 | Once Upon a Time there were Two Kings |  |
352
ACT II.
Scene First.
—The River Side.Enter Princess with a paper in her hand, and in the attire of a shepherdess.
Song—Princess—“The deep deep Sea.”
Princess.
Of these strange sights that must the meaning be,
On every tree I see—I see a C;
And one had got this paper stuck upon it,
On which some swain has written a love sonnet;
Cupid must surely have bereft of reason
The youth who my poor name made rhymes like these on.
(reads paper)
“Ne'er did Indian nabob own a
Jewel like to Carpillona;
But as hard as any stone, ah!
Is the heart of Carpillona.
Either let my heart alone, ah!
If you can, fair Carpillona;
Or if you can't, give me your own, ah!
Which will be fairer, Carpillona.”
This is young Corin's lay, I have no doubt,
And all these C's of his own cutting out.
I'd no idea he was a man of letters;
He'd really cut out many of his betters.
He knows not of my rank, so this temerity
I mustn't censure with too much asperity.
Oh! why was I a princess born, or he
Not of a line to form a tie with me?
He comes! I really think I'll tell him, then.
Enter Corin.
Pray, shepherd, are these verses from your pen?
Cor.
O, somebody in love
With me must surely be,
For the trees where'er I rove
Are all carved with C,
With a deep, deep C,
And it must mean me.
For with verses in my praise
He the trunks has papered too,
And in rhymes all sorts of ways,
My poor name contrived to screw.
The unhappy man I fear,
Is quite himself beside,
A shepherd off would shear,
With a princess for his bride!
O, yes! he must in love
Undoubtedly with me
Very deep, deep be,
Very deep, deep be.
With me must surely be,
For the trees where'er I rove
Are all carved with C,
With a deep, deep C,
And it must mean me.
For with verses in my praise
He the trunks has papered too,
And in rhymes all sorts of ways,
My poor name contrived to screw.
The unhappy man I fear,
Is quite himself beside,
A shepherd off would shear,
With a princess for his bride!
O, yes! he must in love
Undoubtedly with me
Very deep, deep be,
Very deep, deep be.
I believe, to speak the truth,
I'm in love, too, over ears,
With that very same fond youth
Who so struck with me appears;
But, alas! I'm doomed to prove—
Truth must not be always told,
And his ardent flame above
I'm forced to throw water cold.
Forced to throw water cold;
But, oh! he must in love
Undoubtedly with me
Very deep, deep be, &c.
I'm in love, too, over ears,
With that very same fond youth
Who so struck with me appears;
But, alas! I'm doomed to prove—
Truth must not be always told,
And his ardent flame above
I'm forced to throw water cold.
Forced to throw water cold;
But, oh! he must in love
Undoubtedly with me
Very deep, deep be, &c.
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Of these strange sights that must the meaning be,
On every tree I see—I see a C;
And one had got this paper stuck upon it,
On which some swain has written a love sonnet;
Cupid must surely have bereft of reason
The youth who my poor name made rhymes like these on.
(reads paper)
“Ne'er did Indian nabob own a
Jewel like to Carpillona;
But as hard as any stone, ah!
Is the heart of Carpillona.
Either let my heart alone, ah!
If you can, fair Carpillona;
Or if you can't, give me your own, ah!
Which will be fairer, Carpillona.”
This is young Corin's lay, I have no doubt,
And all these C's of his own cutting out.
I'd no idea he was a man of letters;
He'd really cut out many of his betters.
He knows not of my rank, so this temerity
I mustn't censure with too much asperity.
Oh! why was I a princess born, or he
Not of a line to form a tie with me?
He comes! I really think I'll tell him, then.
Enter Corin.
Pray, shepherd, are these verses from your pen?
Would you were not averse from him who penned 'em!
Princess.
By such a post how could you think to send 'em?
Cor.
A poor unhappy shepherd you behold,
By love made sheepish, who was once so bold;
To her he loves he posts his billet doux,
And by a cypher says—I sigh for you!
Princess.
Shepherd, in love with me you mustn't fall;
I'm very sorry for you, and that's all!
My heart already has enough to trouble it!
Cor.
Mine would that trouble share!
Princess.
More likely double it!
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Double it!—then a rival I have got!
Princess.
You have a rival, shepherd, and you've not—
Cor.
Oh, speak not in conundrums; I detest 'em!
Princess.
