Chalcographimania or, the Portrait-Collector and Printseller's Chronicle, with Infatuations of euery Description. A humorous poem in four books. With copious notes explanatory. By Satiricus Sculptor [i.e. S. W. H. Ireland] |
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| 4. | BOOK THE FOURTH. |
 | Chalcographimania |  |
BOOK THE FOURTH.
Error, sed variis illudit partibus omnes.
HOR.
By Folly led, each ranks his neighbour's brother.
CHALCOGRAPHIMANIANS.
The Muse shall wing her flight still higher,
And on page Chalcographian trace,
Those names renown'd assuming place
In sage Collectors envied band,
Where Catalogus takes his stand.
A Chalcographian dame is seen,
Yet though she buys is always wary,
Of precious money passing chary.
Eliza, Britain's princess too ,
Stands register'd among my crew:
And shows whole legions of tea-pots,
And daily would add more and more,
Had she of cash sufficient store.
And thou departed Br---nd appear ,
To add fresh lustre to my sphere,
Thou who alike would'st buy and sell,
As Catalogus knows full well.
From Gow'r Street noted S---th---l---nd ,
Where lost in Chalcographian cares,
Thy mind forgets rough Russian Bears,
Of which as chief thou mak'st an halt,
For porridge gaining stores of salt.
Next sapient B---ndl---y bearing stamp ,
For Chalcography naught can damp,
Endowed with scientific rage;
For if experience e'er was known,
To rear in mind sound judgment's throne,
Thou may'st dominion justly claim,
And boast the blooming wreath of Fame.
Fell fate, that robb'd thee of thine all,
I mean those stores that fell a prey,
To raging fire's consuming sway,
While tears distill'd from either eye.
Moves D---ce great chronicler of fools ,
Behold his Gr---ce of D---sh---re ,
While on collections thousands spending,
With Y---m---th's Lord thus fool'd away.
Long harbour mind infuriated,
Whene'er he hear of dainty food,
Black-letter tract with cut in wood;
Whom venders all gave direful sweat;
Printsellers fam'd, arch picture-dealers,
With other pickers fell, and stealers,
Who did on purse as furious pounce,
As on its prey remorseless Ounce,
Which plac'd him on repentance stool,
Wherefore he plays no more the fool.
Who Grammont's history must emblazon;
That cit-like takes especial pride,
Procuring portraits in Cheap-side,
Or rather bearing stores away,
Ne'er thinking of due payment's day.
Whose affectation makes men sick,
And leg in folly's mire oft puts;
As if the Marquis were a God.
His toil hath been to imitate,
A Rubens' style,—sublimely great,
Nay frenzy caus'd such mind's expansion,
He needs would buy the Antwerp mansion,
But dearth in purse the wish repelling,
Ejected Dicky from said dwelling.
'Tis B---nks, collector of processions ,
Makes Catalogus low bend down,
And in true token of—“his duty,
“Honour the shadow of her shoe-tie.”
From Queen's Square, stingy H---ll---ngs---rth ,
As Jew would give to Christian poor;
And hath a brain so passing fecund,
He knows First Charles preceded Second;
But as to vouching for aught more
On his research I close the door;
And while I thus wield probing pen,
On fam'd collectors acumen,
To prove I labour to befriend
Mine hero, whom I now endite to,
And urg'd by common sense—thus write to.
Her Majesty is a collector for Granger, and possesses many valuable Chalcographian specimens. Her method of purchasing however is not after the manner of Catalogus, as the Queen, although fond of portraits, has no less an eye to the value of Mr. Hase's Threadneedle impressions. From a channel upon which I can rely, I have been informed that had not the present melancholy change occurred in the state of our gracious Monarch's mental sanity, it was his intention to have commenced collector, in which case, from the few purchases he had made, there is no doubt but that liberality would have characterized his conduct in the prosecution of this pursuit.
This Princess possesses all the spirit of collecting, and would willingly multiply her stores with increased celerity, did she possess in a greater degree the means of gratifying her predilection. In addition to prints, old china tea-pots, I have also been informed, constitute another hobby-horse of this distinguished personage, whose liberal spirit claims the sincere wish on my part that success may crown her utmost expectations.
The above clerical character, who was the dupe of J---y S---tt, as I have before noticed, began his collecting career at a very early period; consequently the rarest specimens of Chalcography passed through his hands. He was however mean in purchasing, and as complete a Print-Trader as any one who publicly professes himself a buyer and seller of such commodities.
Mr. S---n---d, who has of late figured prominently as an Illustrator of Clarendon and Burnet, is Pr---s---d---nt of the R---ss---n company. In purchasing however he has become cautious, having at the commencement of his mania been sufficiently bitten by the Scottish Tarantula.
This gentleman to whom I have dedicated my volume, is possessed of Chalcographian and Bibliomanian stores, which are perhaps unrivalled both for quantity and excellence in quality. On the score of sound judgment no collector will hesitate to allow him to possess unrivalled pre-eminence. The writer therefore cannot better wind up the present note, than by wishing him a long continuance of health to enjoy the collection which he has accumulated with so much industry and perseverance.
