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The most elegant and witty epigrams of Sir Iohn Harrington

... digested into fovre bookes: three whereof neuer before published
Harington, John (1560-1612)

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THE EPISTLE TO ALL Readers, that Epigrams must bee read attentiuely, that Legere & non intellegere, est negligere.
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[dedication]
expand section1. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the first Booke.
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Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the second Booke.
 1. 
1 To the Lady Rogers, th' authors wiues Mother.
 2. 
2 Of the Bishopricke of Landaffe.
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3 Of Don Pedro's Dyet drinke.
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4 Of Leda and Balbus.
 5. 
5 Of Cinna his Gossip cup.
 6. 
6 Of Leda's Religion.
 7. 
7 That fauorites helpe the Church.
 8. 
8 Of Cinna his courage.
 9. 
9 Of a Lawyer that deseru'd his fec.
 10. 
10 Of Don Pedro.
 11. 
11 Against Lynus a writer.
 12. 
12 Of Don Pedros bonds.
 13. 
13 Against Cayus that scorn'd his Metamorphosis.
 14. 
14 Against an Atheist.
 15. 
15 Of Cosmus heyre.
 16. 
16 Of Faustus, a stealer of Verses.
 17. 
17 Misacmos of himselfe.
 18. 
18 Of the corne that rained.
 19. 
19 To his wife, at the birth of his sixt Child.
 20. 
20 Against Feasting.
 21. 
21 Against Cosmus couetousnesse.
 22. 
22 Against Vintners in Bathe.
 23. 
23 To Bassisie, his wiues mother, when shee was angry.
 24. 
24 To his wife, of Poppea Sabynas faire heyre.
 25. 
25 Against Lalus an ill Preacher.
 26. 
26 Against Paulus an Atheist.
 27. 
27 To Galla going to the Bathe.
 28. 
28 To one that had meate ill drest.
 29. 
29 Of giuing much credit.
 30. 
30 Of honest Theft. To my good friend Master Samuel Daniel.
 31. 
31 Against Faustus.
 32. 
32 Of Free will.
 33. 
33 Of a drunken Paracelsian.
 34. 
34 Of Misacmos his successe in a suite.
 35. 
35 A Groome of the Chambers religion in King Henry the eights time.
 36. 
36 To Doctor Haruey of Cambridge.
 37. 
37 An infallible rule in rule a wife. To his wiues mother.
 38. 
38 Why Paulus takes so much Tobacco.
 39. 
39 Of a formall Minister.
 40. 
40 Of a lawfull wife.
 41. 
41 Against Feasting.
 42. 
42 Against Lynus, that said the Nobility were decayed.
 43. 
43 To Itis, alias Ioyner, an vncleanly token, conuayd in cleanly tearmes.
 44. 
44 To his wife.
 45. 
45 Sir Iohn Raynsfords confession.
 46. 
46 A pretty question of Lazarus soule well answered.
 47. 
47 Against long suits in Law.
 48. 
48 Of an importunate prater, out of Martiall.
 49. 
49 Against Ielousie. To my friend.
 50. 
50 Against Quintus, that being poore and prodigall, became rich and miserable.
 51. 
51 To my Lady Rogers.
 52. 
52 Of Sextus mis-hap comming from a Tauerne.
 53. 
53 How Sextus laid claime to an Epigram.
 54. 
54 Of an Aborne Rabbet.
 55. 
55 Of hearing Masse.
 56. 
56 Of a Preacher that sings Placebo.
 57. 
57 Of the naked Image that was to stand in my Lo: Chamberlaines Gallery.
 58. 
58 Of the same to the Ladies.
 59. 
59 Of Don Pedroe's threats.
 60. 
60 Against brauery.
 61. 
61 Of Leda's vnkindnesse.
 62. 
62 Of an Abbot that had beene a good fellow.
 63. 
63 Against Cinna a Brownist, that saith he is sure to be saued.
 64. 
64 To Master Bastard, a Minister that made a pleasant Booke of English Epigrams.
 65. 
65 Of a kinde vnkinde Husband.
 66. 
66 Of Galla's goodly Petiwigge.
 67. 
67 Of Master Iohn Dauies Booke of Dancing. To himselfe.
 68. 
68 To Paulus.
 69. 
69 Of Table-talke.
 70. 
70 Of the commodities that men haue by their Marriage.
 71. 
71 To Marcus that would borrow.
 72. 
72 To his wife after they had beene married foure yeere.
 73. 
73 Of a Bequest without a Legacy.
 74. 
74 Of one that lent money on sure band.
 75. 
75 Of light Merchandize.
 76. 
76 Of father Peleus stable.
 77. 
77 Of a censurer of English writers.
 78. 
78 Of Titus boasting.
 79. 
79 To Doctor Sherhood, how Sack makes one leane.
 80. 
80 Of swearing first betweene the wife and the Husband.
 81. 
81 To his Wife.
 82. 
82 To a prattling Epicure.
 83. 
83 Of Don Pedro.
 84. 
84 To Master Bastard, taxing him of Flattery.
 85. 
85 Ouids confession translated into English for Generall Norreys. 1593.
 86. 
86 A witty speech of Heywood to the Queene.
 87. 
87 To my wife, from Chester.
 88. 
88 Against lying Lynus.
 89. 
89 Of lending our Priuy-seales.
 90. 
90 In defence of Lent.
 91. 
91 Malum bene positum ne moueas.
 92. 
92 To King Dauid.
 93. 
93 Of Monsters. To my Lady Rogers.
 94. 
94 Of a pleasant Broker.
 95. 
95 To the L. Ro.
 96. 
96 To his wife, in excuse he had call'd her foole in his writing.
 97. 
97 Of the growth of Trees to Sir H. Port.
 98. 
98 Against promoting Lynus.
 99. 
99 The Story of Marcus life at Primero.
 100. 
100 Lesbias rule of praise.
 101. 
101 Another of Table-talke.
 102. 
102 Of old Haywoods sonnes.
expand section3. 
Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the third Booke.
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Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the fourth Booke.

