University of Virginia Library

Liber Quintus.

Epigr. 1 Ad Do. Mountioy.

Mountioy if I haue praised worthy men,
And with safe liberty contented me,
Touching no states with my presumptious pen:
If from all secret biting I am free:
I hope I shall not loose thy patronage,
If I doe lawfull thinges and voyde of feare,
If hunt the Fox if bring the Ape on stage,
If I doe whip a curr or baite the Beare,
For these are exercises of such sorte,
As ly alike to earnest and to sporte.

Epigr. 2. Ad Lectorem.

An heauie book reader my weary pen,
Doth here present to thee, which doth containe
The faultes and euils of so many men,
With which my paper doth euen sinke againe.
They haue confest their sinnes into my booke,
Which here vnloaded, all they haue forsaken.
Now for newe faults and errours they must looke.
Cleere of the olde which I haue vndertaken.
If I keepe them, their record will remaine.
If I doe not, they will returne againe.

Epigr. 3.

Though choise of faultes, and purest vice selected
Be my bookes subiect here by me detected:
Yet he that blames the writer is not wise.
He giues vice a person, not persons vice.

Epigr. 4. In Getam.

Gæta from wooll and weauing first beganne,
Swelling and swelling to a gentleman.
When he was gentleman, and brauely dight
He left not swelling till he was a knight.
At last, (forgetting what he was at furst)
He swole to be a Lord: and then he burst.

Epigr. 5. In Seuerum.

Seuerus hath no touch of eloquence.
He can not double with a sirayne of witt.
A ridled sentence floates aboue his sense.
Figures are misteries and farre vnfitt.
Well mett Seuerus, for to tell ye true.
This is a booke of vulgars made for you.

Epigr. 6. In Candidum.

When my friend Candidus was in distresse,
Me thought I ioyed true felicitie.
To loue his woe it was my happinesse.
And to feele halfe of my friends misery.
But when his fortune turnd about her wheele.
And melancholy good did ourtake him,
I was no fitt companion for his weale.
From thence began my woe and my forsaking.
For now he keepes the good as cruellie.
As franke of late he spent the euill on me.

Epigr. 7. In Thymum.

Thymus doth speake how all the fathers olde,
Were men, & therfore thinks he may be bold.
He blusheth not S. Austen to disgrace.
Ambrose, and Ierome, when he comes in place.
He cytes S. Bernarde and S. Gregorie,
And then Casseers them of his homely.
He names S. Chrysostome with much a doe.
And of the fathers Greeke, more, one or two.
All these by speaking Thymus doth defame.
And would abuse more if he knew their name.

Epigr. 8. In Cacum.

Cacus though nothing but a loafe perdy,
He sett before his hungry friends at boorde:
Yet he prates of the sinn of gluttony,
And how that surfeyt kils more then the sworde,
How three at Belinsgate with Oysters dy'de
Howe sixe vpon one Cabidge surfeyted.
Of these he prates and many moe beside
Fearing least we should surfeite on his bread.
Cacus haue donne, for we may surfeite heare
Well with thy words, but hardly with thy cheare.

Epigr. 9.

Richard gaue money vnto Christopher,
Which should but say he was an vsurer.
For though poore Richard neuer yet coulde lend,
Neither could borrow of his deerest friend:
Yet he did thinke the name of vsurie.
Should gett him creditt, wealth and honesty.
O wretched age of ours, O times accurst.
We are ashamd'e of all shames saue the worst.

Epigr. 10. In Mirum.

Reader be iudge betweene Mirus and me,
And as thou iudgest it, so it shall be.
I blame vnseemely things with modesty.
He railes vpon me most reprochfully.
I rayle at none, but hauing shewde the vice,
Onely commend the good, and warne the wise.
Should I commend the bad? but that were sinne,
Should I dispraise the good? that would please him;
Should I write nothing, and my pen refraine?
There is so much matter, who can abstaine?

Epigr. 11. In Seuerum.

Seuerus notes how euery verse begins,
And still he saith, he findes lesse ads then ins,
Lesse ads then ins? why should it not be so?
If men be nought is it my fault or no?
Or should I praise vice, and commend a spott?
Beare witnesse reader I commend it not.
And yet I spare it, but I spare it so,
I giue a great Asse but a little blow.

Epigr. 12. In Bardum.

Bardus eates crusts and shrids of Barly bread,
Parings of cheese, and drippings of the meate,
Steru'de mutton, beefe with soote be martelled.
And skinn and bones: all these will Bardus eate.
He ends the loafe, he fleas the cheese, (O teeth)
And when the bones dance naked then he praies.
He makes the soote smoake out of rusty beefe,
And that which hunger kilde, his hunger stayes,
And yet his father is no dogge I see.
His father is not, but his sonne may be.

Epigr. 13.

