University of Virginia Library

Epigram. 1. AGAINST SOSBIVS THE impudent Leacher, defending his sinne, and glorying in the same.

Samocrate , Naso, and Nigidius,
Wrate of the remedy of Lust, or Loue;
Which remedy oft cures the lecherous,
As the most loose that way, this way do proue:
These to good purpose writt: But, Sosbius
Hath written so to cure that ytching Sore,
That he makes Vertue most venerious;
And common-Nature makes a common Whore:
For, when Dame Nature workes, it is (saith he)
To honest Endes, hir Meanes, then, honest bee:
But, Sosbius, if that truth bee in thy lore,
Thy mother, to bee honest, was a Whore.

Epig. 2. Against Dacus the pott-Poet.

Dacus keepes Company, and they keepe him;
And yet he scornes to bee so kept by any:
But each where he in Helicon doth swim,
And for that floud he cannot pay a peny:
For, when the reckning's giu'n, and he would say
Here's Mine: that Floud doth carry Mine away:
So, when the shott's requir'd, he (out of season)
Reads currant Rimes, but giues none other reason.

Epig. 3. Against Valentine the prodigall.

Vitellius had at one feast seru'd to him
Two thousand Fishes, and seau'n thousand Burds,
Heliogabalus (that in Wine did swim)
Three hundred Ostriches once charg'd his Boord;
Maximianus, euery day did eate
Fowre times ten pound of flesh, and of strong Wine
Fiue times ten Gallons dranke he with his meate;
But, these are all but Babes to Valentine;
Who, in short time, with feasting did confound
A thousand pound a yeare of gallant Ground.

Epig. 4. Against Glaucus, an effeminate Fancy.

Glaucus (a Man) a Womans Lock doth weare;
But yet he weares the same comb'd out behinde
(So Men the Wallet of their faults do beare,)
For, if before him he that fault should finde,
I thinke foule Shame would his faire face inuade,
To see a man so like a woman made.

Epig. 5. Against painting Nut-browne Dalia.

Dalia still paints; so, Nature hurts with Arte:
And, Forme with Fashion vtterly doth spill
She (Glo-worme like) doth shine, if put apart;
But neere at hand she lookes as blacke, as ill:
Then Dalia, paint no more with colours bright;
Because the Ground, that beares them killes them quite.

Epig. 6. Against Prusus the prating-sterile-bald Statist.

Th' intelligencer Prusus loues to prate,
Of nothing but great Matters of estate:
He can Anatomize France, Flanders, Spaine;
And where their life-blood lies, well knowes the Vaine.
In State-craft he was still his betters brauing,
Till Kate with her craft, gaue him a dry-shauing:
Yet talkes he but of Heads, and Heires apparant:
Though his owne Head has not one Haire apparant.

Epig. 7. Against Leuisius that would haue his Laundresse wash him gratis.

Leuisius to his Laundresse being in debt,
For Working, Washing, and such idle stuffe:
His Band he past to her in sute to set;
Which, when she finger'd, she was in her Ruffe;
Because so long he held her due in hand,
And so she tooke aduantage of his Band.

Epig. 8. Against Fuscus the vnciuill Lawier.

Fye Fuscus, fye; sith th'art so full of Law,
I meruell thou so emptie art of Manners!
For, on thy Taile thou sitt'st, and all dost draw
That's offer'd thee, without thanks to the Owners.
Thou mak'st them stand, to vnderstand thy minde,
While still thou sitt'st (a sleepe, as they suppose)
And oft shoot'st out vnsweete replies behinde,
As if in spight thou did'st it of their nose.
O Heauens, Fuscus! what should make thee thinke
That men should watch, and stay, and pray, and pay,
For nought but (worse then nought) to smell thee stinke,
As if they so should carry it away?
But, Fuscus, if thou winn'st by shooting so,
I blame thee not to draw, and then Let go.

Epig. 9. Against Battus that buyes Books to stay his studies stomack.

Battus doth bragg he hath a world of Books,
His Studies Mawe holds more then well it may;
But seld, or neuer hee vpon them looks;
And yet he lookes vpon them euery day:
He lookes vpon their out-syde, but within
He neuer lookes, nor euer will begin;
Because it cleane against his nature goes
To know Mens secrets: so, he keepes them close.

Epig. 10. Against Rotundus the nimble Turner.

A hall, my Masters giue Rotundus roome,
You'l maruell at his Tricks, he hath such store;
He turnes as oft as he returnes from Rome
Vnto that Faith which hee profest before:
But, before God, his Turning thus so oft
May make him fall before hee comes aloft.

Epig. 11. Against Sr. Solus his laying out on no returne.

Sir Solus straight will trauell (as they say)
And giues out One for Three, when Home comes hee;
But Three to One he neuer will away
Vntill he hath not One to giue for Three:
For here hee's held by One that him will weare
Till shee hath made him bare not worth an Haire.
Then if he go, hee needs must go alone,
Because to go with him he hath not One.

Epig. 12. With and against Siluarius the Translator.

Siluarius praise (past praise) in print I sung,
For transmigration of the Soule of French,
Into the Body of our English Tongue,
But, he from me in like Assay did flench:
Wast for he could or would not smooth my Rimes?
He could, but would not. Why? belike the cause
Was, sith they roughly rub'd the Galls of Times,
While he (that itcht through want) Times itching clawes;
Shall I excuse thee that thus blest mee?
Yes: Th'art all honest but my part of thee.

Epig. 13. Against Vlalia and her ouer-much desire of pretious stones.

Vlalia spends her selfe for precious Stones;
They must be precious that are bought so deere:
But, were she wise, she would buy Marrow-bones;
For, all her Bones, that full of Marrow were,
Are dry and rotten, sith so deere she bought
Those precious Stones that brought her quight to nought.

Epig. 14. Against hot-braind-cold-witted Battus.

Battus his Braine is burning to the Pan,
And yet his Wit feeles no effect of fire:
Yet is he held a nimble witted Man,
Because his wit doth like a Flame aspire:
Indeede, his wit a Flame we well may call,
Which at the high'st is hut'st; yet passing small.

Epig. 15. Of Classus his sleeping at Sermons.

Classus still sleepes out Sermons (as they say
That watching haue obseru'd him) Then we may
Say he is like a Coarse, the Preacher making
His funerall Sermon to his neighbours waking.

Epig. 16. Against Lassus the rediculous quarreller.

Lassus is strong, and most vindicatiue;
Yet weakely manageth his Bralls with blame:
With his owne Shade (if foes should faile) hee'le striue,
And yet of euery foe he gets but shame:
Then may we say (Experience prouing it)
He hath a Giants will, but Dwarfish wit.

Epig. 17. Against gaudy-bragging-vndoughty Daccus.

Daccus is all bedawb'd with golden lace,
Hose, Doublet, Ierkin; and Gamashes too;
Yet is he foolish, rude, and beastly-base,
Crowes like a Cocke, but like a Crauen does:
Then hee's (to prise him nought his worth beneath)
A leaden Rapier in a golden sheath.

Epig. 18. Against proud poore Phrina.

Sith Venus had hir Mole: Helen hir Staine:
Cynthia, hir Spotts: the Swan, hath sable feet;
The clearest day some Cloude: the smoothest Plaine
Some Hole, or Hillcek: why should Phryna frett?
When she is saied to haue a Ruby Nose,
Sith that is riche, and all her rarenesse showes.

Epig. 19. Against bouzing Bossus the woman-queller.

Bossus wil bowse, and bragges he can ore-beare
(Or make them deadly drunke) an Hoast of men;
When he is Foxt he plaies the Bull and Beare,
And makes all Men and Women feare him then:
He plaies the Bull with women, or the Horse,
(But none but Mares loue horse-play) and the Beare
He plaies with men, who (like doggs) feele his force,
That, at the Alestake, baite him not with Beere:
Yet one, to ten (like Huncks) be them doth spoile,
But ten, to one hee's but a Beast the while.

Epig. 20. Against Thraxus his close pastime.

Thraxus , once kissing a lasciuicus whore,
About his waste, her grappling Armes did cast,
As if from her he should depart no more:
Vnlock (quoth he) what mean'st to make me fast?
If thou (to catch a Woodcocke) snare me so,
Ile flutter in thy Cocke-shoote till I go:
But better (Thraxus) then to do so ill,
Still (woodcook-like) to hang but by the Bill.

Epig. 21. Against Formias brauery and vncessant prating.

Keep'st thou a Parrat, and a Parrakyt?
Why so good Formia, tell me Formia why?
Is't for thou dost in prating so delight?
Or for they be so gaudy to the eye?
Thou art more gaudy, and prat'st more by farre;
Then spare thy Birds, or Gauds, and prating spare.

Epig. 22. Of Kates Baldnesse.

By's Beard the Goate, by his Bushe-taile the Fox,
By's Pawes the Lion, by his Hornes the Oxe,
By these all these are knowne; and by her locks
That now are fall'n, Kate's knowne to haue the Pox.

Epig. 23. Of hir exclamation against busie-Bodies.

Kate still exclaimes against great Medlers,
A busie-body hardly she abides,
Yet she's well pleas'd with all Bum-fiddlers,
And hir owne Body stirring still besides:
I muse her stomacke now so much should faile,
To loath a Medlar, being an Open-taile.

Epig. 24. Against an olde Fornicator.

Olde men can more then young, Wines powers command,
by reason of their reason, and their age:
And can more easily Lusts stormes withstand,
Raisd by the flouds of Wines vnruly rage:
But yet when olde men quaffing still are seene,
Their heads are white (like Leekes) their Tailes are greene:
For, when olde Vessels still, wine-fraught, do saile,
Their Poopes will leake, and loose be at the Taile.

Epig. 25. Against the vice of Prudence.

They say bright Beauty is faire Vertues Inne:
That I deny; for, Prudence being faire
And yet a Puncke, no vertue is therein;
Yet to that signe of Vertue men repaire
For loue of both; where they finde (with a trice)
Prudence, a Puncke; a Vertue turnd to Vice.

Epig. 26. Of wise fooles, or foolish wise men.

O! for an Epigram to make the wise
(Like Fooles) laugh at it, till their hearts do breake,
VVhy then haue at it; O Inuention rise,
And tickle wisest Heart-strings till they ake.
Make Fooles of wisemen, onely with a iest?
That is a iest: yet tis in earnest so;
For none so vvise but (like vvise fooles at least)
VVill laugh at fooles that vvit in folly shovv.
Especially, when they with foynes of wit,
The foes of their vpholders home do hit.

Epig 27. Against Clophus the Time-obseruer.

Clophus his small eies, his large conscience shovves;
His great Head, and large Eares, his little vvit:
Yet is he held the Ferret of Gods foes,
And vvise as Salomon, al Times to fit:
Fits be all times? and Gods foes ferret too?
Then doth he more then Angels well can doe:
Yet Angels, at no time can be more strong,
Sith they can (if they list) do right or wrong.

Epig. 28 Of Grantus his grosse wit and wombe.

Grantus his too grand Panche is neither fit
For Action, nor for contemplation:
His vvombe's too grosse, to haue too fine a vvit,
Sith he is young, and vvith fat ouer-grovvne.
But were he fatt as Bravvne, yet old, and staid,
He might bee wise, and still (like Bacon) feede
On witts Prouision, that his youth puruaid,
Which vs'd in age, makes witt bee wise in Deede.
But Grantus Youth and Belly are so great,
That he would starue if witt were all his meate.

Epig. 29. Against licorish Florella.

Florellas wombe is full (that see I well)
Of Persian Delicates hir Mawe is full:
Such fulnesse of her Mawe, so made her swell:
For, kine well fedd the sooner take the Bull:
Then, sith she long'd for such sweete puffing Bitts,
She (like a Mother) hath these swelling fitts.

Epig. 30. To mine honored friend Sir Iames Murray Knight.

Thou beeing Brother to my best belou'd
I must for That, and for thy selfe beside,
Ranck thee among mine honor'd friends (approu'd)
Wherein I range the powre of all my pride.
Yee Brothers were with in your Mothers wombe
Made Muses Minions: for, from thence ye drew
Pure Helicon to that yet emptie Roome
Your Braine pan, fill'd with Arte, ere Arte ye knew.
There virtually ye both rare Poets were,
Here actually ye rarely shew the same;
That's seld, but bright; as that Starre did appeare
To light the wise, to finde out Wisedoms ame.
Then, sith the Lawrell's yours, by right of Birth,
My Muse must Lawrel-crowne your fames on Earth.

Epig. 31. To my deere friend Io. Murray Esquire, brother to Sr. Iames, &c.

Mvrray , I Muse what coulors I should vse
To paint thy nature out, and deck thy Name:
When I bethinke me of thy Phenix-Muse
I feare all coulors wilbe found too blame.
She, like that rare Arabian Bird, is such,
That richest words, by Rhethoritians vs'd,
Wilbee but Shadowes, or not all so much;
Then, neede her Painters Skill be Heau'n-infus'd.
Thy Mother-witt, and Science are of powre
To make selfe-Fairenes fowle, and Fowlenes faire:
Then sith my Muse too heau'y is to Towre,
Ile say no more but this; I do dispaire:
For Arte may paint the Coales, or flames of fire,
But light and heate aboue all Arte aspire.

Epig. 32. Against Graxus his vpholding his honor.

Graxus , vpon his reputation stands,
Once touche but That, and straight he fights therefore,
But, basely, he will draw an Heire in Bands
To cousin him, or, helpe him to a whoore.
Filche like a Ragiman, like a Ruffin sweare;
And forsweare like a Iuror, oft forsworne:
Drunke euery day (for want of wine) with Beere;
And yet to haue his honor toucht doth scorne.
Alas poore man! his honor is so thin
That it is neither toucht, felt, heard, or seene.
But Graxus if thy sole repute bee bralling;
A Bandogge is thy better, by his balling.

Epig. 33. Against Phryne hir light-heauinesse.

Phryne is light, and yet she hath two Bummes
Like a ful payre (at least) of Mountanetts,
I maruell then from whence her lightnesse comes?
Faith, from those Bums, which she, through lightnesse, setts
(For Ballone-Balls) to hire, to all that play,
Who must, in time, quite volley them away.

Epig. 34. Of Tobacco.

A question once arose touching Tobacco,
Whether the fume thereof were moist or dry,
Twixt Witt it selfe, and one that witt did lacko;
Witt said it dride, and shew'd the reason why:
A Dogge, you know (quoth he) doth neuer svveate.
True said the other; (where was witt the while?)
And that to him did seeme a wonder great.
So tis (quoth Witt) and at the foole did smile;
the reason is, if Phisicke do not faile,
He, sleeping, takes Tobacco at his Taile.

Epig. 35. Against Marcus his fire-worke.

Marcus his Wifes great modesty doth hate;
And sweares hee loues the impudence of Kate:
For, to a lustfull humor, modestie
Is nothing but a cooling card, saith hee;
Well, Marcus, if such Coolers thou dost loth,
Thy Kate, perhaps, will coole, and burne thee both.

Epig. 36. Authorities for Marcus his hate-full loue.

Phauorinus vs'd to praise the Quartaine-Feauer:
Ouid, beyond the Moone, would Nutts commend:
Virgill, a Gnatt: and Homer, honor'd euer
The fight of Frogge, which do the most offend:
If these pure Wits most praise what most abhorre,
What maruell ist though Marcus praise his whore.

Epig. 37. Against faint-harted bragging Bomelio.

Bomelio braggs how many he hath beaten,
And then hee looks as if he them had eaten:
That's like himselfe: for, hee's a better eater,
(Trye him who hath a Stomack) then a beater.

Epig. 38. Of Calistus.

One call'd Calistus Calues-head, in a fume,
But he therein was fowly slandered:
For, Calues heads haue sweete Teethe, free from the rhewme:
But he hath not one sweete Toothe in his head.

Epig. 39. Of Lutus his perfect taste.

Lvtus , by chance, once drinking his wifes water,
Sware, of the Caske, it tasted filthily:
Lutus, thy Taste is true, but nere the later,
The tongue herein hath told a filthie lye:
For, from no Caske it came, vnlesse it bee
A Caske that makes a Hed-peece but for thee.

Epig. 40. Of Colunus his leafe on his shin.

Colonus hath a Leafe vpon his shin,
But such a Leafe as ne're will fall nor fade:
It's Morbus Marke, much Matter is therein;
A Rendeuous for Humors hot it's made:
Faire fall the man: for, when the Leafe doth fall,
Hee's like (a pox vpon't) to dye withall.

Epig. 41. Against Brutius his good Angells.

Bought you your Renefice? say, Brutius, say?
Or came you by the same some other way?
To it you came (you say) you came not by it:
But first ere you came to, you did come buy it.
You must come by, you lay, ere you come to it,
You say but true herein, and you did doe it:
For, if you came to, ere by it you came,
You came on wings, not feete vnto the same.
Came you (like God) vpon the wings o! winde?
That were miraculous, against your kinde.
Or els, like Dedalus, on wings of Art?
You learning lacke, you cannot play that part.
You could not come on any Eagles wings:
For, they cannot sustaine such sinfull things
What VVings good Brutius then supported you
To scape so many Let o're which you flevv?
Came you on Angels vvings? yea, so you say.
But vvere they good or ill that fled that vvay?
Good, you prorest: and I protest with you,
They were the best that way, that euer slew.

Epig. 42. Of Crispus and his formall beard.

Cristus doth spend his time, in labour sore,
To bring his Beard in fashion if he could:
Quils, Irons, and Instruments he hath good store,
To fashion it, and make it fashion hold.
But all his other parts he quite neglects:
Of Minde, and Body, (fowly out of frame)
For, sith in's Beard lye all his Soules Affects,
With all the Bodyes glory, grace and fame,
There is great reason he should still controle,
That wayward Part that onely makes the Whole.

Epig. 43. Of Dolls taking Tobacco.