I've given 'em up—because I never guessed 'em.
It is a simple fact—I soon can prove
You have no rival, for no man I love;
But you've a rival who loves me—the fear
Of whom occasioned my arrival here.
Cor.
Sweet shepherdess, then, why to hope deny me?
Princess.
Say—can you keep a secret?
Cor.
Just you try me!
Princess.
Well, if you'll promise—
Cor.
By those eyes I swear!
Princess.
I'll tell you something, then, shall make yours stare!
I'm a Princess!—my father was a King!
Cor.
Oh, mercy!—pray don't tell me such a thing!
Princess.
It's true—and in Sublimus here, sub rosa,
I've found him out—and, in his cara sposa,
My royal mother—who, compelled to jog
From their own kingdom, settled here incog.
Cor.
Oh, then, indeed, it is all up with Corin!—
Born to a crown, you wouldn't give a florin
To be the sweetheart of a poor clodhopper!
Princess.
You must admit it would be quite improper,
For one who boasts of a descent so regal.
Cor.
Alack, I'm but descended from an eagle!
Princess.
An eagle!
Cor.
Yes—found in an eagle's nest,
To bring me up there who had done her best;
Until, brought down by some intrepid rover,
I was brought here to live with cows—in clover.
Princess.
Then you may be of royal line as well!
For if you do not know, how can you tell?
Cor.
There's much philosophy in that remark—
But oh! of Hope I haven't got a spark.
Princess.
I haven't got a spark myself, but you,
Whom my poor heart must not be tinder to.
The old quotation now reversed I find,
For not so much as kin, you're more than kind.
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Can you, then, see my heart thus rent and racked?
Princess.
Well, no, then, I just can't—and that's the fact!
Cor.
What do I hear!—roast not a poor lost mutton!—
Is't possible for me you care a button?
Princess.
I have a soul all buttons far above!
Murder will out, they say—and so will love;
Therefore I own my own, whate'er the onus,
And sink pa's policy to save your bonus!
Cor.
Such an assurance to my heart secures
The principal and interest of yours;
And on a premium I so highly rate,
No duty I can pay will be too great!
Princess.
In witness whereof to Love's bond this day
We each do set our hand—
Cor.
And our bouquet.
(presenting her with his)
Duet—Corin and Princess—“La ci darem la mano.”
Cor.
Mind you don't let your ma know,
Or she'll fly out at me,
And make your pa say “ah, no!”
Which would unpleasant be.
Princess.
Should chance our love betray, I
Tremble! for on that score,
What pa and ma will say, I
Should really have thought before.
Cor.
If they object, why, let 'em!
Princess.
I fear 'twould sadly fret 'em.
Cor.
They shouldn't be so haughty!
Princess.
We shouldn't be so naughty!
Cor.
Away, away!
Both.
Away with thoughts alarming;
The present is so charming!
We'll care for nothing more!
Enter Pastora.
Princess.
(quickly, and aside to Corin)
My mother!
(Exit Corin)
Mercy on me!—if she heard—
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A vastly pretty duo, 'pon my word!
To sing at sight have you been taught the art?
Or was that something you have learned by heart?
Princess.
It's an old air.
Pas.
And not worth repetition.
I don't approve, child, of the composition.
'Twixt you and Corin well it cannot go,—
You are too high, and he by far too low.
Air—Pastora—“Far, far upon the sea.”
I don't approve, child, of the composition.
'Twixt you and Corin well it cannot go,—
You are too high, and he by far too low.
As far as I can see,
Master Corin makes too free,
He's from all that I can gather been so bold
As to tell you the same tale
Which, throughout the Verdant Vale,
I'll be bound to every girl in turn he's told!
I watch'd the slyboots glide
Through the willows to your side.
When a wild young man thus follows you, beware!
He'll soft nonsense to you sing,
And you, like a silly thing,
Believe the words are true to that tender air.
Far, far too low is he
A maid of your degree
To flirt with, as I found him doing here;
And if to you he bring
Any more duets to sing
O.P.H., he shall skip with a flea in his ear.
Your cipher here I see
He has carved on every tree,
And rosy posies all about 'em strung,
And posies, too, in rhyme,
Which, no doubt, you think sublime,
He by their leaves, and yours, I fear, has hung.
