 | The Blind Lady |  |
ACT. 3.
SCEN. 1.
Enter Mironault Solus.Miro.
To be still subject to calamities,
We all must bear: yet not esteem it hard
Our frailty sets this odds from higher powers,
And their dis-orders are appeas'd by ours,
It is a hard injunction of the gods
To set our natures and our selves at odds
When they afflict though due unto our crimes,
Yet they give to the nature that repines
Though if we use it well, none but they give
That blessing, that we are displeas'd to live
'Twas life first cousned man, and did entice
By knowledge its fair gift to cheat him twice;
Man was a happy stranger to himself,
When he believ'd his ignorance his wealth;
Did these Extreams our knowledge ne're employ
We should have lesse of cares, though lesse of joy,
For in the mind, they never gain a height
From their own natures but each others weight;
Thus truly man has either more or lesse,
From what he had, not what he does possesse.
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Worthy of our affections, but our fear,
For should we fall from happinesse the store
Makes us more wretched of those joy's before.
Such a disease is life we hold so dear,
Health's in the other world, our Physick here;
—O—Hyppasus—what's to be done
Enter Hyppasus.
Fortune has strangely jaded us—
Hyp.
Heaven knows: I am confident we are persued,
The house is strong, had we but any men
We might resist their numbers, and by that time
They have supplies, we may have too relief.
Miro.
Where's Pysander?
Hyp.
Shifting from the old blind Lady, who follows him
As if he were her dog and led her,
And as the devil would hav'it, her reverend blindness
Is at a venter faln in love
Miro.
We must resolve of some thing, and whats most hard
In ignorance, and without any aid: so may a ship,
With wounds in pieces torn, expect as well
To sail or fight;—
—And yet me thinks there might be made
Some use of this Pysander's fooling.
Hyp.
By the Masse it's true, she has Tenants
That were obliged, without all doubt to assist her
In the holy War; they live here till they dye
Of the infection of old age; see Sir,
Where Pysander comes marching with her maid.
Enter Pysander, Quinever.
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Let's conceal our selves a little, and observe.
Pys.
Nay, by this light I'le ne're lye for the matter.
If thou hast no faith thou'lt be damn'd.
Quin.
Say you so, Sir?
Pys.
How couldst thou chuse but guesse it? didst thou e're know
A dunghill without a Cock upon't. Meer sympathy
Guides me to love thee, dost thou not find
Some such kind of thing for me?
Quin.
Indeed I have a grudging towards you.
Pys.
The devill take up the quarrell.
[aside.
Nay 'tis grown to that I dream on thee,
Me-thought last night I rode a Flanders Mare,
And every night I dream of a fresh Beast,
And then I think on thee.
Hyp.
What means the Rogue?
Mir.
Peace, on my life he has some farther purpose.
Hyp.
Lord how she swells, hold a stick of fire to her
And she'l pisse.
Pys.
But since I love you so, you must assist me
In what I told you, for I should be loath
Now to be taken from thee; and I know
The rascalls will attempt the house for me.
This can be brought about no other way,
But by report that I should marry
Thy Lady, for then all her Tenants
Will be the willinger to assist me.
But all this while thou shalt be dear Lindabrides,
Thou shalt rule and govern; and for thy comfort
Above pragmaticall Peter; and, by this hand,
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I'le hang a thousand crackers at his britch,
Then throw him off from some high Tower,
In a high wind, hung between bladders;
And all this for thy love.
Quin.
And will you still be constant?
Pys.
As a Bell, still in one Tune:
And that we may be suddain, and I safe
To follow our Amours, perswade thy Lady
And instantly conduct her this way.
Quin.
I'le take my leave first—
[she kisses him.
[Exit Quin.
Pys.
Slid, her lips are lin'd with Cosier's wax,
She kiss'd me in a full Career.
Sure she has hoarded up a store of onyons
In her dry chaps, to butter against winter.
The Devill's troubled but with one Dam, I have two
—And there's a formall Weathercock,
They look which way the wind sits by him,
That from deliberation fetches wisdom;
And when he gapes at bed-time, 'tis a clinch
For my blind Mistresse now, whose chaps are mew'd
Of all their teeth, which yet she hopes again
Will spring like a fell'd Copice, and from the gums
New sprouts shoot up, she's almost deaf,
Would she were dumb too, for her tongue's oblig'd
To supply other organs, and tells us all
Her life, perhaps the History
Of twenty years a time—This thing
Must I make love to, with brevity and ease.