Doll dranke Tobacco, and away she flonge;
But going, she let-goe, and dovvne she fell:
VVhich shevvd the Powder and the Peece vvere stonge:
Yet, for recoyling, breech't she should be vvell:
Least that her Breach another time should bee,
apt to let-goe, and after to let-flee.

Epig. 44. Of Clophus his helpes in arguing.

Clophus hath tvvo great Helpes in Reasoning,
Although his Reasons neuer helpe his Sence:
Yet he in disputation still is King
Through brutish Ignorance and Impudence:
Put by your Helpes, and with you Ile despute,
If not, I yeelde more reason being mute.

TO THE NO LESSE STRANGE, then farre renowned Peregrine;

Exchequer of richest tongues: Arsenall of Artes millitary and liberall: Index of Authors diuine and humaine: Fountaine of Conceits acute and solacious: Mountaine of Fancies transcendent, and beautious: and finally, the delight of Mankinde Master Thomas Coriet.

Now are we launching to a Sea profound,
(Where some may saile, but all may vvell be drown'd)
Thee to discouer, for their publike weale
That for Wit traffick, and for Science deale.
Care stirre our Compasse, Wit our Course direct:
So may we finde in thy cleere Intellect
Thy Parts abstruse; which base Plebeians view not,
And to thy daies, all wisdoms-searchers knew not.
Thine Eyes (O blest! and for That glorious Eyes)
To search those vncouth Seas did enterprise
Where Venice hangs (a Pearle betweene their Brests)
Both which thy Pen (with firy Maw) digests
To vent into one Volume: where we may
See Venice, and those Seas their Loynes display
To shew their Secrets: Fy, O Fy, that we
Should see that sight, and not enamor'd be
Of thy so subtill skill; that sets them out,
(As Nurses do their Babes) bare all about.
Some speake of Chyna, some of Iapan speake;
And quaintly set them foorth in euery Creeke:
Vaine men! they labour but to please themselues:
But Thou describst the Citties, Seas and Shelues,
That mvch import vs, which we stil frequent;
But theirs is but vaine trauells Excrement
For, what haue we to doe with Chyna? Iaua?
Or with strange Wasts of wilde America?
What wih Earths vtmost Confines? what with all
That Terra incognita wee do call?
No, no, (alas) their wits are but so, so,
To go to these for nothing but to go
But thou (the rarest of all Witty crewes,
Master of Arts and Tongues, that Fame pursues)
In choyce discretion, wentst but to those Places
Wee vse in all our Tenses, Moodes, and Cases.
That Tunne which is not past a myle about
On Earths vast Globe: yet thine Eye found it out,
And hast so well made its Dimentions knowne,
And, what it holds hast so exactly showne,
That now (as it were hanging at his rares)
It to th'untrauell'd Ignorant appeares:
And if he list to try it by his Touch,
Thou relist where it is found among the Douch:
Of Heidelbergh, thou sayst, it is the TVNNE;
That holds though, if it at waste should runne,
To drowne the Country twenty miles about,
Which ne're was noted till thou foundst it out:
For, what could euer such a Moate descry,
But thy great trauell, and more peircing Eye?
We call it Moat respectiuely, because
To Earths proportion it no neerer drawes.
In which regard thy glory is the more,
That foundst it for our comfort: We adore
Thee Coriet for it, as the Pagans, erst,
Adored Bacchus, who found Wine out first.
Thy Booke that is foorth-comming, in thy Brest,
(Of this discou'ry) shall relate the rest:
And what thou dost diuulge in that rare Booke,
Must needs be Truth: or (barely) like her looke,
Sith, it is said, The wise and innocent,
Tell euer true their tydings, and intent.
But O! that Booke of Bookes is such a Thing,
As makes all wits the praise thereof to sing:
And Wits of note do striue, most notably,
Which shall vp-lift it hard'st against the skye
In praise for this Discou'ry, so renownd
And good for vs: for, Sacke doth make vs sound.
In which Aduenture (rightest Man-diuel)
Thou did'st eu'n thine owne Excellence excell,
So as selfe-Worthines admires thy Worth;
Which, for thy glory; thus we flash it forth.
Thou in pure Zeale (a vertue most diuine)
Didst beate a Iew, till his eyes streamed Bryne:
Which vertue dimmes the Malta-knights: because;
To high Exploits, Reward them chiefly drawes:
Which thou dost scorne: for Zeale (that makes thee flame)
Holds Gaine, a staine: but takes it out in Fame.
When Grapes thou chewedst, and the Almaine Boore,
Did Borish out-rage to thy Teeth therefore,
A Dramme of Tully trowling from thy Tongue,
So charm'd his rage, that he (then) lay along
As (in a Rapture) drown'd with admiration
Of thy Deliueries fluent Inundation:
That thou the while (like Orpheus in Hell)
His Grapes did'st rauish, and the Slaue compell
T'adore thee as a God. O! Tricke of Schoales,
(Which vulgar-Bloud euen in the Boyling cooles)
How should we celebrate the boundlesse Fame
Of him that, with thee, straight made Fury tame?
O Corset! never more to be forgot,
Wee do confesse, thy praise wee do but blot
With ynke which falls too fast from our rude Pen,
Who art esteem'd the ioy or mirth of men.
But O! the Workes, which thou dost still ore see,
Do make thy MVSE of Nine the Teithing SHEE
To feede Apollos Priests (sith now they fat not)
With Marow of Arts Rheynes, and Learnings, What not?
Thy Fore-head (Rendeuous of outward Sences)
Holds Common sence, and their Intelligences:
Which to the middle Region of thy Braine,
Conuaies them all, thy Iudgement to maintaine
Against all contradiction and dispute,
To raigne ore Wits, as Monarche absolute.
In thy Heads-Taile, the Catalogue is found,
Of all the vvorks that grovv in Learnings Ground:
VVhere, vvith a Question, (vvithout question) vvee
Their Nature and thine Art may (ready) see.
Thy presence (like the presence of the Sunne)
Doth cheare the place, thy beames do ouer-runne,
And makes the Company that it possesses
Svvim in delight, though drownd in deep distresses
The strange Meanders of thy Wits Vagaries,
Do grauell all disputing inst. Maries,
(In Oxford call'd the Au Fines) nay, then all
That Logick learne, or Letters liberall.
Thy most sharpe-pointed Iudgement, that doth pierce
The hard'st Positions both in Prose and Verse,
May be admir'd, but not expressed bee
In Verse nor Prese. O! then be rulde by mee,
Tender thy selfe, if these rude Times of ours
Neglect thy wit, as being past their powers
Of Apprehention: so, thou maist, in Time
Climbe Honors Hill with feete of Prose or Rime:
And be enthrond in Glories Ebon-chaire,
To which there is no other certaine Staire
But thy most stiffe Perfections, and degrees
Of Vertues, svveeter then the hony Bees.
But all thine All is more then all too much
For Mercury himselfe to taste or touch.
Therefore as Zeuxis drevv a Veile on that
He could not vvell vvith Arte delineate:
So must I doe by thee; and dravv a Line
As blacke as Iet to hide thy glories shine:
Which, if my cunning failes not, shall be this
Coriet still seemes no more but what heis.

Epig. 45. Of Starchus his stout standing to it.

Starchus vvill giue the Stab ere take the lye,
The lye is loathsome to his Manhoods Maw:
T'vvill not goe dovvne except a Man beby,
That makes the same digest meate ne're so raw:
Then if he say thou lyest in thy Throte,
He takes it in the Throte-and standeth still:
Because men might his foe for lying note:
For, lye he doth not (though he stands but ill)
That standeth still, when he is said to Lye:
But so he stands, that so the Lye might lye.

Epig. 46. Against Sotus the Vsurer.

Sotus liues well, they say: That's richly liues:
But gets his wealth by Vsury and wiues:
The death of Wiues hath made him better liue;
And Vsury hath taught him hovv to thriue:
So tvvix't them tvvo he novv liues vvell (they say)
For he doth nothing els but watch and pray:
He vvatcheth like a Woolfe his prey to catch;
And then he praies on That vvhich he did vvatch:
Thus he wath Watching and with Praying too
Liues well, yet doth he but as Deuils doo.

Epig. 47. Of Helens welcomming Paris.

Faire Helen, from her high Heptaphonot,
Behold her Loue, her Deere, her secret Friend,
With cheekes more blushing then the crimson Rose,
As if her hue told what she did intend
Th'ensuing Night; when, playing with her Guest,
She wan much pleasure though she lost her Rest.

Epig. 48. Of Cornutus and his costly wife.

Cornutus saith his wife shall cleanly go:
Cleanly, Cornutus? costly, thou vvouldst say:
For thou thy substance dost on her bestovv,
To clad in gilden Gownes a clod of clay:
But who a Gold-finch faine would make his vvife,
Makes her (perhaps) a vvag-taile all her life.

Epig. 49. Of Cozius his free-cure.

The couetous Empericke Cozius cureth all
Saue those that stand in neede of Phisicks skill;
You vvill inserre (perhaps) his skil's but small:
Well, God forgiue you then, if you so vvill:
But sure, ones wife, that barraine long was thought,
He, gratis cur'd, and got with childe for nought.

Epig. 50. Of Drusus his deere Deere-hunting.

Drusus , in stealing of a Deere, was killd,
So dyed he ere he had his Belly filld:
Thus like a Flea, in seeking but for food,
Ere he vvas full) he lost his life and blood.

Epig. 51. Of Corax the Aduocate.

Corax is eloquent, but yet doth sill
His eloquence for money; vvhich is ill.
Why so? Because it's Aire (in Rhethorickes name)
Which should be common, none should sell the same,
But if that Corax for it had no hire,
He scarce would haue fruition of the Aire.

Epig. 52. Against Caluisius his forgetfulnesse.

Caluisius all forgets, him selfe vvithall;
He can remember nothing done or said:
And sure his memory vvas very small,
When, for his Wife, he got vvith childe his Maide:
But, if by law, thou needes must answere this,
Say thou forgotst thy selfe: and true it is.

Epig. 53. Against vnnaturall poets.

A strong Imagination (as it's said)
Of soules effects, the Muses most doth aide:
Why then I muse hovv some imagining,
To play the Poets vvell vvith much musing:
Yet they imagin but their ovvne disgrace,
Their highest imaginations are so base!
It is because (like Grants against the Gods)
With Nature they vvill needes be still at ods.
But Nature, them subduing, it befalls,
She, as her Captiues, makes them Naturals.

Epig. 54. Of Guacus his wise Beard.

If Wit bee fixed to the longest Beards,
And Wisedome waiteth on such Excrements:
As Guacus weenes: why then it's like that Heards
Of wildest Goates haue wisest gouernments:
If they are wise, whose Chaps haue longest heare,
Then Goats & Guacus wisedome hath no peere

Epig. 55. Of the kinde Heires of these vnkinde Times.

For that the mighty Nabuchadnezar,
From Man turnd Beast, from Beast turnd Man againe,
And was restor'd vnto his former honor:
Yet when at last Death had this Changeling slaine,
Euslmoradac his deare sonne and Heire,
His Carcase did deuide in Gobbets small,
And gaue it Crowes, and Kites, and Fowles of th'aire,
Because he should turne King no more at all.
That was an vnkinde part to part him so,
The Heires this Age affoords, affoord more loue
To their deceased Sires: for, did they knowe,
They should againe from death to life remoue,
They would not part them, (for that part were euil)
But they would giue them wholy to the Deuil.

Epig. 56. Of the strength of Cornutus his faith.

Cornutus saith, Religion changd hath bin
Thrice in his Time, and he hath changd with it:
He once beleeu'd good-workes did Heauen win;
Then thought sole faith obtaind that benefit:
Yet was perswaded, in Queene Martes time,
That workes were they that gaind the blisse of heauen;
Put after-times held faith in Workes a crime,
And of his faith in workes haue him bereauen:
Yet, for his faith, Oltis omnipotent;
Put holds good-workes to be but workes of men,
Whose Words, Workes, Thoughts, are all but impotent:
Thus, what of yore he lik'd, he lothes agen:
But, were his Faith then's Workes no stronger growne,
Hee ne're would take his Children for his owne.

Epig. 57. Against painted Pero.

Pero is faire, but yet her face she paints;
So Pictures are made faire, though Boords or Blocks:
I muse with coulors she her face acquaints,
And die with Sallendine her Table Lockes:
When those that gallop by, will say and sweare
She painted hath her face and dide her heare.

Epig. 58. Of Grantus his curtesie.

Grantus , the Malt-vvorme, at an Ale-house dore,
Straue vvith another vvho should first goe in:
In kindenesse he the other put before:
Hovv long (quoth he) haue you thus curteous bin?
I knew the day not long since hath bin ore you,
No man should in an Ale-house goe before you.

Epig. 59. Against Afraniaes impudency.

Afrania can not blush: for, blushing comes
From shame of our ovvne faults, vvhich vve conceiue:
Hovv should she blush, vvhen Impudence benums
Her sence of shame vvhere vvith she should perceiue?
Then is shee shamelesse? yea, the very same:
Yet the lesse shame she hath, the more's her shame.

Epig. 60. Against Menus his Solitarinesse.

Menus delights in solitary Cells,
And places most remote from all repaire,
He loues to liue vvhere Desolation dvvels,
And loaths the Sunne for lightning of the Aire.
Its true indeede (obscur'd) he haunts the hole,
Which no man will come neere but such a Foole.

Epig. 61. Of Psalmus the Alchymist.

Plasmus the poore and bare Gymnosophist,
Contemplates of the Sunne, the Moone, and Starres;
Besides, he is a perfect Alchymist;
He makes th' Elixer vvhich so many marres;
Ripley and Kelley of his skill did faile,
Yet scarce hath one ragge vpon his Tasle.

Epig. 62. Against Sophron his darke and dull writing.

Sophran , the Poet, most obscurely vvrites,
And yet he thinkes his fame's as bright as Sunne:
Each vvoord a Sentence vveighes, vvhich he indites,
To vvit, a sentence of damnation:
His Lines lacke sence, in vtter-darkenesse framde,
Good reason then his writings should be damnd.

Epig. 63. Of Amphilocus fore-sight.

Amphilocus with cleere fore-sight descries
Future events; and of strange wonders tells:
That Councell-close which in Gods Bozomelies,
He can disclose by most almighty Spells,
Yet he, bewitcht himselfe, could not fore-see
That he should (as he is) a Cuckold bee.

Epig. 64. Of Anchurus his kindenesse to his country.

Anchurus in t'a Gulph himselfe did cast,
To saue his friends and Country-men from spoile;
Kinde-heart he burnes, and still away doth waste,
Whose Bowels with most bitter torment broile.
That others by his plague (such was his care)
Might of that euer-burning Pit beware.

Epig. 65. Of Gammer-Gurton her young Tooth.

Zancles a man a hundred foure yeares olde,
(As Bookes report) had young Teeth in his head:
Which Worke of Natur's for a Wonder tolde,
Because in such olde Iawes young Teeth vvere bred:
But novv it's common, It no vvonder is,
Old men and vvomen too, haue oft young Teeth;
To giue an Instance; what say you to this?
Old Gammer-Gurton lately married vvith
Young Hodge her Man, which of a Boy she bred,
Because she had a young tooth in her bead.

Epig. 66. Against Rufus his throwing at all.

At all quoth Rufus, set ye what ye dare:
Il'e throw at all, and 't vvere a pecke of Gold:
No life lies on't, then Coyne Ile neuer spare:
Why, Rufus, that's the cause that all is sold:
For, with francke Gamesters, it doth oft befall:
They throw at all, till throwne quite out of all.

Epig. 67. Against Seruus his conformity.

Seruus is like a durty soft-knit hose
That serues each leg; and he as firly serues
The seruile turnes, and humors base or those
Whose fauours anyway his state preserues:
Stockings are chaste and knockt; if sild with muda;
And so must he, els be will ne're be good.

Epig. 68. Against Lawrentiaes lying.

In lying lycth all Lawrentias grace,
Who to, and with menlyes, in Deede and Word:
She paints her selfe: so, lyeth in her face:
Then gut'rall Lauds she doth her knaues affoord;
So, in her Throat she lyes: And in her Heart
She needs must lye, when, for an abiect fee,
She loue pretends to Swaines of no desert:
So she, in summe, lies all, as all may see:
Then sith still thus she lyes, twere good for her
Still to be whipt, to make her still to stirre.

Epig. 69. Of bad Debters.

Bad debters are good lyers: for, they say
Ile pay you, without faile, on such a day:
Come is the day, to come the due is still:
So, still they lye, sith stand in debt they will.
But Fucus hath so oft li'de in this wise,
That now he lyes in Ludgate for his lies.

Epig. 70. Against illigitimate Friscus the Comedian.

Go to now Friscus, tell me, if thou canst,
Where thou wast borne? & of what parentage?
I see thou art aliue, and life thou wanst
In time; then Time can tell thy Birth and Age.
The Name (thou saiest) is; well, let-go thy name;
Because (perhaps) thou art not sure of that:
But to the world thou camst as others came
Thou saist (good Friscus) and thon hitst it pat;
For, thou camst to the World the common way,
Borne of a common woman, but to play.

Epig. 71. Of Perusius his loosenesse.

Perusius sweares his Purse not pursy is,
Because it is (like him) exceeding loose:
Both must be bound, or weare away for This;
But let them weare; of them's none other vse:
Then, sith hee's loose, and his purse laxatiue,
Twere sinne to giue them a Restoratiue.

Epig. 72. Against Pigmalions indiscretion.

Pigmalion carues, and that with mickle heed,
Dead stones like liuing men by Cunnings forces:
He makes Stone, men; but he good man (in Deede)
Himselfe makes like a Stone by sencelesse courses:
If he makes men like Stones, and Stones like men,
Pigmalions Pictures are his Betters then.

Epig. 73. Against affecting Andocides.

Andocides in Rhethoricke euer rowles:
Whereat admire poore Bodies and good Soules:
No vvord proceeds from his most fluent Tong,
But it is like the Burden of the Song
Call'd Callino, come from a forraine land,
Which English people do not vnderstand.