It will cut me to the core;
But, I vow, if any more
Of this writing and this cyphering I hear,
His letters I shall stop;
And in my account you'll drop
To a cypher, which, you know, goes for nought, my dear,
For, far too low is he
A maid of your degree, &c., &c.
Master Corin makes too free,
He's from all that I can gather been so bold
As to tell you the same tale
Which, throughout the Verdant Vale,
I'll be bound to every girl in turn he's told!
I watch'd the slyboots glide
Through the willows to your side.
When a wild young man thus follows you, beware!
He'll soft nonsense to you sing,
And you, like a silly thing,
Believe the words are true to that tender air.
Far, far too low is he
A maid of your degree
To flirt with, as I found him doing here;
And if to you he bring
Any more duets to sing
O.P.H., he shall skip with a flea in his ear.
Your cipher here I see
He has carved on every tree,
And rosy posies all about 'em strung,
And posies, too, in rhyme,
Which, no doubt, you think sublime,
He by their leaves, and yours, I fear, has hung.
It will cut me to the core;
But, I vow, if any more
Of this writing and this cyphering I hear,
His letters I shall stop;
And in my account you'll drop
To a cypher, which, you know, goes for nought, my dear,
For, far too low is he
A maid of your degree, &c., &c.
357
Oh, madam, you've discovered all, I find,
And so I will confess.
Pas.
You're very kind—
Folks, when discovered, generally do.
Oh, Carpillona, I'm ashamed of you!—
A girl who in a Court has made a stir
To let a shepherd come a courting her!—
A Princess who might some day marry some king,
To let her heart go bumping for a bumpkin!
Princess.
Indeed I did my best to choke him quite off,
Gave him our true position here a sight of,
Explained the distance between him and me,
And begged he'd keep his distance—civilly.
Pas.
What! trusted our state secret to that lad!
Despite my warning! this is far too bad!
Here comes your father! Oh! what will he say
When he hears how you've flung yourself away?
Despite my warning! this is far too bad!
Here comes your father! Oh! what will he say
When he hears how you've flung yourself away?
Enter Sublimus.
Air—Pastora—“Our Polly is a sad slut.”
Our policy is upset
Completely by our daughter;
I almost wish the fishermen
Had left her in the water!
For she has told about us all
We told her not to say—
And on a bumpkin all but gone
And flung herself away.
O, husband, how can this sad blow be parried?
Here's Carpillona all but gone and married!
Sub.
To whom?
Pas.
To Corin she's herself contracted,
And as if bent to drive us quite distracted,
After of caution she had such a dose
To keep the tale of our misfortunes close,
To him, whose bump of caution is so small,
She's gone and let the cat out—tale and all!
Sub.
How!—let the cat out of the bag!—I wonder,
So shrewd a girl should make so great a blunder;
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Have kept the cat and given him the bag!
Princess.
Alas! while hearing him his passion plead
I quite forgot myself.
Pas.
You did indeed!—
Go tell him we forbid the banns—refuse
A licence—
Sub.
Yes, because—
Pas.
Because we choose!
Kings give no reasons—subjects must submit.
“Sic volo sic”—what?
(to Sublimus)
Sub.
“Jubeo.”
Pas.
That's it!
Princess.
'Twill break his heart and mine!
Pas.
Romantic stuff!
Sub.
Suppose it should—time mends 'em fast enough;
And, as your common sense with age increases,
Of both your hearts you'll find you've saved the peaces!
Pas.
Begone!
Princess.
It is my duty to obey.
(Exit Princess)
Sub.
Another moment I had given way!
I can't resist a pretty woman's tears!
Pas.
Fie! for shame, sir—a person of your years!
But thus it ever was, when on your throne,
To resist anything you ne'er were known.
King of the Peaceful Isles—you hoped to stay so,
And thought to keep the peace you'd but to say so!
No army—we were quite out of harm's way,
No navy—if it wasn't spelt with K.
So when from off the throne your cousin shook us,
Our own peace officers to prison took us!
Sub.
How could I dream—
Pas.
Because you went to sleep,
And not one eye would even open keep.
There is no terror in a monarch's nod,
Who isn't wide awake; and now the rod
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You'd patch this matter up as best you could,
And let our daughter marry this young foundling,
Rather than stand your ground against this groundling!
(she turns away)
Sub.
Hear me! one word! my love—indeed, you'll find
In this affair I have not been so blind.
I saw the boy was struck with Carpillona,
And posted off a note to Amazona,
Her own opinion on the case to learn.
