University of Virginia Library

Those subtle wights who live by imposition,
Should ever and anon beware,
How they get 'tangled in Detection's snare,
From fraud to shame is oft a quick transition;
And Ridicule pursues that caitiff's terrors,
Who gets a livelihood by social errors.

In the vicinity of Breslaw, stood
A convent dedicated to Saint Bruno,
Where Mary's form was multiplied in wood;
Which as a pious learned reader you know.
One of those images was costly drest,
With varied draperies, by bigots given,
And pearls and golden tissue grac'd her vest,
Such as befit the relatives of heaven.
Oft in refectory warm, beneath her shrine,
The holy brethren met in close array,
With temporal blessings crowning all their labours.
But when the sacred feast was o'er,
With charitable zeal they would implore,
The virgin advocate divine,
To shower spiritual comforts on their neighbours.
It so fell out,
An irrelegious varlet, bold and stout,
Crept in the night unto this lady fair,
And stole away her trappings rich and rare;
But as misfortune must attend an act,
Whene'er the devil regulates the deed,
This varlet was arrested in the fact,
And sentenc'd to eat boiling lead, and be impal'd, and flea'd.
But ere this matter could be put in force
In Frederick's domain,
Or any subject slain,
Some prefatory laws must take their course;
In consequence, the trembling wretch was hurried,
To Berlin's sapient court,
To undergo some legislative sport,
And be appall'd and worried.
The monks, in high wrought anger, told the offence,
The monarch heard, and ask'd the thief's defence,
Who, flank'd by enemies on every side,
Thus to his king with lowly mien replied:
One bitter wint'ry day, when Boreas blew
So cold it pierc'd my vitals thro' and thro,
Unbless'd with raiment to defend my frame
From the keen blast, and freezing blasts there came,
A thought engender'd in my brain,
Which ow'd its birth to many a pious strain:
These holy men have told,
How the sweet virgin could make water wine,
And bread from stones, on which the sainted dine,
And change concreted filth to burnish'd gold.
Arm'd with such powers to give a wretch relief,
And extirpate his grief,
I thought she'd lend me some celestial riches,
To hide my nakedness, and buy me breeches;
The event has justified what gownsmen say,
The virgin utter'd thus, when I had ceas'd to pray:
Hanging her head down, like a modest bride,
Here, friend, unpin this garment from my side,
Go bind it round you straight, and call it meum,
And hide your nudities, I'm shock'd to see 'em.
This is the truth, my Leige, or may I die,
The monks vociferous roar'd—'tis all a lie.
Hush, said the monarch, miscreants, hold your peace,
Dare you aver that miracles can cease,
Question once more the action in this place,
By heaven, I'll abrogate your lazy race;
Would you have men be better and believe,
Preach not at morn what you deny at eve;
I like the deed, her principles are good,
The Lady's heart is warm, tho' made of wood;
The case is plain, it was a christian gift,
To move his wants she'd given him her shift;
Unbind the man, and bid him go his way,
The priests may where they list, to fast or pray.
The cowl-clad brethren grumbling sought their cell,
The rogue untouch'd by Retribution's scars
Receded, as he thank'd his better stars,
That all was well.