A Journey to Hell or, A Visit paid to the Devil. A poem. The Second Edition [by Edward Ward] |
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 | A Journey to Hell |  |
In the Court's absence hot Disputes arose,
Betwixt the Doctors and their Dogst---d Foes;
No Blows they had, but every warm Debate
Did in abusive Language terminate;
Quack, Emp'rick, Clyster-giver, Fool, and Knave,
Close-stool-Promoter, Buttock-peeping Slave,
Physician's Vassal kept at first to Trot
With Vomit, Vial, Purge, and Gally-Pot,
To pick our Drugs and Herbs, and what is worse,
To bear the Teaze of ev'ry tatt'ling Nurse;
Drudge to the Pestle and a Charcoal Fire,
Only maintain'd to save a Porter's Hire,
And now! to thus audaciously presume
To prescribe Physick in a Doctor's room,
When you no more of Theory understand,
Than Monsters in the Ocean do of Land:
Whence sprang this unaccountable advance,
But from base Impudence and Ignorance?
Whence can you boast your Knowledge, lest you own,
By study of your Files you're Learned grown?
And if you do, 'tis but a weak defence,
For none but Quacks from Recipes Commence:
If from Prescriptions you could once attain
To be a competent Physician,
Read Usher's Sermons, where the Gospel shines,
And you as well may make your selves Divines:
How will ye find, by an old musty Bill,
New Patients Constitutions when they're Ill?
Or if unlearn'd in Physick's crabbed Laws,
How the Distemper judge, or guess the Cause?
No, your pretended Skill's a dangerous Cheat,
To bubble those who want both Health and Wit.
If an old File can such Instructions give,
As teach you how to make the Dying Live,
How far must we Excel, what Wonders do,
Who gave at first those Recipes to you!
Betwixt the Doctors and their Dogst---d Foes;
No Blows they had, but every warm Debate
Did in abusive Language terminate;
Quack, Emp'rick, Clyster-giver, Fool, and Knave,
Close-stool-Promoter, Buttock-peeping Slave,
Physician's Vassal kept at first to Trot
With Vomit, Vial, Purge, and Gally-Pot,
To pick our Drugs and Herbs, and what is worse,
To bear the Teaze of ev'ry tatt'ling Nurse;
Drudge to the Pestle and a Charcoal Fire,
Only maintain'd to save a Porter's Hire,
And now! to thus audaciously presume
To prescribe Physick in a Doctor's room,
When you no more of Theory understand,
Than Monsters in the Ocean do of Land:
Whence sprang this unaccountable advance,
But from base Impudence and Ignorance?
6
By study of your Files you're Learned grown?
And if you do, 'tis but a weak defence,
For none but Quacks from Recipes Commence:
If from Prescriptions you could once attain
To be a competent Physician,
Read Usher's Sermons, where the Gospel shines,
And you as well may make your selves Divines:
How will ye find, by an old musty Bill,
New Patients Constitutions when they're Ill?
Or if unlearn'd in Physick's crabbed Laws,
How the Distemper judge, or guess the Cause?
No, your pretended Skill's a dangerous Cheat,
To bubble those who want both Health and Wit.
If an old File can such Instructions give,
As teach you how to make the Dying Live,
How far must we Excel, what Wonders do,
Who gave at first those Recipes to you!
| A Journey to Hell | |