1.4. CHAPTER IV
Discourses on the road, and a description of the palace of
Death.
WE were all silent for some minutes, till,
being well shaken into our several seats,
I opened my mouth first, and related
what had happened to me after our separation in
the city we had just left. The rest of the company,
except the grave female spirit whom our
reader may remember to have refused giving an
account of the distemper which occasioned her dissolution,
did the same. It might be tedious to relate
these at large; we shall therefore only mention
a very remarkable inveteracy which the Surfeit
declared to all the other diseases, especially to the
Fever, who, she said, by the roguery of the porters,
received acknowledgments from numberless
passengers which were due to herself. "Indeed,''
says she, "those cane-headed fellows'' (for so she
called them, alluding, I suppose, to their ticket)
"are constantly making such mistakes; there is no
gratitude in those fellows; for I am sure they have
greater obligations to me than to any other disease,
except the Vapors.'' These relations were
no sooner over than one of the company informed
us we were approaching to the most noble building
he had ever beheld, and which we learned from
our coachman was the palace of Death. Its outside,
indeed, appeared extremely magnificent. Its
structure was of the Gothic order; vast beyond
imagination, the whole pile consisting of black
marble. Rows of immense yews form an amphitheater
round it of such height and thickness that
no ray of the sun ever perforates this grove, where
black eternal darkness would reign was it not excluded
by innumerable lamps which are placed in
pyramids round the grove; so that the distant reflection
they cast on the palace, which is plentifully
gilt with gold on the outside, is inconceivably solemn.
To this I may add the hollow murmur of
winds constantly heard from the grove, and the
very remote sound of roaring waters. Indeed,
every circumstance seems to conspire to fill the
mind with horror and consternation as we approach
to this palace, which we had scarce time
to admire before our vehicle stopped at the gate,
and we were desired to alight in order to pay our
respects to his most mortal majesty (this being
the title which it seems he assumes). The outward
court was full of soldiers, and, indeed, the
whole very much resembled the state of an
earthly monarch, only more magnificent. We
passed through several courts into a vast hall,
which led to a spacious staircase, at the bottom
of which stood two pages, with very grave
countenances, whom I recollected afterwards to
have formerly been very eminent undertakers,
and were in reality the only dismal faces I
saw here; for this palace, so awful and tremendous
without, is all gay and sprightly within;
so that we soon lost all those dismal and gloomy
ideas we had contracted in approaching it. Indeed,
the still silence maintained among the guards
and attendants resembled rather the stately pomp
of eastern courts; but there was on every face such
symptoms of content and happiness that diffused
an air of cheerfulness all round. We ascended
the staircase and passed through many noble
apartments whose walls were adorned with various
battle-pieces in tapistry, and which we spent
some time in observing. These brought to my
mind those beautiful ones I had in my lifetime
seen at Blenheim, nor could I prevent my curiosity
from inquiring where the Duke of Marlborough's
victories were placed (for I think they were almost
the only battles of any eminence I had read of
which I did not meet with); when the skeleton of a
beef-eater, shaking his head, told me a certain
gentleman, one Lewis XIV, who had great interest
with his most mortal majesty, had prevented any
such from being hung up there. "Besides,'' says
he, "his majesty hath no great respect for that
duke, for he never sent him a subject he could keep
from him, nor did he ever get a single subject by
his means but he lost 1000 others for him.'' We
found the presence-chamber at our entrance very
full, and a buzz ran through it, as in all assemblies,
before the principal figure enters; for his majesty
was not yet come out. At the bottom of the room
were two persons in close conference, one with a
square black cap on his head, and the other with
a robe embroidered with flames of fire. These, I
was informed, were a judge long since dead, and
an inquisitor-general. I overheard them disputing
with great eagerness whether the one had
hanged or the other burned the most. While
I was listening to this dispute, which seemed to be
in no likelihood of a speedy decision, the emperor
entered the room and placed himself between two
figures, one of which was remarkable for the
roughness, and the other for the beauty of his
appearance. These were, it seems, Charles XII of
Sweden and Alexander of Macedon. I was at too
great a distance to hear any of the conversation,
so could only satisfy my curiosity by contemplating
the several personages present, of whose
names I informed myself by a page, who looked
as pale and meager as any court-page in the other
world, but was somewhat more modest. He
showed me here two or three Turkish emperors, to
whom his most mortal majesty seemed to express
much civility. Here were likewise several of the
Roman emperors, among whom none seemed so
much caressed as Caligula, on account, as the page
told me, of his pious wish that he could send all
the Romans hither at one blow. The reader may
be perhaps surprised that I saw no physicians
here; as indeed I was myself, till informed that
they were all departed to the city of Diseases,
where they were busy in an experiment to purge
away the immortality of the soul.
It would be tedious to recollect the many individuals
I saw here, but I cannot omit a fat figure,
well dressed in the French fashion, who was received
with extraordinary complacence by the emperor,
and whom I imagined to be Lewis XIV
himself; but the page acquainted me he was a
celebrated French cook.
We were at length introduced to the royal presence,
and had the honor to kiss hands. His majesty
asked us a few questions, not very material
to relate, and soon after retired.
When we returned into the yard we found our
caravan ready to set out, at which we all declared
ourselves well pleased; for we were sufficiently
tired with the formality of a court, notwithstanding
its outward splendor and magnificence.