 | The Deuils Law-case. Or, When Women goe to Law, the Deuill is full of Businesse |  |
Actvs Qvartvs
Scena Prima.
Enter Leonora, Sanitonella at one doore, Winifrid, Register: at the other AriostoSan.
Take her into your Office sir, shee has that in her
Belly, will drie vp your inke I can tell you.
This is the man that is your learned Councell,
A fellow that will trowle it off with tongue:
He neuer goes without Restoratiue powder
Of the lungs of Fox in's pocket, and Malligo Reasins
To make him long winded. Sir, this Gentlewoman
Intreats your Counsell in an honest cause,
Which please you sir, this Briefe, my owne poore labor
Will giue you light of.
Ario.
Doe you call this a Briefe?
Here's as I weigh them, some fourescore sheets of paper.
What would they weigh if there were cheese
Wrapt in them, or Figdates.
San.
Ioy come to you, you are merry;
We call this but a Briefe in our Office.
The scope of the businesse lyes ith Margent sheet.
Ario.
Me thinks you prate too much.
I neuer could endure an honest cause
With a long Prologue too't.
Leon.
You trouble him.
Ar.
Whats here? oh strange; I haue liued this 60 yeres,
Yet in all my practise neuer did shake hands
With a cause so odious. Sirrah, are you her knaue?
San.
No sir, I am a Clarke.
Ari.
Why you whorson fogging Rascall,
Are there not whores enow for Presentations,
Of Ouerseers, wrong the will o'th Dead,
Oppressions of Widdowes, or young Orphans,
Of Plus quam satis, to content a woman,
But you must find new stratagems, new pursuits,
Oh women, as the Ballet liues to tell you,
What will you shortly come to?
San.
Your Fee is ready sir.
Ari.
The Deuill take such Fees,
And all such Suits i'th tayle of thee; see the slaue
Has writ false Latine: sirrah Ignorance,
Were you euer at the Vniuersitie?
San.
Neuer sir:
It is well knowne to diuers I haue Commenc't
In a Pewe of our Office.
Ari.
Where, in a Pew of your Office?
San.
I haue been dry-foundred with't this foure yeares,
Seldome found Non resident from my deske.
Ari.
Non resident Subsumner:
Ile teare your Libell for abusing that word,
By vertue of the Clergie.
San.
What doe you meane sir?
It cost me foure nights labour.
Ario.
Hadst thou been drunke so long,
T'hadst done our Court better Seruice.
Leo.
Sir, you doe forget your grauitie, me thinks.
Ario.
Cry ye mercy, doe I so?
And as I take it, you doe very little remember,
Either womanhood, or Christianitie: why doe ye meddle
With that seducing knaue, that's good for nought,
Vnlesse 't be to fill the Office full of Fleas,
Or a Winter itch, weares that spatious Inkehorne
All a Vacation onely to cure Tetters,
And his Penknife to weed Cornes from the splay toes
Of the right worshipfull of the Office.
Leo.
You make bold with me sir.
Ario.
Woman, yare mad, Ile swear't, & haue more need
Of a Physician then a Lawyer.
The melancholly humour flowes in your face,
Your painting cannot hide it: such vild suits
Stop their own eares, whilst they plead & thats the reason
Your yonger men that haue good conscience,
Weare such large Night-caps; go old woman, go pray,
For Lunacy, or else the Deuill himselfe
Has tane possession of thee; may like cause:
In any Christian Court neuer find name:
Bad Suits, and not the Law, bred the Lawes shame.
Exit.
Leon.
Sure the old man's franticke.
San.
Plague on's gowtie fingers,
Were all of his mind, to entertaine no suits,
But such they thought were honest, sure our Lawyers
Would not purchase halfe so fast:
But here's the man,
Enter Contilupo a spruce Lawyer.
Learned Seignior Contilupo, here's a fellow
Of another piece beleeue't, I must make shift
With the foule Copie.
Con.
Businesse to me?
San.
To you sir, from this Lady.
Con.
She is welcom.
San.
Tis a foule Copy sir, youle hardly read it,
There's twenty double duckets, can you reade sir?
Con.
Exceeding well, very, very exceeding well.
San.
This man will be saued, he can read; Lord, Lord,
To see, what money can doe, be the hand neuer so foule,
Somewhat will be pickt out on't.
Con.
Is not this Vinere honeste?
San.