Epig. 74. Of lasciuious Laurentia.

Corneus that Thessalian beautious Maide,
Who, rauished by Neptune (as it's said)
Obtaind to be transformed to a man,
And had the guift no edge could hurt her than.
Which transformation, and vvhich goodly guift
Laurentia hath obtaind: for, she can shift
As vvell as Men, and Master her good-Man,
And fight, and scratch, and svveare, stare, curse, and ban:
And, for her flesh, it's of such perfect proofe,
No weapon hurt it can, it is so tuffe,
But, euery vveapon that on it dare venter,
Tvvill spoile it quite if in the same it enter.
Then, they that loue their Weapens, wealth and honor,
Draw rather on a Piller than vpon her.

Epig. 75. Of Alphinus the hard-head.

Hornes , Hoofes, and Teeth (as Aristotle holds)
Come from one cause, by Nature so assignd:
Heere-hence it is, Hornes those Beasts heads vphold,
Whose vpper Iavves are Toothlesse made by kinde.
Be it by kinde or vnkinde accidents,
Or els because that Toothlesse is each Chap:
Alphinus Browes beare such horn'd Ornaments,
That he (Hard-head) can hardly weare his cap,
Let graue Philosophers the cause dispute,
His wife, and he; and I were best be mute.

Epig 76. Against Annas the great Tydings-bearer.

Annas hath long eares for all newes to passe:
His Eares must needes be long, for hee's an Asse.

Epig. 77. Againe.

[Anas the Latines call a Ducke or Drake]

Anas the Latines call a Ducke or Drake;
And we a Gull do English Annas make.

Epig. 78. Of Cæsars loue to Poets.

The Romaine Publius and Laberius,
(Two Poets whome great Cæsar fauored)
Their Skill that Cæsar held most serious,
Though by most Cæsars now disfauoured:
Why should not Poetry please those great Kesars?
It is, becaase those Kesars, are not Cæsars.

Epig. 79. In praise of Sr. Henry and Sr. Phillip Sidney, Syre and Sonne deceased.

Libian Psilly, People which are sed
To poyson Serpents with their carcases:
Were late (as England knowes) in England bred
(If Enuy be (as she's) of Serpents Races)
For, two, hight Sidneies, Father and the Sonne,
That Serpent slue with deeds done in their flesh;
Not fleshly deedes, but deedes that Fame haue wonne:
Which Fame (yet flourishing) Time will refresh,
As long as Reuolution of the Spheares
Lends life to Time, no time their fame out-weares.

Epig. 80. Against ouer-weening wit.

If Wit would weene of what Wit (weening) might
It selfe be seeme, and (reasoning) reason right,
Happy were VVit, and happy were the Head,
VVhere such vncompast wit, is compassed.
Crowne, Murall, Nauall, and Emperiall,
Varied in glory supercelestiall.
Inuiron would those euer-blessed Browes,
Lasting as long as perfect knowledge knowes.
Men-gods, Gods men, Gods good men, good Gods men
(In tearmelesse Time) they tearmd, and should be then,
VVorlde-blessing Creatures, Creatures like Creator,
Herralds of heauen to blaze the Armes of Nature:
But Wit, ore-vveening, his Povvres Armes extending
Reason to rase, and still vvith Truth contending,
Contending for Contentions sake accurst,
Makes of Heauens Center; Hell, and vvhat is vvorst.
Monster of Nature, Nature still oppugning,
Thy selfe (vnnaturally) thy selfe impugning.
O're-vveening vvilfull Wit ah vvoe to thee,
Author of Ills that Ill of Euills bee.

Epig. 81. Against Iustice Clophinus his erronious position.

Ivstice Clophinus holds (vvhat vvise men hate)
That simple men best sute a Citties state:
If one, more then himselfe, do Wit reueale,
Hee's no fit member for his common-vveale,
Plaine simple men (saith he) to wit, plaine sooles)
Should gouerne simple men by Reasons rules:
If this may be, the reason would I know,
How fooles, that reason want, should reason show.

Epig. 82. Of Tobacco.

Tobacco is a Weed of so great powre,
That it (like Earth) doth vvhat it feedes deuoure.

Epi. 83. Against amorous Andrugio.

Andrugio liues, yet onely liues by loue;
None but She-saints, his hot deuotion serues:
A vvorld of vvhich his praiers dayly moue,
To grant that grace vvhich, he vveenes, he deserues.
Novv, sits he in a corner vvith crost Armes,
And vvith a sigh together brings his sides:
Novv (as agast) he starts at Loues Alarmes;
Then, from his head his haire, by lockes, deuides,
Now, quarrells with his starres, then, with his state;
Now, with his Loues (the Load-starres of his life)
Now, loues he them, and then he them doth hate;
Now, seekes a rope, and then he seekes a knife:
And now, and then, and then, and now he fares
As he were franticke: fie, fie, what a moile
He makes with all the Garments which he weares;
And with his head his hands keepe leuell-coyle.
Now, this hand scratcheth! by and by the other;
And now he sits, and then about walkes he.
Now, doth he's well as if he had the Mother:
And then he winkes as if he could nor see:
Thus, for his Loues, hee's mad, deafe, dumbe and blinde,
And yet is hated of all Woman-kinde.

Epig. 84. Against Sardinius the leacher.

Albertus Magnus saith that sparrowes liue,
Scarce three yeares out (we needes beleeue him must)
And for the same this naturall reason giues,
Because so oft they doe the act of Lust.
I maruell then Sardinius is so old,
When he is Cocking still with euery Trull;
Alas, the reason easily may be told;
For, hee's no Sparrow but a common Bull:
Then turne him to the Kyne, God blesse the Beasts;
For, they the kille cowes company detests.

Epi. 87.

[Hierus a Ræotian Shepheard Swaine]

Hierus a Ræotian Shepheard Swaine,
Once entertaining in his Cottage poore,
Mercury, Neptune and Ioue (heauns Soueraigne)
Gaue him a sonne, hauing no childe before:
If meaner states then Gods, in these hard daies,
Should welcome be where some faire Women were,
They would (no doubt) bee't spoken to their praise)
Franker then Gods of such Rewards appeare:
For, where these Gods gaue one, and gaue no mo,
Perhaps these men would giue a brace, or two.

Epig. 88. Against iesting Iouius.

Iouius will iest, but can abide no Iesting:
And loues mens wiues: but would have none Ioue his:
He loathes to feast, and yet he smels out feasting;
Nor spend himselfe; but others spoyle he is:
O honyed humor! who will Iouius blame
To loue himselfe, sith none els doth the same.

Epig. 89. To the happy, as honorable, Sr. Robert Carre.

Bright Carre that carri'st so much royal grace
As doth the Coach of Phœbus in his pride;
So good thy carriage is, so right thy Race,
That soueraigne fauour will be still thy guide.
It's no meane vertue so high grace to beare
Without some cracke in carriage; wracke in pace:
But thou runnst sure on wheeles of loue and teare
To HONORS Tropicke, fraught with soueraigne Grace
Looke to those Wheeles then, let them not decay,
And they'l ore-runne the hig'st Rubbs in thy way.

Epig. 90.

[A leane (yet fat) Recusant being confinde]

A leane (yet fat) Recusant being confinde,
Vnto a Iustice House, whose wife was great;
(Not great with childe, but hugely great with meate)
At supper thus began to grope his minde:
To hoc est corpus meum what say ye (she sed)
Marry (quoth he) I say it is well sed.

Epig. 91. Against subtill Philargus.

Philargus is a subtill Disputant,
Passing well seene in Logicall conclusions,
But yet he is a Monstrous Miscreant,
And in the State, the seeker of confusions:
So fares it with each Knaue, if learn'd he bee,
The better learnd, the verier villaine hee.

Epig. 92. Against the great Swearer Mezentius.

Mezentius speakes no vvorde, but God he mindes;
If not vvhole God, yet (at the least) some part:
Nay, all his seuerall parts of sundry kindes,
Bloud, Wounds, Death, Soule, Nayles, Flesh, Sides, Guts and Heart.
And though by him these parts be still exprest,
Yet is he but a most Blaspheamous Beast.

Epig. 93. TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE, my very good Lord,Phillip , Earle of Mountgomerie.

To Thee being lull'd a sleepe in Fortunes lapp
In highest Heau'n of Earthes felicities,
I send these Rimes (vvhile thou dost take a Napp)
As Ditties vnto Fortunes Lullabies:
To make thee dreame (if thou canst heare, a sleepe)
That fortune favvnes on Wise-men, fleeres on fooles:
Shee fleeres in scorne, sith fooles no footing keepe
On ground of Grace: but are like Cucking-stooles.
Now vp aloft; then straight orewhelm'd belowe,
Being Seates of shame belowe, and at the high'st:
Let wisdome guide thee then, while Fortunes flowe:
So shalt thou scape the Rocke cal'd Had I wist:
But, had I wist thou hadst beene borne from mee
On Fortunes floud, I would haue followed Thee.

Epig. 94. To my much honored and euer remembred Lord, the Lord Hayes.

Thou gau'st me in'trest in a parte of Thine,
Not knowing me or mine: Then needes must I
Giue Thee (beloued Lord) a parte of mine:
That is, a parte of my whole Memory.
When I doe write, I will remember Thee,
Who didst remember me when once I writ:
When I doe speake, thou shalt remembred be;
And, when I thinke, Ile minde thy Benefit:
So, whether I doe thinke, or speake, or write,
I will remember thee, and doe thee right.

Epig. 95. To the most acute and Learned, Sr. Iohn Constable Knight.

Right curteous, and as honorable Knight,
The loue I beare vnto thy Worth, and Name,
Prouokes me (weakling) to extend my might
To adde one Feather to thy Towring fame:
And could I (as I would) new wing the same,
It should so pyniond be that it should rise
(In spight of stormes) aboue Ambitions ame,
And quite transcend all Crescets of the Skyes,
To make the Christall heauen with glory flame:
But sith aboue my pow'r this vertue lyes,
This poore effectlesse offer may suffize
To shew my will, and what my wit orecame.
But tis Wits praise to yeelde (as most vnable)
Vnto the worth of such a Constable.

Epig. 96. To the well-worded and ingenious Mr. Richard Marten of the middle Temple.

Sacred Apollo Man-god, God and Man,
God among Men, with God Man deifide,
At Wit his Sunne-bright glory first began,
By whome in Time Wit was so rarifide
That men ador'd him, as if God he were;
Such force hath wit in Wits supremacie:
Which Engine may, in time, thy fortunes reare
Vnto high dignity, if not to deitie:
For, be it that thou knowest thy wit is thine:
(Vnwitty wer't thou if thou knewst it not)
Can darkenesse light obscure when Sunne doth shine?
Or can Eyes see when darkenesse light doth blot?
Kings haue long armes, wide Eares, and piercing Eyes,
They must haue such, or els they be not Kinges;
So Wit in soueraignty all things discries;
And to th'Intelligence all knowledge brings.
If Wit knowes all and leaues it selfe vnknowne,
It's to it selfe a Monster most vnkinde;
Vnlike it selfe, vnto it selfe it's showne:
And scants it selfe of power to it assignd.
To knowe it selfe, yet well it selfe confine,
Is (of meere humane) to be all diuine.

Epig. 97. To the no lesse ingenious then ingenuous Mr. Iohn Dun.

Dvnne is the Mouse (they say) and thou art Dunne:
But no dunne Mouse thou art; yet art thou one
That (like a Mouse) in steepe high-waies dost runne,
To finde foode for thy Muse to prey vpon.
Whose pallat is so dainty in her taste,
That she distasts the least vnsauory Bit:
But that's vnlike a Mowse; for, he will wast,
All in his way; and oft himselfe vvith it,
Not much vnlike some Poets of our Times,
That spoile good paper vvith their byting Pen,
Like this of mine; but yet my doggrell Rimes
Do byte at none but Monsters like to men:
And that (I know) thy Pen hath rightly donne,
Which doing right, makes bright the Name of Dunne.

Epig. 98. Against Congius his Wit-stealing.

Congius in thirty Winters space hath pend,
(The Age of Man almost) an aged worke;
For, most of it olde Authors him did lend,
Yet he, more fraudfull then a Iew or Turke,
These honest men would of their due out-face;
And sweares he borrowed none: It's true he stale it:
For, men may tracke him plaine from place to place,
And see him, like a Theefe, where he let fall it.
Yet Brasen-fac'd, blinde Bayard he doth cracke,
He it deuisd, as fast as pen could vvend
At idle times, for recreations sake;
And, in a yeare did it begin and end.
It's true indeed, a yeare and some od daies,
Mounting to some sixe hundred months and more,
He it compilde (be it spoken to his praise)
But then, I must confesse, he laboured sore:
For, Night and day he toyld till it was done:
And filcht as fast as ere his pen could runne.

Epig. 99. Against Fortune-tellers.

To be a wise-man (as some fooles them call)
To wit, to tell by wit, Euents future,
Is for one Truth to be beleeu'd in all
Their grose vntruthes, their practise hath such pow'r,
And yet let others lye, and lye but once,
That onely lye their credits so may cracke,
That though they after Gospell speak, perchance,
Their Gospells true, may true beleeuers lacke:
Then, wouldst thou lye, beleeud with admiration?
Then, be a wise-man by thine occupation.

Epig. 100. Of poore and proud Cordilio.

Cordilio can abide no Fashions new,
But, in his Fashion, Adam doth ensue;
Adam was proud, being naked; so is he:
And both from Paradice expelled bee.

Epig. 101. Against Gorgonius his Slouenry.

Gorgonius goes like one that were not One,
Carelesse of all vvhereof One should haue care;
His Hose vntrust, his Stockins and his shoone
Are both vnty'd, and foule (God vvot) they are.
His Bozome Buttonles all times of yeare;
His Shirt he channgeth, as the Moone doth chaunge
His Band is Starch'd with Grease, french-ruslet cleare;
His Beard, for want of Combing, full of mange:
His Hat (though blacke) lookes like a medley Hat;
For, black's the Ground which sparingly appeares,
Then heer's a Dowle; and there a Dabb of fat,
Which as vnhansome hangs about his Eares.
His Cloake (Stone-couler) lookes like a Milstone,
As full of holes, as it is full of dust.
For it with Brush was neuer yet o're-gone
Nor neuer shall for him (neat Lad) I trust:
And though for want he hath no, cause to mone,
Gorgonius goes like one that were not One.

Epig. 54. Of Brunus his smoothnesse.

Brunus his Beard is smooth, and smooth his face;
His Tongue is smooth, and smooth his lookes and grace:
His Hat's as smooth as smoothest Beauer hat;
The Band as smooth; for, Satten smoothe is that.
His hose and doublet smoother then a dye:
For, they plaine satten are, or Taffatie.
His Bootes are smooth: for, his man (as they say)
To pull them smoothly on, spends halfe the day.
He smoothes his friends, but specially his foes,
Least they should be too rough in Words or Blowes.
He smoothes his Mistris, and his Riualls too,
And smoothly what they vvill, he lets them doo.
He smoothes all Factions, and he smoothes all Times:
He smoothly writes in prose, and smoothly Rimes:
He smoothes the Courtier, and he smoothes the Carter:
For, he him greetes a foote beneath the Garter:
Yet, though he be thus smoothe, and hath wherewith,
His minde is bare and ragged like his Teeth.

Epig. 102. Against pure Glaucus his impurity.

Glaucus his Braine growes ouer-great with yong,
Viprous Conceits therein a breeding bee;
His Pia-mater cannot brooke their Thronge,
Which through It gnavve a vvay, and out they flee
(Like Plagues out of Pandoras Box) to wayte
Their spoyle that thwart them, or them entertaine:
Yet, is he held a man of rare Conceit:
Rare; for, it is most impious, vile, and vaine:
Yet is he pure: and lookes diuinely graue;
So, hee's a graue, egregious, most pure Knaue.

Epig. 103. To my much honored, & beloued, Sr. Thomas Lucy Knight.

Bright Sparke of Wit and Courage; yet ynow
To set a worlde of hearts, in loue, on fire;
Whose influence prouokes my Muses Plow
To cast thy Beames abroad that be intire.
Thou all-belou'd and highly prized Iemme.
That in the Courts Browes (like a Diamond,
Or Hesperus in heauen) dost lighten them,
For men to see their way on Glories Ground;
Of thy most honor'd nature, take in gree,
This offer of my Muse to honor thee.

Epig. 104. Against Luciaes variety.

Faire Lucia's full of Fortunes fauours, which
Makes her so wanton proud, shee'le fall I feare:
(That's common to the yong, if faire and rich)
Now plaies she with her Dogge, then, with her Deere:
Now, heere she is, then there, novv sits, then lyes:
Now sighes, then laughes, and now, and then (beside)
She, for meere loue of Alteration, cryes;
Because no one Thing long, she can abide:
Then Things must needes be short and sweete that shee
Loues long, yet long in loue shee cannot bee,
Because she onely loues variety.

Epig. 105

[A Courtier, which long time his time had spent]

A Courtier, which long time his time had spent
In Court, to learne what to the Court belongs:
Hearing young Courtiers chat, his eare he lent
To heare what matter issu'd from their Tongues.
One ouer-weening (as did all the rest)
Did make his braggs, he had a Courtier bin
Not past a yeare, and yet he did protest,
He, in the Court, knew euery way to win.
Another knew the Factions, and could fit them:
A third, the Humors, and could finely feede them:
A fourth, all Offices, and how to get them:
A sift, all Pollicies, and who did neede them.
A sixt, could make the Great-men serue his turne,
Euen as he pleasd, by Courtly obseruation:
A seauenth, would learne of no man to returne
Courtship for Courtship, t'was his occupacion.
An eight, could tell what Suites might be obtain'd,
And nothing worth the Suit from him was hid.
The nynth, knewe by the Prince what might be gain'd.
The tenth, knewe more then all the other did.
When euery man his Skill had thus bewrai'd,
The ancient Courtier lifting vp his head
(As one from sleepe, yet heard well what they said)
I am (quoth he) a Courtier borne and bred:
For, from beyond my Cradle haue I bin
In Court and Camp, and now am fortye twice,
Yet, trust me truly, now I doe begin
To learne, what all you learned with a Trice.
Thus Young-men scorne to learne in Olde-mens Schooles,
Yet Olde-men knowe, that Young-men are but fooles.