Since the fatal event above recorded, which robbed this officer of his superb collection, he seems to have relinquished all idea of recommencing Chalcographian. Should the mania however once more take place, I wish him success in the undertaking.
Mr. D---ce, who has long figured in the annals of collecting, has also rendered himself conspicuous in the literary world, by publishing the work referred to in the above line, and I have only to regret that my absence from England at the period when the work in question was preparing for the press, prevented me from giving Mr. D--- some information, which might have met his approbation. Perhaps even the loan of the unique cut of Will Summers, from which the plate accompanying the present volume is executed, would not have been inconsequential to Mr. D---e, as affording a complete specimen of the costume of that jester at the period of Henry the Eighth. I certainly have to regret that the pamphlet, which in all probability belonged to the print, does not accompany the plate in question. It is scarcely known that an original picture, painted upon the finest cambric, is now at Alihorpe, the seat of Earl Spencer, representing Henry the Eighth and Catherine of Arragon, with Will Summers the jester, appearing between them, which elating to the Fools of the Great, would have been applicable to Mr. D---s purpose. This gentleman is possessed of many very choice and valuable articles, particularly in old French literature; his conduct has uniformly displayed a correctness of judgment and the most refined taste, while his manners, though apparently reserved, evince every characteristic of the complete gentleman.
His grace, who purchased the B---p of E---y's library, as well as that of a foreign nobleman, is reported to have lost very heavy sums of L---d Y---th, a circumstance which created much astonishment in my mind, as I did imagine that this elevated nobleman would have spurned all association with a personage whose delight is to attend Milling-Matches and Cock-Fights, while his society consists of such individuals as L---d B---ym---e, the lately executed Slender Billy, Cribb Molineux, Gulley, and Bill Gibbons. As for the loss of his rib, formerly Mademoiselle F---n---ni, who was claimed by two fathers, and preferred the embraces of G---l J---n---t to those of her fiery-whiskered husband; his L---ds---p makes up for his loss by constantly attending Duke's Place, &c. where he finds all his desires gratified.
As I have made mention of Bill Gibbons, I will now, by way of exposing the degradation of our nobility, subjoin an anecdote which is absolutely a matter of fact: Gibbons having a dog which he wanted to shew to the M---q---s of H---nt---y, son of the D--- of G---rd---n and his late D---ke-catching D---ch---ss, called at the mansion, where he found two very respectable tradesmen attending in the hall. Bill, addressing one of the footmen, said, that he knew the Marquis was at home and wanted to see him, adding, that his name was Bill Gibbons. The tone and manner of this applicant being extremely flippant or kiddyish, the attendant hesitated, when Billy, who was not to be put off, continued thus: “Come, do you choose to go or not; for by G---d if you keep me waiting, D---me but I'll kick up a hell of a clatter in the house.” The footman accordingly went to his noble master, saying, that a man named Gibbons wanted to see him. “Mr. Gibbons, I suppose you mean,” replied his lordship, “show him up immediately.” Accordingly up went Bill, who told the M---rq---is what had happened in the hall, when—wonderful to relate—the nobleman ordered up his two attendants and discharged them: but, upon the intercession of Gibbons, they were replaced. Well may we exclaim, O tempora! O mores!
The H---nbl--- individual here mentioned, who was a Peer of the Realm, possessed a few such choice articles as The Paradise of Dainty Devices, and Walton's Angler, the best edition, with Lombart's plates, for the latter of which he never remembered to pay the dealer from whom he purchased it, so far back as the year 1798.
Our young B---r---n---l, who is not only litigious, but meanness personified, was some time back seized with a universal cacoëthes, at which period his hall was every day crowded with venders of birds, beasts, shells, armour, stained glass, pictures, prints, insects, reptiles, with a string of et cæteræ that would fill an atlas folio; but having been most completely imposed upon, and well knowing the value of money, he on a sudden closed his doors upon these harpies, who are thus debarred from plucking their dainty pigeon. Be it remembered however, that many of these Nicknackatarians are not paid to the present hour, while others are involved in law-suits for the procurement of their demands.
The peer in question, who is occupied in illustrating the Memoirs of Grammont during his residence in England at the period of Charles II. is renowned for leaving his name during a long period upon the ledgers of the printselling tribe. The cause of his lordship's predilection for the above work is said to be on account of his wife, who claims alliance with the Grammont family.