No, that's strucke out sir;
And where euer you find viuere honeste in these papers,
Giue it a dash sir.
Con.
I shall be mindfull of it:
In troth you write a pretty Secretary,
Your Secretary hand euer takes best in mine opinion.
San.
Sir, I haue been in France,
And there beleeue't your Court hand generally,
Takes beyond thought.
Con.
Euen as a man is traded in't.
Sa.
That I could not think of this vertuous Gentleman
Before I went to'th tother Hogg-rubber.
Why this was wont to giue young Clerkes halfe fees,
To helpe him to Clyents. Your opinion in the Case sir.
I am strucke with wonder almost extaside,
With this most goodly Suite.
Leon.
It is the fruit of a most heartie penitence.
Con.
Tis a Case shall leaue a President to all the world,
In our succeeding Annals, and deserues
Rather a spatious publike Theater,
Then a pent Court for Audence; it shall teach
All Ladies the right path to rectifie their issue.
San.
Loe you, here's a man of comfort.
Con.
And you shall goe vnto a peacefull graue,
Discharg'd of such a guilt, as would haue layne
Howling for euer at your wounded heart,
And rose with you to Iudgement.
San.
Oh giue me such a Lawyer, as wil think of the day of Iudgment.
Leo.
You must vrge the businesse against him
As spightfully as may be.
Con.
Doubt not. What is he summon'd?
San.
Yes, & the Court will sit within this halfe houre.
Peruse your Notes, you haue very short warning.
Con.
Neuer feare you that:
Follow me worthy Lady, and make account
This Suite is ended already.
Exeunt.
Enter Officers preparing seats for the Iudges, to them Ercole muffled.
1. Of.
You would haue a priuate seat sir.
Erc.
Yes sir.
2 Of.
Here's a Closset belongs to' th Court,
Where you may heare all vnseene.
Enter Contarino, the Surgeon's disguised.
Er.
I thank you; there's money.
2 Of.
I giue you your thanks agen sir.
Cont.
Ift possible Romelio's perswaded,
You are gone to the East Indies.
1. Sur.
Most confidently.
Con.
But doe you meane to goe?
2. Su.
How? goe to the East Indies?
And so many Hollanders gone to fetch sauce for their pickeld
Herrings; some haue bene pepperd there too lately,
but I pray, being thus well recouerd of your wounds,
Con.
That my fayre Iolenta should be rumor'd
To be with child by noble Ercole,
Makes me expect to what a violent issue
These passages will come. I heare her brother
Is marying the Infant shee goes with, fore it be borne,
As if it be a Daughter,
To the Duke of Austrias Nephew; if a Sonne,
Into the Noble ancient Family
Of the Palauafini: Hee's a subtill Deuill.
And I doe wonder what strange Suite in Law,
Has hapt betweene him and's mother.
1. Sur.
Tis whisperd 'mong the Lawyers,
'Twill vndoe him for euer.
Enter Sanit. Win.
San.
Doe you heare Officers?
You must take speciall care, that you let in
No Brachingraphy men, to take notes.
1. Of.
No sir?
San.
By no meanes,
We cannot haue a Cause of any fame,
But you must haue scuruy pamphlets, and lewd Ballets
Engendred of it presently.
San.
Haue you broke fast yet?
Win.
Not I sir.
San.
'Twas very ill done of you:
For this cause will be long a pleading; but not matter,
I haue a modicum in my Buckram bagg,
To stop your stomacke.
Win.
What ist? Greene ginger?
San.
Greene ginger, nor Pellitory of Spaine neither,
Yet 'twill stop a hollow tooth better then either of them.
Win.
Pray what ist?
San.
Looke you,
It is a very louely Pudding-pye,
Which we Clerkes find great reliefe in.
Win.
I shall haue no stomacke.
San.
No matter and you haue not, I may pleasure
Some of our Learned Councell with't; I haue done it
Many a time and often, when a Cause
Has prooued like an after-game at Irish.
Crisp.
Tis a strange Suite, is Leonora come.
Conti.
She's here my Lord; make way there for the Lady.
Crisp.
Take off her Vaile: it seemes she is ashamed
To looke her cause i'th face.
Contil.
Shee's sicke, my Lord.
Ari.
Shee's mad my Lord, & would be kept more dark.
By your fauour sir, I haue now occasion to be at your elbow,
and within this halfe houre shall intreat you to bee
angry, very angry.
Crisp.
Is Romelio come?