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She shall have Serenades on an old Jews-trump,
That was Pirk-abboths, an emblem of antiquity,
And all my little Oaths shall be
By Cupid's Eye and hers, the Devill's in't
If I am then forsworn—O how now,
Mironault and Hippasus appear.
What are you bolted? Come Gentlemen,
What's to be done? Hyppasus, thou wert wont
To be nimble at sudden chances.
Hyp.
How insolent the Rogue is? now he thinks
We know not his design.
Mir.
Nay, Pysander, we referr'd all to you,
We onely are your poor friends.
Pys.
Well, a Mathematician would not have breath enough
To tell the kindnesse of my Stars—
Mir.
But for this rare fortune—
Pys.
Why my old vessell is sailing this way,
When she appears, stand close
And you shall hear it.
Mir.
Come I conceive, and did over-hear
Some of your policy, and believ't
There is no other way to save us now.
If we can get but men, 'tis but throwing
A work up in two places, the other parts
Are strong enough.
Pys.
That shall be my care too, but when you see
The old Beldam comming, be sure you vanish.
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We must be quick, our time has straitned us.
As soon as they can have intelligence
They will be here.
Pys.
What if we could send away to Court?
Mir.
I'le rather perish than believe I can
Be worth her care.
Pys.
Why thanks then to Pysander
That believes himself—
Worthy his own—
Hyp.
Would her Ladiship were come.
Prethee Pysander let's have no time delay'd
In asking how she does, and what's a clock.
Pys.
Thou hast reason to be more confident of my wit.
—See where they come—
And like the Graces leading one another.
Let's over-hear a little.
Enter Cæca and Quinever.
Cæc.
Indeed he is a proper Gentleman,
And 'tis great pitty he should suffer.
Quin.
It is indeed, I would not for my Maidenhead
It should be in your house.
Pys.
Nor I by this light.
[aside.
Cæc.
I think as much; indeed he speaks as well
As any that I knew these six King's Reigns:
Where is he, Quinever?
Quin.
He said he would be hereabouts.
Hyp.
Now Pysander uncouple them.
Pys.
So I may be hunted, but I'le advance.
—Save your sweet Ladiship—
I took the boldnesse, urged by my love,
To trouble your kind ears with a petition.
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You'r very welcome, I shall be glad to hear it;
And though I am old, and people think decay'd,
I can tell how to judge a worthy Gentleman.
Hey ho, in my time I have heard many complements,
And blest was he could gain but a good look.
Pys.
He shall be damn'd now that does.
[aside.
Cæc.
The world and I am alter'd.
Pys.
A Carthusian swear the world is,
—I'le swear for thee.
Cæc.
And yet I have warm blood now in my veins,
And it will beat sometimes. I have heard men say,
That age has vigour lies within.
Pys.
She'l tell me by and by she can fart fire.
[aside
Cæc.
And so indeed—
Pys.
I must interrupt her; But you forget
To hear what your poor servant asks.
Cæc.
I pray what is't?
Pys.
First I must beg you, that you'l have the confidence
To believe, I love you; old Lutes
Still sound the sweetest; many a man
Has travailed many miles, and tedious wayes,
To see a lesser monument, and since I love you,
I would preserve my happinesse, sure you ought then
To return equall kindnesse.
Cæca.
By my troth, but justice, and indeed, I will,
I shall not be so cruell to grieve you long
So worthy a kind gentleman; I esteem
A tedious coynesse vice, you put me in mind
Of my old principles, in my Grand-mother's time.
Pys.
That's according to a new account,
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[aside.
Cæca.
And as I was saying in her time
Matters were quickly ended, I am still
Of the old fashion.
Pys.
In short, then, since you see I love you,
I must beg your assistance; for these rogues
That hurt us, as I hear, are now hard by.
Your Tenants, and a few servants would with ease
Defend us from these wanderers, that I may
Enjoy my happinesse with safety. This your Commands
With ease may finish, and I blesse
The fate that brought me hither.
Cæca.
I pray your selfe command them,
You shall have full power, that in time
Must be my husband.
Pys.
Plague on your nimblenesse, how she mumps,—
[aside.
Cæca.
When my last husband Sir Percivall died,
I little thought to have had another suiter;
But you men have the power to winn us,
And I can tell you, such a tempting Gentleman.
Pys.
For ought she knows, a Sign-post
With Friar Bacon's brazen head upon't,—
[aside.
—If you please Madam, I will attend you,
When your Commands have setled us in safety,
I shall presume to tell you my Love's story.
Cæca.
I shall be glad to hear it, pray lead on,
What you Command, shall be a law.—
[Exeunt.