Mr. R---ch---rd C---sw---y, royally denominated Dirty Dicky, ranks bosom-friend with the son of the D---e of M---lb---gh, in proof of which our miniature-painter always fills the card-racks on either side of the chimney-piece with notes and cards penned by that noble personage. The mania of this artist is to possess impressions from all Rubens' performances; of which he has not unfrequently availed himself in making his own designs, and to such a pitch was this predilection carried, that he actually wanted to purchase the mansion at Antwerp, which that sublime painter inhabited, but was prevented for the cogent reason assigned on the opposite page. This however is not the only instance of Dicky's cacoëthes, whose eccentric brain, crammed with all the visionary chimeras of Jacob Behmen, Swedenborg, and other fantastic unravellers of fate, may well rank upon a par with Doctor Faustus of the Cheshire Nixon, so that he is little better than a Mother Shipton in male attire. As I have in this note treated upon the subject of particular predilections, I will again record the name of Mr. Samuel Ireland, who was devoted to the works of Hogarth and Mortimer, both oil paintings and drawings as well as prints: indeed so great was his collection of the first mentioned artist's productions, that he had only one competitor for the palm of victory, in the person of the old Earl of Exeter, who died prior to the last inheritor of that title.
This lady, who possesses an excellent disposition, has a taste for processions of every description, for which she is in the habit of paying very liberally; while another female collector is to be seen in the person of Mrs. Fl---xm---n, wife of the celebrated statuary, who is doatingly fond of every pictorial performance from the pencil of the justly celebrated Stothard.
Having made mention of a statuary, I will here record the name of G---h---g---n, the sculptor, who is bitten with the bust madness, which he has pursued with unparalleled avidity, not having modelled less than two hundred, nor be it forgotten that in hitting off likenesses, he is particularly fortunate, witness the Bust of Lord Nelson, who never sat to any artist but G---h---g---n, whom he attended seven times for that purpose, being most particularly anxious that every lineament should prove the precise type of its original.
Mr. H---th, who is in pursuit of choice specimens of Marc Antonio, and all the Italian artists, is guided in purchasing by the puffs that appear in the catalogues, his own judgment not being sufficient to detect a retouched impression, which he will purchase for a really fine one.
As I have been speaking of particular manias, that of collecting caricatures must not be neglected, the most masterly specimens of Chalcography having issued from the shop of Miss Humphries, in Saint James's Street, being the production of Gillwray's prolific genius, who might even rank in his line upon a par with Hogarth himself. The present unfortunate mental derangement of that artist, may consequently be regarded as a serious event in the annals of Caricature Collecting.
POET'S ADDRESS TO CATALOGUS.
And shows the boar in ocean's floods.
Good Sir, I plainly now must speak,
For though mine hero—still I'll tweak.
Proboscis whensoe'er I please,
Since sugar-plums won't cure disease,
I now extend corrective hand,
For after conning o'er and o'er,
The extent of your mental store,
You prove e'en in your lov'd pursuit,
Like idiots, gaping all, and mute.
Perhaps at this you'll frown and flout,
And swear that facts can't bear me out,
But Truth subservient is at will,
To dose you with hard griping pill.
But to the point:—Show one Collector,
'Midst all your host that proves reflector,
And knows each foreign knight and sage,
That suits his illustrative page,
Unless beneath the name be writ,
Date, rank, and class, with all that's fit:
For me I've Grangers vast look'd o'er ,
Of Burnet seen stupendous store ,
And Crowle's deem'd first of Clarendons,
To view such men as should reflect,
Imperial hot-press'd paper grace,
With son's in lieu of daddy's face:
While vice versa, through life's run,
Papa hath stood in place of son.
Thus ere tie-wig grac'd napper dense,
I've grandson seen take precedence,
And stand for grandpapa, who wore
On sconce no wig, but nature's store.
All things to know, ne'er judge costume,
Each toils alone vast page to cover,
And rank a Chalcographian lover .
Among other illustrated volumes of this author, I cannot help enumerating Mr. Townley's in particular, whose rare specimens I have very frequently dwelt upon with infinite delight.
In S---r J---s L---k---s pictorial Burnet, among other egregious mistakes, which I did not note at the time it was offered for public inspection, I however particularly well remember remarking, that he had inserted the portrait of one Mainwaring, a physician, instead of the father who was a statesman.
Mr Cr---wl---'s Pennant, which was enriched from the materials of runaway T---mmy Th---mps---n, of Hebraic extraction, is, taking the tout ensemble, a passable specimen of illustration, though many insignificant prints are inserted which disgrace the pages. The Burnet and Clarendon of this collector have to boast numerous very rare specimens of Chalcography; but in these works, as in the above instance of S---r J---s L---k---'s blunder, there are the most flagrant errors: and in respect to the Infanta of Spain, mentioned by Pennant, I have ninety-nine times in the hundred seen a decorative portrait pasted opposite the page, which has no more to do with the lady whom Prince Charles was to have espoused, than I bear an affinity to the Great Kham of Tartary. Similar mistakes occur in the insertion of portraits of the Nassau family. I shall now close this subject by simply stating that in adverting to the character of the late Mr. Cr---wle, as a gentleman and a collector he was ostentatious, proud, and extremely mean in following up the Chalcographian pursuit, of which he was desirous of ranking the most heroic of champions.
