University of Virginia Library

Walter Bardenwerper

Something To Look Forward To

"I'm just as eager as a young
colt," burbled the jolly
druggist as he announced his
intention to announce his
candidacy for President of the
United States. Obviously, this
man looks forward to the new
year with bubbly optimism. But
what is in it for the rest of us?

Well, there is the annual
Charlottesville New Years'
snow storm. This is always a
social highlight of the year, as
thousands frolic gleefully in
the Alderman Road snowball
fights. But after we've dragged
ourselves back through the
blizzard and are securely
warming ourselves before the
hearth with a goodly pile of
notes to memorize, what kind
of year can we expect to lie
ahead?

For openers, there is a
whole panoply of wars going
on in 1972. After the forces of
good and evil regroup during
the Christmas truces, the
post-season hate will emerge in
full strength to bring us enough
atrocities and terror to keep
three networks busy five nights
a week as always.

We can look forward to the
good Christians in Ireland
killing and maiming, tarting
and feathering, enough to
create ample material for
novels and movies for years to
come.

The Mother Goose of the
Middle East will lead her
troops in a heartwarming
anti-communist, anti-Moslem
crusade for Israeli sovereignty,
while the evil sheikdoms and
Arabian Knights struggle
valiantly, ruble after welcome
ruble, to regain their purloined
prairies of sand. You can count
on lots of polemics and power
in this feature, held over for its
Fifth Big Year!

The horrors of war are
rapidly gaining a big following
on the Asian subcontinent as
well. You can hardly miss the
wholesale destruction of a
precarious 20 year balance of
power in India and Pakistan,
not to mention the eradication
of thousands of people.

This is another in that
millennium of classics in
"God-Is-On-Our-Side" wars.
Look for some true oratorical
gems in New York as the
dignified delegates from all the
big powers debate the issue
into the ground, while Yahya
Khan becomes a household
word.

The Vietnam War is
scheduled to end its nine-year
run on November 6.

All the action won't be with
bullets, though. The year 1972
promises one of the best
fratricidal battles for the
presidency in a long time. This
year it is the Democrats who
will stage the main event.
Barring any of the 60's -type
reign of terror, the campaign
should be an extravaganza of
meaningful rhetoric featuring a
'concerned' Muskie, a
'disappointed' McGovern, an
'optimistic' Lindsay, a 'joyful'
Humphrey and a cast of
hangers-on that should arouse

the excitement of the masses
reminiscent of the great
Hayes-Tilden debates of 1876.

Don't count Nixon out for a
few surprises: maybe Spiro
Agnew (whatever became of
him?) will fade away leaving a
trail of epithets strewn in his
wake.

No one could write about
things to come without
mentioning the bright spots
provided by our president in
his upcoming voyages. Not
only will be overseas for
quite a while, but his trips
promise garlands of good
tidings from Moscow and
Peking.

These jaunts will probably
overflow with momentous
decisions and solutions to
monumental problems. (Who
really deserves the UPI number
1 ranking in table tennis?)
Maybe March will bring a
confession that The Little Red
Book actually has some
redeeming social value. Look
to the White House for a
windfall of quotable quotes.

On the local scene, the big
novelty of the year will be the
announcement that there will
be a slight increase in
enrollment to 14,000 for the
1972-1973 academic year.
With the new Education
School completed, there will
be precisely the optimum
number of square feet to
accommodate them all,
according to the Office of
Institutional Analysis.

Construction of the
recently-unveiled new dining
facility near the Glass Hat will
extend the exquisite Hat
cuisine to 560 more students.
Just two of the bright spots in
the upcoming year at the
University.

Finally, phase II is going to
be phased out into Phase III
which, by incorporating the
new U.S. Sales tax, will solve
all the nation's economic ills.
The real glory of the Three
Phases of Nixon will be
acclaimed by rich and poor,
young and old, majority and
minority in November. What a
great year this promises to be!
(If nothing else, it will be
another orgy of mistakes which
deepen mankind's hope for the
best in 1973.) Don't miss it.