University of Virginia Library

The Manner of the Don's b'ing Knighted,
And how his Landlord was requited;
How the Bold Knight departed thence
In Peace without a Groat Expence.

The Host beginning now to vex
At the Don's Mad unruly Tricks,
Resolv'd before he slept to Knight him,
In hopes he then would bid God b'wit 'im,
That's Customers might Drink in quiet
Without the fear of further Riot;
To th' Don accordingly he went,
And made this welcome Compliment.

Right Worthy Sir, it gives me Trouble,
To think a Man so truly Noble,
Should be attack'd by Clowns within
My Castle Walls as you have been,
And so Affronted by a Crew
Of Scoundrels not a Match for you:
But be assur'd their great Offence,
Committed with such Insolence,
Was done without my Approbation,
And was alone their own Transgression;
Truly deserving that severe
Correction which you gave 'em here:
Therefore since you've so bravely shewn,
Your Valour by the Light o'th' Moon,
And Beat so Bold a Rabble off,
Wh' Attack'd your Armour in the Trough,
You've well deserv'd, and may Command
The Hon'r of Knighthood out of Hand;
And since my Chappel as I said,
Quite Level with the Ground is laid,
I think if here we do perform
The Rites, it can be no great harm,
Now you have Watch'd your Coat of Mail,
Four Hours, when Two had done as well.

The Don extreamly pleas'd to hear
His Time of Knighhood was so near,
Reply'd, Ill bend to what you say,
And gladly your Commands obey;
The greater am I Blest, the sooner
You Dub your Servant with that Honour;
For were I once but made a Knight,
Methinks I could so boldly Fight,
That should the Rude provoking Crew,
Rally as they perhaps may do,
I should not spare one daring Vassal,
Of all the Force within your Castle,
Less I should save, at your Request,
Some chosen Friend that is your Guest;
For tho' enrag'd, yet your Command
Should stop the Fury of my Hand,
And move your Servant to forgive,
Ev'n those that scarce deserve to live.

The Landlord fearing all his Sport,
At length might Terminate in hurt,
And that the Champion and the Carriers,
Should Fight again like sturdy Warriours,
Resolv'd on speedily dispatching,
The Knight without his further watching.
Accordingly in Doors he stept,
And fetch'd a Book wherein he kept,
His Inn Accompts of Oats and Hay,
Receiv'd and measur'd out each Day;
To improve the Solemn Sham the better,
And make the Comedy the greater,
He brought the Lasses who before,
The Don had Sup'd with at the Door,
That the Two Wanton Jades might be,
A Grace to the Solemnity:
A Lusty Youth 'twixt Boy and Man,
With lighted Candle led the Van,
And thus they march'd with great Decorum,
To Knight the Don that waited for 'em,
As soon as they approach'd the Trough,
The Champion standing not far off,
The Landlord thus begun the Farce,
And Cry'd, Kneel down, thou Son of Mars,
That endless Honour may be done thee,
And Knighthood be conferr'd upon thee.
The Joyful Heroe out of Hand
Obey'd the Governour's Command,
And on the Cockling dirty Stones
Stoop'd down upon his Marrow-Bones.
The Landlord now a Mumbling made
Oe'r his Accounts as if he Read,
And drawing forth his Trusty Spado,
Which was a Rusty old Toledo,
H'adapted Words to the Occasion,
That pass'd for a Devout Oraison;
Turning his Eyes into the Air,
Like any Whore at Ev'ning Pray'r,
Feigning a Countenance as Pious,
As any Quaking Ananias,
And so dissembl'd, that his Guest
In solemn manner bore the Jest:
At length he lifted up that hand
Which did the sturdy Steel command,
And laid the tough old stubborn Blade
So hard upon the Champion's Head,
That bent his Helmet to his Crown,
And almost knock'd his Worship down;
Then lifting up his Sword soon after
He smote his Back a little softer,
Expressing loud some quaint Oration
That pass'd for Words of Consecration,
Then order'd one attending Lass,
Whose Face had oft been rubb'd with Brass
To girt the Sword about the Knight,
Who still was in a Kneeling plight.
Accordingly the Merry Gipsy,
With Wine and Brandy almost Tipsy,
In solemnwise kneel'd down in haste,
And ty'd the Weapon to his Waste,
Being forc'd to bite her Lips the while,
For fear they should betray a Smile;
Whilst she was busy just above
The hidden Label of his Love,
To fasten on his Belt before
Yet nothing could provoke the poor
Dumb Thing that hung a little low'r.

As thus the Mercenary odd-piece
Was fumbling near the Champion's Cod-piece,
To shew her Breeding and her Sense,
He made the Knight these Compliments,
I humbly wish your Doubty Worship
Good Luck in Combat and in Courtship,
May neither Armour, Sword or Steed,
Or any thing in time of Need,
E'er fail you, but be always ready
To Cope with either Knight or Lady;
For pity 'tis so brave a Blade
Should e'er be foil'd by Man or Maid.

Don Quixote smitten with the Dame
Most humbly begged the Lady's Name,
That he might know to what dear Creature
He was oblig'd for such good Nature,
Who had not only buckl'd on
His Sword, and other Service done,
But was so kind in her Expression
On this his Solemn Consecration.