Lord M---k K---rr, before mentioned, is possessed of an illustrated Bible, wherein is inserted, as I have been given to understand, an engraving of Magdalena Passe, being a representation from profane history of the Lycian Shepherds transformed into frogs for refusing water to Latona. This print however is placed opposite to the page which records the discovery of Moses in the bull-rushes by Pharoah's daughter. Being thus occupied on the topic of illustrated Bibles, I must not omit to reprehend in the most pointed terms, the loose and indecent prints that frequently appear as pictorial embellishments of holy writ, which are much more framed to grace the annals of a brothel, than stand recorded on the scriptural page.
THEATRICAL CACOETHES.
Sed variis illudit partibus.
HORACE.
But mocks them all in different ways.
Of K---mble I must not refuse
To W---ldr---n place who doats on plays ,
That acted were in ancient days,
The sock and buskin heretofore:
As for his prowess on the stage,
He may possess some mental rage,
But hearing is a certain test
With sight—that proves his bad's the best;
For sov'reign nature hath denied,
That he should e'er expertly ride
His hobby:—strutting scenic god,
Wherefore he ranks a Thespian clod:
As Player thus the Author's brother,
Just skill'd in one, as well as t'other.
With love Shakesperian wond'rous fierce;
O'er prints theatric, when they meet;
And scribbles too—dear recreation,
For page of monthly publication:—
Nor be O! Muse, forgot the night
When in Third Richard's costume dight,
He did the arduous feat essay,
And ranted thus some hours away.
Wherefore let foes say what they can,
He ranks stage-bitten gentleman;
Like Coates theatric connoisseur,
Call'd Fashion's famous Amateur,
Who boasts from dames bound in his fillets,
A countless pile of tender billets ,
Poor disappointed female sex.
View Play-house Mirror, famous H---ll,
Who gorges on poetic lore
Of ancient date, and boasts a store
With prints conjoin'd; which aught impart
Descriptive of the Scenic art .
Our Chaleographian course pursue,
M---th---ws collector of each print ,
That shows of Garrick's phiz the dint,
And folios eke intent to grace,
With prints that blazon scenic race:
Belov'd of Suett, now no more ,
Barbatics pride that made him crazy,
Old Caxon, Scratch, Tie, Bob, and Jazy,
Esteeming each a wond'rous prize.
The Thespian now under review, has always evinced a desire to possess theatric curiosities, but the state of his purse has unfortunately damped his ardour. He was formerly a book-vender in Middle-row, and has presented himself to the public as a dramatic writer as well as player; but I am sorry it does not lie in my power to pass any encomium upon his poetry or performance. Notwithstanding this conclusive stricture, I really wish Mr. W---dr---n success in all his undertakings, as he is a quiet, inoffensive, and well-meaning man.
Ex quovis ligno non fit Mercurius.
Mr. L---chf---ld, the friend of Messrs. B---d---n and H---ll, is said to be as well read in Shakespearian lore, as any of his renowned commentators; while his pen is monthly employed to blazon the pages of the Theatric Mirror. This gentleman, who purchases every thing relating to the stage, is frequently seen in the shop of play-vending B---rk---r, of Russell-street, in order to be in the vortex of dramatic literature; but the effect of his mania was never rendered so conspicuous as when he essayed the arduous part of Richard the Third, in which scenic attempt however he completely failed. It was owing to this circumstance that when at the masquerade a short time after, a gentleman present chancing to recognise Mr. L---chf---ld's person, accosted him in the following words:
“If Richard's fit to live, let Richmond fall;”
which appropriate exclamation so offended the would-be Roscius, that he not only wanted to see the face of the person in question, but also talked loudly of exchanging cards, a challenge, and so forth.
This conceited personage, who has enacted sufficient to entitle him to the appellation of f---l, so long as he shall continue to play his part in this world, has absolutely the vanity to boast that he has upwards of one thousand letters from the ladies, which he preserves unopened.—Query. If they continue sealed up, how can this connoisseur ascertain for a certainty that they are the productions of a female hand?
Our collector, editor, and play-goer, has weighty reasons and sterling arguments to account for his theatric mania, witness, Veluti in Speculum. Some years back when the heyday of the blood was more predominant than at present, Mr. H---ll no doubt remembers a tale that was current in the lobbies of Covent Garden and Drury Lane theatres, respecting a gentleman who went from the playhouse with a Cyprian, and remained at her lodgings till the ensuing morning, when in the place of leaving an Abraham Newland upon the dressing-table, the female votary of pleasure after the gentleman's departure, found the present to be no other than one of Gowland's Lotion bills, which bore a striking resemblance to a bank-note. This was thought a good hoax, but the expressive title of bilk continued long after to accompany the name of the person in question.
The extraordinary and versatile powers of this comedian do not stand in need of any panegyric, as it is quite sufficient to witness the exertion of his talents, which must command admiration. Under the guidance of C---r---m the printseller, as I have been informed, M---th---ws is forming a collection of theatricals, being particularly anxious to possess every thing relating to the inimitable Garrick.
