The Vnnatvrall Combat A Tragedie. The Scaene Marsellis |
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Scæna prima.
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 | The Vnnatvrall Combat |  |
Scæna prima.
Enter Beaufort senior, Servant.Beaufort senior.
Have you beene carefull?
Serv.
With my best endevours,
Let them bring stomacks, theres no want of meat Sir:
Portly and curious viands are prepar'd,
To please all kindes of appetites.
Beauf. sen.
Tis well.
I love a table furnisht with full plentie,
And store of friends to eat it, but with this caution,
I would not have my house a common Inne,
For some men that come rather to devoure me,
Than to present their service. At this time too
It being a serious and solemne meeting,
I must not haue my boord pester'd with shadowes,
That under other mens protection breake in
Without invitement.
Serv.
With your favour then,
You must double your gard, my Lord, for on my knowledge
There are some so sharp set, not to be kept out
By a file of Musketiers. And 'tis lesse danger,
I'll undertake, to stand at push of pike
With an enemie in a breach, that undermin'd too,
And the Cannon playing on it, than to stop
One Harpie, your perpetuall ghest, from entrance,
When the dresser, the Cookes drum, thunders come on,
The service will be lost else.
Beauf. sen.
What is hee?
Serv.
As tall a trencher-man, that is most certaine,
As ere demolisht Pie-fortification
As soone as batter'd; and if the rim of his belly
Than his Buffe jerkin, there were no defence
Against the charge of his guts: you needs must know him,
He's eminent for his eating.
Beauf. sen.
O Belgarde!
Serv.
The same, one of the Admirals cast Captaines,
Who sweare, there being no war, nor hope of any,
The onely drilling is to eat devoutly,
And to be ever drinking, (that's allow'd of)
But they know not where to get it, there's the spite on't.
Beauf. sen.
The more their miserie, yet if you can
For this day put him off.
Serv.
It is beyond th'invention of man.
Beauf. sen.
No: say this onely,
Whispers to him.
And as from me; you apprehend me?
Serv.
Yes Sir.
Beauf. sen.
But it must be done gravely.
Serv.
Never doubt me Sir.
Beauf. sen.
Wee'll dine in the great roome, but let the musick
And banquet be prepar'd here.
Exit Beauf. sen.
Serv.
This will make him
Lose his dinner at the least, and that will vex him.
As for the sweet meats, when they are trod under foot,
Let him take his share with the Pages and Lacqueyes,
Or scramble in the rushes.
Enter Belgarde.
Belg.
Tis neere twelve,
I keepe a watch within me never misses.
Save thee Master Steward.
Serv.
You are most welcome, Sir.
Belg.
Has thy Lord slept well to night? I come to enquire.
I had a foolish dreame, that against my will
Carried me from my lodging, to learne onely
How he's dispos'd.
Serv.
He's in most perfect health, Sir.
Belg.
Let me but see him feed heartily at dinner,
And I'll beleeve so too, for from that ever
Serv.
It holds surely
In your owne constitution.
Belg.
And in all mens
Tis the best symptome, let us loose no time,
Delay is dangerous.
Serv.
Troth Sir if I might
Without offence deliver what my Lord has
Committed to my trust, I shall receive it
As a speciall favour.
Belg.
Weell see't, and discourse
As the proverbe sayes for health sake after dinner,
Or rather after supper, willingly then
I'll walke a mile to here thee.
Serv.
Nay good Sir
I will be briefe and pithee.
Belg.
Prethee be so.
Serv.
Hee bid me say of all his ghests, that he
Stands most affected to you, for the freedome,
And plainnesse of your maners. He ne're observ'd you
To twirle a dish about, you did not like of
All being pleasing to you; or to take
A say of venison, or stale fowle by your nose,
(Which is a solecisme at anothers table)
But by strong eating of 'em did confirme
They never were delitious to your palat,
But when they were mortifi'd, as the Hugonot sayes,
And so your part growes greater, nor doe you
Find fault with the sawce, keen hunger being the best,
Which ever to your much praise, you bring with you;
Nor will you with impertinent relations
Which is a master-peece, when meates before you
Forget your teeth to use your nimble tongue
But doe the feate you come for.
Belg.
Be advis'd
And end your jeering; for if you proceede
You'll feele, as I can eate I can be angrie,
Serv.
I'll take your counsell,
And roundly come to the point, my Lord much wonders
That you, that are a courtier as a souldier,
In all things else, and every day can vary
Your actions and discourse, continue constant
To this one suite?