Rom.
I am here my Lord, and call'd I doe protest,
To answer what I know not, for as yet
I am wholly ignorant, of what the Court
Will charge me with.
Crisp.
I assure you, the proceeding
Is most vnequall then, for I perceiue,
The Councell of the aduerse partie furnisht
With full Instruction.
Rom.
Pray my Lord, who is my accuser?
Crisp.
Tis your mother.
Rom.
Shee has discouered Contarino's murder:
If shee prooue so vnnaturall, to call
My life in question, I am arm'd to suffer
This to end all my losses.
Crisp.
Sir, we will doe you this fauour,
You shall heare the Accusation,
Which being knowne, we will adiourne the Court,
Till a fortnight hence, you may prouide your Counsell.
Ario.
I aduise you, take their proffer,
Or else the Lunacy runnes in a blood,
You are more mad then shee.
Rom.
What are you sir?
Ario.
An angry fellow that would doe thee good,
For goodnesse sake it selfe, I doe protest,
Neither for loue nor money.
Rom.
Prethee stand further, I shal gall your gowt else.
Come, come, I know you for an East Indy Marchant,
You haue a spice of pride in you still.
Rom.
My Lord, I am so strengthned in my innocence,
For any the least shaddow of a crime,
Committed gainst my mother, or the world,
That shee can charge me with, here doe I make it
My humble suite, onely this houre and place,
May giue it as full hearing, and as free,
And vnrestrain'd a Sentence.
Cri.
Be not too confident you haue cause to feare.
Rom.
Let feare dwell with Earth-quakes,
Shipwracks at Sea, or Prodegies in heauen,
I cannot set my selfe so many fathome
Beneath the haight of my true heart, as feare.
Ari.
Very fine words I assure you, if they were to any purpose.
Cri.
Well, haue your intreatie:
And if your owne credulitie vndoe you,
Blame not the Court hereafter: fall to your Plea.
Con.
May it please your Lordsh. & the reuerend Court,
To giue me leaue to open to you a Case
So rare, so altogether voyd of President,
That I doe challenge all the spacious Volumes,
Of the whole Ciuill Law to shew the like.
We are of Councell for this Gentlewoman,
We haue receiu'd our Fee, yet the whole course
Of what we are to speake, is quite against her,
Yet weele deserue our fee too. There stands one,
Romelio the Marchant; I will name him to you,
Without either title or addition:
For those false beames of his supposed honour,
As voyd of true heat, as are all painted fires,
Or Glow-wormes in the darke, suite him all basely,
As if he had bought his Gentry from the Herauld,
With money got by extortion: I will first
Produce this Æsops Crow, as he stands forfeit,
For the long vse of his gay borrowed plumes,
And then let him hop naked: I come to'th poynt,
T'as been a Dreame in Naples, very neere
Was nobly descended, he has rankt himselfe
With the Nobilitie, shamefully vsurpt
Their place, and in a kind of sawcy pride,
Which like to Mushromes, euer grow most ranke,
When they do spring from dung-hills, sought to oresway,
The Fliski, the Grimaldi, Dori,
And all the ancient pillars of our State;
View now what he is come to: this poore thing
Without a name, this Cuckow hatcht ith nest
Of a Hedge-sparrow.
Rom.
Speakes he all this to me?
Ari.
Onely to you sir.
Rom.
I doe not aske thee, prethee hold thy prating.
Ari.
Why very good, you will be presently
As angry as I could wish.
Contil.
What title shall I set to this base coyne,
He has no name, and for's aspect he seemes,
A Gyant in a May-game, that within
Is nothing but a Porter's Ile vndertake,
He had as good haue traueld all his life
With Gypsies: I will sell him to any man
For an hundred Chickeens, and he that buyes him of me,
Shall loose by th hand too.
Ari.
Loe, what you are come too:
You that did scorne to trade in any thing,
But Gold or Spices, or your Cochineele,
He rates you now at poore Iohn.
Rom.
Out vpon thee, I would thou wert of his side,
Ari.
Would you so?
Rom.
The deuill and thee together on each hand,
To prompt the Lawyers memory when he founders.
Cris.
Signior Contilupo, the Court holds it fit,
You leaue this stale declaiming 'gainst the person,
And come to the matter.
Cont.
Now I shall my Lord.
Cris.
It showes a poore malicious eloquence,
And it is strange, men of your grauitie
If you but heard your selfe speaking with my eares,
Your phrase would be more modest.