The late Mr. Suett, the comedian, whose eccentricity and comic powers still live in the memory of the public, had collected a vast number of Old Wigs, which unfortunately were destroyed by fire, and among the rest was one of those appendages of the head, said to have belonged to King Charles II. which Suett bought at the sale of the effects of old Rawle, the antiquarian. As the theatrical powers of M---th---ws are of the broad comic cast, which was Suett's characteristic vein, the former, no doubt, actuated by a similar cacoëthes, has taken to the Wig Mania, since it is an old and received opinion that wits will jump. As I am upon the subject of an article appertaining to dress, I can do no other than candidly avow, that I should feel proud to possess the relics forwarded by order of the invincible Lord Nelson to Lady Hamilton which were the several articles of apparel in which he was habited when the fatal ball deprived that gallant admiral of his life, and the country of one of its bravest defenders.
PICTURE MANIA.
On such as boast a rage for pictures;
Who like friend Catalogus con
The page renown'd of Pilkington:
Wherefore sage leader of the van,
Comes St---ff---rd's Marquis, mighty man ,
To make election of one Br---t---n,
As register of pictures grand,
Though Painting he don't understand .
View D---v---ds---n great Alexander ,
Books, prints, and pictures, manfully;
With just such judgment as appears
To grace the creature with long ears.
Comes Bristol D---v---s, christ'ned Hart ,
That adds to name an M. and P.
A banker who in arts ranks shallow,
But famous judge of Russian tallow ;
As glimmer of a farthing light:
'Tis money makes the mare to go.
A R---v---sly comes, who buys and sells ,
To wearer of Right Reverend wig;
He ranks true dealer, more or less.
Must Leicester's Baronet be nam'd ,
Rewarding worth of modern days;
Such as by Stothard is possess'd,
A Wilkie, Beechy, or a West.
As the Marquis of Wellington ranks generalissimo on the Peninsula, even so does St---ff---rd's peer boast the title of commander-in-chief among the picture collectors of our island: nor can I in justice deny that many specimens in this nobleman's gallery are superlative examples of the graphic art.
Mr. Br---t---n, the publisher of some very choice specimens of architectural gothic remains, was elected Fellow of the Antiquarian Society, on account of his enthusiastic research, as I conjecture, into stone walls; for independently of their pictorial representation, I cannot divine a cause the nomination in question should have taken place. To the present personage also devolved the task of cataloguing the pictures of the last-mentioned nobleman: a labour he was in no respect capable of judiciously performing, having never been inducted to any refined knowledge of the graphic art.
This gentleman, who is immersed in the dunnest smoke of Bœotian ignorance, has nothing but money to recommend him: backed however by such a requisite auxiliary, he stands forward a great collector, purchasing at random, without either taste, judgment, or science.
Mr. H---t D---v---s, member of parliament, is deeply infected with the Picture Mania, which money, acquired in that emporium of ignorance, the city of Bristol, enabled him to indulge in its fullest extent.
Some years back this senatorial banker, realized £.40,000 in one day, by a lucky speculation in Russian tallow; but as I am now occupied upon the topic of a Bristolian lover of pictures, I cannot resist the desire of giving my reader the following poetical quotation from an unknown writer, as highly descriptive of the Bristol race, when considered under the head of the arts.
Of the arts I must speak, so at once to define,A Bristol Apelles—behold but the sign
Of red rampant Lion, a Savage and Bell,
Their talents such daubs comprehensively tell;
While taste is display'd in a breach of those rules,
Which genius has sanction'd and use of the schools,
Here quantum of colours on pallet ne'er fail
To make Iris blush, and outvie peacock's tail;
The true line of beauty your optics can't trace,
In figures possessing no vestige of grace.
Whose outlines display—or I'm not a bard,
True emblems of adamant, tasteless, and hard.
O! artists of Somerset Place, prithee say,
Are such the aspirers to envied R. A.
Shall vestments of pinks, blues, and reds, nature shock,
Arraying each portrait, a true barber's block!
Shall faces of chalk and vermilion's hot glow,
Shall hands, precise models of pale lumpy dough,
In short, can endowments like these prefer claim,
To ought pictatorial, worthy of fame?
Or if at their landscapes a slight glance we take,
The trees are green brooms, and the skies all opake;
In lieu of the rivers transparently bright,
'Tis an expanse of azure, or one plane of white;
The villas all staring prove wond'rous defective
In that most essential of points—true perspective.
While cows, dogs, and horses, like sticks void of motion,
Of playthings from toyshop convey a just notion.
Cuyp, Waterloo, Wouvermans, Ruysdale, they scorn,
Poor souls, if in Bristol, they'd all pine forlorn;
Their just compositions no patrons would find,
Bristolians for nature possess not the mind;
When they part with their guineas they claim what is rare,
A Picture of Pictures, to make people stare,
Determin'd they'll get what is sterling for gold,
Their uniform practice I'll instant unfold:
To those tenets close sticking of Cocker profound,
They purchase no Pictures, but Paint by the pound!
O shame! Science droops while true artists deplore,
That Genius at Bristol does nothing but snore.
Yet ah! sons of lucre, tho' bound by the spell
Of ignorance black as the dun shades of hell,
Though Bœotia's dark Erebus hangs o'er your spheres,
Enshrouding your senses and eke asses ears,
In short tho' of painting ye deem yourselves judges,
Your knowledge in this at a snail's pace slow trudges,
Like glazier's as bright; who, for publican shows,
On shutter fine checkers in orderly rows.