The Fairy Amazona appears from tree.
Fairy.
And Amazona answers by return.
Is't thus you would repay the obligation
You're under for your daughter's restoration,
By forcing her with tears her love to wipe out,
And putting thus her faithful shepherd's pipe out?
Pas.
You wouldn't have us, sure, the piper pay
For our dear daughter in so dear a way?
Bestow the pet lamb of our royal flock
On a mere rustic found upon a rock!
A girl who can a king her father call,
On the poor son of nobody at all!
I'll tell him to his head, if he provoke it,
To put that in his shepherd's pipe, and smoke it!
Fairy.
Ha!
Sub.
Madam! Great Fairy—I am sure—the Queen—
Your Fairyship must feel—she didn't mean—
Pas.
I did—
Sub.
Not! no—of course! just so! I knew—
(aside)
There'll be a scrimmage now, between the two.
(aloud to Fairy)
A mother's anxious feelings got the better,
They ran away with her—and so—upset her—
That she—that is—that I—I mean, that you—
You understand—at least, I hope you do!
360
Short-sighted mortal, with your poor weak eyeglass,
Peering through mists which mock the longest spyglass!
What if the noble-minded youth you scorn
Should be as nobly as your daughter born?
Pas.
Ah! then, indeed—
Fairy.
I don't assert the fact,
But I command you instantly retract
Your cruel mandate! Corin is my care
As much as Carpillona—they're a pair
Not to be matched again, if one be lost,
And sure as fate you'd have to pay the cost.
Pas.
Madam, with due submission—
Sub.
Yes; submission,
We bow, most potent Fay, to your decision.
It shall be done, I say—
(aside and looking at Pastora)
She don't object!
(aloud)
I say it shall be done as you direct.
Fairy.
Enough! one planet still appears malignant;
But that escaped, the rest are all benignant;
So quickly as 'twas made this rent repair,
For I perceive you've not much time to spare.
(music—Fairy Amazona disappears in tree)
Sub.
You—we've been in the wrong—a little bit.
Pas.
(aside)
I may have been, but catch me owning it!
(aloud)
“The King can do no wrong.” If true that be,
How can his better half do worse than he?
Besides, if Corin be of high condition,
There's no occasion for our prohibition.
Why didn't she drop such a hint before,
When he was dropped an infant at our door;
Found in an eagle's nest amongst the rocks,
Without as much on as a pair of—socks.
I think I see him now!
Sub.
And so do I!
And I remember seeing, by-the-bye,
Upon his arm a mark, of crimson red.
Pas.
There was—the semblance of an arrow-head.
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Upon which head I said, by way of lark,
He certainly was somebody of mark!
And you replied you hoped we shouldn't find
An arrow-head mark of a narrow mind!
Pas.
I perpetrate so vile a pun, sir? Never!
Sub.
You did indeed! We all thought it so clever,
And laughed excessively.
Pas.
I don't dispute
I said I'd bring him up on arrow-root;
But not in joke, nor did the child so take it,
But seriously as fast as I could make it.
Sub.
However, with that arrow now our aim
Must be to hit the mark; an archer game
We have to play than that of yore we played,
When for Fate's arrows we the butts were made,
And should have been like rubbish shot full soon,
If we had not that fine night shot the moon.
Enter Phillis and Chloe.
Phillis and Chloe, you come apropos,
To find your sister and young Corin go.
Pas.
Say we would speak with them.
Sub.
I say, suppose
Corin should be a king!
Chloe.
A king!
Sub.
Who knows?
And then suppose—
Pas.
Suppose you cease supposing!
It's like the song the niggers in a row sing.
Quartette—Pastora, Sublimus, Chloe, Phillis—“Commence you darkies all.”
I'm such a puzzle in
Supposing so and so;
I almost to doubt begin
Whether I'm myself or no.
To know ourselves, they say,
It's very hard to do,
So suppose we only may
Have supposed ourselves we knew!
So much in the dark we're all,
It really out may fall
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Suppose that I was you,
Suppose that you was me,
Suppose we all were somebody else,
I wonder who we should be!
(Exeunt)
Scene Second.
—A Wood.Enter Prince Brutus and Soldiers bearing a dead bear.
Prince.
“Another fine bear slaughtered,” as they say
At all the barbers' shops from day to day.
I've had great sport, and yet I don't feel sportful;
In vain with riot I have filled the Court full.
