University of Virginia Library

Volunteer War

Pillage Incentive
Solves Army Woes

By Fred Heblich
Cavalier Daily Staff Writer

I have heard many people
argue the question of abolishing
the draft in favor of a
Volunteer army. Economists
point out that a volunteer
army is actually cheaper in
terms of opportunity cost to
society. This is true, but most
people only see a volunteer
army costing them more dollars
and cents. What is the real
problem, and the real solution,
is to make the army more
attractive and still keep the
cost down. Then the draft
could be done away with, and
there would still be enough
people willing to go into the
army.

To make the army attractive
all that has to be done is to
bring back the old system of
pillage and plunder. The reason
no one wants to go into the
army anymore is because it just
isn't any fun. No more can a
young man go into the army
penniless and seek his fortune.
A soldier just fights, follows
orders, and collects a small
salary. All he is guaranteed is
his country's thanks (sometimes)
and a membership in the
VFW. What this country must
do is increase the side benefits
that a soldier can receive.

The year is 1527. You are a
member of the army of Charles
V camped on the banks of the
Tiber. You have just defeated
the French in battle and you
are pretty angry because the
pay checks haven't come in.

"Olives! I've eaten so many
damn olives my hands are too
greasy to hold my sword. What a
war. March all the way from
Vienna, fight the French day and
night and what do we get? Olives."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sick of it too.
The least old Charlie could do is to
rob a few farmhouses. What I could
do with a piece of beef."

"Look over there. What do you
see?"

"Rome, What about it?"

"Is that all you see? Just Rome?
Y'know what I see? I see piles of
spaghetti and pizza; gallons of wine;
tons of gold and silver; and Italian
women that I'd —"

"I see it too, now that you
mention it."

"Well, what's stopping us?"

"Your right. Let's go."

Now those people had the right
idea. Just look how this country
runs its army. Look what happened
in World War II: The Germans
plundered France, then they
plundered Italy; The Japanese
plundered the whole South Pacific
and part of China; the French and
the English when their turn came
went into Africa and Italy with
both hands. Now what about the
United States. After the war was
over did this country give its
fighting men a break and let them
have a little fun? No. Instead, the
United States started feeding all the
countries that had fought in the
war, with and against. Now ask
yourself: will this type of consideration
for the common soldier
attract volunteers for an army?

Just imagine the poor French
peasants who lived in villages in
Normandy in the first week of
June, 1945.

"Sacre bleu. They are coming!"

"Who is coming, Jacque?"

"The Vikings. They are coming
to plunder and pillage our fair land.
They will kill us, rape our women,
sell our children into slavery, burn
our fields, slaughter our animals,
and drink our wine. God help us."

"Tiens, you fool. It is the
Americans who are coming."

"The Americans? Are you sure?
They will feed us, buy our goods at
triple price, patronize our women,
and give us money. Let us go down
to the beach and welcome them."

"But Jacque, you are German?"

"So vat. Twenty-two skiddo
Brooklyn Giants, George Dimaggio,
and see you later crocodile. Are you
coming?"

No country in the world is
afraid of us. Why? Because if we
beat them in a war, within five
years they've never had it so good.
Our soldiers aren't allowed to
plunder or pillage. Countries try to
start wars with us.

Now suppose that tomorrow the
President announced that no member
of the armed services would be
paid a salary, but would be given
pillage rights. Ask yourself: how
long would we stay in Vietnam?
What is there in Vietnam worth
pillaging?

"Joe did you hear? We're
allowed to pillage C'mon let's go to
town."

"To town? Are you kidding?
Hell, me and my boys are flying to
New York!"