Belg.
To one? tis well I have one,
Unpawnd, in these dayes, every cast commander is not blest with
the fortune, I assure you, but why this question? does this offend
him?
Serv.
Not much: but he believes it is the reason,
You nere presume to fit above the salt,
And therefore this day (our great Admirall
With other states being invited ghests)
He does intreate you to appeare among 'em,
In some fresh habit.
Belg.
This staffe shall not serve
To beat the dogge off, these are souldiers garments,
And so by consequence grow contemptible.
Serv.
It has stung him.
Belg.
I would I were aquainted with the players,
In charity they might furnish me, but there is
No faith in Brokers, and for believing Taylors
They are only to be read of, but not seene,
And sure they are confinde to their owne hells,
And there they live invisible, well I must not
Be fubd off thus, pray you report my service
To the Lord governour. I will obey him
And though my wardrop's poore, rather then loose
His company at this feast, I will put on
The richest suite I have, and fill the chaire,
That makes me worthy of—
Exit Belgarde.
Serv.
We are shut of him, he will be seene no more here, how my fellowes
Will blesse me for his absence, he had starv'd em
Had he stayd a little longer, would he cood,
For his owne sake shift a shirt, and thats the utmost
Exit:
Enter Beaufort Sen. and Beaufart jun.
Beauf. sen.
Tis a strange fondnesse.
Beauf. jun.
Tis beyond example,
His resolution to part with his estate,
To make her dower the waightier is nothing,
But to observe how curious he is
In his owne person to adde ornament
To his daughters ravishing features, is the wonder.
I sent a page of mine in the way of courtship,
This morning to her to present my service,
From whom I understand all: there he found him
Sollicitous in what shape she should appeare,
This gowne was rich, but the fashion stale, the other
Was quaint, and neate, but the stuffe no: rich enough,
Then does he curse the Taylor, and in rage
Falls on her Shoomaker, for wanting art
To expresse in every circumstance, the forme
Of her most delicate foote, then sits in counsell
With much deliberation to finde out
What tire would best adorne her; and one chosen
Varying in his opinion, he teares off,
And stamps it under foot, then tries a second
A third and fourth, and satisfied at length
With much a doe in that, he growes agen,
Perplexd and troubl'd where to place her Jewells
To be most mark'd, and whether she should weare
This diamond on her forehead, or betweene
Her milke-white paps, disputing on it both wayes,
Then taking in this hand, a rope of pearle,
(The best of France) he seriously considers
Whither she should dispose it on her arme
Or on her necke, with 20 other trifles, too tedious to deliver.
Beauf. sen.
I have knowne him from his first youth, but never yet observ'd
In all the passages of his life, and fortunes,
Vertues so mix'd with vices, valiant the world speakes him,
But with that bloody; liberall in his gifts too,
A fierce extortioner, an impotent lover
Of women for a flash, but his fires quench'd,
Hating as deadly, the truth is I am not
Ambitious of this match: nor will I crosse you in your affections.
Beauf. jun.
I have ever found you,
(And tis my happinesse) a loving father,
Loud musicke.
And carefull of my good:—by the loud musicke,
As you gave order for his entertainment,
He's come into the house two long houres since,
The Colonels, commissioners and captaines,
To pay him all the rites his worth can challenge,
Went to wayt on him hither.
Enter Malefort, Montaigne, Chamont, Lanour, Montrevile, Theocrine, Usher, Page, Women.
Beauf. sen.
You are most welcome,
And what I speake to you, does from My heart
disperse it selfe to all.
Mal.
You meet my Lord your trouble.
Beauf sen.
Rather Sir increase of honour,
When you are pleas'd to grace my house.
Beauf. jun.
The Favour is doubl'd on my part, most worthy Sir,
Since your faire daughter, my incomparable Mistresse,
Daines us her presence.
Mal.
View her well brave Beaufort,
But yet at distance, you hereafter may
Make your approaches neerer, when the priest
Hath made it lawfull, and were not shee mine,
I durst alowd proclaime it. Hymen never
Put on his saffron coloured robe to change
A barren virgin name with more good omens,
Then at her nuptialls, looke on her againe,
Then tell me if she now appeare the same
That she was yesterday.
Beauf. sen.
Being her selfe
She cannot but be excellent, these rich
And curious dressings, which in others might
Nor can adde to her.
Mal.
