Vulgus Britannicus Or, The British Hudibrass [by Edward Ward] |
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| VIII. |
CANTO VIII. The beating up for the Trainbands; the City's Preparation for raising the same. The Watch and Ward, with their Character and Deportment.
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 | Vulgus Britannicus |  |
85
CANTO VIII. The beating up for the Trainbands; the City's Preparation for raising the same. The Watch and Ward, with their Character and Deportment.
Now
City Calvskin roar'd aloud,
Thro' London Streets, to scare the Croud;
And still the more 'twas beat or plaid
Upon, the greater Noise it made;
Before the Masters of the Dub,
Surrounded by a Beardless Mob;
Advanc'd a Red-fac'd squabby Fellow,
As odly shap'd as Punchionello;
Most nobly crown'd with Hat and Feather,
And dress'd in Buff or other Leather;
With Truncheon rais'd against his side,
To shew his Office and his Pride;
And now and then extended further,
To keep the little Boys in order;
Behind him came some Halberdiers,
With Feathers flapping round their Ears;
And on their Shoulders did they bear,
Their desp'rate Instruments of War;
Kept at the Killing end as bright,
As sturdy Steel of Errant Knight;
As if they'd been just scour'd with Whiting,
Or dust of Brick, against their Fighting;
Their Bodies hoop'd with Sashes round,
As tyte as Hogsheads Iron bound;
That they might hold, in case of Thirsting,
More Drink, without the fear of Bursting;
Each Hero's Stockins, Sash and Feather,
All seeming to be dy'd together;
That Men or Boys, who were beholders
Of these the Beaters up for Soldiers;
Might know by th' Colour of their Knots,
That hung in splendor on their Hats;
Or by the Strings that ty'd their Hair,
Of what fierce Regiment they were;
So Whifflers on a Lordmayor's-Day,
Who walk before to clear the Way;
Shew by the Ribbons that are hung to
The Noddies, who the Fools belong to.
Thro' London Streets, to scare the Croud;
And still the more 'twas beat or plaid
Upon, the greater Noise it made;
86
Surrounded by a Beardless Mob;
Advanc'd a Red-fac'd squabby Fellow,
As odly shap'd as Punchionello;
Most nobly crown'd with Hat and Feather,
And dress'd in Buff or other Leather;
With Truncheon rais'd against his side,
To shew his Office and his Pride;
And now and then extended further,
To keep the little Boys in order;
Behind him came some Halberdiers,
With Feathers flapping round their Ears;
And on their Shoulders did they bear,
Their desp'rate Instruments of War;
Kept at the Killing end as bright,
As sturdy Steel of Errant Knight;
As if they'd been just scour'd with Whiting,
Or dust of Brick, against their Fighting;
Their Bodies hoop'd with Sashes round,
As tyte as Hogsheads Iron bound;
That they might hold, in case of Thirsting,
More Drink, without the fear of Bursting;
87
All seeming to be dy'd together;
That Men or Boys, who were beholders
Of these the Beaters up for Soldiers;
Might know by th' Colour of their Knots,
That hung in splendor on their Hats;
Or by the Strings that ty'd their Hair,
Of what fierce Regiment they were;
So Whifflers on a Lordmayor's-Day,
Who walk before to clear the Way;
Shew by the Ribbons that are hung to
The Noddies, who the Fools belong to.
Thus round their proper Bounds they march'd,
Like waxwork Figures stiff and starch'd;
That by repeated loud Alarms,
Of Drum, the Cits might scour their Arms;
And send their Hireling Heroes to
The usual place of Rendevou;
That such a brave surprizing Train
Of Sworded Boys, and armed Men;
Might scare the bold tumultuous swarm,
From madly doing farther harm;
Or that at least it might induce,
The Mob who were before so loose;
To change their Shapes for better Pay,
And now, for half a Crown a Day,
Take Arms, and for the present hide
Themselves among the strongest side;
So Joining with the lawful Force,
Wisely suppress themselves of Course;
For when in Arms they shew their Faces,
How should they be in other Places;
So cunning Villains that commit,
By Night a Robb'ry in the street;
If once they find they're close persu'd
They slack their Speed, and Join the Croud;
And running on the self-same way,
Cry out stop Thief as well as they.
