“Justice cunning to refute)
“That at last hee'l wish him mute.