A knot of mariage legitimate,
Was knitt betweene Fausta and Fortunate.
She had enterred husbands seauen before.
He foure and three wiues buried and no more.
And now they striue which of them shall die furst,
For in my iudgement neither is the worst.
Phisition Lanio if he should come thether,
He would perhaps vnknitt them both together.

Epigr. 14. Thymum.

Thymus hath sinnde the sinne of symony.
Both for himselfe and all posteritie.
He hath made cleane dispache and quite remou'd
That holy land, so long so deerely lou'de:
Better for their soules health prouide who coulde,
Which shall not sinn hereafter though they would?

Epigr. 15. In Castorem.

Castor at euery fashions new disguise,
Is mou'de to speake, (the cause doth so require.
And vanity doth so offend his eyes)
How men like monsters wander in attyre.
But the same fashions which he so did scoffe,
Long after like repentance he doth weare.
After the brauer sorte haue cast them off.
Like fashions counting booke, or regesture.
Or like an Epitaph, which still doth cry.
Loa here the ende of all our brauerie.

Epigr. 16. In Brillum.

Brillus is neither proud nor timerous,
Nor of the swearing cutt, as many be.
He is not false, he is not couetous,
He is not amorous, he is not he.
He is not giuen to the sinn of wine,
And yet he is not honest for all this,
How euer secretly he doth decline.
I cannot but commend him for the misse.

Epigr. 17 In S. Q. C. &c.

Sextus and Quintus, Caius, and the rest,
Looke for their commendations with the best.
Quintus hath a large house, which may containe,
Three Lords, with roome to spare, & al their traine;
Sextus hath corne and all prouision meete,
To vittaile, if need should require a fleete.
Caius by th' yeare a thousand pounds may spend,
Dacus may loane three thousand to his friend.
How could I praise these, lesse I vnderstood,
The future tense of the potentiall moode?

Epigr. 18.

A wonderfull scarsety will shortly ensue,
Of Butchers, of Bakers, of all such as brewe.
Of Tanners, of Taylers, of Smithes and the rest.
Of all occupations that can expres'de,
In the yeare of our Lorde, six hundred and ten.
I thinke: for all these will be Gentlemen.

Epigr. 19. in Philonem.

Philo if naked loue you aske of me.
White loue, cleare loue, and such as loued was
Of our forefathers in simplicity:
Then loue and looke on me, I am your glasse.
This cuts you off: your friend, must fawne & flatter,
Nay more then this, your friend must you beelie:
I to your face: and that for no small matter,
But for your woorth, your wirt and honesty.
This cuts me of: the cause if you require,
I would not haue my friend proue me a lyar.

Epigr. 20. In Misum & Mopsam.

Misus and Mopsa hardly could agree,
Striuing about superioritie.
The text which sayth that man and wife are one.
Was the chiefe argument they stoode vpon.
She held they both one woman should become.
He held both should be man, and both but one.
So they contended dayly, but the the strife,
Could not be ended, till both were one wife.

Epigr. 21. In Gillonem.

You which haue sorrows hiddē bottom sounded,
And felt the ground of teares and bitter moane
You may conceiue how Gilloes heart is wounded,
And iudge of his deepe feeling by your owne.
His toothlesse wife then she was left for dead.
When graue and all was made, recouered.

Epigr. 22. In Lanionem medicum.

Phisition Lanio neuer will forsake,
His golden patiente while his head doth ake:
When he is dead farewell, he comes not there.
He hath nor cause, nor courage to appeare.
He will not looke vpon the face of death,
Nor bring the dead vnto her mother earth.
I will not say, but if he did the deede,
He must be absent, lesse the corpse should bleed.

Epigr. 23. in Dacum.

Dacus hath all things that he can desire,
He hath fayre land, and yellow goold to spare.
The good of which God knows he comes not nere
But pickes out paine, and feedeth on the care.
He will not warme his backe with one good coate
Nor spend one penny to offend his store.
He will not feast his belly with a groate.
Hunger and he, are matches and no more.
Heele tast no sweete of all his happinesse.
Belike he knowes his owne vnworthinesse.

Epigr. 24.

Ovr peruerse age doth recon least of all,
Of the true noble, plaine, and liberall.
And giueth honour most iniurious.
Vnto the base, craftie and couetous.
What makes the good repine? what wrongs the wise?
What is the spoyle of all? fortunate vice.

Epigr. 25. in Timonem.

Timon is sicke of seuen which deadly be.
And yet not like to die for ought I see.
He hath the foggie sinn of Ale and cakes.
He hath the sinn of lace and fustniapes,
He hath the seeing sinn the heartes great'st woe,
And yet he hath the sinn, of winken to.
He hath the sparrowes sinn, & these which follow,
He hath, he hath, the redd sinn and the yellow.

Epigr. 26. In Septimium.