85
Mir.
Yet Hyppasus, we breathe; and safety now
Begins to wear an easie shape.
Hyp.
The rogue has work't them finely—
Mir.
By Heaven, he is the best composed man,
I e're yet knew, for in the worst extreams,
His cheerfulnesse, and judgment is the same;
We are prepared, if they find us now,
Phylanter's bold to bring them on to action,
Fortune but guide, an equall sword to mine,
And borrow frowns from all the destinies
To hang upon thy then contemned brows.
Hyp.
But I believe, they never will attempt us
But seconded with more, for they will fear
What may proceed from Court.
Mir.
Never believe, he would attempt this action,
But with some feigned story to my prejudice.
Hyp.
But the Princesse, Sir, seem'd to resent the injury,
She is too noble, meanly to suspect.
Mir.
Alas, Hyppasus, they before corrupted
His goodnesse that should incline to her,
These flatterers beset the thoughts of Kings,
As an ill enemy besieges Towns,
—First poisons the fair springs.
Hyp.
These are the worst of fears, we may as well
Hope, that his judgment scorns unlikely stories.
But let the worst that fortune can prepare
Fall unregarded on us, the least defence
Will help us to the noblest fate.
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Nobly resolved.—
And when we fall so brave,
The world will find more losse, then we can have.
[Exeunt.
SCEN. 2.
Enter Peter, and Quinever.Pet.
Nay, you had best teach her to beat a drum,
Do you think to make her now an old blind Amazon.
We shall have the Sheriff to send warrants for us,
Thus to raise Forces, and not se defendo;
Quin.
Lord, how wise you are good Peter, at least
You would fain seem so, I can tell, I'me sure,
Where you have all your wisenesse.
Pet.
Where, good Quinever?
Quin.
All your law, out of the two old leaves
That lye behind the parlour-cupbord;
Pieces, they say, of an old Statute book,
Which has been rotting there these twenty years.
And for your other talk, 'tis taken out
Of your old Erra-pater; and you, forsooth,
Must seem to be more wise then all of us.
I'me sure, when you made love to me,
And once were out of these two trodden roades,
You could not speak a word, but just, How do you.
87
Of scurvy tones, nay.—
Pet.
Why, art thou mad, or dost thou think it fit,
My Lady, should defend all wandring strangers,
And enter into warres? I am resolved
To change my station, they are digging up earth
Before the Gates, I can't passe by,
But I must think of graves, men too brought in,
I think, to fill them.
Quin.
Hang your sheep's face, I see that now 'tis fear,
That your wise worship with your wonted ease,
Should not at leisure drink your morning draught,
And at the Alehouse for two pots
Hear your selfe praised,
And bribe a man to come to you for counsell
That never had need of any, you have worn your Gloves out
With biting your thumbs ends, to appear wise.
All this put together, got from my Lady's purse,
Thou hast been as chargeable as a Regiment.
Pet.
Why, Mrs. Quinever, sure you once had
Better opinions of me, though you now
Wash every day your best handkerchief
With yellow starch, and your lac'd quoiff,
Till it now hangs as if the devill
Had frighted you through quicksetts, not a post
But must be beaten for the rotten powder
To make your hair sit well, and all in hopes
That some of these should fall in love with you.
I was once thought worthy, then I was honest Peter.
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Marry come up, what, love that transparent nose of thine.
That gives the Serenades when thou sleepest?
Or thy wide mouth like a dead Lobster's claws,
Or thy starcht ruff like a new Pigeon-house,
Your garters tied above your boots; as if you feard
Your leg so well provided would be gone.
Pet.
Why I thank you sweet Mistresse Quiniver go on
And be all mad whiles I lament you sober:
Nay you shall fight by your selves for Peter,
You'le make an excellent ammunition Girle
Get a bottle to carry hot water in, in time
You may arise to be a Sutler's wife.
Quin.
I'le have your wise head fitted for all this
And heer comes one shall do it.
Enter Pysander.
Pet.
O sweet Mistresse Quinever
Quin.
No fawning now you whelp.
Pys.
Mrs. Quinever well met, I was seeking you.
Quin.
I am happy I have found you.
Pys.
How go matters? we have got some 50. men.
Quin.
All goes well: but this wise Gentleman
(Whose wit lies in his breeches, for 'tis all
He has to know when he has need)
Is much displeased at our preparations,
And asks me if you mean to make
My Lady a blind drummer
Pys.
And cannot you convert him?
Quin.
No indeed.
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Why thou ingratefull piece of wise formality,
How oft hast thou had warning to be wise?