Contil.
Good my Lord, be assured,
I will leaue all circumstance, and come toth purpose:
This Romelio is a Bastard.
Rom.
How, a Bastard? Oh mother,
Now the day begins grow hote on your side.
Contil.
Why shee is your accuser.
Rom.
I had forgot that; was my father maried to any
other woman, at the time of my begetting?
Contil.
That's not the businesse.
Rom.
I turne me then to you that were my mother,
But by what name I am to call you now,
You must instruct me: were you euer marryed
To my father?
Leon.
To my shame I speake it, neuer.
Crisp.
Not to Franscisco Romelio?
Leo.
May it please your Lordships,
To him I was, but he was not his father.
Cont.
Good my Lord, giue vs leaue in a few words,
To expound the Riddle, and to make it plaine,
Without the least of scruple: for I take it,
There cannot be more lawfull proofe i'th world,
Then the oath of the mother.
Cris.
Well then, to your proofes, and be not tedious.
Contil.
Ile conclude in a word:
Some nine and thirtie yeares since, which was the time,
This woman was maryed, Francisco Romelio,
This Gentlemans putatiue father, and her husband
Being not married to her past a fortnight,
Would needs goe trauell; did so, and continued
In France and the Low-Countries eleuen monthes:
Take speciall note o'th time, I beseech your Lordship,
For it makes much to'th businesse: in his absence
He left behind to soiourne at his house
A Spanish Gentleman, a fine spruce youth
By the Ladies confession, and you may be sure
Romelio loued very dearely, as oft haps,
No man aliue more welcome to the husband
Then he that makes him Cuckold.
This Gentleman I say,
Breaking all Lawes of Hospitalitie,
Got his friends wife with child, a full two moneths
Fore the husband returned.
San.
Good sir, forget not the Lambskin.
Contil.
I warrant thee.
Sa.
I wil pinch by the buttock, to put you in mind of't.
Contil.
Prethee hold thy prating.
What's to be practis'd now my Lord? Marry this,
Romelio being a yong nouice, not acquainted
With this precedence, very innocently
Returning home from trauell, finds his wife
Growne an excellent good Huswife, for she had set
Her women to spin Flax, and to that vse,
Had in a study which was built of stone,
Stor'd vp at least an hundreth waight of flaxe:
Marry such a threed as was to be spun from the flax,
I thinke the like was neuer heard of.
Crisp.
What was that?
Contil.
You may be certaine, shee would lose no time,
In braging that her Husband had got vp
Her belly: to be short, at seuen moneths end,
Which was the time of her deliuery,
And when shee felt her selfe to fall in trauell,
Shee makes her Wayting woman, as by mischance,
Set fire to the flax, the flight whereof,
As they pretend, causes this Gentlewoman
To fall in paine, and be deliuered
Eight weekes afore her reckoning.
San.
Now sir, remember the Lambeskin.
Con.
The Midwife strait howles out, there was no hope
Of th'infants life, swaddles it in a flead Lambeskin,
As a Bird hatcht too early, makes it vp
With three quarters of a face, that made it looke
To haue it Christned, least it should depart
Without that it came for: and thus are many seru'd,
That take care to get Gossips for those children,
To which they might be Godfathers themselues,
And yet be no arch-Puritans neither.
Crisp.
No more.
Ar.
Pray my Lord giue him way, you spoile his oratory
else: thus would they iest were they feed, to open their
sisters cases.
Crisp.
You haue vrged enough;
You first affirme, her husband was away from her
Eleuen moneths.
Contil.
Yes my Lord.
Crisp.
And at seuen moneths end,
After his returne shee was deliuered
Of this Romelio, and had gone her full time.
Contil.
True my Lord.
Crisp.
So by this account this Gentleman was begot,
In his supposed fathers absence.
Contil.
You haue it fully.
Crisp.
A most strange Suite this, tis beyond example,
Either time past, or present, for a woman,
To publish her owne dishonour voluntarily,
Without being called in question, some fortie yeares
After the sinne committed, and her Councell
To inlarge the offence with as much Oratory,
As euer I did heare them in my life,
Defend a guiltie woman; tis most strange:
Or why with such a poysoned violence
Should shee labour her soones vndoing: we obserue
Obedience of creatures to the Law of Nature,
Is the stay of the whole world; here that Law is broke,
For though our Ciuill Law makes difference
Tween the base, and the ligitimate; compassionat Nature
Makes them equall, nay, shee many times preferres them.