Yet do not despair, friends, ye still boast a charm,
To kindle in painters a fire brisk and warm;
I mean not of genius the flame trite and old,
Extinguish'd in Bristol—I mean, Sirs, your gold;
Since lucre makes daubers clean canvass defile,
And paint not by yard or by ell—but the mile;
In fine they have sense to avow ye are ninnies,
And all that they crave is your guineas, your guineas;
Your gold they will have, they declare by the pallet,
And knock ye down, using the brush for the mallet;
That weapon tremendous which nothing withstands,
Making dull heads more dull, when design'd by such hands.
In brief it requires no small sense to decide,
Whether artist or cit is to sense most allied;
But of this I'm convinc'd none would ever aspire,
To say that conjoin'd they would set Thames on fire.
But now to discover their learning let's try,
A task mighty easy betwixt you and I;
There's no need to put nice research into fetters,
When lords of the fine arts do not know their letters;
In short I would wager what any dares lay,
In lieu of a C they'll spell College with K.
The reverend gentleman above quoted, as illustrative of my page, may be regarded as a private collector by such individuals as do not understand the meaning of the word dealer; but not being altogether a stranger to lexicography, I must certainly apply the above term to Mr. R---, who ranks a vender as well as Smart, Woodburn, or any other of the renowned canvass merchants. In addition to the specimens of Chalcographians, quoted in my poetic ledger, I must not omit to mention by way of addenda, Dog J---nn---ngs, who acquired this canine addition to his name from having purchased the celebrated antique of Alcibiades's mongrel for one thousand guineas. Mr. J---s, who is now about ninety years of age, continues infected with a cacoëthes of collecting any thing that is in opposition to what is possessed by others, wherefore it is merely necessary to say that the walking stick of Mr. Tompkins is made of ash, whereas the one offered him for sale is of elm, but he will instantly demand the price, and become the fortunate possessor. Nor let me forget the deceased W---lsh P---rt---r, so renowned for embellishing cottages, and whose taste was consulted in the arrangement of Carlton House. This gentleman not only collected for himself, but would undertake to store the mansions of others with pictures and antiques, and in short, was a complete Proteus, attuning his versatile taste to the wish of every new customer.
Sir John Leicester, to whom I may well apply the following couplet of Boileau:
La docte antiquité fut toujours venerable,Je na la trouve pas cependant adorable,
Boileau.
Has in a very praiseworthy manner extended his aid to the living, by patronizing artists of the present era, of whose performances he has to boast a very choice collection. Being thus engaged on existing painters, I think it may not be unfair to designate Stothard the British Parmegiano; Wilkie, the Gerrard Dow; Beechy, the true delineator of nature; and West, the Poussin of England. With respect to the last mentioned artist's talents, too much encomium cannot be lavished upon his celebrated picture of Christ Healing the Sick, which performance, thanks to the Prince Regent, was prevented from being exported to America. Neither can I pass over in silence the late Mr. Barry, who, in order to refute the assertions of Zimmermann and the Abbé Dubois, (who have stated that the clouded and foggy atmosphere of England incapacitate our countrymen from excelling in the graphic art) produced a series of paintings, now preserved in the apartments of the Society for the Encouragement of Arts, &c. that would confer honour on the talents of the most sublime painters of antiquity.
NICNACKATARIAN MANIA.
Millia.
Vary with increase of the human kind.
Of persons to collecting prone,
Whether as hot as Cambrian Taffy,
In searching mines of Chalcography;
Or making purse at auction debtor,
For hoards of musty rare black letter;
And last the crew so passing bold,
In buying paintings scrubb'd and old ;
Each gifted with a diff'rent taste :
So to commence:—Our R---g---nt Prince,
A wond'rous passion doth evince,
To guard in armoury, with care,
Types of old saddles militaire ;
On medals, coins, and precious shells ;
One, warm'd with fine harmonic glow,
Pays fifty pounds for Pamphilio,
A fam'd Cremona's violin .
Yet such oft prove but wretched scrapers:
Others will buy tobacco papers ,
Of short-cut, and tobacco-pipes:
Samples we have of some, whose hopes
Concentrate in the hangman's ropes :
Or painted window's shatter'd pane ;
Cups, saucers, tea-pots, old Delft dishes ;
Of him that after wives was mad,
For, where he treats of paradise,
So Langford took of wives just seven ,
A number that might scare to death
The boldest Turk that ere drew breath.
Nor pass we by that shameless band,
Dispensing with a lib'ral hand,
Large sums, indecent books to buy,
And prints disgusting to the eye :
E'en to old sporting Colonel T--- :
In fine, full many none suspect,
On themes like these alone reflect,
Disgracing thus the manly name,
And blazon'd sons of guilt and shame.
