University of Virginia Library

Scene Fourth.

—The Spirit Vaults, in much the same state they were two hundred years before.
Enter Humguffin and Princess.
Hum.
Walk in and make yourself at home, my dear.

Princess.
At home! Alas, I'm all abroad, I fear;
Are you the master of this house?

Hum.
To shew it,
I'll make you mistress.

Princess.
Not, sir, if I know it.
Where is your wife?

Hum.
My love, I never had one.

Princess.
I'm very much afraid that you're a bad one.
Hence let me fly—

(she attempts to go, but is prevented by Blueruino)
Hum.
Ha, ha! Fly, Princess, do—
My web's too strong for such a fly as you,
You are no shepherdess, but don't look so sheepish;
In love with you I've tumbled rather deepish!
My name's Humguffin.

Princess.
And you look the part.

Hum.
I condescend to offer you my heart—
Be Mrs. Humguffin, and share my pelf—
My palace—

Princess.
I! I think I see myself.

Hum.
Pause ere you answer.

Princess.
No, at once—paws off.

Hum.
Sad is the fate of those at me who scoff,
Observe those bottles, in due order set,
Filled with the strongest spirits I could get;
A drop from one of those, and you would be
A beast, bird, insect, reptile, vile to see—
Therefore once more beware how you decline.

Princess.
Your ardent spirits cannot conquer mine—
“I'd rather be a toad,” as says Othello,
Than wife of such a horrible old fellow!

Hum.
You would!—then, my bold belle, I'll try your mettle,
I have an old account with you to settle.
A toad you shall be, traitress, in a twinkling.
(takes down a vial, and taking out the stopper, sprinkles some of the contents upon her)
This “leprous distillation” o'er you sprinkling—
Confound it!—Somebody has changed the stoppers,
This is the compound essence of grasshoppers!
(the Princess disappears and Grasshopper is seen in her place)
Yes, there she is, a grasshopper.
(the Grasshopper vanishes in the same manner as Princess)
And zounds!
With one spring she has hopped out of my bounds.

Enter Mandragora.
Man.
Oh, brother, I have caught a man.

Hum.
At last!

Man.
Aye, you may sneer, but 'tis of value vast;
I've lured Prince Humpy hither!

Hum.
What, the chap
Who roused Queen Benignanta from her nap?

Man.
The very same—see where he comes, in search
Of your new flame, who left him in the lurch,
The pretty Phillis.

Hum.
Ho! my rival too.
Then his arrival he shall dearly rue.

Man.
Where is the wench?

Hum.
By some unlucky blunder
Turned to a grasshopper—but, fire and thunder!
This meddler shan't escape with so much ease.

Man.
Nay, I shall deal with him, sir, if you please.

Enter Prince.
Prince.
Where is my love? Restore her to my arms.

Man.
Audacious Prince, who has despised my charms,
Your love's a grasshopper!

Prince.
What have I heard?

Man.
And you shall be a little butcher bird
That feeds on grasshoppers—so if you meet her
The chances are you'll snap her up and eat her.

Prince.
I be the butcher of my own pet lamb!
You cannot be in earnest.

Man.
Yes, I am.
And this shall prove.
(takes down a vial and sprinkles him with it—The Prince disappears and a Cricket is seen in his place)
How now! why he's a cricket.
(the Cricket vanishes)
And run to earth before I'd time to stick it.

Hum.
Another blunder! Sister, we're betrayed!
Some bottle imp on us a trick has played,
And changed the draughts without the doctor's order:
Our lab'ratory's in complete disorder.
Of mischief half the spirits gone, and more—
And not a single mixture as before.

The Fairy Pastorella rises.
Fairy.
I rise, sir, to explain—that imp am I.

Hum.
I thought she had some finger in the pie.

Fairy.
The time has come to stop your private still,
With ignorance in darkness brewing ill!
To make of simple mortals beasts and brutes,
The spirit of the age no longer suits.
To your black art she scorns to be a debtor;
Her object is to change man for the better;
And benefiting those e'en who despise her,
Would make men merrier as she makes them wiser,
And while she makes a jest of old wives' stories,
Leaves their bright morals in their ancient glories.

Scene changes to Golden Gardens and Fairy Tree of Entertaining Knowledge in all its Branches—In the hollow of the trunk are seen the Grasshopper and the Cricket.
Enter Prince Transimenus, Queen Benignanta, Suivanta, and Quiver.
Suiv.
I hope we don't intrude, but 'twould appear
To seek intelligence we should come here;
To find our friends we're told this is the ticket.

Fairy.
The Prince is here as merry as a cricket.

Quiv.
To ask after the Princess is it proper?

Fairy.
She's here, and she shall sing like a grasshopper.

(tree opens and discovers the Guardian Spirit of its leaves; the Grasshopper and Cricket disappear)
Enter Prince Peerless and Princess, and Arcadians.
Finale—Prince—“Don Pasquale.”

Solo—Suivanta—“La Truandaise.”
Merrily, merrily,
Ariel-like, beneath the bough here,
Merrily, merrily,
By your leaves shall we live now here?
Merrily, merrily,
Let the “Golden Branch” succeeding
Be a branch to Fortune leading
Mine and me!

Chorus.
Merrily, merrily, &c.