In vain throughout the realm I rule the roast,
And mind my father no more than a post.
I can't get rid of a sensation queer—
Of something always whispering in my ear.
“What did you with your baby brother do?”
It's no use answering, “What's that to you?”
I am so bored with the eternal query,
That I'm not jolly even when I'm beery.
Song—Prince—“I'm a Gent, I'm a Gent.”
At all the barbers' shops from day to day.
I've had great sport, and yet I don't feel sportful;
In vain with riot I have filled the Court full.
In vain throughout the realm I rule the roast,
And mind my father no more than a post.
I can't get rid of a sensation queer—
Of something always whispering in my ear.
“What did you with your baby brother do?”
It's no use answering, “What's that to you?”
I am so bored with the eternal query,
That I'm not jolly even when I'm beery.
I'm a prince, I'm a prince, though I'm not so well made
As some I have seen in full puff on parade.
If I'm not quite a swell from the top to the toe,
I've a bend in my back that should make me a beau!
And although I've a sort of a cast in my eye,
Wherever I cast it, in terror folks fly!
Then thus to be bullied by conscience 'tis hard;
I might just as well be a common blackguard!
I'm a prince, I'm a prince and vice regal my style!
Yet bored with the blues like a villain so vile.
If like vulgar rogues I at conscience must wince,
What the deuce is the use of one's being a prince!
As some I have seen in full puff on parade.
If I'm not quite a swell from the top to the toe,
I've a bend in my back that should make me a beau!
And although I've a sort of a cast in my eye,
Wherever I cast it, in terror folks fly!
Then thus to be bullied by conscience 'tis hard;
I might just as well be a common blackguard!
I'm a prince, I'm a prince and vice regal my style!
Yet bored with the blues like a villain so vile.
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What the deuce is the use of one's being a prince!
I of my stepmother got cleverly rid,
I kidnapped my brother when quite a young kid!
By a pal I could trust he was artfully bagged;
And I've reason to hope he was decently—scragged!
I now of my father have bothered the gig,
And left him with scarcely a crown to his wig!
And after all this, ain't it rather too bad
I should ever feel even approaching to sad?
I'm a prince, I'm a prince, and vice regal my style!
Yet bored with the blues like a villain most vile.
If like vulgar rogues I at conscience must wince,
What the deuce is the use of one's being a prince!
I kidnapped my brother when quite a young kid!
By a pal I could trust he was artfully bagged;
And I've reason to hope he was decently—scragged!
I now of my father have bothered the gig,
And left him with scarcely a crown to his wig!
And after all this, ain't it rather too bad
I should ever feel even approaching to sad?
I'm a prince, I'm a prince, and vice regal my style!
Yet bored with the blues like a villain most vile.
If like vulgar rogues I at conscience must wince,
What the deuce is the use of one's being a prince!
Enter Perfidius cautiously.
Per.
Your—Highness!
Prince.
Well, what fresh game have you started?
Per.
Fair game—the dear—
Prince.
What deer?
Per.
Your dear departed.
Prince.
What do you mean by this mysterious mumbling?
Per.
The Princess Carpillona—
Prince.
I feel—tumbling!
Art sure?
Per.
Cock sure!
Prince.
And not made sure of her?
Per.
I was alone—she with a lover, sir.
Prince.
A lover! and you've left her with him living!
Per.
That you might have the pleasure, sir, of giving
The coup de grace; they follow close at hand,
So please your Highness here to take your stand,
And seize the deer—on the young fox we'll rush
Behind, and so be ready for a brush.
Music—Prince and two of the Huntsmen retire behind trees—Perfidius steals off with the rest, as Princess enters, followed by Corin.
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Follow me not—I've told you my relations
Forbid our following our inclinations.
Cor.
You lead this heart, and I must follow suit.
Princess.
My father's will you'd not have me dispute?
Cor.
Yes, for he couldn't have been compos mentis
When such a will he made!
Princess.
That argument is
Opposed to every sense of filial duty!
Urge me no more.
Cor.
(passionately)
Thus, then, too cruel beauty,
I cast from out my breast the flow'ry token
Of promise made, like pie-crust, to be broken!
(taking nosegay of gilliflowers from his vest and flinging it from him)
Princess.
Rash Corin! Do not fling those flowers away,
There is a charm in them.
(as she runs to pick them up the Prince picks them up, intercepts, and seizes her)
Prince.