Epi. 106. To Mr. Tho. Bastard, and the Reader.

Bastard , thine Epigrams to sport inclines;
Yet, I protest, that one delights me best,
Which saith the Reader soone deuoures thy lines,
Which thou in many houres couldst scarce digest:
So fares it t'wixt the Reader and my Muse:
For, that which she compiles with paine (God wot)
This word she chooseth, that, she doth refuse,
This Line she enterlines, that, she doth blot:
Heere's too much ornament, and there it lackes,
This figure's farre fetcht, out with it againe:
That phrase of affectation too much smackes;
This reason, rime doth racke, and too much straine:
That Simili's improper, mend the same:
This application's harsh harmonious make it:
Fye, out vpon't, this verses foote is lame,
Let it goe vpright, or a mischiefe take it:
Yet it runnes ill, the Cadence crabbed is,
Away with it, for shame, it marres the rest;
Giue it sweet accent: Fy, Fy, yet I misse;
Store makes me scarce, I know not which is best.
Heere is a bodge, Bots on't; Farwell my Pen,
My Muse is dull'd, another time shall serue;
To morrow she (perhaps) shall too't agen;
And yet to morrow she (perhaps) may swerue,
Well, yet at last, the Poem being pend,
The Printer it presents to Readers view;
Some foule mouth'd Readers then (which God amend)
So slop them vp, that it would make one spew
To see how rudely they deuoure at once
More wit then ere their head-peece held perchance:
As if my wit were minced for the nonce,
For them with ease to swallow with a vengeance.
Yet pree thee Reader be not so vnkinde,
(Though I am bold with thee) to eate me too:
I beg (being thy poore Cooke) but thy best vvinde;
If thou vvilt not do this, thou'lt little doo:
But, f I shall not be beholden to thee,
A rough Ryme choake thee; eate, and much good do thee.

Epig. 107. To the right Honorable, Henry Earle of Northumberland, in the Towre.

If in annoy be any roome for mirth,
Or, in Confinement place for Cheerefulnesse,
Then (noble Lord) this Bookes abortiue Birth
Will (lightly) moue thy Spleene in Heauinesse.
Therefore, when Time seemes longest in his Traine,
And thou vvouldst cut it off, or speede his Race,
Blovv but these idle Bubbles of my Braine
Into the Aire, and he vvill mend his pace.
The lightest Ioyes beguile the heauiest griefe:
Some sing in sorrovv: some, tormented, smile:
Sicke Mindes catch hold of all that yeeldes reliefe,
And vvould their anguish any vvay beguile:
Then, if these Toyes deceaue annoyes in Thee,
I, for my paines, haue had the welcomst Fee.

Epig. 108. Of a Tobacco-taking Horse.

Agelastus that (during all his life)
Ne're laught but once; and that was when he saw
An Asse (where Thistles grew exceeding rife)
How simpringly he did a Thistle gnaw.
O! had he seene a Horse Tobacco take,
(As once I saw, and, seeing, laught heart sore)
What mowes and antick mouthes the Iade did make,
He would haue laught, he could haue laught no more
A gamesome wagg did that conclusion try;
Who, with Tobaccos fume, did fill his mouth;
And in his Horses Nostrills, by and by
(From out his Nostrills) in aboundance blowth.
Who snuft it vp, as he the same would smell:
But, finding it (belike) his smell offend,
He puft it out againe, (exceeding well!)
While from his Eies the Teares did downe descend;
And made a mouth as he thereat did mews,
Or els, as he were ready prest to spue,
Who cannot laugh at this, bidd mirth adue.

Epig. 109. Against Grillus his greedy gluttony.

Grillus before his Soule preferrs his Tooth,
And toothsome fare before Celestiall foode;
Yet common Cates the Epicure doth lothe;
He eats not little, but it must be good,
The Samos Peacocke, and the Malta Crane,
The Phregian Woodcocke, and th' Ambracian Goat,
The dainty Lamprey in Tartesis tane,
The fine fish Assinellus hardly got.:
The Oysters of Tarentum, fish of Helops,
Of Rhodes, and vvhere not? (yeelding dainty cates)
The Goldny of Cilicia, Chior Scallops,
The Nuts of Tasia, and the Aegiptian Dates:
Thus Grillus fares; yet fareth like a Dog,
That eats vp all himselfe, hee's such a Hog.

Epig. 110. Of Sosbius his getting vnlike Children.

Sosbius in getting Sonnes is more to seeke
Then Money occupied, that gets the like.

Epig. 111. To mine honorable friend Sr. Richard Tracy Knight.

Sir, you haue match'd with Her that was to me
What ioy could be in any mortall heart:
For her, and for your selfe (sith one you be)
With those I best esteeme, you shall haue part
Of what I best esteeme; that is, such praise
As they deserue, that worthy wiues elect,
Which could not be, were you not many waies
Worthy; for, Likenesse still doth Loue effect:
Then loue her still for Honors sake, and I
Will honor you for that eternally.

Epig. 112. Against Collophus his couetous choyce of a wife.

If fained Louers marry, they will liue
Like foes vnfained: but our Collophus
Hath wed a Widdow, that's full eighty fiue;
Yet farre lesse olde then she is lecherous;
He married her for Mucke, she him for lust,
The Motiues fowle, then fowly liue they must.

Epig. 113. Of Crocus burying his money.

Great Alexander, faire interd his Horse,
Augustus, to his Parrat did the same:
Heliogabalus, balmd his Sparrowes Corse;
And buried her with Sermons in her fame.
But those were Pagans; so, might easily misse
The way of Christians through darke ignorance;
But, Crocus buries coyne that currant is,
And laies it lowe that him it may aduance:
Indeede who builds aloft must found it low,
But this, if found, him quite will ouerthrowe.
Those Kings inter'd the dead, but this selfe-Theife;
Doth bury currant Coyne his owne reliefe.

Epig. 114. Of the staid furious Poet Fucus.

Fvcus , the furious Poet vvrites but Plaies;
So, playing, vvrites: that's, idly writeth all:
Yet, idle Plates, and Players are his Staies;
Which stay him that he can no lovver fall:
For, he is fall'n into the deep'st decay,
Where Playes and Players keepe him at a stay.

Epig. 115. Against Vsurers.

It's sed that Hares at once (O! vvondrous thing)
Litter, giue sucke, and are vvith yong conceau'd;
So, Vsurers coyne is set, coyne forth to bring,
It's borne, and breeding, yeelding (if receau'd)
Vncessant fruit, that euer comming is:
Though they by Hounds be courst, like Hares, for This.

Epig. 116. Of Grace, wit, and courage.

What should I thinke of Courage? if it wants,
The wanters are despis'd of God and men;
And if it do abound (in Ignorants)
Their Heart, that holds it, is the Deuils Den,
Wherein that 'Hel-hound lies, with all abuse
Making it Hellish, which God most detests:
Then, without Grace and Wit, there is no vse
Of that without which, men are held but Beasts:
But, better (wanting It) to want a Name,
Then haue but Courage to kill all but Shame.

Epig. 117. Of the aduancement of Learning.

The seaven Arts are Pleyades become,
And shine in Heauen, sith on the Earth they haue
No place of stay: for, none vvill giue them roome,
Vnlesse it be a Roome to make their Graue:
But, being grauen on the Heauens Brasse,
They leaue the Earth without Art, Follies Asse.

Epig. 118. Against Flaccus the great house-keeper.

Flaccus , they say, doth keepe too great an house;
They say but sooth heerein, his house is so;
But, he therein keepes neither Man nor Mouse,
For, there is meate for neither: so, they go
From him, though he doth keepe a house too great;
But it he keepes without Myce, Men, or Meat.

Epig. 119. Of the force of Venus, and power of Gold.

Where Gold, or golden Aphroditis be
Of greatest pow'r, it (doubtlesse) is a doubt:
For proofe whereof, who see'th, and doth not see
How they do all in all, saue heale the Gowte.
Gold can make Venus yeeld (like Danaæ)
Her golden Treasures to Hearts hot desire:
And Venus can make Gold (in golden fee)
Obay her becke, when she sets hearts on fire.
Gold, can transforme a wise-man to a foole;
And fooles to be esteem'd as most wise-men:
So Venus in her Soule-inchanting Schoole
Can teach them wit, and make them fooles agen.
Yet Gold commaunds no Gods, but Venus can,
Therefore I hold Venus the better man.

Epig. 120. To the right well-accomplisht Knight, Sr. Thomas Coningesby.

My better half's, the better by a Lease
Shee holds from you, till she (not you) decease:
Which once I held till you, (not I) should dye;
But it you altred as it now doth lye.
Yet sith I am the Moity of my wife,
And one selfe Purse supporteth eithers life,
I must confesse I am the better for you:
Then were I wicked if I should abhor you.
Abhor you? No: my selfe I so should hate
Sith (like my selfe) you better mine estate:
Then (Spight of Spight) for you I needes must say,
Tour Sheere and I stay better by your stay.

Epi. 121. A WELSHE IVSTICE OF PEACE (call'd Iustice Griffith) comming vp against a Tearme to London, dyed by the way in Oxford; a poore welsh Scholler sued to the Executors for a mourning Freeze-gowne, who being neglected by them, made this Libellous Epitaph on Iustice Griffith, and fixt it on St. Maries Church Gate in Oxford, as followeth.

Here lies Shustice Griffith vnder a Stone,
For whom the Wels-man was make great-little mone
Who while he liu'd he fed them with Sheese,
And now he is dead, he clothes them with Freeze

Epi. 122. The Authors reply being a welsh-man.

If Freeze and Sheese were wanting, wanting were
The Grounds that Gleekes (not Leekes) for Wales do beare,
The Deuill detesteth God for this alone
That God hath happinesse, and he hath none.
And so (it's like) he scornes Wales, Sheese and Freeze,
Whose Backe and Belly wants welsh Freeze and Cheese.
It must be so: for, tis a consequent
Where Wealth is halting, Wit is impotent.
Heere-hence it is, his Wit his Wants bewrayes,
That through Wits want on Freeze and Cheese thus plaies,
Alas (poore Snake!) thou wouldst, if thou hadst Wit,
Not play on that that is for play vnfit.
They are no Instruments for scoffe and sport,
Sith life, in life, they seriously support.
And Freeze of Wooll is made; which yeelds no sounds
But such as plaiers on't, with shame confounds.
And Cheese is made of milke: what if it bee?
The better t'will with Babes and Boyes agree:
And who, to make men laugh, play on it shall,
Hee's Babe, or Boy, or Foole, or Knaue, or all:
Who, making Milke the meane of Merriment,
Makes that that marres his mirth, Mirths Instrument:
For, all the voyce that comes from Milke, is this:
When it doth play, it seethes; and then doth hisse.

Corollary.

Bvt like it is, he playeth thus on Cheese,
That would, but could not, play in Griffiths Freeze.
He plaid not in it, yet he prayd hard for it;
But praid vnheard, and, vnheard, did abhorre it.
Yet Freeze is soft to Sence, which Sence doth loue,
But his hard Sence the Sence to hate doth moue.
If such repugnancy betweene them bee,
It's like that he with Sence will nere agree.
God shield he should: but O, but O, but yet,
A Case of Freese, to keepe him from the wet,
This Kit (on which I crowd) in tune will set.
If Wales hath Sheese and Freese,
It somewhat hath to Leese.
But he wants Freese and Sheese,
And hath but Leese.
Yet Griffith hath left for the Sonne of his Mother,
The Shauings of the one, and the Shreds of the other.

Epig. 123. Against fighting Flaccus his lying too open.

Flaccus still brags in earnest (like a iest)
How brauely he hath sought in sundry fraies:
Amongst the rest, he tels of an arrest,
Once made on him that all the Streete did raise:
For, he the Serieants and the Officers
Made fly like sheepe, or Curre-pursued Cowes;
And they that stood, he ouerthrew he sweares;
For, thus he tells, how them he hackes, and hewes:
Heere lies a Legg, there Hand, or Finger lies;
And thus his flowing Tongue runnes all on Lyes.

Epig. 124. To the worthy, ingenious and learned Knight, Sr. Iohn Harrington, translator of Ariosto.

Deere knight, thy nature is too like mine owne
To leaue thee out of my Remembrances:
Thy muse, of yore, this very way hath flowne;
And, plum'd on Woodcockes, Wrens, and Ostridges.
But now my Muse (with Pownces not so strong,
Hauing some Geese to pull) inuokes thy Muse
To beare the burden of her merry Song.
To make them sorry who the World abuse:
Thine can worke wonders in this kinde; and mine
(Perhaps) may make them grone she pulls, like thine.

Epi. 125. ON THE TRAGICAL AND MOST vntimely deaths of Sir George Wharton Knight and Iames Steward Esquire; who slew each other in priuate single fight on Thursday being the ninth of Nouember. 1609.

If any (Tragicke) longs t'extend the Bounds
Of sorrow past the Scope of saddest moode,
And, with his Pen, write dry fresh Deadly-vvounds
In Lines that may (like Torrents) flow with Blood;
Or, if he thirst to coole his hot desire
Of painting out Disasters (drownd in Gore)
Or else would offer, in Homerear-fire,
An Heccatombe of Numerous-Plaints therefore;
Then, heeres occasion offerd: now's the time
Wherein he may be more than satisfide;
Here is the Center for the rest of Rime,
That (circling) flowes with Bloud, in Sorrowes Tide.
The Eye of Heauen did rowle the House about
Of that fell twi-formd

The 9. of Nouē the Sun approching the signe of Sagitarius.

Archer, at the time
That this faire-feller Accident fell out;
Whose double glory guilds a double Crime!
Two Foes, of honord Name, in Honors Bed,
(The Field) desirde (like Virgins, newly Wiues)
To lose their Valors lusty Virgin-head;
And with it lost their Fortunes, Hopes and Liues.
The one, hight Wharton, Noble in his name,
And his faire carriage in this blacke Debate:
The other, Steward; who prouided fame
For both; but bought it at too deere a rate.
Now, Wharton's gone; and Steward vp hath giuen
His Stewardship, vvith his last strict Accounts;
And both (in Fame, at least) are novv in Heau'n:
“For Fame, as farre as Heauen, staind life surmounts.
The one, an English honorable Heire,
The other, of the Scottish royall Race:
Yet one became in Furies seu'ring fire,
And novv are one become in Glories grace.
Then, so made one, vvhy should their Friends be more?
They vvell may grieue, but haue no cause of hate:
Bloud, on both sides alike, salues Discords Sore;
And should crackt-Vnion more consolidate:
Then, on this Ground of so rare Vnion,
Sing, Phœbus Priests, as rare Deuision.

Epi. 126. An Epitaph vpon the death of the most noble Knight Sr. Thomas Gorge. decesing in March Anno salutis. 1610.

Whome Nature, Arte, and Fates conspird to raise,
Vnconstant Fates haue now abridg'd his daies:
Yet, Arte and Nature still his part doth take,
And rues his marring whome they erst did make.
Nature, in Seas of reares, still sinkes his Hearse;
While Arte to heauen would raise the same in Verse:
For, what is said of largest WORTHINES,
But may be said of his, that was no lesse?
His Spirit, all flame (which doth by nature mount)
Betterd his Nature and his Worths account,
Neere eighty times he saw (by Natures force)
The Sunne to touch the Tropickes in his course:
So, though his Nature were refining-fire,
Yet (staid with grace, which made it long respire)
It nere impeacht himselfe, nor ought beside
That Vertue should regard, vntill he dide.
Then, by his want, he did the World impeach,
Though well his life and death the World did teach.
Then though the Earth his Corps hath in her Gorge,
Men keepe the Fame, and God the Soule of Gorge.

Epi. 127. A TRAGICALL EPITAPHE ON the Death of Mr. Williams, and Mr. Gwinne; who (like two vndaunted Cæsars, or vnyeelding Cockes of the game) slue each other with many grizly wounds, in single fight in the Haywood, neere the Citty of Hereford; and lye buryed close together in the Minster Church, there.

Heere lye tvvo friends, vvho, vvhile they stood,
Did thirst for one anothers blood.
Which thirst to quench, they both agreed,
That one, or both their hearts should bleed:
And so, like friends (though mortall foes)
Quencht others thirst with mortall Blowes.
Who fighting close; in life, like Fiends,
Here lye as close, in Death, like Friends:
So, they which life could nere attone,
Now lye in death as they were One.

Epig. 128. On the death of the worthy Knight Sir William Browne, Knight of the Bathe.

Both Browne, and bright he was, while Earth was his,
Now onely Bright he is in Fame and Blisse.
Wit, Courage, Bounty, (Three that dwell in none
But in bright Fames Superlatiues alone)
In him did hold the glory of their State,
Which thus his Memory perpetuate:
Hee bath'd in streames of Brightnesse being Browne;
And, dying Browne, liues still in bright Renowne.

In contradiction of some Adages.

Epig. 129. In magnis voluisse sat est.

In Matters great, to will it doth suffize;
I blush to heare how lowd this Prouerb lyes:
For, they that owe great summes by Bond or Bill,
Can neuer can sell them with meere Good-will.

Epig. 130. Fælix qui nihil debet.

It's true, it's true; but, Prouerb, by your leaue,
Were not some men in debt they could not liue:
For had they paid their debts, their purse, and Mawes
Would let in Vacuum, spight of Natures lawes.

Epig. 131. Dies adimit ægritudinem.

This is the hope of those that liue by spoile;
The paine they earne (they wot) lasts but a while:
For, being hang'd one halfe houre, as they ought,
The paine is past, or else the Hang-man's nought.

Epig. 132. Pecunia obediunt omnia.

