The works of Allan Ramsay :: :: University of Virginia Library

An honest Miller wond in Fife,
That had a young and wanton Wife,
Wha sometimes thol'd the Parish Priest
To mak her Man a twa-horn'd Beast:
He paid right mony Visits till her;
And to keep in with Hab the Miller,
He endeavour'd aft to mak him happy,
Where e'er he kend the Ale was nappy.
Sic Condescension in a Pastor,
Knit Halbert's Love to him the faster;
And by his Converse, troth 'tis true,
Hab learn'd to preach when he was fou.
Thus all the three were wonder pleas'd,
The Wife well serv'd, the Men well eas'd.
This ground his Corns, and that did cherish
Himsell with dining round the Parish.
Bess the Good-wife thought it nae Skaith,
Since she was able to serve them baith.

When equal is the Night and Day,
And Ceres gives the Schools the Play,
A Youth sprung frae a gentle Pater,
Bred at Saint Andro's Alma Mater,

147

Ae Day gawn hameward, it fell late,
And him benighted by the Gate:
To ly without, Pit-mirk did shore him;
He coudna see his Thumb before him:
But, Clack,—clack,—clack, he heard a Mill,
Whilk led him be the Lugs theretill.
To tak the threed of Tale alang,
This Mill to Halbert did belang.
Not less this Note your Notice claims,
The Scholar's Name was Master James.

Now, smiling Muse, the Prelude past,
Smoothly relate a Tale shall last
As lang as Alps and Grampian Hills,
As lang as Wind or Water-mills.

In enter'd James, Hab saw and kend him,
And offer'd kindly to befriend him
With sic good Chear as he cou'd make,
Baith for his ain and Father's Sake.
The Scholar thought himsell right sped,
And gave him Thanks in Terms well bred.
Quoth Hab, I canna leave my Mill
As yet;—but step ye west the Kill
A Bow-shot, and ye'll find my Hame:
Gae warm ye, and crack with our Dame,
Till I set aff the Mill; syne we
Shall tak what Bessy has to gi'e.
James, in Return, what's handsome said,
O'er lang to tell; and aff he gade.
Out of the House some Light did shine,
Which led him till't as with a Line:
Arriv'd, he knock'd; for Doors were steekit;
Straight throw a Window Bessy keekit,
And cries, “Wha's that gie's Fowk a Fright
“At sic untimous time of Night?”
James with good Humour, maist discreetly,
Tald her his Circumstance completely.

148

“I dinna ken ye, quoth the Wife,
“And up and down the Thieves are rife:
“Within my lane, I'm but a Woman;
“Sae I'll unbar my Door to nae Man.
“But since 'tis very like, my Dow,
“That all ye're telling may be true,
“Hae there's a Key, gang in your Way
“At the neist Door, there's braw Ait Strae;
“Streek down upon't, my Lad, and learn,
“They're no ill lodg'd that get a Barn.”
Thus after meikle Clitter-clatter,
James fand he coudna mend the Matter;
And since it might not better be,
With Resignation took the Key,
Unlockt the Barn,—clam up the Mou,
Where there was an Opening near the Hou,
Throw whilk he saw a Glent of Light,
That gave Diversion to his Sight:
By this he quickly cou'd discern
A thin Wa' separate House and Barn,
And throw this Rive was in the Wa',
All done within the House he saw:
He saw (what ought not to be seen,
And scarce gave Credit to his Een)
The Parish Priest of reverend Fame
In active Courtship with the Dame.—
To lengthen out Description here,
Wou'd but offend the modest Ear,
And beet the lewder youthfu' Flame,
That we by Satyre strive to tame.
Suppose the wicked Action o'er,
And James continuing still to glowre;
Wha saw the Wife, as fast as able,
Spread a clean Servite on the Table,
And syne, frae the Ha' Ingle, bring ben
A pyping het young roasted Hen,
And twa good Bottles stout and clear,
Ane of strong Ale, and ane of Beer.

149

But wicked Luck, just as the Priest
Shot in his Fork in Chucky's Breast,
Th'unwelcome Miller ga'e a Roar,
Cry'd, Bessy, haste ye open the Door.—
With that the haly Letcher fled,
And darn'd himsell behind a Bed;
While Bessy huddl'd a' things by,
That nought the Cuckold might espy;
Syne loot him in;—but out of tune,
Speer'd why he left the Mill sae soon,
I come, said he, as Manners claims,
To crack and wait on Master James,
Whilk I shou'd do, tho' ne'er sae bissy:
I sent him here, Goodwife, where is he?
“Ye sent him here! (quoth Bessy, grumbling;)
“Kend I this James! A Chiel came rumbling:
“But how was I assur'd, when dark,
“That he had been nae thievish Spark,
“Or some rude Wencher, gotten a Dose,
“That a weak Wife cou'd ill oppose?”
And what came of him? speak nae langer,
Crys Halbert in a Highland Anger.
“I sent him to the Barn,” quoth she.
Gae quickly bring him in, quoth he.

JAMES was brought in;—the Wife was bawked;
The Priest stood close;—the Miller cracked:—
Then ask'd his sunkan gloomy Spouse,
What Supper had she in the House,
That might be suitable to gi'e,
Ane of their Lodger's Qualitie?
Quoth she, “Ye may well ken, Goodman,
“Your Feast comes frae the Pottage-Pan:
“The Stov'd or Roasted we afford,
“Are aft great Strangers on our Board.”
Pottage, quoth Hab, ye senseless Tawpie!
Think ye this Youth's a Gilly-gawpy;

150

And that his gentle Stamock's master
To worry up a Pint of Plaister,
Like our Mill Knaves that lift the Laiding,
Whase Kytes can streek out like raw Plaiding.
Swith roast a Hen, or fry some Chickens,
And send for Ale frae Maggy Pickens.
“Hout I, quoth she, ye may well ken,
“'Tis ill brought butt that's no there ben;
“When but last Owk, nae farder gane,
“The Laird got a' to pay his Kain.”