Like waxwork Figures stiff and starch'd;
That by repeated loud Alarms,
Of Drum, the Cits might scour their Arms;
And send their Hireling Heroes to
The usual place of Rendevou;
That such a brave surprizing Train
Of Sworded Boys, and armed Men;
Might scare the bold tumultuous swarm,
From madly doing farther harm;
88
The Mob who were before so loose;
To change their Shapes for better Pay,
And now, for half a Crown a Day,
Take Arms, and for the present hide
Themselves among the strongest side;
So Joining with the lawful Force,
Wisely suppress themselves of Course;
For when in Arms they shew their Faces,
How should they be in other Places;
So cunning Villains that commit,
By Night a Robb'ry in the street;
If once they find they're close persu'd
They slack their Speed, and Join the Croud;
And running on the self-same way,
Cry out stop Thief as well as they.
No sooner had the Marshal Dub,
Thus giv'n a Challenge to the Mob;
And call'd each Trader to prepare
His Arms for this Non-fighting War;
But e'ery willing Hero laid
His Business by, to whet his Blade;
And scour his Firelock, and his Barrel,
Upon this unexpected Quarrel;
That he might come himself or Hire
Some Man as Brave, that durst to fire
A Musquet that should do no hurt,
And never start at the Report;
But stand in Wet or Windy Weather,
At Corner Post an Hour together;
And boldly guard it in the Night,
That none should reel or stagger by't;
Without first shewing to the Guard,
Good Reasons why he drank so hard;
And that he was no Mob tho' mellow,
But a good honest Drunken Fellow;
So tatter'd Slouch that guards the Street,
And crys the Hour in Wind and Wet;
Will know by careful Inquisition,
Who runs for Midwife or Physician;
Thus giv'n a Challenge to the Mob;
And call'd each Trader to prepare
His Arms for this Non-fighting War;
89
His Business by, to whet his Blade;
And scour his Firelock, and his Barrel,
Upon this unexpected Quarrel;
That he might come himself or Hire
Some Man as Brave, that durst to fire
A Musquet that should do no hurt,
And never start at the Report;
But stand in Wet or Windy Weather,
At Corner Post an Hour together;
And boldly guard it in the Night,
That none should reel or stagger by't;
Without first shewing to the Guard,
Good Reasons why he drank so hard;
And that he was no Mob tho' mellow,
But a good honest Drunken Fellow;
So tatter'd Slouch that guards the Street,
And crys the Hour in Wind and Wet;
Will know by careful Inquisition,
Who runs for Midwife or Physician;
90
The Hour appointed being come,
The Heroes met at beat of Drum;
And Coblers, 'Prentices and Porters,
Forsook with Joy their Winter Quarters;
Like valliant Troops to undergo,
The Hazard both of Frost and Snow,
Besides the danger of the Foe;
Thus Lazy Louts and Drousy Fellows,
Who love to hug their Downy Pillows;
Think sitting up a Night in Buff,
Hard Service and sufficient Proof;
They've as much Fortitude to brag on,
As Champion George that slew the Dragon.
The Heroes met at beat of Drum;
And Coblers, 'Prentices and Porters,
Forsook with Joy their Winter Quarters;
Like valliant Troops to undergo,
The Hazard both of Frost and Snow,
Besides the danger of the Foe;
Thus Lazy Louts and Drousy Fellows,
Who love to hug their Downy Pillows;
Think sitting up a Night in Buff,
Hard Service and sufficient Proof;
They've as much Fortitude to brag on,
As Champion George that slew the Dragon.
No sooner were these Men of War,
In valiant Order met to scare,
The Hairbrain'd Rabble from persuing,
Those startling Ills they had been doing;
But the Mob vanish'd as 'twas thought,
Thro' fear of being Kill'd or Caught;
When in reality the Apes,
Had Proteus like, but chang'd their Shapes,
For those that were the Tatter'd Slaves
Before, who with their Clubs and Staves,
Knock'd down with so much Spite and Passion,
The Synagogues of Toleration;
Had now thro' Fear of being taken,
Like cunning Knaves to save their Bacon;
Transform'd their Broomstaves and Battoons,
To Backswords, Bandaliers and Guns;
And so from a Rude Mob became,
The fierce Suppressors of the same.