To Money all things still obedient bee:
Prouerb thou lyste: for, many Heires (we see)
Make Money of their lands, and make it trudge
For Ale and Cakes: so, Money make their drudge.

Epig. 133. Nequid nimis.

By ouer-doing Men haue been vndone;
By vnder-doing Maides haue done amisse:
Then better end ere such deeds are begun,
Sith or'e and vnder-doing hurtfull is:
That make some Maides withstand, while men doe woo,
Left, vnder-doing they might ouer-doo.

Epig. 134. Venter auribus caret.

The Belly hath no eares. No? hath it not?
What had my Loues when she with child was got?
Though in her wombe the Seeds-man sowed Tares,
Yet, being battfulle, it bare perfect Eares.

Epig. 135. Verit as simplex oratio.

Truths tale is simple: but each simple Tale
Is not still true: for, Mendax simply speakes;
And yet he makes new Lyes of Leazings stale;
And still for lyes, as men for liuing, seeks:
Lyes are his liuing; who can Mendax blame
To seeke for lyes sith he liues by the same?

Epig. 136. Bis Puerisenes.

Old men are children twice, as doth appeare
By good old Dick, that hangs still at the Dugge:
Yong Girles (he saith) his old-cold flesh doth cheere
And maks the same to looke most smooth, and smugge:
Wilt thou be yong (olde Dicke?,) then, like a Boy,
Thou must be whipt, that dost the Wanton play.

Epig. 137. Malo nodo malus quærendus cuneus.

A Crabbed Knot a crabbed Wedge must haue;
A bitter Pill must purge a bitter Knaue:
Yet though the Pill more bitter be then Gall,
Some Knaues will bitter be in spight of all.

Epig. 138. Qualis vir, talis Oratio.

Prouerbe thou lyest: for, some can wisely speake,
As if in no one thing they were to seeke:
Yet in their Actions are but Fooles and Knaues,
Sinnes seruile Subiects, base Affections Slaues.

Epig. 139. Bis dat, qui cito dat.

He giueth twice that quickely giues a guift:
But some for giuing quickly, haue this shift;
They'l quickely giue good words, but deeds delay;
Which, in effect, is slowely to say nay.

Epig. 140. Nosce teipsum.

Who knovveth not himselfe knovves not his friend:
Who friends forget, themselues too much forget:
But Luscus hauing no friend that vvill lend;
And, being ore the Eares (poore knaue) in debt,
No Maruell though he all forgets, saue those,
That minde him still for money that he owes.

Epig. 141. Merx vltronea putet.

Ware profferd stinkes: yet stay (good Prruerbe) stay,
Thou art deceau'd, as Clyents best can say;
Who prof'ring treble Fees for single care,
It's vvell accepted, Gold is such svveete Ware.

Epig. 142. Ignauis semper feriæ sunt.

With Sluggards eu'ry day is holy day;
And so it is vvith some that seldome sleepes;
For, in an Alehouse, day and night they play
For Ale, the vvhile a Colt the Reckning keepes:
Till (like the woodden Troian Horse) at last,
Their liues, and liuelihoods the Colt doth wast.

Epig. 143. To the sole fast friend of Elbo-clokes, countnance of obsolete Buskins; & grace of veluet Day-capps; remarkable for mellowed wisedome abounding in his priuate-publike printed Poetry; and sententious Apothegmes at meales: Maister W. Clarke, attending without Processe, the Starre-chamber.

Clarke , thou hast wit at will, in thy Staffs Head,
Which siluer keepes against a raynie Day;
Yea, may interre thee too, when thou art dead;
And in distresse it is a Staffe of Stay.
Thy Siluer-Head's worne out with Wisdomes cares;
But at a stay stands thy Stafs siluer Head:
Silke coyfes still couers thy Heads siluer Haires,
As thy Stafs siluer Head is couered:
So, bide it (Clarke) with Silke (as fit, as fine,)
Sith it shewes all the hidden wit in thine.

Epig. 144. Of Brunus his iesting policie.

Brunus doth vse to coine a wittie iest,
And fathers it vpon some wittie man:
But, if it be applauded for the best
That er'e was heard; He sweares he brake it than:
Thus Brunus would in iest his wit adorne,
When he in earnest, is but laught to scorne.

Epig. 145. Of Bonosus the great Bowzer.

Hesiod warnes all that loue much wine, to drinke
To make the Wine wel-neere like water taste;
But, should Bonosus do the same, I thinke
No Well nor Conduite ere should run at waste.

Epig. 146. Of Milo the great eater, not long since, in Chester.

Milo , that with his bare Hand slewe a Bull,
And on his shoulders bare, bore him away;
Who, that same day, his flesh from Bones did pull
And all deuour'd, as some good Authors say;
Cannot compare with Charles, not Charles the great,
Yet greate for eating of greate store of meat.

Epig. 147. Against Mandrus the Vsurer.

Mandrus is risen mightilie of late,
He gets the Deuill and all, by giuing daie:
Gets he by giuing? a plague on his Pate
He giueth nought but that which will not stay:
That's staylesse Time, which he doth precious hold,
And sels a little, for no little Gold.

Epig. 148. Of Fumosus the great Tobaccanist.

Fvmosus cannot eate a Bit, but he
Must drinke Tobacco, so to driue it dovvne:
Without Tobacco, then he cannot be;
Yet, drinkes no ovvnce that costs him not a Crovvne:
But this Crovvne couers no impiring vvit,
To blovv avvay his crovvnes at euery Bit:
Yet, when his Crownes do faile, he pawnes his Cloake,
Sith (like a Chimney) hee's kept sound by Smoake.

Epig. 149. To myne approoued, deere, and intirely beloued friend, Mr. Iohn Sanderson.

If sly Vlisses vvere so much renovvnd
For seeing many Citties, Lands, and Seas,
Then must thy Lauds no lesse then his, abound,
That haste seene more, and, brought as much from these:
Nay, from but Heathen Worldes (corrupt as hell)
Th'hast brought a Heau'n, or Worlde of honesty;
Which sly Vlisses could not carry vvell,
He vvas so charg'd vvith craft and subtilty:
In which respect thou art more deere to all,
That Honesty holds Honors Principall.

Epig. 150. Against Cinnus the time-reprouer.

Cinnus is seene in all the librall Artes,
Yet seeth not the Arte himselfe to rule:
He blames the Times, and saith that men of partes
The Time should more regard; so, Time doth schoole:
He scooleth Time, yet Time may teach him this,
That his best Partes, and Artes are quite amisse.

Epig. 151. Of Motus his counterfetting.

Motus , still weares his Mistris counterfet
Next to his Heart; that so his Heart may learne
To counterfet his Mistresse; so to get
The Principall; vvhich he, by Art, vvould earne:
But shee, being for his skill too faire and wise,
Giues but her Picture for his exercise.

Epig. 152. Against Laliaes disguising her selfe, and her husband.

Lalia doth vveare an Head beyond an Head,
And, shooes doth vveare a foote, beneath her feete:
For, she is lowe, and would be heighthened
By Arte, sith Nature hath not thought it meete;
And, for her husband's wilde; and flies her bed,
Tell he be tirde, she giues him too, the HEAD.

Epig. 153 Of Maurus his sayling in the Fleete.

Maurus , doth grieue that he committed is
Vnto the Fleete for something done amis.
Maurus, thou needst not grieue, sith thou art bound
But to thy Lands-end, in a Fleete on Ground,
That stands all Stormes, sith Water still it shunnes,
Vnlesse an Arme of Thames, that neere it runnes,
Do beare some washing Balls to make it sweete;
(For men of honor oft saile in that Fleete)
Therefore, be quiet, sith thou art secure,
And saylest in a Fleete so sweete and pure,

Epi. 154. Of a Theefe hang'd by his Prey.

A theefe once stealing of a Sheepe, did tye
His Legs, to hang about his Necke thereby;
And, as he went, to rest him he did stay
His Burden on a Stile that crost his Way.
The strugling Prey, beyond the Stile did fall,
And hang'd still by the Theefe, it hangd withall:
So without Iudgement, mercy, or releefe,
At the Stiles Barre, the Theft did hang the Theefe.

Epi. 155. To my worthily disposed friend Mr. Sam: Daniell.

I heare thy Muse in Court doth trauell now:
Arte speede her Feete, and Grace (there) speede her Plow.
If they come short: then gaine by other drifts,
The more thou getst, the more its like thy Guifts.
If yet too short; (to ad another Size)
Get one Footes length, thou by thy Feete shalt rise
With Pegasus, from Pernasse to the Skyes.

Epi. 156. To my well accomplish'd friend Mr. Ben. Iohnson.

I loue thy Parts; so, must I loue thy Whole:
Then, still be whole in thy beloued Parts:
Th'art sound in Body: but, some say thy Soule
Enuy doth vlcer: yet corrupted hearts
Such censurers may haue: But, if thou bee
An enuious Soule, would thou couldst enuy mee:
But (ah!) I feare my Vertues are too darke
For Enuies shadow, from so bright a Sparke.

Epi. 157. To my much esteemed Mr. Inego Iones, our English Zeuxis, and Vitruuius.

I once did sup with thee, deere Inego,
For nothing: then, to me, thou art not soe.
Yet deere thou art to me for thy deere Worth;
Which I, by Speaking-picture, would paint forth,
If my small Pen thy Pencill equall could:
Then, take not what I can, but what I would:
If not, take this, (as I began with thee)
Though thou be deere, Thou art not so to mee..

Epig. 158. To my worthy kinde friend Mr. Isacke Simonds.

Thine out and in-side both, seeme such to me
As, were I Arthure thou my knight shouldst be:
And at my Table round, shouldst haue a place,
To shew the Worlde hew thou sat'st in my grace:
But, sith that cannot be: this may, and can,
Play thou the King of Harts, Ile play thy Man;
But not the knaue, though all the Worlde we wan.

Epig. 159. To our English Terence Mr. Will: Shake-speare.

Some say (good Will) which I, in sport, do sing)
Had'st thou not plaid some Kingly parts in sport,
Thou hadst bin a companion for a King;
And, beene a King among the meaner sort.
Some others raile; but, raile as they thinke fit,
Thou hast no rayling, but, a raigning Wit:
And honesty thou sow'st, which they do reape;
So, to increase their Stocke which they do keepe.

Epig. 160. To his most constant, though most vnknowne friend; No-body.

You shall be seru'd; but not with Numbers now:
You shall be serud with nought: that's good for you.

Epig. 161. To my neere-deere wel-knowne friend; Some-body.

You looke that as my selfe I you should vse:
I will, or else my selfe I should abuse:
And yet with Rimes I but my selfe vndoo,
Yet am I Some-body with much adoo.

Epig. 162. To my much regarded and approued good friend, Thomas Marbery Esquire.

Your kindenesse makes me kinde (as flames get flames)
Which makes me minde you in mine Epigrams.
And, as I shall still loue you, loue me still:
So shall my wish, be euermore your will:
And if you would haue more then this Worlds Masse,
I wish you Heau'n; so, grata breuitas.

Epig. 163 To my right deere friend, approued for such, Iohn Panton Esquire.

If not to thee, to whome then should I write,
My stayedst louer, and my fastest friend;
My Bodies right Arme; that Armes hand as right:
Yea, all in all with me vnto the end:
In few; (for with true friends, few words are best)
Thine All, Makes all thy friends as glad as blest.

Epig. 164. To my most deere Pupill. Mr. Henry Maynwarring.

Your Soule (deere Sir) for I can iudge of Sprights,
Though not iudge Soules) is like (besides her Sire)
Those euer-beaming Eye-delighting lights
Which do heau'ns Body inwardly attire:
For, her superior Part (your spotlesse minde)
Hath nought therein, that's not Angelicall:
As high, as lowly, in a diuerse kinde,
And kind in either: so, belou'd of all.
Then (noble Henry) loue me as thine owne,
That liues but (wish thy worths) to make thee knowne.

Epig. 165. To my bloued friend Mr. Doctor Gwin.

When Fortunes fauours are conferred on those
That best deserue them; then (and nere till then)
Looke you for good of her; now, of her foes:
So, being one, Ile good you with my Pen:
That is to say; you are (so say I can)
For Learning, Wit, and Honesty, a Man.

Epig. 166. Against the lasciuous harlot Citheris.

O sweete, deere sweete, (then gron'd with gladsome-griefe)
Quoth Citheris (long straught) vnto her deere:
And with those words, turnd vp her eyes, as if
Preparing for her shrowding sheete she were:
Sheets often shrowde her: but, the Sheete of Shame
Her ought to shrowd: for, she deserues the same.

Epig. 167. To my louing friend Stephen Boughton one of the gentlemen of his Maiesties Chappell.

Stentor , the Greeke (that with his thundring voice
Could drownd the din of fifty showting men,
(Albee't they made most admirable noise)
Can not compare with thee, my good Stephen:
Who, with thy voyce dost make each Quire to shake:
Whose Diapassons like great Deuills speake.

Epig. 168. Against the contentious knight Sr. Mordicus.

Sir Mordicus is neuer of lawe,
Since he had ought to goe to law withall:
Hee'le trye an Action with you for a Straw:
Nay, for a looke; and much more for the wall:
Yet, though he thus be still in law, and hate,
An Out-lavv is lesse hurtfull to the State.

Epig. 169. To my much honored friend Sr. Edmund Ashfield Knight.

You once intreated me to vvalke vvith you
From Hereford but vnto Edenbrough:
Because (said you) vve liue neere in the hams
Of this scalld Worlde, vvhere neither Epigrams
Nor Satyrs can preserue it from the itch
Of Scratching, common to the scraping-ritch.
You vvent, I staid: but, vvished aftervvard
I had gone vvith you; yet, vvhen that I heard
A Wayne-man brought you backe, and that your Inne
Was, but the Towre (a lodging straight and thinne)
I ioy'd I vvent not: But fovvre yeares expir'd,
And that all things fel out as you desir'd,
I vvisht againe I had beene in your Place:
So, ioy'd and grieu'd as Fortune chang'd your Case.
But, sith your Case is novv too bigg for mee,
(You be'ng grovvne fatt, I leane in lovvst degree)
Let me rest in your Heart, and then my Case
I better hold then your old resting Place.

Epig. 170 To my right worthy friend, and truly generous gentle-man, Henry Sherley Esquire.

Could I but sett thee forth as I desire,
Or, as thy Nature NATVRE doth attire,
In these cold watry Hues, where all may see
The glorie of the Ground-worke laid in thee:
Then should my Coulers (though but thinly laid)
Adde no small Beautie to thy Parts displaid.
But as to lay vpon a curious Print
Faire Coulors thick, is not to paint in print;
Because each principall Delintament
Is drownd in Coulor of lesse ornament:
So knowing this; thus, thinnly, I bestow
My Coulors on thee; so, to see thee through.
Who (if my loue, my Iudgment not abuse)
Art farre more faire then well-layd fairest Hues.

Epig. 171. Of Iellaes Bruising-fall.

Iella , why frown'st thou? say (sweet Biddies-nie)
Hast hurt thy Foote with treading (late) awry?
Thou fell'st withall, thou saist. Ah, that was it
That gaue the Bruize that made thy Browes to knit.
But some Thing (without doubt) Stood in thy Way,
That made thee fall to thy so great decay:
Thy crosse was strange, (through Fortunes crosse-cōmāding)
To catch thy hurt with Falling, and with Standing.

Epig. 172. Against Mustolphus his lying.

Where now lies Mustolphus? Euerie where. Why?
Wheresoeuer he goes, he doth nothing but lye.

Epig. 173. Against impenitent Graxus.

Graxus repents not though still he sheds Blood:
He neuer repents him, but when he does good.

Epig. 174. Against long Lockes in Woers.

He that's a wooer, and yet weares a Locke,
If he gets a wife, she must haue a Locke.

Epig. 175. To my beloued right-well-deseruing friend Mr. Iohn Speed.

Sith thou art Speed, and my good friend withall,
With speed Ile tell thee thou art prodigall
Of thy good guifts; and giust them still for nought
But for meere fame; which comes where least it's sought.
But thou deseru'st a farre more worthie Fee;
In part of paiment, then, take these of mee.

Epig. 176. What a common Gamster is like.

A Gamester's like the Iuy on a Wall;
Which creepes into the ioynts, vnioyning it:
But when, vnioynted so, it's like to fall,
The ioynts together it doth (tottering) knit:
A Gamster so, vndoes a sound estate
With Gaming much; but, euen as he sincks,
With Tricks he learnes in Game (which Truth doth hate)
He (staggering) is vpheld to purse some Chincks:
Then, they that fall to plaie to end their Stay,
Pray God they fall to worke; the end of play.

Epig. 177. Of Gallaes Prodigalitie.

When Galla giues faire words, her goods she giues:
For, other goods she hath not: Then if shee
Giues goods so fast, the poore she much relieues:
She doth (indeed) if the Camelions bee
That liue by aire: for her guifts are no more,
Which she nere giues but to increase her store:
So, to herselfe shee's good, not to the poore.

Epig. 178. To my approued fast friend Mr. Thomas Welsh of Mauncell-lacy.

Myne other halfe (that like my better Part,
Hast bene more carefull then my selfe of mine)
How shall thy worst halfe guerdon thy desert,
Sith as it is, likevvise it is but thine?
It must be thus: Take me, and giue me Thee,
That so made good, thou maist requited bee.

Epig. 179. Against lying Mustophus.

Beleeue it, quoth Mustophus at each word,
When he doth nothing els but lye or boord:
Yet still he cryes beleeue it, O beleeue it!
So still he craues that men should credit giue it,
But how should other men him credit giue,
When he himselfe, himselfe doth least beleeue?

Epi. 180. Against Aesop the Stage-player.