I have threatned thee thou should'st never go
Without a rime pind at thy back
Which should be thy own grievous Chronicle.
I told thee too that I would have thee painted
Riding upon an Asse and reading Seneca,
I thought this might have tyed thy tongue.
Pet.
Good Sir:
Pys.
Nay hear and mark me, if thou dost er'e again
Seem to be wiser than thou art, and crosse
What now is done, pay if thou dos't not help
And put thy assisting hand to't, thou shalt ride
In a hot day upon a well lined sadle
With soap in thy new grogram-breeches, till it work
Like new tunnd beer, and every day
When thou first down to dinner one or other
Shall pull away thy stool, I'le spoil thy gravity,
Or noint thy feet with butter, whilst a dog
Shall lick and tickle thee, and if any comes
Here to oppose us thou shalt seem a stratagem:
For on the walls we'le set thee, like a thing
Stuft up with straw, onely to make them spend
Their shot upon thee, and in thy turn
Thou shalt do duty too, and every night,
Be sure to have alarmes. Speak what you'le do.
Pet.
I did but utter my opinion: I shall conform.
Pys.
It's well said, and I forgive you,
But take heed you erre no more.
Pet.
You need not doubt me.
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Come wench, now we breathe in safety,
And thou proud Peter's conquerour.
[Exeunt.
Pet.
The Devill go with you; he has conjured me.
Did ever Turk think of so many torments,
And in what order too he marshal'd them?
I am not yet out of a chilling sweat;
Nor shall I get now of enchanted Quinever
One drop of good hot water, God deliver me
From this strange hurly-burly; and yet I dare not fancy
A good strong halter and a handsom beam
I'le go to sleep, for I am now
Afraid of all things.
[Exit.
SCEN. 3.
Enter Phylanter, Lycespes.Phyl.
The intelligence is certain they are here,
At an old Ladies, and all hurt; we cannot misse them.
Lyc.
Those that I left preparing now come up
Make us 400. strong, your father too
Follows with more.
Phy.
We must attempt them (though) before relief
Can possibly arrive from any place,
And if we take him we are sure to make
Our own conditions, the best we can expect
Our resolutions arm us for the rest.
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We are prepared and I believe there's few,
That serve you, question policy or danger.
Phy.
Ye nobly all oblige me, and for your sakes
I could even wish I never had attempted
What I must scorn now meanly to repent of
But ill intents when they least prosper
Then must be most persued, to reach again
Our first condition,
Lyc.
Nay Sir, I think it were no harm,
To wish us fairly off.
Phyl.
I would we were, but I am arm'd;
To dye I fear not, and yet I would
Fall with some pretty character about me,
At least I'le make the Kingdom joy
It had so brave a spirit, and like Rome glory
(In spight of fame) in Catiline who died
At once men's envie, and her pride,
Lyc.
We must loose no time Sir, the night
Conceales us, and as yet perhaps
They have had no intelligence,
The house is neer at hand—shall we parly?
Phyl.
'Tis the best way to find their confidence
Nor can it be a prejudice to us; we traffick now
Onely for what we'ave lost: “If we survive
“We'le find at least a nobler way to thrive.
[Exeunt.
92
SCEN. 4.
Enter Pysander, two or three with him.Pys.
So that work's now finish'd.
Let all the guns be brought into the Hall,
'Tis to defend the good old Lady
From the rudenesse of Rogues; 'twill be easie work.
1.
Yes, yes, wee'l tickle them.
2.
I'le sweep 'em with my father's old Fouling-piece.
Pys.
Bravely resolved; but perhaps
There may be yet no need on't, however
'Tis wisest to resolve against all dangers.
Well, my good Lads, be in a readinesse, if any come,
Wee'l ring 'em a peal shall make 'em forswear
Such Holi-daies: they all die rather than wrong
Sir Percivall's widow, Now all unto your places.
1., 2.
Agreed, agreed.
Pys.
Now could I hug my genius, that through all
Has brought me to this harbour; and yet to think
If we should scape, what my engagements are,
Imprimis—To marry this old Lady Cow,
And play at Blindman-buff, 'tis as good lying
With Bulrushes or penny Faggots; she's mortality
Beyond a Death's head and Memento;
And yet she bridles as if she were but now
To be new-back'd and ridden; I have heard
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And yet retain its form, but when once toucht
Crumbles to dust; for ought I know she may do so too,
And I be hang'd for embracing Mummie.
But certainly I shall touch her gently,
For 'tis a remedy to see her drest
Against all carnall thoughts, beyond bathing
In Rivers in a frosty night.