You conceive her right,
And in your admiration of her sweetnesse,
You only can deserve her; blush not girle,
Thou art above his praise, or mine, nor can
Obsequious flattery though she should use
Her thousand oyld tongues to advance thy worth,
Give ought (for thats impossible) but take from
Thy more then humane graces, and even then
When shee hath spent her selfe with her best strength,
The wrong she has done thee shall be so apparent,
That loosing her owne servile shape and name,
She will be thought detraction, but I
Forget my selfe, and something whispers to me,
I have said too much.
Mont.
I know not what to thinke on't,
But there's some mystery in it, which I feare
Will be too soone discover'd.
Mal.
I much wrong
Your patience noble Sir, by too much hugging
My proper issue, and like the foolish crow
Believe my blacke brood swans.
Beauf. sen.
There needes not Sir
The least excuse for this, nay I must have
Your arme, you being the master of the feast,
And this the mistris.
Theo.
I am any thing
That you shall please to make mee.
Beauf. jun.
Nay tis yours
Without more complement.
Loud musicke.
Exeunt Beaufort senior, Malefort, Theocrine, Beaufort jun Montaigne, Chamont Lanour, Montrevile.
Mont.
Your will's a law sir.
Ush.
Would I had beene borne a Lord.
1. Wom.
Or I a Lady.
Page.
It may be you were both begot in court,
As I have heard lov'd the lobbie, and there nightly
Are seen strange apparitions, and who knowes
But that some noble fawne, heated with wine,
And cloyde with partridge, had a kinde of longing
To trade in sprats? this needs no exposition,
But can you yeeld a reason for your wishes?
Ush.
Why had I beene borne a Lord, I had beene no servant.
1. Wom.
And where as now necessity makes us wayters,
We had been attended on.
2. Wom.
And might have slept then,
As long as we pleas'd, and fed when we had stomackes,
And worne new cloths, nor liv'd as now in hope
Of a cast gowne, or petticote.
Page.
You are fooles,
And ignorant of your happinesse, ere I was
Sworne to the pantofle, I have heard my tutor
Prove it by logicke, that a servants life
Was better then his masters, and by that
I learne from him, if that my memory faile not,
I'll make it good.
Vsh.
Proceed my little wit
In decimo sexto.
Page.
Thus then from the king
To the beggar, by gradation all are servants,
And you must grant the slavery is lesse
To studie to please one, then many.
Ush.
True.
Page.
Well then, and first to you Sir, you complaine
You serve one Lord, but your Lord serves a thousand,
Besides his passions (that are his worst masters)
You must humor him, and he is bound to sooth
Every grimme Sir above him, if he frowne,
For the least neglect you feare to loose your place,
But if, and with all slavish observation,
From the mignions selfe, to the groome of his close stoole,
He hourly seekes not favour, he is sure
Nay more, that high disposer of all such
That are subordinate to him, serves, and feares
The fury of the many-headed monster,
The giddy multitude. And as a horse
Is still a horse, for all his golden trappings,
So your men of purchas'd titles, at their best are
But serving-men in rich liveries.
Ush.
Most rare infant,
Where learnd'st thou this morality?
Page.
Why thou dull pate,
As I tould thee, of my tutor.
2. Wom.
Now for us boy.
Page.
I am cut of the governour.
Enter Beaufort sen. Beaufort junior, Servants setting forth a banquet.
Beauf. sen.
Quicke, quicke sirs,
See all things perfit.
Serv.
Let the blame be ours else.
Beauf. sen.
And as I said when we are at the banquet,
And high in our cups, for tis no feast without it,
Especially among souldiers: Theocrine
Being retir'd, as that's no place for her,
Take you occasion to rise from the table,
And lose no opportunity.
Beauf. jun.
Tis my purpose,
And if I can winne her to give her heart,
I have a holy man in readinesse
To joyne our hands, for the Admirall her father repents him of his grant to me, and
So far transported with a strange opinion
of her faire features, that should we desire it,
I thinke ere long he will beleeve, and strongly,
The Daulphine is not worthy of her, I
Am much amazd with't.
Exeunt Beaufort sen. Beaufort junior.
Beauf. sen.
Nay dispatch there fellowes.
Serv.
We are ready when you please, sweet formes your pardon,
It has beene such a busy time I could not
Which you deserve, but now the great worke ended,
I will attend the lesse, and with all care
Observe, and serve you.
Page.
This is a pend speech,
And serves as a perpetuall preface to
A dinner made of fragments.
Vsh.
Wee wayt on you.
Loud Musicke.
| The Vnnatvrall Combat | |