I came to English Aesop (on a tide)
As he lay tirde (as tirde) before the play:
I came vnto him in his flood of pride;
He then vvas King, and thought I should obay.
And so I did, for vvith all reuerence, I
As to my Soueraigne (though to him vnknovvne)
Did him approch: but loe, he casts his Eye,
As if therein I had presumption showne:
I, like a Subiect (vvith submisse regard)
Did him salute, yet he regreeted mee
But vvith a Nod, because his speech he spar'd
For Lords and Knights that came his Grace to see.
But I suppos'd he scorn'd me, by vvhich scorne
I deemed him to be some demi-God;
(That's more then King (at least) that thoughts discerne)
And markt my fained favvnings, vvith a Nod.
For, I vvell knevv him (though he knevv not me)
To be a player, and for some fevv Crovvnes
Spent on a Supper, any man may bee
Acquainted vvith them, from their Kings to Clovvnes.
But I (as Aron vvith the Golden Calfe)
Did grosse idolatry vvith him commit:
Nay my offence vvas more then his by halfe,
He erd against his vvill, but I vvith vvit:
For, Wit me taught (I thought, for proofe of folly)
To try conclusions on this doting Asse,
I him ador'd too much, but he (vnholly)
Too'kt on him smoothly; But vvell, let that passe.
His golden Coate his eyes dim'd, I suppose,
That he could not well see my Veluet hose.
But if I ere salute him so againe,
Crowne him, and Cocks-combe my crowne for my paine.

Epig. 181. Of choosing a Wife.

To haue a wily ouer-wittie wife,
Is (though a Cato) to be made a foole:
Or else to be made weary of this life:
For, she, by all meanes, must her Husband schoole,
And, for the most part, Wiues of reaching'st wit
Haue shortest heeles, and wondrous apt to fall;
From which if Husbands hold them with a Bitt,
Thei'l plundge like Furies, Head, and Taile and all.
To haue a foole's another miserie;
And Fates, in either fortune, are like cruell:
For, shee'l still madde a man with foolery;
And hath not Wit ynough to keepe her Iewell.
If she be faire; shee is a pleasant Lure
To tice a man to strike vngarded Beauty:
Besides, this Plague is past all kinde of cure:
For, she can nere be taught to know her duty.
Then as in all, the golden-Meane is best;
So, herein cheefly, it's more worth then golde:
Giue me a wife halfe wife, halfe faire, halfe blest;
And not too curst, wife, faire, light, yong, nor olde:
For all Extreames be as extreamely hated;
(And iustly too) because they be Extreame:
Then he is plagu'd, and checkt that so is Mated;
And so doth lothe his life, his wife, and Them:
For, these Extreames; together with this wife,
Oft make men in their Garters trusse their life.

Epig. 182. Of Cheris his making of Faces.

Cheris , the merry Minstrell, makes men laffe
With many faces which he (singing) makes:
What though at him his hearers scoff or chafe,
Because he looks as he were on Aiax:
Yet Cheris face from shame he still doth fence
With shamelesse ignorance, and impudence:
And so seeing coyne (by facing) comes in Game,
Great men in Ernest often do the same.

Epig. 183.

[A threed-bare Priest that almost naked was]

A threed-bare Priest that almost naked was,
Comming on businesse to a fox-fur'd Deane;
Who said, in scorne, to him poore Preist (alas)
To go so cold I muse what thou dost meane?
The Priest replide, did you but as I do,
I nothing doubt but you would sweate with heate:
The well-furrd Deane gaue great regard thereto,
And praid the Priest forth-with to shew that feate:
D'on all your clothes (quoth he) which, if you would,
I will be hang'd if ere you be a cold.

Epig. 184. Against Women that weares locks like womanish men.

Shee on her Band that vveares a Locke,
Another needes beneath her Smocke.

Epig. 184.

[Zancus doth grieue he is no more set by]

Zancus doth grieue he is no more set by:
But grieue not Zancus; for, thou art Set by.

Epig. 185. To the deere & eternal memory of our renowned late English millitary-Knights and Chieftaines; Robert, Earle of Essex; Sir Phillip Sidney; Sir Iohn Norris; Sir Francis Vere; Earle of Deuonshire; Sir Roger Williams; Sir Thomas Baskeruile; Sir Edward Wingfield, and Sir Edvvard Norris, Englands nine Woorthies.

True Martiall-skill, and Valor's most renovvnd,
While Fame a Trumpet hath, or Arte a Pen:
Though Men be enuious or forgetfull found;
Yet, Learning hath a clouen-tongue, and then
(In firy language) she doth thundring sound
The fame of those nine Worthies (Men of Men)
Then Death though in the Graue thy glory bee,
Their Fame shall there interre both it, and Thee.

Epi. 186. To the most noble, ingenious, and Vallerous Knight, Sir Iosselline Percy.

Thy Wit and Courage (that so strongly moue)
Prouokes me to recorde them in my Rimes,
Who art for both, the Mirror of our Times,
Obseru'd and prais'd of all that either loue.
Thy courage (in all hazards) is a Flame
That nought keepes downe, or letteth to aspire;
Thy wit in game and earnest is all fire,
That warm'd them well, that puft much at the same.
Thou art a hot-spurre, as the Naggs thou rid'st
Can best affirme; who makst them carry thee
With griefe and shame, till they quite tyred bee:
That none will now come neere where thou abid'st:
It skills not sith to thee they noysome were:
And though they beare thee not, thy girds they beare.

Epig. 187.

[A gallant, at a Play, that vsde to brall]

A gallant, at a Play, that vsde to brall,
Abus'd as many as but neere him came:
At last they fell on him, while they could fall,
Till they, by Death had made that Tiger tame.
For which some were attach'd as Murderers:
(Though them on him he with strong hand did draw)
So with the cheife, were some cheife furtherers
Arraignd, Condemnd, and so trust vp by law.
Thus he (like Sampson) on him and his foes,
Puld a whole house, to both their ouer-throwes.

Epig. 188. Of bashfull men.

Cotitto is the Goddesse men must serue,
That liue in Courtes of mighty Potentate;
It matters not how well they do deserue,
If they be bashfull, base shall be their states.
Then serue not there without a face of Brasse;
For, Courtiers hold, a shamefast man an Asse.

Epig. 189. To the highly honored Earle of Ormond.

Great, glorious, feard, and much beloued Earle,
Englands fast friend, and Irelands constant Stay;
Which Time continues (drawing still away)
Vpon thy Countries Front, a matchlesse Pearle:
Thy Princely Partes, Howse, Fortunes, Followers, Port,
(which princely make thy Person and Estate)
Are such as thy great Name do much elate;
And make thy Fame out-flye her owne report.
And (loe) to Nurse thine honorable age,
How Heau'n, to make thy Heau'n on Earth compleat,
Hath wiu'd thee with a Dame, lesse faire then great,
And yet as faire as wondrous good and sage:
O then (bright SVNNE) thy Beames shall ne're decline,
While Lines to Heauen can raise those Raies of thine.

Epig. 190. Against Ebriscus his desire of the best place in all Companyes.

Ebriscus cannot eat, nor looke, nor talke,
If to the Boords-end he be not promoted:
But place him there, his tongue at large shal walke,
From whose discourse much matter may be noted.
Matter of State, of Manhood, Mirth, and Mockery,
Of Courts, of Campes, of Peace, and of Debate,
Of Policies, of Arts, of Feasts, and Cookery,
Of Triumphs, Tiltings, and I wot not what:
But, for his wit no matter much it makes,
Whether at the Boord he sits, or on Aiax.

Epig. 191. To the wittily-pleasant, S. I. H.

In Martialls time a pleasant Poet liu'd
Height Camus, whose Spirit doth haunt me still:
If merry Martiall be from Death repriu'd
By thy mad Muse; Camus, repriue I will:
If thou be Martiall and Camus be.
Then all the world will laugh at Thee and Mee.

Epig. 192. Against Prusus the Simoniacke.

Prusus , the Parson, vaunts that with cleane hands
He came vnto his cure: and so thinke I:
His hands were cleane from money, goods, or Bands;
For, money not to see's not Simony.
But yet he seeing, that by Coyne the Cure
Must be attaind; he made another giue
Two hundred Angells (vvhich vvere passing pure)
That being Curde, vvith ease he so might liue.
This is a vertue pure, and breeds good blood:
Hovv then there vvith should his hands be defilde?
(Although his hands had vsed it for his good)
No, no, his hands were cleane and they beguild,
That sought to make him Curelesse and impure,
For vsing those cleane Creatures for his Cure.

Epig. 193.

[Since Saint Iohn Baptist lost his holy head]

Since Saint Iohn Baptist lost his holy head,
For telling Herod of his cursed Crime,
No one with Kings will find fault in his stead,
But all doe seeke to sooth the Kings, and Time.
So they that haue authoritie, may sinne,
As if they sinned by Authority:
Then Kings, high-waies haue lowest falls therein,
If to their Stepps them-selues haue not an Eye;
Therefore O Kings (whose waies are smoth'd all)
Looke to your selues, if you will neuer fall.

Epig. 194. To the most nobly-disposed Knight Sir Hugh Smith.

To thee that art the glory of the West,
And Comfort of the Coast where thou dost wonne,
The Staffe of Stay to all that are distrest,
To whome (none more) vncessantly they runne:
Whose house stands open (as did Abrahams Tents).
To all by-passers, of what ere degree:
Thou dost enioy no house, Goods, Lands, nor Rents,
That other men do not enioy with Thee.
Yet spendst thou euen as thou still maist spend;
Thy hand is open, but not too profuse:
Yet that's of Witt, not Nature, to the end
Thou maist vse Wealth, that wealth thou still maist vse:
To thee then (deerest Knight) I doe ascribe
The glory of thy Country, name, and Tribe.

Epig. 195. Against the baudy-Wittold Lotus.

King Harry lou'd a man, els Lotus lyes,
And that he lou'd a Woman none denies.
Why then he lou'd a man and woman too;
But lou'd them passing well that well could Doe.
Go too then Lotus, sith you are a dooer,
As is your louely wife (much good may do her)
He would haue made her rise, if she had sunck,
And lou'd you for a Pander; she a Punck.

Epig. 196. Against proud crooked-shankt Lucius.

Lvcius his Eyes are euer on his leggs;
What ayl'd thee Lucius still to looke so lowe?
Is it sith Pride descendeth in her dreggs?
Or for some other cause thou sham'st to showe?
Thou art, for Pride, a Peacocke which doth loth
To looke vpon her leggs: Then Lucius why
Lookst thou on thine; they beeing crooked both?
Sure there is in't some hidden misterie.
Ist thy silk Stockins of Carnation dye?
Why man thou knowst they are not yet paid for:
Therefore, me thinkes they should offend thine Eye,
Sith they do minde thee of thy Creditor.
Good Lord! what then doth make thee looke so lowe,
Thy Head and Heart being check-mates with the Moone?
I knowe (good Lucius) thou thy selfe dost know;
Though thou (perhaps) knowst not thy selfe so soone:
But by thy lookes I well perceaue it is:
Thou lou'st thy selfe for Parts that are amisse.

Epig. 197. Against Rutilus his immoderate desire of Fame.

Now, haue we peace with Spaine; and long may peace
Continue twixt our Realmes: But, Rutilus
Sweares it will be our martiall mens decrease;
And so may make our foes victorious.
But when it's answerd, now we haue no foes.
He sweares againe, the Deuill and all we haue;
(Although we are in league) and so he showes
How well he loues all-sauing Peace to saue:
But, Rutilus, if all were of your minde,
We should haue Warres with all but Warres and winde:
For you delight so much in Warres and fame,
That you will damne your soule to seeke the same.

Epig. 198. Against Rontaes base pride, light waight, and too much affected nicifinity.

Ronta's the onely widdow now of Price;
But yet to sell her Ware is nothing nice:
And yet she is: for she her Mayds commands
To vse, with Customers, their Legs and Hands,
And when she speakes she simpers like a Mare
That eating Thistles were, with painefull care.
She lookes like Saturne (sowrest of the Gods,
While all her fingers (ringd like Curtaine-rods)
Successiuely appeare her Stuffe to showe;
Which she doth prize aloft, though it be lowe:
For, she hath nothing that is not of Price:
Her very Sink's too good for al the Dice:
Then, if some Beast this Runt of Price would owe,
He must come to her shop his worth to show;
Where (if she like it) he may Bull this Cow.

Epig. 199. Of taking Tobacco.

Tobacco taken (if right Trinidado)
Makes many drunke, being taken with a whiffe:
But honyed Robin, mine olde Camerado,
Sweares it hath bin, at Sea, his sole reliefe:
So, animates some other friend to take it:
Which friend (betweene) he plyeth with the Por,
Vntill at last hee's forced to perbreake it;
And place be-mutes (perhaps) to pay the shot:
Then (lisping) sweares, it tith righ Trinithatho,
Ath ere wath tipth: then laughs my Camerado.

Epi. 200. Against Laurentia's painted tawny face:

Acesias , Aglaophon, and Asclepiodorus,
Micon, Nealces, Pamphilus, Bubalus,
Zeuxis, Neciarchus, Pauseas, Cephisodorus,
Cleophantus, Colotes, Apelles, Bupalus,
Androbius, Philoxenus, Parthasius, Protegenes,
All which makes twenty with Nichophanes,
These Painters vvere, but vvere they novv aliue
To paint Laurentiaes face vvould be to seeke
(Which she doth paint) though they in skill did striue,
With Art and coulors to paint out her like,
For more then al the colours on the ground,
In her pease-porredge-tavvny face is found.

Epig. 201. Against Mall. New. the Curtezan.

Nais , Minthe, Metra, Phrine, Messalina,
Abrotonion, Lenæa, Affranea, Laurentia,
Citheris, Chione, and lasciuious, Licaste,
Make a Bakers dozen, vvith Astinasse.
All these were whoores, as I in Authors finde;
The Sinkes of Shame, and Staines of woman-kinde,
Yet for a whoore they all may come behinde
Mall Nevv, oh peace, least I be beaten blinde.

Epig. 202. Against Grillus the Glutton.

Grillus , his Gutts adoreth for his God,
And makes his Kitchin for the same a Temple;
His Cooke, the Priest; his offrings, Rost and Sod;
Diues his Saint, and liues by his example:
And is your Gutts your God? Then I beseech
Your God to powre his Blessings in your Breech.

Epig. 203. To my highly valued friend Mr. William Hackwell of Lincolnes Inne, learned in the lawes.

Thy face doth shew thy Hart; thy Tongue, thy Head:
And doth approue th'inestimable Worth.
In Parliament, thy Tongue so much hath sedd;
And all so well: that enuy sets thee foorth:
But I, that loue thee, should doe more then so;
Then, This thy Worth, and my great Want doth show.

Epig. 204. To my worthily beloued Mr. William Alexander of Menstrie.

Great Alexander, (whose succesful Sword
Made him a God with men) acchiued no more
Then thy as happy Pen hath well assur'd
Vnto thy Name, which Glory doth decore.
I know thee not; but, know I should do ill
Not to take knowledge of what is in Thee
When thou hast publisht it with so great skill.
Which makes Thee ore thy Monarches Soueraigne bee:
For, they, beeing happy, prou'd vnhappy Men
Whome thou hast made most happy with thy Pen.

Epig. 205. To the Roscius of these times, Mr. W. Ostler.

Ostler thou tookst a knock, thou would'st haue giu'n
Neere sent thee to thy latest home: but O!
Where was thine Action when thy Crowne was riu'n
Sole King of Actors; then, wast idle? No:
Thou hadst it, for thou wouldst bee doing; Thus
Good Actors Deeds are oft most dangerous;
But if thou plaist thy dying Part as well
As thy Stage-parts, thou hast no Part in hell.

Epig. 206. To the well deseruing Mr. Iohn Fletcher.

Loue lies a bleeding, if it should not proue
Her vttmost art to shew why it doth loue.
Thou being the Subiect (now) It raignes vpon;
Raign'st in Arte, Iudgement, and Inuention:
For this I loue thee: and can doe no lesse
For thine as faire, as faithfull Sheepheardesse.

Epig. 207. Of Flauus his stabbing his laundres to death.

Flauus hath done his Laundres now to death,
That oft (before) had done her out of Breath:
But Death, then out of breath, is more amisse.
True: yet he scapes for That: but, hang'd for This.

Epig. 208. To my worthy, and worthily beloued friend, Sir Edward Parrham, Knight.

You might except against me iustly, if I should
Neglect to mention you my friends among,
When as your Worthes so deere, so manifold,
Incite my Pen to place you in the Throng
Of those for worth I honour: No, It shall
Shedd ynck vpon your NAME that still shall shine,
And, varnish it with praise, the Summe of all
Wee giue to Persons humane or diuine:
For, if Minds generons so praised bee,
I iustly may with that praise pollish Thee.

Epig. 209. A Simily betweene youth, and Tobacco-pipes.

Like new Tobacco-pipes youth must be, needs:
For if, with what is good, they well bee fill'd;
Then, That is good comes from their hearts, and heads;
If badd, then badd they cannot choose but yeeld:
Then when they smell of smoke of fowle desires;
They must be clensed in Afflictions fires.

Epig. 210. Of ones mistaking a Mute for a Consonant:

A loose Acquaintance once of me desir'd,
To passe my Bond for Satten for a Sute;
But being loth to do what he requir'd,
I, of a Consonant, became a Mute.
Which he tooke for consent, and Satten got;
But seeing him mistake the Mute so much,
I silence brake, and told him, I would not;
Vnlesse I kept the Stuffe that must keepe touch.
Had I beene bound for one that was so loose,
I had beene Gull'd, and pull'd, and made a Goose.

Epig. 211. To my worthy friend Iohn Poynes Esquire.

Now my hand's in, I may not leaue you out,
Sith in my hart you are among my friends;
And, as you go that little Globe about,
Take what you like, and leaue what you offends:
That small-great World hath frailty great and small:
But take your like, and then it's none at all.

Epig. 212. Against Nefarius his base and beastly carelesnes in his lechery.