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85 Ouids confession translated into English for Generall Norreys. 1593.

To liue in Lust I make not my profession,
Nor in my Verse, my vices to defend:
But rather by a true and plaine confession,
To make men know my meaning is to mend.
I hate, and am my selfe that most I hate,
I load my selfe, yet striue to be discharged,
Like sterelesse ship vnstai'd, runnes my estate,
Bound by my selfe, I sue to be enlarged.
No certaine shape, my fancies doth enflame:
A hundred causes kindle my affection,
If sober looke doe show a modest shame,
Straight to those eyes my soule is in subiection,
A wanton looke, no lesse my heart doth pierce,
Because it showes a pleasant inclination.
If she be coy like Sabines sharpe and fierce,
I thinke such coynesse, deepe dissimulation,
If she be learn'd, I honour gifts so rare,
If ignorant, I loue a milde simplicitie.
If she doe praise my writings, and compare
Them with the best, in her I take felicitie.
If she dispraise my Verses, and their Maker,
To win her liking, I my loue would lend her.
Goes she well grac't? Her gate would make me take her:
If ill, perhaps to touch a man, would mend her.
Is shee well tun'd in voice, a cunning singer?
To snatch a kisse, eu'n thus I feele a will.

Playes she on Lute with sweete and learned finger?
What heart can hate a hand so full of skill?
But if she know with heart her armes to moue,
And dance Carantoes with a comely grace,
T'omit my selfe that quickly fall in loue,
Hippolitus would haue Priapus place,
Like th'ancient Heroyes I count thee tall,
Me thinkes they fill a braue roome in the bed:
Yet comlier sports are found in statures small,
Thus long and short haue aye my liking bred.
If she goe plaine, then what a piece were this?
Were she attyr'd, if braue, I loue her brauery,
Fayre, nut-browne, sallow, none doth looke amisse,
My wanton lust is thrald in so great slauery.
If hayre like Iet, her neck like Iuory couer,
Ledas was blacke, and that was Ledas glory.
With yellow lockes, Aurora pleas'd her louer.
Loe thus my fancie sutes to euery story:
The Matron graue, the greene yong girle and pritty,
I like for age, for manners vnsuspicious,
In fine, to all in Country, Court and City,
My loue doth presse to proue it selfe ambitious.
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