In valiant Order met to scare,
The Hairbrain'd Rabble from persuing,
Those startling Ills they had been doing;
But the Mob vanish'd as 'twas thought,
Thro' fear of being Kill'd or Caught;
91
Had Proteus like, but chang'd their Shapes,
For those that were the Tatter'd Slaves
Before, who with their Clubs and Staves,
Knock'd down with so much Spite and Passion,
The Synagogues of Toleration;
Had now thro' Fear of being taken,
Like cunning Knaves to save their Bacon;
Transform'd their Broomstaves and Battoons,
To Backswords, Bandaliers and Guns;
And so from a Rude Mob became,
The fierce Suppressors of the same.
So those who for one side declare,
That they the Publick Wealth may share;
And such abusive Frauds commit,
That put the Nation in a Heat;
When once they've largely made their Fortune,
By Secret means behind the Curtain;
They always then espouse that cause,
And give that Party most applause,
That best can skreen 'em from the Laws.
That they the Publick Wealth may share;
And such abusive Frauds commit,
That put the Nation in a Heat;
When once they've largely made their Fortune,
By Secret means behind the Curtain;
They always then espouse that cause,
And give that Party most applause,
That best can skreen 'em from the Laws.
92
Jack Presbyter in times of Yore,
Who pull'd down Church and Sov'reign Pow'r;
When Restauration did appear,
Turn'd tail on their own side, thro' fear;
And then cry'd hey for Cavalier.
Who pull'd down Church and Sov'reign Pow'r;
When Restauration did appear,
Turn'd tail on their own side, thro' fear;
And then cry'd hey for Cavalier.
To back their Military Guard,
They added now the Watch and Ward;
Wherein the Midnight Parish Croakers,
Old Tiplers and Mundungus Smoakers;
Swaddl'd in Rags hoop'd round with Leather;
To keep their tatter'd Frize together;
With Faces stern as frightful Vizards,
And Beards that made them look like Wizards.
Were Join'd with some more young and lusty,
With Skins like Bacon Fat when rusty;
Who seem'd to be a part of those,
'Gainst whom they now appear'd as Foes;
And that they'd still more Inclination,
To Join the Rabble on occasion;
Altho' their Brainless Head had chose 'em,
In case they met 'em to oppose 'em.
They added now the Watch and Ward;
Wherein the Midnight Parish Croakers,
Old Tiplers and Mundungus Smoakers;
Swaddl'd in Rags hoop'd round with Leather;
To keep their tatter'd Frize together;
With Faces stern as frightful Vizards,
And Beards that made them look like Wizards.
Were Join'd with some more young and lusty,
With Skins like Bacon Fat when rusty;
Who seem'd to be a part of those,
'Gainst whom they now appear'd as Foes;
And that they'd still more Inclination,
To Join the Rabble on occasion;
Altho' their Brainless Head had chose 'em,
In case they met 'em to oppose 'em.
93
So the same Gang that steal a Brace
Of Bucks from Forrest, Park, or Chase;
If they're but unsuspected Neighbours,
That gain their Livings by their Labours;
The Keeper will in friendship call 'em,
To go in quest of those that stole 'em;
Who join him laughing in their Sleeves,
To think themselves the very Thieves.
Of Bucks from Forrest, Park, or Chase;
If they're but unsuspected Neighbours,
That gain their Livings by their Labours;
The Keeper will in friendship call 'em,
To go in quest of those that stole 'em;
Who join him laughing in their Sleeves,
To think themselves the very Thieves.