I pray resolue me sir, haue not you and your mother
Had some Suite in Law together lately?
Rom.
None my Lord.
Cris.
No? no contention about parting your goods?
Not any.
Cris.
No flaw, no vnkindnesse?
Rom.
None that euer arriued at my knowledge.
Cris.
Bethink your selfe, this cannot chuse but sauour
Of a womans malice deeply; and I feare,
Y'are practiz'd vpon most deuillishly.
How hapt Gentlewoman, you reueal'd this no sooner?
Leo.
While my husband liued, my Lord, I durst not.
Cris.
I should rather aske you, why you reueale it now?
Leo.
Because my Lord, I loath'd that such a sinne
Should lie smotherd with me in my graue; my penitence,
Though to my shame, preferres the reuealing of it
Boue worldly reputation.
Cris.
Your penitence?
Might not your penitence haue beene as hartie,
Though it had neuer summon'd to the Court
Such a conflux of people.
Leon.
Indeed I might haue confest it,
Priuately toth Church, I grant; but you know repentance
Is nothing without satisfaction.
Crisp.
Satisfaction? why your Husbands dead,
What satisfaction can you make him?
Leo.
The greatest satisfaction in the world, my Lord,
To restore the land toth right heire, & thats my daughter.
Crisp.
Oh shee's straight begot then.
Ario.
Very well, may it please this honourable Court,
If he be a bastard, and must forfeit his land for't,
She has prooued her selfe a strumpet, and must loose
Her Dower, let them goe a begging together.
San.
Who shall pay vs our Fees then?
Cris.
Most iust.
Ario.
You may see now what an old house
You are like to pull ouer your head, Dame.
Rom.
Could I conceiue this Publication
Grew from a heartie penitence, I could beare
My vndoing the more patiently; but my Lord,
There is no reason, as you sayd euen now,
To satisfie me: but this suite of hers
Springs from a deuillish malice, and her pretence,
Of a grieued Conscience, and Religion,
Has a most bloody vnnaturall reuenge
Hid vnder it: Oh the violencies of women!
Why they are creatures made vp and compounded
Of all monsters, poysoned Myneralls,
And sorcerous Herbes that growes.
Ario.
Are you angry yet?
Rom.
Would men expresse a bad one,
Let him forsake all naturall example,
And compare one to another; they haue no more mercy,
Then ruinous fires in great tempests.
Ario.
Take heed you doe not cracke your voice sir.
Rom.
Hard hearted creatures, good for nothing else,
But to winde dead bodies.
Ari.
Yes, to weaue seaming lace with the bones of their
Husbands that were long since buried, and curse them
when they tangle.
Rom.
Yet why doe I
Take Bastardy so distastfully, when i'th world,
A many things that are essentiall parts
Of greatnesse, are but by-slips, and are father'd
On the wrong parties.
Preferment in the world a many times,
Basely begotten: nay, I haue obseru'd
The immaculate Iustice of a poore mans cause,
In such a Court as this, has not knowen whom
To call Father, which way to direct it selfe
For Compassion: but I forget my temper,
Onely that I may stop that Lawyers throat,
I doe beseech the Court, and the whole world,
They will not thinke the baselyer of me,
For the vice of a mother: for that womans sinne,
To which you all dare sweare when it was done,
I would not giue my consent.
Cris.
Stay, heere's an Accusation,
But here's no proofe; what was the Spanyards name
You accuse of adultery?
Con.
Don Crispiano, my Lord.
Crisp.
What part of Spaine was he borne in?
Contil.
In Castile.
Jul.
This may proue my father.
And my Master, my Clyent's spoyl'd then.
Cris.
I knew that Spanyard well: if you be a Bastard,
Such a man being your father, I dare vouch you
A Gentleman; and in that Signiour Contilupo,
Your Oratory went a little too farre.
When doe wee name Don Iohn of Austria,
The Emperours sonne, but with reuerence:
And I haue knowne in diuers Families,
The Bastards the greater spirits; but to'th purpose,
What time was this Gentleman begot?
And be sure you lay your time right.
Ario.
Now the mettall comes to the Touchstone.
Contil.
In Anno seuentie one, my Lord.
Crisp.
Very well, seuentie one:
The Battell of Lepanto was fought in't,
A most remarkeable time, 'twill lye for no mans pleasure:
And what proofe is there more then the affirmation of the
Mother, of this corporall dealing?
