The Poetical Entertainer Or, Tales, Satyrs, Dialogues, And Intrigues, &c. Serious and Comical. All digested into such Verse as most agreeable to the several Subjects. To be publish'd as often as occasion shall offer [by Edward Ward] |
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 | The Poetical Entertainer |  |
When Thackum thus had made his End,
And left his old Adult'rous Friend
To mourn the loss of her Gallant,
Who us'd to ease her greatest Want,
The Dame, who did not dare to pay
A Visit, all the time he lay
Fetter'd i'th' County Jayl, because
The Jaylor knew whose Wife she was,
Grew much concern'd that she had been
So slighting to the best of Men.
For Wantons measure humane goodness,
Not by Mens Vertues but their Lewdness:
Therefore, since she had prov'd ungrateful
To him who'd always been so faithful,
She now resolv'd, one Night or other,
To steal out to her pendant Lover,
Hoping a Visit to her dead
Gallant, affectionately paid,
Might so attone for her remisness,
As to remove her great uneas'ness;
Accordingly, one Ev'ning dark,
She Journey'd tow'rds her hanging Spark,
Who'd taken up his lofty Station,
A Mile without the Corporation,
Fearing, should she attempt the same
By Day, 'twould scandalize her Name;
Therefore she staid till friendly Night
Had just o'ercome the fading Light,
And then, like any Buxom Lass
In hopes of stealing an Embrace,
She jog'd along with all her pow'r,
As if each Minute seem'd an Hour.
And left his old Adult'rous Friend
To mourn the loss of her Gallant,
Who us'd to ease her greatest Want,
41
A Visit, all the time he lay
Fetter'd i'th' County Jayl, because
The Jaylor knew whose Wife she was,
Grew much concern'd that she had been
So slighting to the best of Men.
For Wantons measure humane goodness,
Not by Mens Vertues but their Lewdness:
Therefore, since she had prov'd ungrateful
To him who'd always been so faithful,
She now resolv'd, one Night or other,
To steal out to her pendant Lover,
Hoping a Visit to her dead
Gallant, affectionately paid,
Might so attone for her remisness,
As to remove her great uneas'ness;
Accordingly, one Ev'ning dark,
She Journey'd tow'rds her hanging Spark,
Who'd taken up his lofty Station,
A Mile without the Corporation,
42
By Day, 'twould scandalize her Name;
Therefore she staid till friendly Night
Had just o'ercome the fading Light,
And then, like any Buxom Lass
In hopes of stealing an Embrace,
She jog'd along with all her pow'r,
As if each Minute seem'd an Hour.
As she was thus approaching near
Her elevated dangling Dear,
A drunken Tinker, who, by chance,
In nappy Ale had drown'd his Brains,
Beneath a Hedge was laid along,
Close by the Gib where Thackum hung,
That a cool Sleep upon his Fuddle,
Might soberize his dizzy Noddle;
And having, for some time, been taking
A hearty Nap, was just awaking
As Madam made a stop, to stare
At her dear Lover in the Air;
She seeming very much dismay'd
To see him hanging o'er her Head,
Began with Tears, and, for a while,
Cry'd like a Crocodile of Nile;
At length her sobbing Silence broke,
And thus to the Cadaver spoke:
Her elevated dangling Dear,
A drunken Tinker, who, by chance,
In nappy Ale had drown'd his Brains,
Beneath a Hedge was laid along,
Close by the Gib where Thackum hung,
That a cool Sleep upon his Fuddle,
Might soberize his dizzy Noddle;
And having, for some time, been taking
A hearty Nap, was just awaking
As Madam made a stop, to stare
At her dear Lover in the Air;
43
To see him hanging o'er her Head,
Began with Tears, and, for a while,
Cry'd like a Crocodile of Nile;
At length her sobbing Silence broke,
And thus to the Cadaver spoke:
O wretched Eyes! O dismal Night,
That shews me this unhappy Sight!
O faithless Woman I! to fail
Of comforting thy heart in Jayl,
When thou, to me, wouldst often spare
Much more than was one Woman's share,
And must I now, my only Dear,
Go back and leave thee swinging here.?
That shews me this unhappy Sight!
O faithless Woman I! to fail
Of comforting thy heart in Jayl,
When thou, to me, wouldst often spare
Much more than was one Woman's share,
And must I now, my only Dear,
Go back and leave thee swinging here.?
