University of Virginia Library

Scene 6.

Enter Doctor, Peregrine, a Booke in his hand, Ioylesse, Diana
Doct.
Sir I applaud your noble disposition,
And even adore the spirit of Travaile in you,
And purpose to waite on it through the world,
In which I shall but tread againe the steps
I heretofore have gone.

Per.
All the world o're ha' you bin already?

Doct.
Over and under too.

Per.
In the Antipodes?

Doct.
Yes, through, and through:
No Isle nor Angle in that Neather world,
But I have made discovery of: Pray sir sit;
And sir be you attentive, I will warrant
His speedy cure without the helpe of Gallen,
Hippocrates, Avicen, or Dioscorides.

Dia.
A rare man: Husband, truely I like his person
As well as his rare skill.

Joy.
Into your chamber.
I doe not like your liking of mens persons.

Doct.
Nay Lady you may stay: Heare and admire,
If you so please: But make no interruptions.

Joy.
And let no looser words, or wandring looke
Bewray an intimation of the slight
Regard you beare your husband, lest I send you
Upon a further pilgrimage, than he
Feignes to convay my sonne.

Dia.
O jealousie!

Doct.
Doe you thinke sir, to th'Antipodes such a journey?

Per.
I thinke there's none beyond it; and that Mandevile
Whose excellent worke this is, was th'onely man
That e're came neare it.

Doct.
Mandevile went farre.

Per.
Beyond all English legges that I can read of.

Doct.
What thinke you sir of Drake, our famous Countriman?

Per.
Drake was a Dy'dapper to Mandevile,
Candish, and Hawkins, Furbisher, all our voyagers
Went short of Mandevile: But had he reach'd
To this place here—yes here—this wildernesse,
And seene the trees of the Sunne and Moone, that speake,
And told King Alexander of his death, he then
Had left a passage ope for Travailers:
That now is kept and guarded by wild beasts,
Dragons, and Serpents, Elephants white and blue
Vnicornes, and Lyons of many colours,
And monsters more, as numberlesse, as namelesse.

Doct.
Stay there,

Per.
Read here else: can you read?
Is it not true?

Doct.
No truer than I ha' seen't.

Dia.
Ha' you bin there Sir, ha' you seene those trees?

Doct.
And talk'd with 'hem, and tasted of their fruit.

Per.
Read here againe then: it is written here,
That you may live foure or five hundred yeere.

Dia.
Brought you none of that fruit home with you sir?

Joy.
You would have some of't would you, to have hope
T'out-live your husband by't.

Dia.
Y'd ha't for you,
In hope you might out-live your jealousie.

Doct.
Your patience both I pray; I know the griefe
You both doe labour with, and how to cure it.

Joy.
Would I had given you halfe my land 'twere done.

Dia.
Would I had given him halfe my love, to settle
The tother halfe free from incumbrances
Upon my husband.

Doct.
Doe not thinke it strange sir:
Ile make your eyes witnesses of more
Than J relate, if you'll but travaile with me.
You heare me not deny that all is true
That Mandevile delivers of his Travailes,
Yet J myselfe may be as well beleev'd.

Per.
Since you speake reverently of him, say on.

Doct.
Of Europe ile not speak, tis too neare home:
Who's not familiar with the Spanish garbe,
Th'Jtalian shrug. French cringe, and German hugge?
Nor will J trouble you with my observations
Fetcht from Arabia, Paphlagonia,
Mesepotamia, Mauritania,
Syria, Thessalia, Persia, India,
All still is too neare home: though I have touch'd
The Clouds upon the Pyrenæan mountaines,
And bin on Paphos isle, where I have kist
The image of bright Venus: All is still
Too neare home to be boasted.

Dia.
That I like well in him too, he will not boast of kissing
A woman too neare home.

Doct.
These things in me are poore: they sound
In a farre travellers eare,
Like the reports of those, that beggingly
Have put out, on returnes from Edenburgh,
Paris, or Venice, or perhaps Madrid,
Whither a Millaner may with halfe a nose
Smell out his way: And is not neare so difficult,
As for some man in debt, and unprotected
To walke from Charing-crosse to th'old Exchange
No, J will pitch no nearer than th'Antipodes;
That which is farthest distant, foot to foote
Against our Region.

Dia.
What with their heeles upwards?
Blesse us! how scape they breaking o' their necks?

Doct.
they walke upon firme earth, as we doe here,
And have the Firmament over their heads,
As we have here

Dia.
And yet just under us!
Where is hell then? if they whose feet are towards us,
At the lower part of the world have heaven too
Beyond their heads, where's hell?

Ioy.
You may finde that
Without inquiry: Cease your idle questions.

Dia.
Sure Hell's above ground then in jealous husbands.

Per.
What people sir (J pray proceed) what people
Are they of the Antipodes? are they not such
As Mandevile writes of, without heads or necks,
Having their eyes plac'd on their shoulders, and
Their mouths amidst their breasts?

Dia.
J so indeed,
Though heeles goe upwards, and their feet should slip,
They have no necks to breake.