Contil.
The deposition of a Wayting-woman serued
her the same time.
Crisp.
Where is shee?
Con.
Where is our Solicitor with the Waiting woman?
Ario.
Roome for the bagge and baggage.
San.
Here my Lord, Oretenus.
Crisp.
And what can you say Gentlewoman?
Win.
Please your Lordship, I was the partie that dealt
In the businesse, and brought them together.
Crisp.
Well.
Win.
And conueyed letters betweene them.
Cr.
What needed letters, when tis said he lodg'd in her house?
Win.
A running Ballad now and then to her Violl,
For he was neuer well, but when he was fidling.
Crisp.
Speake to the purpose, did you euer know them
bed together?
Win.
No my Lord,
But I haue brought him to the bed side.
Crisp.
That was somewhat neere to the busines;
And what, did you helpe him off with his shooes?
Win.
He wore no shooes, an't please you my Lord.
Cris.
No? what then, Pumpes?
Win.
Neither.
Boots were not fit for his iourney.
Win.
He wore Tennis-court woollen slippers,
For feare of creaking sir, and making a noyse,
To wake the rest o'th house.
Crisp.
Well, and what did he there,
In his Tennis-court woollen slippers?
Win.
Please your Lordship, question me in Latin,
For the cause is very foule; the Examiner o'th Court
Was faine to get it out of me alone i'th Counting-house,
Cause he would not spoyle the youth o'th Office.
Ari.
Here's a Latin spoone, and a long one,
To feed with the Deuill.
Win.
Ide be loth to be ignorant that way,
For I hope to marry a Proctor, & take my pleasure abroad
At the Commencements with him.
Ario.
Come closer to the businesse.
Win.
I wil come as close as modesty will giue me leaue.
Truth is, euery morning when hee lay with her,
I made a Caudle for him, by the appoyntment
Of my Mistris, which he would still refuse,
And call for small drinke.
Crisp.
Small drinke?
Ario.
For a Iulipe.
Win.
And said he was wondrous thirstie.
Crisp.
What's this to the purpose?
Win.
Most effectuall, my Lord,
I haue heard them laugh together extreamely,
And the Curtaine rods fall from the tester of the bed,
And he nere came from her, but hee thrust money in my
hand; and once in truth, he would haue had some dealing
with mee, which I tooke; he thought 'twould be the onely
way ith world to make me keepe counsell the better.
San.
That's a stinger, tis a good wench, be not daunted.
Cri.
Did you euer find the print of two in the bed?
Win.
What a questions that to be askt, may it please your
Lordsh. tis to be thought he lay nearer to her then so.
Crisp.
What age are you of Gentlewoman?
Win.
About six and fortie, my Lord.
Crisp.
Anno seuentie one,
You were a Bawd at eight yeare old: now verily,
You fell to the Trade betimes.
San.
There ya're from the Byas.
Win.
I doe not know my age directly; sure I am elder,
I can remember two great frosts, and three great plagues,
And the losse of Callis, and the first comming vp
Of the Breeches with the great Codpiece,
And I pray what age doe you take me of then?
San.
Well come off agen.
Ari.
An old hunted Hare, she has all her doubles.
Rom.
For your owne grauities,
And the reuerence of the Court, I doe beseech you,
Rip vp the cause no further, but proceed to Sentence.
Crisp.
One question more and I haue done:
Might not this Crispiano, this Spanyard,
Lye with your Mistris at some other time,
Either afore or after, then ith absence of her husband?
Leo.
Neuer.
Cris.
Are you certaine of that?
Leo.
On my soule, neuer.
Cris.
That's well he neuer lay with her,
But in anno seuenty one, let that be remembred.
Stand you aside a while. Mistris, the truth is,
I knew this Crispiano, liued in Naples
At the same time, and loued the Gentleman
As my bosome friend; and as I doe remember,
The Gentleman did leaue his Picture with you,
If age or neglect haue not in so long time ruin'd it.
Leo.
I preserue it still my Lord.
Cris.
I pray let me see't, let me see the face
I then loued so much to looke on.
Leo.
Fetch it.
Win.
I shall, my Lord.
Cris.
No, no, Gentlewoman,
I haue other businesse for you.
1. Sur.
Now were the time to cut Romelio's throat,
And accuse him for your murder.
Contar.