My charmer! stay.
Princess.
Brutus! Oh, Corin! I am lost!
Cor.
(fiercely)
Unhand her!
Prince.
(to his Men)
Seize him! the sauce for goose is sauce for gander:
Princess.
Fly! Corin, save yourself!
Cor.
Yes, with a hook! (branaishing his sheep-hook)
As I will you.
Prince.
(to the Men, who fall back)
Shrink from a shepherd's crook?
Look to the girl! This rascal's skull I'll crack.
(advancing on Corin)
Cor.
A crook in hand is worth two in the back.
(knocks down the Prince and belabours him)
Prince.
Oh! I'm an ass—assassinated man!
Cor.
One syllable of that believe I can.
Release her (to the Hunters who have seized Princess)
, or I'll serve you both the same.
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Per.
Will you?
Cor.
Ah, knaves!
Per.
The last trick wins the game.
(to Prince, while raising him)
How fares your Highness?
Prince.
In a shocking state.
Head-broken and back beaten almost straight;
But joint from joint I'll have the traitor torn,
Or burnt alive, as sure as he is born.
And feast my ears in turn upon his groans—
(two Attendants support Prince)
Oh! gently, gently, pray! over the stones.
Music—They carry out Prince, followed by Perfidius with Corin and Princess, prisoners.
Enter Sublimus and Pastora.
Sub.
For help I heard a cry.
Pas.
Ah! woe on woe!
Our daughter carried off by Corin!
Sub.
No!
Pas.
I tell you yes; there they both go together.
Sub.
They do; but 'pon my life I can't tell whether
He's carried her off, or she's carried him,
For he is bound, and led by ruffians grim.
Pas.
And she's bound too; but whither she's bound to,
Who knows? and you stand there—
Sub.
What can I do?
Pas.
What can you do? Run after them, and stop 'em.
Sub.
It's easy to say run— (calling)
Ho! you, sirs, drop 'em.
Pas.
They mock our agony.
Sub.
They laugh outright at us.
Pas.
And see, one low-bred fellow takes a sight at us.
Oh! that I were a man!
Sub.
I wish you were,
For his sake only—not for mine.
Pas.
Despair
Inspire me now with forty-lion power!
And railroad speed of forty miles an hour!
I'll follow them in spite of all resistance!
Sub.
I'll follow you—at a respectful distance!
(Exeunt)
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Scene Third.
—A Room in the Palace of King Periwigulus —Guards enter and place chairs, then exeunt.Enter King.
King.
So shaken as we are—so wan with care,
We're but the shadow of the King we were;
Though still a crown upon our wig is worn,
Though still a sceptre in our hand is borne,
We're but the satellite of our own son—
A sort of Twelfth Night King—without the fun.
A monarch on his subjects forced to wait;
A ruler ruled himself by far too straight;
A sovereign clipped so close, he scarce can ring;
A poor old gentleman, whose name is King,
And might as well be Brown, or Jones or Smith,
For all the reverence he's treated with.
Oh, had my second son to me been spared,
My first to treat me so had never dared!
My second then had been my first, and sole
Proprietor, my crown had been my whole.
It's quite a riddle! Time must be the solver,
Who's riddled my poor heart with his revolver!
Flourish without—Enter Officer.
What means that flourish, sir?
Officer.
Prince Brutus comes!
King.
That trumpet of my ears offends the drums!
Nothing now flourishes, alas! for me!
Enter Prince leaning on Perfidius.
King.
Brutus!
Prince.
O dear!
King.
What can the matter be?
Prince.
A matter of high treason!—I've been struck,
Received a topper, which was not for luck,
From a vile villager—a shepherd slave!
King.
How came the man so badly to behave?
Prince.
He dared to step between me and my prey.
King.
What, pray?
Prince.
The false, ungrateful runaway!
King.
The Princess Carpillona!
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Yes, I've caught her;
And catch me giving her the slightest quarter!
If she my fingers can again slip through,
It won't be in her skin, I promise you;
For I will strip it off her back!
King.
You wouldn't
Be so indelicate! I'm sure you couldn't!
Prince.
Bring in the prisoners, sir! (to King)
You'll please to try
And find 'em guilty—death!
King.
I please? not I!
Prince.
You're King, and must on traitors justice do.
King.
But you are viceroy over me.
Prince.