Ho, Sirrah Boy (which some young Witt do call)
Looke mee a Rodde that may fetch bloud with all.
I haue an Execution to performe:
So, giue it mee: and now pull out the Forme.
Nefarius, bee content, and take your paine
With patience if you can: if not, refraine
From crying like a Schoole-boy: for, I must
Whippe you for lying, now you lie vntrust:
I haue tane you with the manner (too too vilde)
Vntrusse: to spare the Rodd's to spill the Childe.
What? wilt thou lye as nere Man did before
With one too vile to bee a Common Whore?
Fy! out vpon't: a gilden Gentleman
Lye with a Rogue-reiected Curtezan!
Keepe downe your heeles: nay, take away your hands:
And answere mee (in breefe) to these demands.
Haue not you twice two hundred pounds a yeere?
Yes. A handsome Man? Yes. Sound flesh not deere?
No. Nor hard to get? O no, Then filthy Beast!
How can thy Bumme (here bare) but blush (at least)
For lying with an ougly common Sinck'
Come hold him downe, Ile whippe him till he stinck,
To call thee Asse, Baboone, Goate, Boare, or Calfe,
Is farre too good: for, thou art worse by halfe.
Then will I call thee Cattell: that is, all
That is most nastye, fowle, and bestiall.
Nay yet lie still, I haue but yet begun
To teach you how you shall such Carrion shunne.
Thou art a reall Diuell, whose chiefe blisse
Is, in the place that most-most filthy is.
It griues me I haue nought more nought then he
To which I may most iustly liken thee.
Go to, I say, lie still: or Ile haue Bands:
What! lie you at your guard? pull vp his hands:
Downe with his heeles: so, so: Now, golden Asse
The Simily's too deare: Thou Snake of Brasse.
Tushe, Brasse is pure Gold in Comparison,
Of thy base-metled Minds Corruption.
O! that I could (that all the World might see)
Fetch bloud at euery blow I fetch for thee.
O forlorne filthy foole, what shall betide thee?
Thou art so beastly no man can abide thee.
Well, I am sorry, but I cannot weepe,
To see thee looke so like a rotten Sheepe.
Peace lowing Cow-babe, lubberly-hobberdy-hoy;
Spit out, choke not, cry lowder, there lo; Thon Boy!
Now wipe thine Nose (sweete Babe) vpon thy sleeue:
What, wilt, I faith? Why, well sedd, I perceiue
Thy wilt do as thou art bidde: O spare thy mouth,
An Heaue thy lobbing tender-harted youth.
Froth of Infirmity, and Slutteries Skumme.
Why how now? Yelling yet? No more peace; mumme.
So let him go: Now, Sirrah, by this time,
You know what tis to be well whipt in Rime.
Goe, mend your manners; fough, go, get the gon;
Now spare me, as I spare Correction.
Put vp your Hose, leaue yexing: so; tis well:
Now none can know thee whipt, but by the smell.
Another time, (if you of force must whore it)
Take mee a cleaner, or Ile scowre you for it.
And if thou mendst not then, then I protest
He whipt thee cleane past Time, and Death, in iest.

Epig. 213. To my much honored worthy friend Sir Oliuer Cheyny Knight.

Royall, as honor'd Knight: here Loue presumes
To meate thy Worth by leuell, and by Line:
Yet aymes to doe thee honor, and assumes
To grace thee: if it faile of that designe
Loue, as at hate it selfe, shall still repine:
For thou deseru'st such Measure as I may
Misse in my Numbers rightly to define:
With which acknowledgement my Pen shall stay:
Sith so it doth thy Worth, at large, display.

Epig. 214. In praise of a Bagg-pudding.

Who trusts in fraile Mortality shall finde
Him selfe deceiu'd in greatest time of neede,
Since hollownesse is proper to Mankinde,
That sounds (like Emptinesse) but Eares to feede:
A big Bag-pudding then I must commend,
For, he is full, and holds out to the end;
Seldome with men is found so sound a friend.

Epig. 215. Of a Pen for a running hand.

The Hand and golden-pen Clophonian,
Sets on his Signe to shew (O proud poore Soule)
Both where he wonnes, and how the same he wan
From writers faire, though he writ euer foule:
But by that Hand, that Pen so borne hath beene
From Place to Place, that for this last halfe yeare,
It scarce a Sennight at a place is seene,
That hand so plies that Pen, though nere the neere:
For, when men seeke it, els-where it is sent,
Or there shut vp, (as for the plague) for Rent.
Without which stay it neuer still could stand,
Because the Pen is for a running hand.

Epig. 216. Of the Schollers of Oxford and Cambridge.

Oxford and Cambridge, Cambridge and Oxford
Would both of you I might please with a word,
You, in your wombes, good and bad Clarkes do nourish,
And (like kinde Mothers) tenderly do cherrish.
Though some you breede to amplify your fame,
Yet other some ye nurse, your selues to shame,
So fatally it fares with famous Schooles,
They send foorth famous men, some wise, some fooles.

Epig. 217. To ingenious Mr. Iohn Marston.

Thy Male-content, or, Male-contentednesse.
Hath made thee change thy Muse as some do gesse:
If Time mispent, made her a Male-content;
Thou needst not then her timely change repent.
The end will shew it: meane while do but please
With vertuous paines, as erst thou didst with ease:
Thou shalt be prais'd; and kept from want and wo;
So, blest are Crosses, that do blesse vs so.

Epig. 218. To the ingenious Doctor, M. Ioseph Hall.

Thy Vowes hath made me vow to honor thee,
And heere they shall (in part) performed bee.
Thy scourge of Vice, thy sinne-afflicting Muse,
Erst plagu'd them throughly who the world abuse.
And made them grone betweene thy Satyres Fangs,
As if (for sinne) of hell they felt the pangs.
For that, and for the Wit, the Grace, and Art,
Thou shew'st in all that from thy Pen doth part,
My Pen thus dimly trickes thee; wherein Thou
May see thy Substance shadow'd by a Shew
That scarce is seene; the reason is, thine ALL,
For my sleight lines, is too Substantiall.

Epig. 221. Of Clituis.

Clituis (good Heart (to his no little paines
And no lesse cost, now makes a Dictionary
Of most good Tongues, the worlds wide-mouth containes;
But and inuokes of Ignobility:
Who promise him they will; and so they doo:
That's promise faire: but, when they see him after,
Affraid they fly; and mute in flying too:
Which Clituis smelling, flies them too, with laughter:
Thus flee they either; while the Booke doth marke
His Makers fall so rake him vp to warke.

Epi. 222. To the learned, ingenious, and valorous, Sir Edward Herbert of Mountgomery: Knight of the honorable order of the Bathe.

I haue benefed by thee, when plagues haue whipt
Mee to thee; when the Plague so scourg'd this Land,
That no Place free (almost) was left vnstript
Whereon a Stripe, distinctly, well might stand.
For This, and for thine amiable Parts
(That make the Whole a most accomplisht Knight)
I am oblig'd to guerdon thy desarts
With these short Lines, that reach not to thy right;
But yet, to stretch them further, by a Line,
Thy Worth doth reach to Honors highest Signe.

Epig. 223. Againe.

Some say (bolde Britaine Knight) thou wert too blame
To fetch that STONE thou foundst in Dangers Mouth;
Sith thou might'st haue miscarried, with the same:
So, blot the brightest daring of thy youth.
But how so ere Spight may thy Wit impeach,
It must renowne thy Courage spight of Spight,
And, for thy Wit, I weene it had that reach
As had, before thee, many a glorious Knight:
Refulgent Essex, in the Teeth of Death,
(Death spitting fire-wing'd Bullets all the way)
Engag'd his life (to giue his honor breath)
At Lisbons garded Gates in like Assay.
Williams and skincke, with like rash-hardinesse,
(As some dare stile it) that dare not do so)
Made Parma fly his Tents, in deepe distresse,
Mong many Thousands which they had to foe:
Then sith, to follow Fames SVNNES, it was done;
These Lines shall be as Beames to thy Fames SVNNE.

Epi. 124. Out of Martiall to Maximus.

Will you be free? no (Maximus) you faine;
But if you will, then by this meanes you may:
You may, if you abroad to sup refraine;
If Wine of common Grapes thy thirst allay.
If lauish Bowles of rich wines thou despise,
If with plaine country weedes content thou bee;
If vulger lust the vulgar price suffize,
If little Roomes be nothing lesse to thee:
If so great pow're of minde to these thou bring,
Thou shalt liue freeer than the Parthian King.

Epig. 225. Of Dormus.

Ovr time is short: yet Sleepe (Deaths neere Alye,
Like a false Balise, or a Publican)
Doth for it selfe take vp the moyetie:
So, man it feeds, that it may feede on man:
But Dormus still doth sleepe, or dreaming go,
To make Sleepe on his Time to surfet so.

Epig. 226. To the true keepers of honesty.

The Man that would abound with honesty,
Needes a sweete friend, or bitter enemy.

Epig. 227. To my worthy friend Mr. Henry Butler.

Hadst thou a part to play on HONORS Stage,
My noble Hal, in this ignoble Age;
Thy Wit and Courage so that part would act,
As eu'ry Action should be most exact.
In few, thy many Parts well plaid by thee,
Would gaine of most (at least) a Plauditie.

Epig. 288. Of Clauis and his bed-fellow.

Clauis hath wed a VVife but for the Bed,
And she hath matcht vvith him but for the Borde,
And so, for seuerall Ends sith they vvere vved,
They seu rall curtesies to each affoord:
Yet she (the Border) loues to bourd or test,
(Or as Sir Chaucer tearmes it) with the best.

Epig. 289. Of Sardonius his Deuotion.

Sardonius sweares, that God a plague doth owe
To London, for, these signes the same do showe:
There's not a whoore for money to be had,
For, they in Bridewell are, or place as bad:
The Players are supprest the plague to shunne,
But he is plagu'd thereby, and they vndone.
No money stirring, but, hee's faine to ride;
Ten myles for ten groats by the high way side.
But (watching, and with fasting, pinde) he prayes,
For restauration of Whoores, Theeues, and Playes.

Epig. 230. Of Poliphemus his sight in Geometry.

No Geometricians (though they oft haue tride)
Haue ere found out a Circles quadrature
Or giu'n an equall Lyne, vnto it's side,
The truth heereof lyes in such Couerture:
But, Caueleero Poliphem hath don't,
If the Earths Globe be throughly Sphericall:
For, he doth square with all, in Compasse on't;
For which he oft doth step aside with all:
Whose rule, for equall rule, is still at strife,
Till Rule by equall Lyne doth end his life.

Epig. 231. Of Megs maruell.

Margret doth muse how she so fat becomes
That eats but once a day; to wit, all day:
Her Breasts like Balloones, like great Globes her Bummes:
One Sleepe serues her all night, that is to say,
All night she sleepes, she snores, she fants, past care,
Thus fares it with our Mare-great, or great Mare.

Epig. 94. Of Friscus his attachment.

Friscus so often hath arrested beene,
That now no one can touch him as he goes,
But straight he cries At whose sute? who doth weene
They Serianos are, or those to whome he owes:
But now arrested, at the Poxes sute,
He keepes himselfe close Prisoner, and ú mute,
Well wotting why it him doth prosecute.

Epi. 233. Of Rombus his desire of equality.

Money doth serue vs to none other vse
Then to make equall Earths vnequall Thinges:
To feede on mony all men do refuse;
Yet moneys want the Backe and Belly brings
Together close: so then when rich men fast
(To fat their Purse, and make their Panches leane)
They make themselues vnequal at the last
Vnto their equalls, by a wretched Meane:
But Rombus to auoid abuse of Coyne,
To equall rich men from them doth purloine.

Epig. 234 Of Grobius the rich Grasier.

Epig. 235. To my much honored, and sincerely beloued friend, Sir Francis Smith, Knight.

The small esteeme, you of your Woorth do make,
Augments your price (deere Knight: in true account)
To bee in life yet pride of life for sake
Is base (Pride deemes) yet that shall make you mount.
You and your Brothers do so well accord
That it makes life in griefe abound with ioy:
VVho ioyned (like a fiue fold twisted Corde)
Hold fast your hearts to Comfort in annoy.
In mine obseruance neuer saw I yet
So good and kind a Confraternity:
Mirrours to Brothers (who them-selues forget)
To minde them by Example and the Eye:
Good Knight (to choose) I would haue beene none other
(seeing what I see) by bloud but borne thy brother.

Epig. 136. Against Tuballus his time-keeping in his ill rule keeping.

Tvballus keepes his houres, obseruing Times
As if he were a watch, a Clock, or Chimes.
At Noone, he hies him roundly to the Tauerne;
And there (as king) that Common-wealth doth gouerne
Till nine at night: Then, to the Alehouse goes;
And there, a World of matter vndergoes
Till two next following: Then, to Bedd he hies
And sleepes till Noone; and then he doth arise:
So, to the Tauerne, as he did before;
And there, till nine at night, hee labours sore.
Then to the Ale, for Customes sake hee wends;
And there, till two, Time, Coyne, and Ale hee spends:
And then to Bedd; and there till noone he sleepes:
Then vp to drinke: Thus houres he duly keepes:
But keepes no house, nor cannot keepe his house
For keeping howres, and Whoores, and this abuse.

Epig. 237. Of Gellus and Gellaes greatnesse one with another.

Gellus (they say) is great with Gella, now.
Nay, shee is great with him, by Things I know.
Nay, tis a Secret sure, (if true it were)
True: by their Secrets sure, it doth appeare.

Epig. 238. Against Brusus the Broker.

Brusus , the Broker lends on nought but Clothes,
Whereon he feeds: So, Brokers are like Moathes:
For, to supply the wants of Men that lacke,
They often eat their Garments off their Backe.

Epig. 239. To a Gold-smiths most faire wife, that alwaies vseth to stand behinde the Deske in her Shop, because (perhaps) she would not make the sight of her so rich beauty too cheape.

Stand'st thou behinde thy Deske as thou didst feare
Least some should rate thee as thy Ware they rate?
Thy Fortunes bid thee sell: Then (O) appeare;
Thy beauties Beames will so enrich thy Plate,
That it for Thee, and Thou for It willt sell,
At thine owne price; and so fare-ill, or well.

Epig. 240. To my worthy friend william Seager Esquire; Garter, principall King of Armes.

There was a time we knew each other well;
But Fortune sowing ods in our liues Lot,
Hath made our knowledges the lesse excell:
For now each other we haue quite forgot.
Can we do so, and not our selues forget?
Faith, hardly: but, I you acquit from blame;
And say for kindenesse I am in your debt;
And owe you too, Faith, Honor, Loue and fame:
Then, least I dye endebted, take these to you,
You well deserue them, and so much good do you.

Epig. 241. To my elected compotent Iudge of this my too busie idlenes, Mr. Iohn Chapperline.

Sith the Delinquent (if he be discreete)
Seekes of his iudge to winne beneuolence
With all obsequiousnes, then thee I greete
(Iudicious Iudge) with loue and reuerence.
For, wert thou as well practiz'd in our lawes,
As thou art in our Lawes of Poesie:
Thou shouldst chiefe Iustice bee (at least) because
Thy Iudgement's law, thy reason's verity:
But most for this, thy vertues praise exceeds,
That thou mak'st Conscience of thy Words and Deeds.

Epig. 242. To my kinde and ingenious Pupill, Mr. Henry Holcroft.

You had bene better gone ten miles about,
Then come within my study, when it was:
How you (good Sir) no sooner were gone out,
But straight on you a verdit I did passe:
I said (yet to my selfe) you patient were
To heare my Muse recount her idle dreames:
I said you did like Phœbus ympe appeare,
Because you lou'd the Heliconian Streames.
This said I, and much more to this effect;
And, in effect, this argues you to bee
Artes friend by vertue of your intellect,
Then, Arte is strongly bound to honor thee:
But, if I breake that Bond through Ignorance,
Yet is it due by that Recognizance.

Epig. 243. Against Pattulus the common-drunkard.

Why how now, Pattulus, drunke eu'ry day?
Preyes Sacke on you? or els is Sacke your Prey?
VVere you left by your Cousine so much good,
With Sacke to Sacke, and spoile your house, and blood?
Then pree thee tell me what meant he to giue
An Almesehouse to the poore, whereby they liue?
I guesse the cause, it vvas to pray for for thee,
Least Sacke should sacke thee, and so victor bee:
Or els, (nay, novv I guesse right as a Dye)
Least like George Duke of Clarence thou shoudst dye.

Epi. 244. Againe.

It may be Pattulus its as you say;
You say you still must drinke, still being dry:
That is, you must be drunken eu'ry day,
In vino veritas; you doe not lye.
And yet, you cannot stand to what you doe;
Because you doe what lies not long with you:
Besides, you are a Crowing Crauen to,
And dare not stand to what in Wine you vow.
So still you drinke, that (drunke) you may be spar'd
From many a Beating that would els befall you;
You Drunkards dare but neuer are you dar'd,
Vnlesse it be by madde-men who doe mall you.
Then, Pattulus, still arme thy selfe in liqeur,
And none will touch thy Parson but a Vicar:
For, Vicars, and good Parsons soules do cure
Then must thine (drown'd in sacke) their heate endure.

Epig. 245. Of Poets, and their Power.

Th' Ephesian Hipponax (a Poet grimme,
Exceedingly disfauoured in face)
One Bubalus a Painter pictur'd him
For men to laugh at to his great disgrace.
Wherewith the Poet was so sore incenst
That he gainst him inuectiue verses fram'd
And his abusers paines so recompenst,
He durst not shew his face he was so sham'd.
But finding still the Corsiue of his Quippes
To vexe his heart and grieue his angry Gall
To shunne the shame, and sorrow that him nippes
He men forsooke, and hang'd himselfe withall.
Thus Poets (if they list) can hurt with ease
(Incurably) their foes which them displease.

Epig 246. Against Lubus his indirect purchasing and greedy gathering.