By no meanes.
2. Sur.
Will you not let vs be men of fashion,
Contar.
Peace, lets attend the sequell.
Cris.
I commend you Lady,
There was a maine matter of Conscience,
How many ills spring from Adultery!
First, the supreame Law that is violated,
Nobilitie oft stain'd with Bastardy,
Inheritance of Land falsly possest,
The husband scorn'd, wife sham'd, and babes vnblest.
So, hang it vp i'th Court; you haue heard,
The Picture.
What has been vrged gainst Romelio.
Now my definitiue sentence in this cause,
Is, I will giue no sentence at all.
Ario.
No?
Cris.
No, I cannot, for I am made a partie.
San.
How a party? here are fine crosse trickes,
What the deuill will he doe now?
Crisp.
Signior Ariosto, his Maiestie of Spaine,
Conferres my Place vpon you by this Patent,
Which till this vrgent houre I haue kept
From your knowledge: may you thriue in't, noble sir,
And doe that which but few in our place doe,
Goe to their graue vncurst.
Ario.
This Law businesse
Will leaue me so small leasure to serue God,
I shall serue the King the worse.
San.
Is hee a Iudge?
We must then looke for all Conscience, and no Law,
Heele begger all his followers.
Cris.
Sir, I am of your Counsell, for the cause in hand
Was begun at such a time, fore you could speake;
You had need therefore haue one speake for you.
Ario.
Stay, I doe here first make protestation,
I nere tooke fee of this Romelio,
For being of his Councell, which may free me,
Being now his Iudge, for the imputation
Of taking a Bribe. Now sir, speake your mind.
Crisp.
I do first intreat, that the eyes of all here present,
May be fixt vpon this
Leo.
Oh, I am confounded, this is Crispiano.
This is my father, how the Iudges haue bleated him.
Win.
You may see truth will out in spite of the Deuill.
Cris.
Behold, I am the shadow of this shadow,
Age has made me so; take from me fortie yeares,
And I was such a Summer fruit as this,
At least the Paynter fayned so: for indeed,
Painting and Epitaphs are both alike,
They flatter vs, and say we haue been thus:
But I am the partie here, that stands accused,
For Adultery with this woman, in the yeare
Seuentie one: now I call you my Lord to witnesse,
Foure yeares before that time, I went to'th Indies,
And till this month, did neuer set my foot since
In Europe; and for any former incontinence,
She has vowed there was neuer any: what remaines then,
But this is a meere practise 'gainst her sonne,
And I beseech the Court it may be sifted,
And most seuerely punisht.
San.
Vds foot, we are spoyled,
Why my Clyent's prooued an honest woman.
Win.
What doe you thinke will become of me now?
San.
You'l be made daunce lachrimæ I feare at a Carts tayle.
Ari.
You Mistris, where are you now?
Your Tennis-court slips, and your tane drinke
In a morning for your hote liuer; where's the man,
Would haue had some dealing with you, that you might
Keepe counsell the better.
Win.
May it please the Court, I am but a yong thing,
And was drawne arsie, varsie into the businesse.
Ario.
How young? of fiue and fortie?
Win.
Fiue and fortie, and shall please you!
I am not fiue and twentie:
Shee made me colour my haire with Bean-flower,
To seeme elder then I was; and then my rotten teeth,
With eating sweet-meats: why, should a Farrier
Looke in my mouth, he might mistake my age.
Oh Mistris, Mistris, you are an honest woman,
And you may be asham'd on't, to abuse the Court thus.
Whatsoere I haue attempted,
Gainst my owne fame, or the reputation
Of that Gentleman my sonne, the Lord Contarino
Was cause of it.
Conta.
Who I?
Ario.
He that should haue married your daughter?
It was a plot be like then to conferre
The land on her that should haue bin his wife.
Leo.
More then I haue said already, all the world
Shall nere extract from me; I intreat from both,
Your equall pardons.
Iul.
And I from you sir.
Crisp.
Sirrah, stand you aside,
I will talke with you hereafter.
Iul.
I could neuer away with after reckonings.
Leo.
And now my Lords, I doe most voluntarily
Confine my selfe vnto a stricter prison,
And a seuerer penance, then this Court can impose,
I am entred into Religion.
Con.
I the cause of this practise; this vngodly woman,
Has sold her selfe to falshood: I wil now reueale my selfe.
Erco.
Stay my Lord, here's a window
To let in more light to the Court.