The Lady, as the Champion thought her,
Told him She was a Coblers Daughter,
That her Name truly was Toloso,
And tho her Circumstance but so so,
She no Occasion had to be
Asham'd of Name or Pedigree,
For though her Friends liv'd by the Awl
And in Toledo kept a Stall,
Yet were they counted, she was sure,
Good Honest People, tho but Poor;
And truly, that herself, altho
She was in Quality but low,
Yet she was wholsome Flesh and Blood,
And, tho she said it, had as good
A Countenance, and Skin as white,
And other Things for Man's delight,
As those fine Dames that Men admire,
Who hold their Heads a great deal higher;
Adding, that she'd be glad to do
What e'er he should command her to,
And without Wages never grumble
To be his Worship's very humble.
The Knight upon his Honour bent,
Not heeding what the Strumpet meant,
Conceiting still she was a Maid
Of Virtue, tho an arrant Jade,
Only implor'd her for the Time
To come, in due respect to him
She had attended at his Knighting,
With Virgin Beauty so inviting,
That she would add unto her Name
A Title that might raise her Fame,
And stile herself for ever after
Donna Toloso, Eldest Daughter
To Don Coblerio of Toledo,
Descended of the Fam'd Quevedo.

My Lady smilingly reply'd
That Favour should not be deny'd,
Nor any thing that could delight
So worthy and so brave a Knight.

But all the Proffers of her Whoreship
Could not excite his frozen Worship
To take her forward Hints, or move
The Crazy Knight to think of Love;
For thirst of Glory crampt his Courting,
And put him by all thoughts of sporting.

The other Harlot full as kind
Was fixing on his Spurs behind,
And taking pains with pointed Steel
To arm the kneeling Champion's Heel,
Who still did Penance on his Knees,
And never flinch'd for want of Ease;
But with grave Patience and Content
Thro' all the Ceremony went;
Which shews what Struggle Pride will make
With hard Fatigues for Honour's sake.

The Knight now finding t'other Huzzy
About his Heels so very busy,
Did also very greatly long
To know from whence this Lady sprung,
So that his Questions were the same
To her as to the other Dame.

The Jilt, who like her Sister Trull,
Of Confidence b'ing brimming full,
Reply'd, the Name that she was known by
Was Miller, which she'd always gone by,
And that it also was the Trade
To which her Parents had been bred,
Who tho they had no Wealth, yet were a
Good Family in Anqteuera,
That scorn'd like other Knaves to steal
Five Pecks out of a Strike of Meal,
And that she durst to pawn her Soul
They never stopt more than honest Toll;
Adding, that if they'd took Extortion
They might have given their Child a Portion,
And not have only left their Daughter
A little Mill 'twixt Wind and Water,
Which his kind Worship by and by
Might find a good One if he'd try.

The sober thoughtful Knight not minding
What twas she meant, being past his grinding,
Instead of answ'ring what the Jill
Had said concerning of her Mill,
Return'd this Compliment upon her,
As if she'd been a Maid of Honour.

Madam, said he, Altho by Birth
You're not a Lady, yet the worth
And sweetness of so fair a Creature
Has made you doubly so by Nature,
Besides, as you've attended me
In this devout Solemnity;
For ever after 'tis your Duty
To add some Title to your Beauty,
That for your Service you may be
Distinguish'd as high Quality.
No matter tho' your Birth be mean,
At Princes Courts 'tis daily seen,
That Landresses and Chambermaids
From washing Smocks and making Beds,
For Secret Service Rise to be
The very top of Quality;
Therefore I beg, since you have won me
With those good Offices you've done me,
That for my sake you'll always claim
The Lady Miller as your Name,
And if that any durst dispute
Your Honour, how you came unto't,
This Arm at all times shall be ready
To justify your Claim to Lady.

The merry Crack, who rather wanted
To be well treated and gallanted,
Drop'd a Tail compliment however,
And kindly thank'd him for his Favour.

The Host, as well as all the rest,
B'ing now quite weary of the Jest,
Cry'd out aloud, Rise up, Sir Knight,
And for distressed Ladies Fight:
The Champion full of Life and Joy,
Sprung up as nimbly as a Boy,
Tho almost Crippl'd in the Hams,
Beneath their Ceremonious Shams,
His Posture having numb'd his Toes
And Feet, as if they had been Froze;
However, leaning on a Post,
He made this Speech unto his Host;
Right Worthy Governor and Knight,
And Lord of these Two Ladies bright,
Who by the Light of yonder Moon
Have thus adopted me your Son,
In Gratitude I'm highly bound
To own the Favours I have found,
And thank you for the welcome Cheer
That in Distress I met with here;
But above all, for that great Honour,
Of which you've been the Gen'rous Donor:
So that I now beg leave to go
Where I my Valiant Strength may show,
And for the sake of these Fair Ladies,
I'll Fight Orlando or Amadis.
The Host reply'd, with all his Heart,
Crying, The dearest Friends must part;
So gladly stepping to the Stable,
As nimbly as his Legs were able,
He rous'd the Courser from his Rest,
And clapping Saddle on the Beast,
He brought forth hopping Rozinante
From little Hay, and Oats more scanty,
Who groan'd and sigh'd, poor founder'd Steed
For want of Sleep as well as Feed.
No sooner had the Landlord brought
The Horse, but up the Champion got;
Then bowing o'er and o'er again,
As low as Rozinante's Mane,
He thank'd the Damsels for their Favour
And all their Lady-like Bevaviours,
Profess'd himself an humble Vassal
To th' Gen'rous Lord that kept the Castle,
So took his leave in Solemn manner,
And Gallop'd off with his new Honour
Leaving what e'er he had to pay,
Till the next time he came that way.
The Host being glad on any Terms
To send him packing with his Arms,
E'en let him march without the least
Attempt to stop the Man or Beast,
And wisely thought a friendly farewell
Was Ten times better than a Quarrel,
With one whose fighting was his Pride
Stark mad and Money-less beside.
Thus those who by their hair-brain'd Fancies,
And wild Conceits Eclipse their Senses,
With Ease and Pleasure boldly run
Those Risques that sober Mortals shun.