Each Parish Watch-house now was lin'd,
With Crazy Sots, some Lame, some Blind;
And lazy Louts more fit to play
The Rogue, than scare the Rogues away;
From whence sometimes they made their Sallies,
And walk'd their Rounds thro' Streets and Allies;
Lead now about i'th' Face oth' Light,
By the stern Rulers of the Night;
Who look'd almost as much like ill Men,
As Judas and his train of Billmen;
When going to betray his Lord
And Master, for a small Reward;
Some Dirty, others Drunk and Drousy,
Some Scarecrows shrugging as if Lousy;
Some in Fur Caps, in which they lay
At Night, and wore the same by day;
All arm'd with mighty Staves whose strength
Appear'd in thickness and in length,
Which as they crept along, the Drones
Knock'd down so hard upon the Stones,
As if they us'd their Clubs for Hammers,
To serve instead of Paviers Rammers;
Or that each surly tatter'd Slave,
Meant by the noisy Thumps they gave;
To signify themselves to be,
The Riff Raff of Authority;
So Tinkers who Repair old Bellows,
And mend our Pots and Sausepans tell us,
By thumping loud on Brasen Kettle,
The sturdy Knaves are men of Mettle.
With Crazy Sots, some Lame, some Blind;
And lazy Louts more fit to play
The Rogue, than scare the Rogues away;
From whence sometimes they made their Sallies,
And walk'd their Rounds thro' Streets and Allies;
Lead now about i'th' Face oth' Light,
By the stern Rulers of the Night;
Who look'd almost as much like ill Men,
As Judas and his train of Billmen;
When going to betray his Lord
And Master, for a small Reward;
94
Some Scarecrows shrugging as if Lousy;
Some in Fur Caps, in which they lay
At Night, and wore the same by day;
All arm'd with mighty Staves whose strength
Appear'd in thickness and in length,
Which as they crept along, the Drones
Knock'd down so hard upon the Stones,
As if they us'd their Clubs for Hammers,
To serve instead of Paviers Rammers;
Or that each surly tatter'd Slave,
Meant by the noisy Thumps they gave;
To signify themselves to be,
The Riff Raff of Authority;
So Tinkers who Repair old Bellows,
And mend our Pots and Sausepans tell us,
By thumping loud on Brasen Kettle,
The sturdy Knaves are men of Mettle.
The City and Suburbian Borders,
Thus fill'd with Soldiers and with Warders;
Who like stern Heroes march'd about,
In quest of the Rebellious Rout;
Resolving if they could but meet 'em,
To take 'em or at last to beat 'em;
But all their Searches were in vain,
The Mob were now Low-Church again;
And all the Jesuits and Priests,
Were safely crept into their Nests;
That looking out for High-Church Plotters,
And those that were the Rout's Promoters;
Was now but seeking we may say,
A Needle in a Truss of Hay;
'Tis plain because the silly Elves,
Forgot to look among themselves;
For Watching, Warding, and Trainbanding,
Tho' Customs of an ancient standing;
Are thought by some but little better,
Than Mobing in another Nature;
Therefore whene'er those crafty Sirs,
That are the Cities Governours;
Think fit to raise their armed force,
All other Mobs must cease of course;
For those that Mob, like noisy Knaves,
Against the Law, with Clubs and Staves;
When the Drum beats, will gladly run
To Mob more safe with Sword and Gun.
Thus fill'd with Soldiers and with Warders;
95
In quest of the Rebellious Rout;
Resolving if they could but meet 'em,
To take 'em or at last to beat 'em;
But all their Searches were in vain,
The Mob were now Low-Church again;
And all the Jesuits and Priests,
Were safely crept into their Nests;
That looking out for High-Church Plotters,
And those that were the Rout's Promoters;
Was now but seeking we may say,
A Needle in a Truss of Hay;
'Tis plain because the silly Elves,
Forgot to look among themselves;
For Watching, Warding, and Trainbanding,
Tho' Customs of an ancient standing;
Are thought by some but little better,
Than Mobing in another Nature;
Therefore whene'er those crafty Sirs,
That are the Cities Governours;
Think fit to raise their armed force,
All other Mobs must cease of course;
96
Against the Law, with Clubs and Staves;
When the Drum beats, will gladly run
To Mob more safe with Sword and Gun.
| Vulgus Britannicus | |