Cont.
Mercy vpon me! oh, that thou art liuing
Is mercy indeed!
1. Sur.
Stay, keepe in your shell a little longer?
Erco.
I am Ercole.
Ario.
A guard vpon him for the death of Contarino.
Erco.
I obey the arrest o'th Court.
Rom.
Oh sir, you are happily restored to life,
And to vs your friends.
Erco.
Away, thou art the Traytor:
I onely liue to challenge; this former suite,
Toucht but thy fame, this accusation
Reaches to thy fame and life: the braue Contarino
Is generally supposed slaine by this hand.
Con.
How knowes he the contrary?
Erc,
But truth is,
Hauing receiued from me some certaine wounds,
Which were not mortall, this vild murderer,
Being by Will deputed Ouerseer
That he might make him sure from suruiuing,
To reuoke that Will, stole to him in's bed, and kild him.
Rom.
Strange, vnheard of, more practise yet!
Ari.
What proofe of this?
Erco.
The report of his mother deliuered to me,
In distraction for Contarino's death.
Con.
For my death? I begin to apprehend,
That the violence of this womans loue to me,
Might practise the disinheriting of her sonne.
Ario.
What say you to this Leonora?
Leo.
Such a thing I did vtter out of my distraction:
But how the Court will censure that report,
I leaue to their wisdomes.
Ario.
My opinion is,
That this late slaunder vrged against her sonne,
Takes from her all manner of credit:
Shee that would not sticke to depriue him of his liuing,
Will as little tender his life.
Leo.
I beseech the Court,
I may retire my selfe to my place of pennance,
I haue vowed my selfe and my woman.
Ario.
Goe when you please: what should moue you
Be thus forward in the accusation?
Erco.
My loue to Contarino.
Ari.
Oh, it bore very bitter fruit at your last meeting.
Erco.
Tis true: but I begun to loue him,
When I had most cause to hate him, when our bloods
Embrac'd each other, then I pitied,
That so much valour should be hazarded
On the fortune of a single Rapier,
And not spent against the Turke.
Ario.
Stay sir, be well aduised,
There is no testimony but your owne,
To approue you slew him, therefore no other way
To decide it, but by Duell.
Con.
Yes my Lord, I dare affirme gainst all the world,
This Noble man speakes truth.
Ari.
You will make your selfe a party in the Duell.
Rom.
Let him, I wil fight with thē both, sixteen of them.
Sir, I doe not know you.
Cont.
Yes but you haue forgot me, you and I haue sweat
In the Breach together at Malta.
Erco.
Cry you mercy, I haue knowne of your Nation
Braue Souldiers.
Iulio.
Now if my father
Haue any true spirit in him, Ile recouer
His good opinion Doe you heare? doe not sweare sir,
For I dare sweare, that you will sweare a lye,
A very filthy, stinking, rotten lye:
And if the Lawyers thinke not this sufficient,
Ile giue the lye in the stomacke,
That's somewhat deeper then the throat;
Both here, and all France ouer and ouer,
From Marselys, or Bayon, to Callis Sands,
And there draw my Sword vpon thee,
And new scoure it in the grauell of thy kidneys.
Ari.
You the Defendant charged with the murder,
And you Second there,
Must be committed to the custody
Of the Knight-Marshall; and the Court giues charge,
They be to morrow ready in the Listes
Before the Sunne be rissen.
Rom.
I doe entreat the Court, there be a guard
Placed ore my Sister, that shee enter not
Into Religion: shee's rich my Lords,
And the perswasions of Fryers, to gaine
All her possessions to their Monasteries,
May doe much vpon her.
Ario.
Weele take order for her.
Crisp.
There's a Nun too you haue got with child,
How will you dispose of her?
Rom.
You question me, as if I were grau'd already,
When I haue quencht this wild-fire
In Ercoles tame blood, Ile tell you.
Exit.
Erco.
You haue iudged to day
A most confused practise, that takes end
In as bloody a tryall, and we may obserue
By these great persons, and their indirect
Mountaines are deformed heaps, sweld vp aloft,
Vales wholsomer, though lower, and trod on oft.
San.
Well, I will put vp my papers,
And send them to France for a President,
That they may not say yet, but for one strange
Law suite, we come somewhat neere them.
Exeunt.
Explicit Acti quarti.
| The Deuils Law-case. Or, When Women goe to Law, the Deuill is full of Businesse | |