She follows me, and asks a thousand questions
Among the rest
Enquired what I was making at the gate?
I answered her, a Curtain: then she mumpt,
And ask'd, If 'twere not for her wedding-bed.
She made the truest Hieroglyphick
That ever blind Ægyptian hit upon,
For 'twas of earth, and I most fairly hope
'Twill be her wedding-bed; bar death,
The devill cannot find another Rivall.
Enter Mironault
Mir.
Pysander come, we must to action.
Pys.
As how and how?
Mir.
Phylanter's here hard by already,
And without doubt knows we are lodg'd.
Pys.
Why—then—he'l knock us, or we shall knock him.
Mir.
It's worth no greater care, my brave Pysander.
Fortune and you have done your part,
To give us something to employ your valours,
They now shall buy us bravely.
Pys.
Nay, I'le not sell my self at any rate,
I begin to have a wondrous value
94
'Tis very lucky to see an old blind Lady
—should fall in love with't,
One that runs her nose against posts.
But come, Sir, since these Lads will never leave us,
Let's in and provide for them, they may have
A better welcome than they dreamt of,
Unlesse Gunpowder lay last under their pillows.
Mir.
They shall hear us—
In lowder language then they do expect.
The gods but lent us life, and we still pay
Them interest, as casualties and sicknesse;
Death is the Principall, which when we restore,
We owe the world and gods no more.
[Exit.
Pys.
Why, its exceeding well; we shall be all
Clean out of debt in t'other world then;
Our Creditors are strangers there, so are they here
To me, I'me sure; and in the other world
If I should want, and thither must,
There's store of faith, and I'le take up on trust.
[Exit.
SCEN. 5.
Enter Phylanter, Lycespes, Others.Phyl.
This is the house sure it should be
By the description—How—Works thrown up?
95
There may be else some trick in't.
—Summon the walls—
Lyc.
Within there, ho—ho—
Sure they lie buried in security.
As confident of power and successe,
As if the Destinies slept with them too,
And wak't at their command.
Let's wake them all—and yet 'tis hard
To rouse an innocence to disorder,
'Tis that I fear is their security.
Phyl.
O Lycespes!
It is as great a crime (when past) to think
Of things ill done, as 'tis unthought to act
The ill before; he that does one first cheats himself,
The other cousins him: now to be nice
Is vain, for us that have been cheated twice.
Lyc.
Within there, ho—
Phyl.
They are dead.
Mir.
No, we live, Phylanter,
Mironault, Hyppasus, Lysander, and others, appear above.
And far less fear that fate than you,
That have so many crimes to sinck your thoughts.
Spare your pains of asking us to yield,
Wee'l sooner find the worst of all extremities;
Danger will lose its nature when you bring it.
—Nay do not stay—
In expectation to hear me ask
Why you have thus unworthily thrown off
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Not worth mens pitty, but their scorn,
And so do you.
Phyl.
You'r very high, so let your actions be,
Your crimes will need it. But I see words
Displease you, you shall have lowder Rhetorick.
Mir.
Fear not, thy baseness has taught us to understand
That language.
Pys.
You, Lycespes, you Treason-hunter,
How, I wonder, did it happen, we did not meet
Your storming worship at the gate?
Pox on you, you were untrussing a point,
The old fighting loosenesse.
Lyc.
You'r merry still Pysander, and very brisk,
Are you so well already of your inlets.
Pys.
Hang you, if you bleed as much
As a staid man would let out from a witch
To save himselfe from enchanting,
The Physitians, Pothecaries, and Surgeons
Must stand about thee, like Pensioners;
If Hyppasus and I, can but get a willing curre,
We are lick't whole, a dog's our only Mountebank.
Lyc.
Very well sir, when I visit you,
I'le bring a spaniell in my hand.
Pys.
Hang the couple of currs, say I,
Phy.
Your resolution's heard, I'le urge no more,
But leave you to your fates, only thus much,
By me the Princesse sends this punishment.
The danger now growes bigger sure,—
Mir.
This is mean Phylanter, and you still trifle honesty,
97
—And he that seems to fear,
May he unpittied fall, without a tear.
Exeunt above.
Phy.
His Courage still is excellent, great power of love,
That made me give so much to her,
I left none for my selfe. Lycespes draw round the house,
Wee'l storm it instantly, dye all you lesser thoughts,
That at a distance tell your formall tales,
Or else come neerer, and wear noble shapes,
The distance makes you mistier, the dice are cast,
Th'event will punish or reward what's past,
[Exeunt.
| The Blind Lady | |