There is perhaps more quackery in picture dealing than in any other trade existing, as could be exemplified by Dermer, Woodburn, Quaker Smart, and a thousand other Graphimanians; for when we find Sallad-venders in Saint Giles's, and Cabbage-sellers in Covent Garden, pretend to a knowledge of painting, there is no affixing any boundary to this pictorial cacoëthes.
In the armoury at Carlton House, which is arranged with infinite taste, thee are several specimens of this equestrian accoutrement, in collecting samples of which the R---g---nt manifests a most unconquerable cacoëthes.
The P---s C---te has already embarked with great spirit in collecting the above-mentioned articles; nor is she less conversant with the old armour, respecting which the late Captain Grose was not more deeply skilled. For the shell mania, L---d T---nk---rv---lle is no less renowned: but all living personages of this description were surpassed by a collector of antiquity named Rumfius, who, although stone-blind, literally gave one thousand pounds sterling for a single shell. Of this individual there is a print extant, representing him in the art of handling the rare specimen in question. As the above couplets relate to royalty, it would be highly improper in me not to register the name of D---ch---s of Y---k, who has such a predilection for dogs, that she never goes out unattended by troops of those faithful animals; neither let me pass unrecorded the mental endowments of this personage, which are to my knowledge characterized by every sentiment of tenderness and philanthropy towards the distresses of the suffering and the poor.
Cremona, a town in Italy, was very famous for manufacturers of violins, the makers of which instruments were Amati, Straduarius, and Slyner, and some of those have been frequently sold for two hundred guineas each.
Independent of the instances above cited, the late Mr. Tighe was rendered conspicuous for collecting printed shop-bills, of which he possessed a countless hoard. Neither must be omitted the mention of a lady who has a cacoëthes for notes of invitation, shop cards, &c.; from the style of writing, and designs of which, she forms her opinion of the lady, gentleman, or shopkeeper; nor will she deal with any tradesman, the design and wording of whose card does not betoken what constitutes in her estimation a fair and honest dealer. Although the ensuing mania bears no reference whatsoever to the above-mentioned instances, I cannot refrain from enrolling it, being rendered conspicuous in the person of Mr. N---rr---s, of Alb---rm---rle Street, who was such an assortment of snuff boxes, that he makes a boast of never taking two pinches of that pungent dust from the same tabitiere.
It is absolutely a fact that this cacoëthes is cherished by Mr. Urq---h---rt, a gentleman of respectability, who has bargained with Jack Ketch at so much per rope, to which he affixes a label, bearing the name of the criminal executed, with a statement of the crime for which he suffered. Of course, though this personage may pay exorbitantly for many of the hempen specimens which have not curtailed the existence of very noted characters, yet he is sufficiently remunerated when delinquents like Colonel Despard, Bellingham, the assassin of Mr. Perceval, or a sanguinary Williams, terminate their career at the gallows. The recent mention of Despard brings to my remembrance the mania of Mr. H---vis---de, of surgical fame, whom I must usher into notice as a great collector of masks, taken from the countenances of deceased persons of celebrity and notoriety, in the progress of which pursuit he was once disappointed, for upon applying to Mrs. Despard for the loan of the mask taken from her husband's visage, subsequent to his execution, the lady in the first instance consented, but upon ascertaining that Mr. H---vis---de's request did not originate in any sentiment of respect which he felt for the deceased, but was only made to gratify this particular mania, she in consequence refused to accede to his wishes. To his curious mania may be subjoined the pursuit of a gentleman formerly residing in the Temple, who had an apartment decorated with the rattles, lanterns, and staves of watchmen, together with the knockers wrenched from street doors, which were the trophies of his nocturnal perambulations.
The E---rl of W---rw---ck is in possession of many curious and valuable specimens of this warlike costume of our progenitors, which was in some cases rivetted upon the person of the wearer: an instance of this kind being recorded by Mezeray, who states, that some Italian knights being made prisoners, the victors were unable to take off their armour, in consequence of which they kindled a large fire, and upon this they rolled the unfortunate men, who were literally roasted like lobsters in their shells.
Mr. B---kf---rd, of F---nth---ll, the H---n---r---ble Mr. B---ng, and the late Lord Orford, together with countless others may stand enrolled as doatingly fond of this article, which is usually purchased to decorate the library, in order, as Milton emphatically express it:
“To cast a dim religious light.”As the above line appertains to things sacred, I cannot refrain from recording the Methodistical mania, which never was more powerfully evinced by the most bigotted catholics, than became manifest a short time back at the sale of Huntington's effects at Hermes Hill, Pentonville, where, among other precious relics of this saint among the ranters, producing extraordinary sums, an old arm chair must particularly stand recorded, which, although not intrinsically worth fifty shillings, was knocked down to a devotee for sixty pounds, while Saunders, the auctioneer, was commissioned to go as far as one hundred, had the competitorship continued. This chair cacoëthes brings to mind the perforated seat whereon the Popes are compelled to sit prior to their being invested with the triple crown, for the purpose of submitting to a strict examination, which was deemed most essential after the hoax passed upon the Conclave by the female commonly called Pope Joan. In addition to this chair mania, I have recently been informed that the spectacles of Huntingdon, and every other article, produced similar exorbitant sums, while it is asserted that a waggon of the prophet's was purchased by a farmer, who was one of his most zealous followers, for no less a sum than one thousand two hundred pounds. This also brings to recollection the rage that was manifested for any precious relic that had belonged to Edward Edwards, the black preacher, on his leaving England in the capacity of a missionary, to preach the gospel among his swarthy brethren.