Go too now Lubus, make no more a doe
But tell me Where, and When, and how you came
By all the lands, and goods, and money too
Which now you haue: you were not left the same,
Though it were left before you came by It;
Yet was it left you in some other fashion
Then Sires do leaue their sonnes their wealth or Wit;
For that is due vnto the Generation.
Two Thousand pound a yeere (though Pounds were rise)
(By meanes direct) is very hard to finde
Within the narrow Compasse of one life;
Although one serched till he brake his Winde.
Therefore by all meanes you must come by it
Saue those alone that tend to happy ends:
Be happy Lubus then while Time doth fit,
The Time will come you shall be made amends
For all your paines: for, you great paines do take
To damne your Soule, your Sonne a Sir to make.
And when you change your false Goods for true Euils,
See how your Sonne (Sir) will ore-rule Sir Diuells.

Epig. 197. Of hot Seruice.

The sire by nature doth aleviate,
And so light Women are as hot, as light:
Who flame outragiously in Lust, or hate,
Which burnes so long till they be wasted quite:
Then are they light in Corpes, and quality:
Which double lightnesse makes them like the Flame
That burneth all it toucheth, or comes nie:
So burne they all in earnest and in game.
In these Flames are to Sathan sacrific'd
The seemely Bodies of vnseemely Soules:
Thus burne they till they so bee subtilliz'd
That not one Haire can sticke vpon their Powles?
And then their hairelesse Scalpes (like dead mens Skulls)
Barely affirme, they were vntrim'd by Trulls.

Epig. 198. Of the pure.

Himera , that admir'd Sicilian Floud
Deuided in two Channells equally:
One being Salte, the other fresh and good,
Is like the Mouth that speakes pure openly,
And yet in Corners filthy matches make:
God blesse the pure from such hipocrisie:
No doubt but they great heed thereof will take:
Sith of that sinne they know the ieopardy:
Yet if their words be sweete, and deedes be salt,
Full well they know (god knowes) that is a fault.

Epig. 299. Of an Anarchy.

Blemmyes (they say) a Southerne People are,
Whose mouthes, and Eyes are placed in their Brest,
Who haue no heads, but shoulders, being bare,
Do serue in stead of Head vnto the rest.
And so the People of an Anarchie,
Shoulder their heads, because they headlesse bee.

Epig. 250. Against poore bragging Radagon.

Hvbert de Burgo, nor Pierce Gauestone,
Spencers, nor Mortimer, Vere, Scroope, nor Care by,
Rateliffe, nor Louell, Empson, nor Dudley,
Could say as our vainglorious Radagon:
Bragging his Soueraigne most in him doth ioy,
When he with begging most doth him annoy.

Epig. 251. Of my selfe.

Epi. 252. Three Ierkes for this, but Iustice is.

253 Againe.

If my Rimes runne as thine, with faults so full,
I would my Braines were butter'd in thy Skull.

Epig. 254. Against a Wittold Broker.

I see thee sell all Baggage; then I muse
Thou keep'st thy wife vnsold; but, tis no newes:
For, mens worst Ware lies longest on their hand,
And sith thy wife all men may still command;
What neede they buy her then? No; shee will passe
When thou hast nothing els, for glasse, or Brasse
Like a Virginian sauage: but, till then
Keepe her vnsold to deale with English men.

Epig. 255. Of my selfe.

My Muses motion is too like a Colts,
As quicke as strong; but yet as rough as wilde:
Not like the Muse of some dull riming Dolts
Which moues but fooles with motion of a Childe.

Epig. 256. Of crooked Women.

Nor great, nor small can diuine vengeance slacke;
And crooked women beare it on their Backe:
But some vpon their Bellies beare (like Thralls)
What makes them rise, while vengeance heauier Falls.

Epig. 257. Against Sextus his misery.

Sextus would haue his Sonne faine rarely taught;
Yet he, for his good learning will giue nought:
But, who will teach him cheapst, to him he hyes,
Where the worst ignorance best cheape he buyes.

Epig. 258. To the rare Painter mine approoued friend, and good neighbor, M.r Row: Locky.

As Nature made; so, thou dost make my Face:
Yet, with a better, and a worser grace.
With better; sith thy Worke hath glory got:
With worse; sith thou giu'st life that moues it not.
Yet, when crosse-Fortune makes me moue the Brow,
Thine, without motion, better farre doth show.
But by ill fortune (oft) though marr'd it bee,
It had good fortune to be made by Thee:
For, Thou dost Fortunes furrowes quite out-strike,
And, mak'st it in all fortunes, looke alike.

Epig. 259. Against Classus the witles pratler.

If we some liquor seeke but to transfuse
From one cup to another, we do seeke
T'apply them so, that we it not diffuse:
So ought our Eares receiue, ere Mouthes do speake:
But Classus Tongue, that but himselfe will heare;
Vshers his Wit but to his idle Eare.

Epig. 260. Against proud as witles Draccus.

Draccus his Head is highly by him borne;
And so by Strawes are emptiest Heads of Corne.

Epig. 261. Against Glossus.

Who flatters selfe-conceited Glossus, hee
Farre past himselfe o're-weening Glossus beares;
And so he rightly is compar'd to bee
An empty Pot, still carried by the Eares.

Epig. 262. Against selfe-conceited praters in generall.

The malady of prating's hard to cure
Sith tis by hearing, and the Praters Eare
Heares but him selfe: then can no ligature
Hold well: for, he'is impatient ought to heare.

Epig. 263. Against wordy Classus.

If Bladders blowne, with Gold well stuffe we will,
VVe must expell the VVinde that makes them swell:
So, if with VVisedome, we the minde will fill
VVee selfe-conceit from thence must quite expell:
But selfe-conceit so puffes vp Classus Minde,
That he were Vacuum wer't not for that winde.

Epig. 264 To my beloued friend Mr. Iohn Gough; Register to the Byshop of London.

Wouldst thou deny thy Country; yet thy Name
VVould tell from whence thy Predecessors came.
Besides, thy Nature would reueale thy Race:
For, thou art bold, kinde, free, in heart and face,
As are true Troians, come of Brutus line;
Now dare I not confesse that Race is mine,
Sith it I praised so: But (worthy Iohn)
Take thou the praise I gaue: let me alone
Vntill we meete in Herford; where we shall.
Haue all to take our part, in praise and all.

Epig. 265. Against craking Misarchus.

Misarchus drawes more Blades, then bloud by ods,
And yet he spoiles more bloud then bloudy blades;
He (Gyant like) dares fight against the Gods;
And to the Buskin topps in Wine he wades
fall'n from the ouer-flowings of the cupp;
Which makes good Bloud (concocted, as it ought)
Bloud-thirsty he, such Bloud still sucketh vp
And spout he shit against the vvalls for nought:
Thus, spills he Boud in Posse, and can tame
The gods; but not in Esse, but in Name.

Epig. 266. Against the insufficiencie of the Malt-Worme Rubus his bill.

Rvbus doth call his Nose his Bill,
But sure there is not any;
But take his Hatchet rather will,
Then take it for a Peny.

Epig. 267. Of Phrine her Witt and Will.

Phrinæ is curst, yet wisely couers it:
So, hath a wicked Will, and holy Wit.

Epig. 268. To mine honest kind friend Mr. H. H. contenting him selfe with a meane estate and trade of life. Perflant altissima venti.

Thy Dwelling's like thy Minde: that's most retir'd;
To which when Saints, of yore, had once aspir'd,
They were in Heauen, conuersing with that POWRE
That made them glorious in a life obscure.
Worlds-glory is but like the lightenings flame
That quite goes out, as kindled is the same:
But if, ere out it go, in ought doth strike,
It is the Mountaine, not the lowely Dike.
Then Hal, content thee with thy state and place;
If thou seeke glory, let it be through grace.

Epig. 269. Against Gripsus the griping Patrone.

Gripsus the Patrone hath his Parson pluckt:
For, he a Benefice had to bestow
On any one that would the halfe deduct;
Yet was the Cure and his turne serued so.
Thus Patrones, Liuings giue, to liue thereby;
For thus, with what they giue, they Lyuings buy.
So, to the Curat tis a Malefice;
But to the Patron, still a Benefice.

Epig. 270. Against Marcus his plaine-dealing.

Marcus is not an hipocrite; and why?
He flies all good, to flie hypocrisie.

Epig. 271 To honest gamesome-Garret, at Court.

Garret , thou hast found out the way to thriue
In leauing warre; and yet, in peace dost striue
By honest Knauery, and foolish Witt,
To make thee for a Princer presence fitt,
Thou dost no hurt (whateuer good thou dost)
But when (to make our Clake-baggs deere) thou go'st
In Motley clokes: yet get thee (if thou can)
To do the like the worthiest Noble-man,
And wittiest men (perhaps) in Motley cloth,
Will shew themselues as wise as Garret doth.

Epi. 272. To my now kinde friend, Mr. Iohn Towne.

Iohn , when we squabbl'd once, thou hewdst me downe.
No maruell, when I fought against a Towne.
I brocht thy Blood, but thou didst sluce out mine;
Mine, the worse lucke, the better hap was thine.
But twenty yeares and more haue seasoned since
With friendships Sweete, the Sowre of that offence:
Yet hadst thou not at that time cut me downe,
I had hang'd in hope (alone) haue woone a Towne.

Epig. 273. Of a proud lying Dyer.

Tvrbine the Dyer stalkes before his Dore
Like Cæsar, that by Dying oft, did thriue:
And though the Begger be as proud as poore;
Yet (like the mortifide) he dyes to liue.

Epig. 274. Againe.

Who hath time hath life: that he denies
This man hath both; yet still he dies.

Epig. 275. Againe.

Who liues well dies well: not by and by:
For this man liues proudly, yet well doth die.

Epig. 276. Of my beeing put into the Kings high Subsedy-bookes.

I haue no Land (O Heau'ns! you know my Case)
Yet vniust Cessors say I haue; and so
They in the Kings high-Bookes, my Name do place
Equall to those that for Knights fellowes go:
And so they may, yet set me nothing foorth:
For, fellowes to some Knights are nothing worth.

Epig. 277. Againe of the same.

What? is my Portion in this World but Rime?
Then, what reason i'st I so should raised bee
For that by which some fall, but none can clymbe?
Then, they were sencelesse that so sessed mee:
For had they weigh'd my Gaines, in Common-sence,
The might haue weigh'd my Purse, but not my Pence.

Epig. 278. Againe, of my selfe: and my Maid, call'd Grace.

I am a sinner; yet I gouerne Grace;
But did shee gouerne mee, I should not sinne:
Shee is my Maide: then dare not her embrace,
Lest sinne I should; and (so) lose Grace therein:
For, Gracess gratious; and her Master is
Gratious, and Gracelesse; God, That; I am This.

Epig. 279. To my deere wife Mistris M. D.

Mall , thou art Mal, if now thou be not good
When Grace (still as thine hand-maide) thee attends;
Then sinne thou canst not well, in likelihood;
Yet God, and mee thine anger oft offends:
But I confesse, with mee, th'art ne're at odds
But for my good; how e're it bee for Gods.

Epig. 280. Againe.

My Mal, I cannot praise thee as I should
Sith as my wife (that is my selfe) I hold.
Yet, for the comfort still thou yeeld'st to mee,
Faine would I tell Posterity of Thee.
That so I might requite thy wifely loue,
Thy care, thy paines (and all for my behoue)
With one Cast of mine office e're wee part,
And Death deuide our vndeuided Hart.
When first I saw thee, thou wert Croft of Croft;
Which for my Lownesse, lay too farre a loft:
But thou, not thou, but he that made all Harts,
Made thine affect my yet small-no desarts:
That (briefely) thou forsook'st thy richer Hopes,
And thee confinde in my poore fortunes Scopes.
But since; how thou hast cherrisht them, and mee;
I may not say, for too much praising Thee.
Yet, This, strong TRVTH, ev'n wresteth from my Pen;
Farre worser Wiues would fit farre better men.
Yet when thou Wilt, thou maist thy goodnesse stint,
But if thou do, Ile Crosse this praise, in Print.

Epig. 281 To my louing, and deere mother, the Citty of Hereford.

Hereforde , haue with thee: nay, I cannot haue
That Which thou hast: for, thou hast mirth and ease:
I say not slouth, lest I should thee depraue:
Yet ease can haue no paine that can displease
Hadst thou lesse ease, thy mirth would bee the more,
For, painefull hands, in fine, make pleasant harts;
But idle hands make harts to laboure sore
With sorrow that annoyes the other Parts.
But in thy Bozome thou hast merry heads
That make thee often merry at the heart:
So, the disease is ease which in thee breeds,
Whereof I had in thee an Infants part.
For which, vpon my knees I daily pray
That thou maist fall to worke, and I to play.

Epig. 282. Againe.

Herford thou bred'st me, as doth well appeare
By this my Iibing ouer-gamesome vaine:
For, thou bearst at thy brest (as Children deere)
Such iocond Iæcks as mock thee for thy paine:
But if thy liquor make thy Bratts so mad,
Withhold thy Dugg, and so they wilbe sadd.

Epig. 283. Againe, in condoling her case, beeing afflicted with the Plague.

Bvt O (deere Mother) I doe much amisse,
To iest with thee, now thou art plagu'd for this,
I rather should, with Teares deplore thy case;
And euer pray, in thy behalfe, for grace.
The sercher of the heart knowes I lie not,
Thou, in my praiers, neuer art forgot.
And, nothing now (except mine owne misdeeds)
More grieues my heart then thou, for whome it bleeds.

Epig. 284 To my much honored & intirely beloued friend, Sir Basill Brooke, Knight.

Cleere Brooke wherein the Muses bathe themselues,
And Nectar'd, Streames of Helicon do fleete;
Whose Posey-Bancks delight the fairy-Elues:
Sith all the verdure smells (as Basill) sweete.
To thee (sweet Muse-delighting Basil'd-Brooke)
These Cast all Droppes descend from Loues high Spheare:
But, falling through my Clowdy Braine; they tooke
Some soile vnworthie Thee; which thou wilt cleare:
For, (like a Diamond) though that black thou bee,
Yet being Cleare (as deere) thei'l cleare in Thee.

Epig. 285. To my worthy friend Dudley Norton Esquire.

Thou that attend'st our Pole (scarse visible,
But eminent in Vertue; and effect)
On whome our World is staidly-voluble,
For which our World, should Him and his affect:
Thou art as happy in thy Case, and Coate
As were the Seruants of greate Salomon;
Sith thou on Wealth, and wisdomes Flouds maist floate
(Flowing from him) till thou be left vpon
Th'armenian Mount of Safety, ioy, and rest;
Where when thou art, thou maist thy selfe vn-arke
Or make thy Seate vpon that Mountaines Crest;
And fill the Vales with Vines past further Carke.
It's the worst fortune I do wish to thee;
Then through my wish, thou maist my Will behould;
My wish is cleare, where through thou well maist see
That though I cannot good thee, yet I would.
Thy worth with mee is in so high account,
That if I could, I would soone make thee mount!

Epig. 276. To mine approoued kinde frend and Scholler, Humfrey Bought on Esquire, one of his Maiesties gent. Pensioners.

Hvmfrey , thou hast my heart; for, well I wot
Thou lou'st me well, sith ill I taught thee not.
But there are some (which yet I tender still)
Haue taught me now to know I taught them ill.
Ill paide, with ill? I ill a paide must bee:
Would I had taught them better, or they mee.
But noble Humfrey thy braue Spirit doth learne
My Muse (by thine example) to discerne
Twixt Man, and Man: and sith a Man I finde thee,
I were a beast with braue men not to minde thee.

Epig. 277. To Fuluia, in Comfort of her heauinesse.

Fvluia hold vp thy head; why pow'tst thou so?
Is thy new Husband old? I faith Sir no
A Womans nay's, a double yea (they say)
I did imagine where thine anguish lay.
Alas (poore Girle) thou hast not what thou hast:
And feeding still, art yet constrain'd to fast.

Epig. 278. Against Flauius his vnconstancy, and promise-breaking.

Flauius , I taught you; and, among the rest
Of what you learnd of me; what you protest
I taught you to obserue; because you were
A man, whose reputation should bee deere:
But, since, you taught mee (for so teaching you,
By your Example) how to breake my vow:
So; you passe me, in giuing Skill, for Skill;
But to giue Ill for good is passing ill.
Well, go your way, I learne of you this Lore,
Still to deceaue, but bee deceau'd no more.

Epig. 279. Against ouer-weening worthlesse Florus.

Florus doth thinke he is of great account,
And stands in Number of the worthiest Men;
He stands in deede (to make that Number mount)
As Cyphers stand in Number now and then.
Then Cyphers beeing nothing, nought bring forth,
But (Cyphers-like) set out the others woorth.

Epig. 280. To Mr. Thomas Bond, Secretary to my right honorable Lord, the Lord Chaunceller of England.

A most fast Bond you bee: that well I wott,
Yet am I free; then, well, I know it not:
But if you will, you may, on me, so set it;
That bound I shall bee neuer to forget it.
Yet, how soe're you binde mee, or you loose mee,
I am so bound to yours, you cannot lose me.

Epig. 291. To my deere friend and Pupill, Mr. Henry Twiddy: an other of the same. &c

Looke to your Head, your Hand to me commit;
And I will make it pumpe your head for witt
For Letters fine, that may (in Letters faire)
Lure to your Hand bright Angells through the Aire
Of your faire fame: And when you weary bee
Of entertaining them; then, send for mee,
And I will helpe you; sith they still are blest
That Angells do deceaue, or vvith them rest.
And so (good Ha!) I hope though you bee leane
Youl pray and fast, (and keepe your hands still cleane)
To make you worthy to receaue them still;
And, if you'l vse my seruice, so I will.
Sith most men now wail rather God forsake
Then Angells, which a Man a God do make.

Epig. 292. To my beloued friend Mr. Robert Sharpe.

A line or two, shall meate my loue to thee;
But then my Muse must nimbly stirre her winge:
Or els my loue should most penurious bee:
Not so: for, Turtles loue, yet cannot singe:
Yet singe I of Thee thus; thy hart I finde
Worthy of loue, sith tis as good, as kinde.

Epig. 293. To old Iohn Heywood the Epigrammatist, wheresoeuer.