“No, quoth the Tinker, let's not part,
“I'll with thee gang, with all my Heart.
“I'll with thee gang, with all my Heart.
Th'Adultress hearing this reply,
And seeing none but Thackum nigh,
Thought 'twas an Answer from her Lover,
And run as if the Devil drove her,
Believing he was coming down
To hand her back into the Town;
The Tinker rising, hobbl'd after
As fast as e'er he could for Laughter,
And teasing Corns, that made him tread
Too cautious for a Man of speed,
Crying, Good Honey slack your pace,
You scowre as if you run a Race,
I am too stiff for such a course.
Nouns, you are swifter than a Horse.
But nothing would abate her Vigour,
For still she gallop'd like a Tyger,
Conceiting, all the way she fled,
'Twas Thackum, tho' she saw him dead,
The rather, 'cause she heard a clinking
O'th' Tinker's Tools, which, to her thinking,
Were the loose Irons, Chains and Fetters,
About the dearest of her Creatures;
Therefore she did the faster trudg it,
At e'ery rattling of the Budget:
Nor could she, by her looking back,
Discover more than something black,
Which undistinguishable sight,
At e'ery gaze, encreas'd her Fright,
And made her trespass upon Nature,
The more, to make their distance greater,
Till she, at length, recover'd home,
Where the poor Cuckold, in a Room,
In solitude had perch'd his Crupper,
On a tall Buffet Stool, at Supper,
But in run frighted Blowzabel,
Expecting Thackum at her Tail,
And tumbl'd down the greasy Eggs
And Bacon, 'twixt her Husband's Leggs,
Dreading sad usage, shame, or slaughter,
From him she fear'd was coming a'ter;
Therefore, to make herself securer,
Blunder'd o'er all that stood before her,
Crying, Dear Husband fight and save me,
Or Thackum, tho' he's hang'd, will have me.
Which so amaz'd her 'Spouse, that he
Was frighted full as bad as she.
But her Friend Thackum never came,
As was expected by the Dame;
For when the Tinker saw her Hous'd,
He went to th'Alehouse and carous'd,
There made the merry Story known,
From whence 'twas bruited up and down,
Till the Adult'rous Jilt became
A common Town-talk, to her shame.
And seeing none but Thackum nigh,
Thought 'twas an Answer from her Lover,
And run as if the Devil drove her,
44
To hand her back into the Town;
The Tinker rising, hobbl'd after
As fast as e'er he could for Laughter,
And teasing Corns, that made him tread
Too cautious for a Man of speed,
Crying, Good Honey slack your pace,
You scowre as if you run a Race,
I am too stiff for such a course.
Nouns, you are swifter than a Horse.
But nothing would abate her Vigour,
For still she gallop'd like a Tyger,
Conceiting, all the way she fled,
'Twas Thackum, tho' she saw him dead,
The rather, 'cause she heard a clinking
O'th' Tinker's Tools, which, to her thinking,
Were the loose Irons, Chains and Fetters,
About the dearest of her Creatures;
Therefore she did the faster trudg it,
At e'ery rattling of the Budget:
45
Discover more than something black,
Which undistinguishable sight,
At e'ery gaze, encreas'd her Fright,
And made her trespass upon Nature,
The more, to make their distance greater,
Till she, at length, recover'd home,
Where the poor Cuckold, in a Room,
In solitude had perch'd his Crupper,
On a tall Buffet Stool, at Supper,
But in run frighted Blowzabel,
Expecting Thackum at her Tail,
And tumbl'd down the greasy Eggs
And Bacon, 'twixt her Husband's Leggs,
Dreading sad usage, shame, or slaughter,
From him she fear'd was coming a'ter;
Therefore, to make herself securer,
Blunder'd o'er all that stood before her,
Crying, Dear Husband fight and save me,
Or Thackum, tho' he's hang'd, will have me.
46
Was frighted full as bad as she.
But her Friend Thackum never came,
As was expected by the Dame;
For when the Tinker saw her Hous'd,
He went to th'Alehouse and carous'd,
There made the merry Story known,
From whence 'twas bruited up and down,
Till the Adult'rous Jilt became
A common Town-talk, to her shame.
| The Poetical Entertainer | |