In the person of S---r J---s---ph B---ks we have a striking instance of this mania, which was carried to such an extent, that in order to ascertain whether any relationship or affinity existed between a flea and a lobster, one of the former insects was boiled, when his coat not turning scarlet, it was incontestibly proved, that
“Fleas are not lobsters by the Lord!”
Having spoken on the subject of animals and insects, I cannot forget to make mention of L---y C---te C---pb---ll, who is a most determined bird-fancier, having no less than ten parrots at the same time; one of which happening to be sick, her ladyship absolutely sat up for ten nights with this feathered favourite, during which period she never once changed her apparel. I have further to add in respect to the bird mania, that a lady, named Orby Hunter, some short time back positively bequeathed two hundred pounds per annum for the maintenance of a favourite parrot, so long as he should continue in the land of the living. Nor be forgotten Poor Tom Sugden, the mendicant, whose love for pigeons was never surpassed by any fancier of that billet-carrying bird.
To these various predilections should be subjoined the tulip mania and botanical cacoëthes, for which innumerable individuals have been and are famed, witness the late D---ct---r D---rw---n, and the living D---r Th---nt---n, whose specimens are now disseminated through the medium of a lottery, a specious but deceptive plan, which was also resorted to by Messrs. Macklin and Boydell, the latter of whom was by this means rescued from the pecuniary difficulty which was brought on by the pressure of the times.
This fellow, who formerly officiated as a methodist preacher, was literally tried at the Old Bailey a short time back, and found guilty of the above flagrant enormities, for which he received sentence of transportation for seven years, being just twelve months banishment for every such conjugal enjoyment.
In addition to the late D--- Q--- the D--- Y--- and C--- T---n, L---d H---k---, must also stand on record as famour for this infatuation, which I am sorry to add is much too prevalent: neither ought I to omit the mention of foreigners, who are most notorious for giving publicity to these incentives to vice.
CONCLUSION.
Nec poterit ferrum, nec edax abolere vetusta.
OVID.
Time's gnawing tooth—and Jove's destructive ire.
To league with fame, her darling son,
That Chalcographian thrice renown'd,
Collector famous, judge profound;
Sir Catalogus, who reveres
Sales, and their heroes Auctioneers;
Whose glib tongues go like windmills' clack,
When treating of renown'd Elstracke;
Faithornes and Hollars, Marshalls, Glovers;
And yielding Chalcographian food,
Laborious White and rare Gaywood;
Nor does he less feel pleas'd to squint O!
On Place's famous mezzotinto.
Or Smith, a scraper wond'rous rare,
And Valliant too, beyond compare .
His friends—the dealers in this trade,
And prov'd he ranks with Peers on par,
Divines and lawyers at the bar;
Soldiers and gentlemen of worth,
With acres bless'd of dirty earth:
And keepers of pawnbrokers' shops:
Having, I say, enroll'd my story,
And crown'd mine hero—son of glory;
What else remains for me to do,
Than bid my Pegasus bring-to?
Wherefore all comments to cut short,
Since brevity is wisdom's fort,
The hand to curb-rein I apply,
Thus bidding readers, all good bye;
And Catalogus hail the great,
Thus shrin'd in Chalcographian state.
The undermentioned are remarkably fine specimens from the gravers of the several artists, &c. named above, viz. King Charles I. when Prince of Wales, standing by a chair, from the burin of Elstracke—James I. and his family, with Prince Henry, holding a scull, by William Passe—The same Monarch and his Queen, Anne of Denmark, by Simon Passe—and the Marchioness of Buckingham, with the border, by Magdalena Passe—Cromwell between the pillars, Sir William and Lady Paston, with Carew Reynell, by Faithorne—Sir Thomas Chaloner and the views of Arundel House, by Hollar—The Earl of Stirling, by Marshall—Sir Thomas Urquhart, by Glover—Barbara Urselin, by Gaywood—Nonsuch O Toole, by Declarum— George Clifford, Earl of Cumberland, with Sir Martin and Doctor Martin Leicester, by Robert White. With regard to specimens of mezzotinto excellence, I must here enumerate Sterne, Archbishop of York, by Place—King James II. with the Anchor and John Beggarus, a foreign bishop, by John Smith, together with Valiant's portrait of his wife, and the sheet print of his family, all of which are striking instances of the talent possessed by these several professors of the Chalcographian art.
N. B. It is necessary that I should offer an apology for having omitted to mention the name of L---d St---mf---rd, in the list of collectors; the pursuit of that nobleman being dedicated to the accumulation of Hollar's prints, of which he has to boast a very fine assortment.
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