Septimius doth excell for daintie cheere,
His diet is olde Murton and new beere.
And sugred mustard and sweete vinegeere.

Epigr. 27. In Cophum.

Cophus doth liue as if he could bestowe,
Life on his friende, and life vpon his foe.
As if he had a life to sport and play.
As if he had a life to cast away.
As if he had change of liues, and life did sound,
Not as one farthing of his thousand pound.
As if his landes were wondrous large and great.
And life but one small dust to that huge heape.
Yet life is all his goold, and all his land.
Himselfe and all, if he did vnderstand.

Epigr. 28. Translatum ex Martiali.

Neighbours, I meruaile much to see your strife,
Since ye are so well matcht, so like of life,
A most vile husband, a most wicked wife.

Epigr. 29. In Lalum.

A dry beame feedes the mind, as Pyndar writes,
And quickneth reason with refined spirits.
But your conceipt is dull and nothing such,
Lalus; I thinke you wett your mind to much.

Epigr. 30. In Castorem.

The gooldsmith guildeth siluer, tinn or brasse,
The painter paints on wood or baserst one.
What gooldsmith guilded goold that euer was?
What painter euer painted rubies? none.
But Castor paints himselfe, and thinks it good.
To steale away his pictures praise from wood:

Epigr. 31. In Lotum.

Lotus owes little vnto memory,
He will forget his purse, his cloake, his hat.
I, both a good turne and an iniury.
His friend, himselfe, and more I know not what.
Nothing remaines of all things more and lesse,
To be forgotten, but forgetfulnesse.

Epigr. 32. In Momum.

Hearing my short writs, Momus saith of me,
Why should not I endite as well as he?
As well as I Momus? so mought ye doe,
Rather then I should write as well as you.

Epigr. 33. in Vlyssem.

Vlysses hauing scapt the ocean floood.
Twise ten yeares pilgrimage in foreyn landes.
And the sweete deathes of Syrens tunde with blood,
And Cyclops iawes, and Circes charming handes:
Comes home, and seeming safe, (as he mistakes)
He steps awrie, and fals in to a Aiax.

Epigr. 34. in Medonia.

Toward my marte, Medon, I will said I
Present you with a booke (but you refused)
Which for your kindnesse sake I did denie.
Then you repinde as being more abused.
And cause you had of both to be afraide.
Whether it were to paie, or to be paide.

Epigr. 35.

VVith charge of soules as Polititians say,
Possesse one clerke should but one benefice.
But without charge of soules, we see how they.
Sticke not to lay vp, fowre and seauen apiece.
We clerkes would keepe one liuing and no moe.
So you which are not clerks would keepe but two.

Epigr. 36. in festum

Tell Festus that this mirth and iollitie,
These suts these feasts, this daily flocking to him,
This gameling and this wanton luxurie,
This carelessenesse, this free heart will vndoe him:
He cannot heare, his wits are not his owne,
But his sweete fortunes, whose commaund is such,
That Festus senses quite are ouerthrowne,
Since she gaue him of hers, a little too much.
Then why aduise you him? let it suffice,
That he doth that himselfe must make him wise.

Epigr. 37. In Asbestum.

Chlorus was greene, when in his tendernesse,
Asbestus did contemne his littenesse.
Yet did he force his buds, and wreake his spite
Vpon his leaues before his fruite was ripe.
When thou bar'st fruite Chlorus, as little tree,
Then did Asbestus pull thy fruite from thee.
Till time drew on, which did his rage impeach,
And bare thy fruite on high, aboue his reach:
Then other meanes, by malice, he had none,
To worke reuenge, but hang himselfe thereon.

Epigr. 38. in Scillam.

No enemie of Scillas can accuse him,
Of any wrong or villanie pretended.
Of any prouocation or abusing,
Or the least cause why they should be offended.
Yet Scilla hath a fault to make amendes.
He will abuse none but his deerest friends.

Epigr. 39. in Merum.

Merus doth reconcile Philosophie,
To belies want and backes necessitie.
This Moone will cause much appetite of meat,
The outward colde doubling the inward heate.
Shew him your flocke: and he will vndertake,
How many ierkins all their wooll will make.
Shew him an hundred beeues: heele make a plaine
Account, how many dinners they contayne.
Drinke you Tabaccho nere so secretly,
Yet by the smoake heele tell the quantitie.

Epigr. 40. in Castorem.

Castor doth grauely shake his holow beard,
And talkes of pollicy and feates of warre.
Matters of state and rule, I am afearde,
He mindes to be some princes counseller.
Yet many misse which ayme in such a sort,
I thinke heele neuer be but of the court.

Epigr. 40.

Some vnderstand my meaning as it is:
Some vnderstand it worse; againe some better:
They doe me right which read, and doe not misse.
But to the other two I am a detter.
The best I will requite the best I may.
The worst shall trust me if I cannont pay.