That's true;
And, therefore, I command you, in your name,
To play the king, or to give up the game;
And I will take your hand, and vengeance deal
On the whole pack of you!
King.
Then I must steel
My heart to pity—up to aid me summon
All the stern virtue of an ancient Rum-'un!
Prince.
In both the cases I am prosecutor—
But of the judge I'm also coadjutor;
So on the bench I sit to see the sport.
(they sit)
King.
Here come the prisoners!
Music—Enter Princess and Corin, guarded.
Prince.
Silence in the court!
King.
Which case stands first?
Prince.
As one's a lady's case,
Of course the other must to hers give place.
King
(to Princess)
What is your name?
Princess.
Oh, sire! you know me well.
King.
Justice is blind!—I can't see—so can't tell.
Princess.
'Tis Carpillona! Hear me, sire, I pray!
Prince.
Justice is deaf to all that you can say.
King.
With what offence do you charge this young woman?
Prince.
Being found out.
King.
One not at all uncommon!
But very serious; for, as she's found out,
That she is guilty there can't be a doubt;
368
Where she can't be found out again!
Prince.
No, no!
That sentence may not pass—no more shall she.
Convict! but leave her punishment to me!
King.
Arrest of judgment in this cause is prayed;
The judge has no discretion, I'm afraid.
Princess.
'Tis not, alas, the only Quarter Session
In which I've found the judge had no discretion!
King.
Call on the next case.
Prince.
The King versus Corin!
Cor.
He, versus! What on earth's the King brought for in?
King.
A legal form, of which I'd waive the flattery.
Prince.
This case, my lord's, one of assault and battery.
The indictment sets forth said defendant Corin
Did wilfully and malice thought afore in
With a stick in his hand value one bob
Strike, beat and damage seriously the nob
Of plaintiff, and said stick around him swing
Against the peace of our said Lord the King!
King.
How say you, pris'ner at the bar—are you
Guilty or not guilty?
Cor.
It's all quite true—
Just loose this hand, and give me a stick in it,
I'll shew you how I did it in a minute!
Prince.
No need of such a proof—he owns his crime,
And of the Court we'll not take up the time.
His doom is death!
King.
The deed can't be defended—
(rising)
But he's to mercy strongly recommended.
Prince.
Leave him to mine! that's all the law I crave.
Princess.
O, spare him, sir, and I will be your slave!
Prince.
You are my slave! and as my slave shall share
His punishment! (Enter Perfidius)
Perfidius, in the square,
Before the palace—quick; a pile and stake.
A bonfire of both spark and flame I'll make.
(Exit Perfidius)
King.
What, Carpillona! sure you won't have roasted,
A beauty whom so lately you'd have toasted?
Prince.
I will.
Princess.
And you, sir, (to King)
will stand by and view it?
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Oh no! I'll go to supper while they do it.
Prince.
You shan't! I order you to see it done.
King.
No, burn me if I do!
Prince.
That may be one
Of those true words, spoken sometimes in jest,
Therefore obey, without one more—you'd best!
King.
(aside)
Of horrors was there ever such a tissue?
Prince.
A writ of fiery facias I issue,
So take their bodies, officer, and bring
Them after—with our Sovereign Lord the King.
Quartette—Princess, King Periwigulus, Corin, and Prince—
“On yonder rock reclining”—“Fra Diavolo.”
Princess.
(to King)
To interfere declining,
Can you our frizzling forms behold,
And their hands not bid them hold,
You, my best friend of old?
To pity, sir, inclining,
Cold water on this project throw.
And your petitioner, you know,
Ever shall pray—just so!
Prince.
Tremble!
E'en now the logs they're piling,
On which you'll soon be briling.
King and Cor.
The devil, O! the devil, O! the devil, O.
Cor.
(to Prince)
Your ill-got power abusing,
Although on me you spit your spite,
Towards this royal fair you might
Be rather more polite.
It may be most amusing
To roast a man who basted you;
But sure to fry this sweet soul, too,
Is not the thing to do.
Prince.
Tremble!
Well pepper'd for her sake,
In turn of her broil'd bones I'll make
A devil, O! a devil, O! a devil, O!
King, Corin, and Princess.
The devil, O! the devil, O the devil, O!
(Exeunt)
370
Scene Fourth.
—The Square before the Palace, a terrace of which commands a view of the place—Night—In the centre a pile of faggots and a stake—Guards, commanded by Perfidius, are discovered completing the preparations for the execution by torchlight.Enter Pastora and Sublimus.
