The Works of Peter Pindar [i.e. John Wolcot] :: :: University of Virginia Library

Once on a time, a monarch, tir'd with whooping,
Whipping and spurring,
Happy in worrying
A poor, defenceless, harmless buck
(The horse and rider wet as muck),
From his high consequence and wisdom stooping,
Enter'd, through curiosity, a cot,
Where sat a poor old woman and her pot.

The wrinkled, blear-ey'd, good, old granny,
In this same cot, illum'd by many a cranny,
Had finish'd apple dumplings for her pot:
In tempting row the naked dumplings lay,
When, lo! the monarch, in his usual way,
Like lightning spoke, ‘What's this? what's this? what? what?’

Then taking up a dumpling in his hand,
His eyes with admiration did expand—
And oft did majesty the dumpling grapple:
‘'Tis monstrous, monstrous hard, indeed,’ he cry'd:
What makes it, pray, so hard?’—The dame reply'd,
Low curt'sying, ‘Please your majesty, the apple.’

‘Very astonishing, indeed!—strange thing!’
(Turning the dumpling round, rejoin'd the king),
‘'Tis most extraordinary then, all this is—
It beats Pinetti's conjuring all to pieces—
Strange I should never of a dumpling dream—
But, goody, tell me where, where, where's the seam?’

‘Sir, there's no seam,’ quoth she; ‘I never knew
That folks did apple dumplings sew.’—

338

‘No!’ cry'd the staring monarch with a grin,
‘How, how the devil got the apple in?’

On which the dame the curious scheme reveal'd
By which the apple lay so sly conceal'd,
Which made the Solomon of Britain start;
Who to the Palace with full speed repair'd,
And queen and princesses so beauteous scar'd,
All with the wonders of the dumpling art!

There did he labour one whole week, to show
The wisdom of an apple-dumpling maker;
And, lo! so deep was majesty in dough,
The palace seem'd the lodging of a baker.