Doct.
Silence sweete Lady.
Pray give the gentleman leave to understand me.
The people through the whole world of Antipodes,
In outward feature, language, and religion,
Resemble those to whom they are supposite:
They under Spaine appeare like Spaniards,
Vnder France French-men, under England English
To the exterior shew: but in their manners,
Their carriage, and condition of life
Extreamly contrary. To come close to you,
What part o' th'world's Antipodes shall J now
Decipher to you, or would you travaile to?

Per.
The furthest off.

Doct.
That is th'Antipodes of England.
The people there are contrary to us.
As thus; here (heaven be prais'd) the Magistrates
Governe the people: there the people rule
The Magistrates.

Dia.
There's pretious bribing then.

Ioy.
You'l hold your peace,

Doct.
Nay Lady tis by Nature,
Here generally men governe the women.

Ioy.
I would they could else.

Dia.
You will hold your peace.

Doct.
But there the women over-rule the men,
If some men faile here in their power, some women
Slip their holds there. As parents here, and masters,
Command, there they obey the childe and servant.

Dia.
But pray Sir, is't by nature or by art,
That wives oresway their husbands there?

Doct.
By nature.

Dia.
Then art's above nature, as they are under us.

Doct.
In briefe Sir, all
Degrees of people both in sex, and quality,
Deport themselves in life and conversation,
Quite contrary to us.

Dia.
Why then the women
Doe get the men with child: and put the poore fooles
To grievous paine I warrant you in bearing.

Ioy.
Into your Chamber, get you in I charge you.

Doct.
By no meanes, as you tender your sonnes good.
No Lady no; that were to make men women,
And women men. But there the maids doe woe
The Batchelors, and tis most probable,
The wives lye uppermost.

Dia.
That is a trim
Upside-downe Antipodian tricke indeed.

Doct.
And then at christenings and gossips feasts,
A woman is not seene, the men doe all
The tittle-tattle duties, while the women
Hunt, Hawke, and take their pleasure.

Per.
Ha' they good game I pray Sir?

Doct.
Excellent,
But by the contraries to ours, for where
We Hawke at Pheasant, Partrich, Mallard, Heron,
With Goshawke, Tarsell, Falcon, Laneret;
Our Hawks, become their game, our game their Hawks,
And so the like in hunting. There the Deere
Pursue the Hounds, and (which you may thinke strange)
I ha' seene one Sheepe worry a dozen Foxes,
By Moone-shine, in a morning before day,
They hunt, trayne-sents with Oxen, and plow with Dogges.

Per.
Hugh, hugh, hugh.

Dia.
Are not their Swannes all blacke, and Ravens white?

Doct.
Yes indeed are they; and their Parrets teach
Their Mistresses to talke.

Dia.
That's very strange.

Doct.
They keepe their Cats in cages,
From Mice that would devoure them else; and birds
Teach 'hem to whistle, and cry beware the Rats Pusse.
But these are frivolous nothings. I have knowne
Great Ladyes ride great horses run at tilt;
At Ring, Races, and hunting matches, while
Their Lords at home have painted, pawned their Plate
And Jewels to feast their honourable servants.
And there the Merchants wives doe deale abroad
Beyond seas, while their husbands cuckold them
At home.

Dia.
Then there are cuckolds too it seemes,
As well as here.

Ioy,
Then you conclude here are.

Dia.
By hearesay Sir. I am not wise enough
To speake it on my knowledge yet.

Ioy.
Not yet!

Doct.
Patience good Sir,

Per.
Hugh, hugh, hugh.

Doct.
What do you laugh, that there is cuckold-making
In the Antipodes, I tell you Sir,
It is not so abhorr'd here as tis held
In reputation there: all your old men
Doe mary girles, and old women boyes,
As generation were to be maintain'd
Onely by cuckold making.

Ioy.
Monstrous.

Doct.
Pray your Patience.
There's no such honest men there in their world,
As are their Lawyers: they give away
Their practise; and t'enable 'hem to doe so,
Being all handy-crafts, or Labouring men,
They work (poore hearts full hard) in the vacations,
To give their law for nothing in the terme times.
No fees are taken: Which makes their divines,
Being generally covetous, the greatest wranglers
In Law sutes of a kingdome, you have not there
A gentleman in debt, though citizens
Haunt them with cap in hand to take their wares,
On credit.

Dia.
What fine sport would that be here now!

Doct.
All wit and mirth and good society
Is there among the hirelings, clownes, and tradesmen,
And all their Poets are Puritanes.

Dia.
Ha' they Poets.

Doct.
And players too. But they are all the sobrest
Precisest people pickt out of a nation.

Dia.
I never saw a play.

Doct.
Lady you shall.

Ioy.
She shall not.

Doct.
She must if you can hope for any cure,
Be govern'd Sir: your jealousie will grow
A worse disease then your sonnes madnesse else,
You are content I take the course I told you of
To cure the gentleman.

Ioy.
I must be Sir.

Doct.
Say Master Perigrine, will you travaile now
With mee to the Antipodes, or has not
The journey wearied you in the description.

Per.
No I could heare you a whole fortnight, but
A Bowle on the table.
Let's loose no time, pray talke on as we passe.

Doct.
First, Sir a health to auspicate our travailes,
And wee'll away.

Per.
Gi' mee't. What's he? One sent