Pas.
Thus far, beneath the blanket of the dark,
We've crept into the town without remark;
But on the hope our daughter back to get,
The blanket fortune throws is very wet.
What's going forward in this public square?
Sub.
To ask that officer d'ye think we dare?
Pas.
I think I dare. (to Perfidius)
Sir, will you be so civil
As to say what you're at?
Per.
Go to the devil!
Pas.
Thank you! I feel assured, from all I see,
No one knows more about your work than he.
Per.
Ha! ha! the woman thinks herself a wit.
Well, if you want to know, just wait a bit.
These faggots soon will throw sufficient light
Upon the subject of our work to-night.
Sub.
(aside to Pastora)
What is to-day? I really don't remember;
Perhaps the fifth, it may be, of November,
And they're about to burn a guy.
Pas.
If true,
My dearest husband, don't let them see you!
Sub.
Don't be alarmed! for look, they've two guys greater.
Enter King Periwigulus, Prince, and Guards.
Prince.
Is all prepared?
Per.
All, sir.
Prince.
Drag forth the traitor!
He shall fry first, before the false one's eyes!
Enter Corin, guarded.
Sub.
'Tis Corin!
Pas.
Oh! then—horrible surmise!
The other victim is our daughter!
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Yes!
Oh! but they don't suppose that I'll stand this!
(advancing)
Hold!
Prince.
Who says, Hold?
Pas.
I do!
Prince.
Take hold of her!
Princess.
My mother!
Prince.
How! Queen Dominanta!
Pas.
Sir!
I am that injured individual;
And with my royal husband here now call
Upon the Sovereign of this mighty State
For his protection.
King.
You have called too late!
I'm not at home—I say it to my sorrow—
In my own palace!
Prince.
Call again to-morrow!
Quick to the stake with him!
Sub.
All right he spurns!
Pas.
Is there no justice in this land?
Prince.
Yes, “Burns!”
Cor.
(as they bind him to the stake, raising his bare arm towards Prince)
Base tyrant, mark me!
King.
Ha! stand so! keep steady!—
Mark thee!—some one has marked thee, boy, already!
What mark is that upon thine arm I see?
Cor.
An arrow-head.
King.
Oh, Fortune! can it be?
Pas.
It can! though what it can be I've no notion.
King.
One question—I can't ask it for emotion—
Young man!—thy father!—who and what was he?
Cor.
I never had one!
King.
Then it must be me!
Prince.
What stuff is this?
King.
A fact no stuff can smother!
Release my son! Brutus, behold thy brother!
Prince.
'Tis false! the brat was strangled when a baby.
King.
How do you know?
Pas.
Because he did it, may be!
Sub.
Or tried to do it!
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Ha! he's conscious smitten!
Who dress'd up in long clothes a nasty kitten,
And stole his little brother?
All.
(groaning)
Oh, oh, fie!
Prince.
Well, if you come to that, then—know 'twas I!
And of my birthright ere I moult one feather,
I'll see you all—burned in a lump together!
Perfidius! while the iron's hot let's strike it!
(music—Guards and Perfidius seize King and all the party—Fairy Amazona appears)
Fairy.
Burn first yourself, and just see how you like it.
Prince and Perfidius sink in flames, together with the pile, &c.
King.
(to Fairy)
For this relief, much thanks. Upon our knees—
Pas.
That's what I call “Burns' Justice,” if you please!
Fairy.
Great King, receive your son—from ruffian hands
Snatched by an eagle—and, by my commands,
Brought up in in safety by this royal pair!—
To whom I now restore their kingdom fair—
The Peaceful Isles.
Pas.
Our reign will never cease
So long as your kind hands preserve this piece!
(music—Change to last scene)
Finale—“Summer Flowers.”
'Mid all the bright and pleasant things
That merry Christmas round you brings,
“Once on a Time there were Two Kings,”
We trust a place may gain.
If they in aught to your delight,
Have ministered this trial-night,
Oh, give the royal pair a right
In triumph long to reign.
That merry Christmas round you brings,
“Once on a Time there were Two Kings,”
We trust a place may gain.
If they in aught to your delight,
Have ministered this trial-night,
Oh, give the royal pair a right
In triumph long to reign.
CURTAIN.
| Once Upon a Time there were Two Kings | |