Then James, wha had as good a Guess
Of what was in the House as Bess,
With pawky Smile, this Plea to end,
To please himsell, and ease his Friend,
First open'd with a slee Oration
His wond'rous Skill in Conjuration.
Said he, “By this fell Art I'm able
“To whop aff any great Man's Table
“What e'er I like, to make a Mail of,
“Either in part, or yet the haill off;
“And if ye please, I'll shaw my Art.—”
Crys Halbert, Faith with a' my Heart!
Bess sain'd herself,—cry'd LORD be here!
And near hand fell a swoon for Fear.
James leugh, and bade her nathing dread,
Syne to his Conjuring went with Speed;
And first he draws a Circle round,
Then utters mony a magick Sound,
Of Words part Latin, Greek and Dutch,
Enow to fright a very Witch:
That done, he says, Now, now 'tis come,
And in the Boal beside the Lum:
Now set the Board; Goodwife, gae ben,
Bring frae yon Boal a roasted Hen.
She wadna gang, but Haby ventur'd;
And soon as he the Ambrie enter'd,

151

It smell'd sae well, he short time sought it,
And, wondring, 'tween his Hands he brought it.
He view'd it round, and thrice he smell'd it,
Syne with a gentle Touch he felt it.
Thus ilka Sense he did conveen,
Lest Glamour had beguil'd his Een:
They all, in an united Body,
Declar'd it a fine fat How-towdy.
Nae mair about it, quoth the Miller,
The Fowl looks well, and we'll fa' till her.
Sae be't, says James; and in a doup,
They snapt her up baith Stoup and Roup.

“Neist, O! crys Halbert, cou'd your Skill,
“But help us to a Waught of Ale,
“I'd be oblig'd t'ye a' my Life,
“And offer to the Deel my Wife,
“To see if he'll discreeter make her,
“But that I'm fleed he winna take her.”
Said James, Ye offer very fair;
The Bargain's hadden, say nae mair.

Then thrice he shook a Willow Wand,
With kittle Words thrice gave Command;
That done, with Look baith learn'd and grave,
Said, Now ye'll get what ye wad have;
Twa Bottles of as nappy Liquor,
As ever ream'd in Horn or Bicquor,
Behind the Ark that hads your Meal,
Ye'll find twa standing corkit well.
He said, and fast the Miller flew,
And frae their Nest the Bottles drew;
Then first the Scholar's Health he toasted,
Whase Art had gart him feed on roasted;
His Father's neist,—and a' the rest
Of his good Friends that wish'd him best,
Which were o'er langsome at the time,
On a short Tale to put in Rhime.

152

Thus while the Miller and the Youth,
Were blythly slock'ning of their Drowth,
Bess fretting scarcely held frae greeting,
The Priest enclos'd stood vex'd and sweating.

O wow! said Hab, if ane might speer,
Dear Master James, wha brought our Chear?
Sic Laits appear to us sae awfu',
We hardly think your Learning lawfu'.

“To bring your Doubts to a Conclusion,
“Says James, ken I'm a Rosiecrucian,
“Ane of the Set that never carries
“On traffick with black Deels or Fairies:
“There's mony a Sp'rit that's no a Deel,
“That constantly around us wheel.
“There was a Sage call'd Albumazor,
“Whase Wit was gleg as ony Razor.
“Frae this great Man we learn'd the Skill,
“To bring these Gentry to our Will;
“And they appear when we've a mind,
“In ony Shape of humane Kind:
“Now, if you'll drap your foolish Fear,
“I'll gar my Pacolet appear.”

HAB fidg'd and leugh, his Elbuck clew,
Baith fear'd and fond a Sp'rit to view:
At last his Courage wan the Day,
He to the Scholar's Will gave way.

BESSY be this began to smell
A Rat, but kept her Mind to'r sell:
She pray'd like Howdy in her Drink,
But mean time tipt young James a Wink.
James frae his Eye an Answer sent,
Which made the Wife right well content.
Then turn'd to Hab, and thus advis'd,
“What e'er ye see, be nought surpriz'd;

153

“But for your Saul move not your Tongue,
“And ready stand with a great Rung;
“Syne as the Sp'rit gangs marching out,
“Be sure to lend him a sound Rout.
“I bidna this be way of Mocking;
“For nought delytes him mair than Knocking.”

HAB got a Kent,—stood by the Hallan;
And straight the wild mischievous Callan,
Cries, “Radamanthus Husky Mingo,
“Monk-horner, Hipock, Jinko, Jingo,
“Appear in Likeness of a Priest,
“No like a Deel in Shape of Beast,
“With gaping Chafts to fleg us a'.
“Wauk forth; the Door stands to the Wa'.”

Then frae the Hole where he was pent,
The Priest approach'd right well content,
With silent Pace strade o'er the Floor,
Till he was drawing near the Door;
Then, to escape the Cudgel, ran;
But was not miss'd by the Goodman,
Wha lent him on the Neck a Lounder,
That gart him o'er the Threshold founder.
Darkness soon hid him frae their Sight;
Ben flew the Miller in a Fright:
I trow, quoth he, I laid well on;
But wow he's like our ain Mess John!