 | Songs and ballads by Samuel Lover |  |
LARRY O'GAFF.
Larry O'Gaff was a brave boy for marching,
His instep was large—but his income was small;
So he set up, one day, as a soldier of fortune—
The meaning of which is—no fortune at all.
In battles, bombardments and seiges he grew up,
Till he didn't much care if towns flourish'd or blew up,
And his maxims in life—for he pick'd one or two up—
Were short, sweet and simple for Larry O'Gaff.
His instep was large—but his income was small;
So he set up, one day, as a soldier of fortune—
The meaning of which is—no fortune at all.
In battles, bombardments and seiges he grew up,
Till he didn't much care if towns flourish'd or blew up,
And his maxims in life—for he pick'd one or two up—
Were short, sweet and simple for Larry O'Gaff.
“If your purse it is slender,” says Larry, “'tis better
To owe a small trifle than want a great deal;
If, soliciting cash, a solicitor's letter,
Or your mercer, maliciously make an appeal—
Look sad, and say, “Sir, your account shall be paid
Now my uncle is dead and my fortune is made;”
Then order some mourning—proceedings are stayed,
“And black's genteel wearing,” says Larry O'Gaff.
To owe a small trifle than want a great deal;
If, soliciting cash, a solicitor's letter,
Or your mercer, maliciously make an appeal—
Look sad, and say, “Sir, your account shall be paid
Now my uncle is dead and my fortune is made;”
Then order some mourning—proceedings are stayed,
“And black's genteel wearing,” says Larry O'Gaff.
Says Larry, “Love all men—except an attorney:
The ladies, without an exception at all;
But beware of a widow on love's mazy journey—
For, mostly, they've seven small childre that squall:
And then, from those eyes that love's glances have darted,
They sometimes rain showers—and sham broken-hearted,
Deploring the loss of ‘the dear man departed;’
Oh! them widows are sarpints!” says Larry O'Gaff.
The ladies, without an exception at all;
But beware of a widow on love's mazy journey—
For, mostly, they've seven small childre that squall:
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They sometimes rain showers—and sham broken-hearted,
Deploring the loss of ‘the dear man departed;’
Oh! them widows are sarpints!” says Larry O'Gaff.
“But if with some charming young creature you'd run away,
Court her fat mother—a middle-aged dame,
While her daughter, up stairs, is then packing, like fun, away,
A small change of clothes, before changing her name;
Mamma smiles resistance—but yields in amaze,
You rush for a licence to save all delays;
But go—round the corner with Miss, in a chaise,
And then, “heigh for Gretna!” says Larry O'Gaff.
Court her fat mother—a middle-aged dame,
While her daughter, up stairs, is then packing, like fun, away,
A small change of clothes, before changing her name;
Mamma smiles resistance—but yields in amaze,
You rush for a licence to save all delays;
But go—round the corner with Miss, in a chaise,
And then, “heigh for Gretna!” says Larry O'Gaff.
“Your wife is cut off with a shilling,” says Larry,
“But Providence spares her an old maiden aunt,
Who hates all the brazen young women who marry,
Tho' she, all her life, has been grieving she can't.
Round her you must flatter and wheedle and twist,
Let her snub you in company—cheat you at whist—
But you'll win the odd trick when the Legacy list,
Shows her will all in favour of Larry O'Gaff.”
“But Providence spares her an old maiden aunt,
Who hates all the brazen young women who marry,
Tho' she, all her life, has been grieving she can't.
Round her you must flatter and wheedle and twist,
Let her snub you in company—cheat you at whist—
But you'll win the odd trick when the Legacy list,
Shows her will all in favour of Larry O'Gaff.”
| Songs and ballads by Samuel Lover | |