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Crazy Jane

A Romantic Play, In Three Acts
  
  
  
  
  

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 1. 
SCENE I.
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SCENE I.

—The open Country.
Enter Ethelbert and Hardolf, cautiously, R. S. E.
Eth.
(L.)

Hush!—Methought I heard the trampling of
horses; if so, we must be on the alert. Where is Fernwold?


Har.
(R.)

Gone foraging for provisions. 'Tis high
time, I'm sure, we had something in the shape of a dinner,
or the crows will very shortly make a meal of us.


Eth.

Very true, Hardolf; we are, indeed, a set of
poor miserable wretches.



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Har.

How so, captain?


Eth.

Why, look ye: first of all, the tyranny of the
great, who rule the land with an iron sceptre, forced us
to take up arms in our own defence; that they call rebellion,
and send their soldiers to cut us down like
grass. Now, we are reduced by defeat and ill-success
to wander about the country, and take whatever we can
find, to satisfy the cravings of nature—that they call
robbery; so that, look which way we will, death stares
us in the face; for none but a fool would expect mercy
from Lord Raymond.


Har.

Why, then, stand thus shillishalli? Since tyranny
has reduced us to such extremity, why not declare
war against the whole human race at once? I
only wish my comrades had chosen me for their leader;
I'll wager they'd have been a devilish deal better off
than they are now.


Eth.

Thou art no flatterer, Hardolf, to tell me this to
my face. However, if our comrades repent their choice,
they can easily fix upon some one else; but this I am
resolved on—as long as I am their commander, our
swords shall never be drawn against the defenceless.


Har.

What! not if we are starving?


Eth.

No, not even then. Better to die by inches than
have innocent blood to answer for.


[Crosses to L.
Har.
(R.)

Ha! ha! ha! Do the tyrants who oppress
us think so? Where is there a more cruel and merciless
villain than Lord Raymond?


Eth.

Let him look to himself—I'll not imitate him.
Yet live we must; and, whenever we happen to meet
with a haughty lord, a purse-proud citizen, an overfed
parson, or a lawyer laden with plunder, I'll be the very
first to attack and ease them of their superfluous pelf;
but never let me catch a man under my command offering
the least violence to the poor. If I do, death shall
be his portion.


Har.

Well, don't be angry, captain. [Aside.]
A stupid
fool!—I wish I was leader! But, see, here comes
Fernwold.


Enter Fernwold, and others of the Rebel Party, L.
Fer.
(L.)

The queen's troops, headed by that remorseless
tyrant, Lord Raymond, have discovered our retreat,
and are hastening hither to rob us of all we have left in


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the world—our lives. Away!—We have not a moment
to lose.


Eth.

Now, then, my gallant comrades, be firm. If
we shrink from danger, we know our doom. The mountain
pass is the only way now left us to life and liberty.
Away!


[Exeunt, R. S. E.
Enter Lord Raymond, Henry, Edwin, Officers, and troops, L. S. E.—Grand Flourish.
Lord R.
(C.)
If our information be correct,
The remnant of the rebels are now lurking
About these parts; not daring openly
To face us in the field, but plundering,
Assassin like, the poor defenceless traveller.
To your posts; and show no mercy to the wretches.
Rush on, and cut them down!—For, when the poor
Rebel, they are but whetstones to our swords.
Murmur they may—ay, and petition too,
And humbly beg redress on bended knee;
But, if impatiently they fly to arms,
To fight for what we prudently deny them,
We then let loose our bloodhounds, to destroy
Their lives and hopes at once. 'Tis policy.

[Trumpet without.
Enter an Officer, L.
Offi.

My lord, a party of the rebels have been observed
making in haste towards the mountain pass.


Lord R.
We'll intercept them by a nearer path.
Some men, when cross'd in love, lose charity,
[To Henry.
And hate their rivals; yet we will be friends,
Though we do both adore one lovely object,
A maiden worthy of a monarch's throne.
You she prefers, despising all advantage
Of fortune. Honour, therefore, now compels me
To think no more of her. Yet, favour'd youth,
I feel an earnest interest in your welfare,
And will, if you deserve it, which I doubt not,
Do all I can to further your promotion.

Hen.
(R.)
My lord, your kindness is a spur to action.
Give me a post of honour and of danger;
And, if I shrink from death, hold me a wretch,
Unworthy of Jane's love and your protection.

[Bows.
Lord R.
'Tis well. Then hasten to the narrow pass,

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Through which the rebels mean to cut their way.
Their numbers are but few, yet desperation
Will make them fight like lions.

Hen.
And lions they shall find to combat with.
Away!

[Exeunt all but Lord Raymond, R.
Lord R.
Enthusiastic idiot! Go, fight on!
If thou escape, then to more desp'rate means
I'll have recourse. Assassination—ay,
Or poison! Anything to rid me of thee.
Fate, I am thine! If thou propitious prove,
Let Henry ne'er return to joy and love!

[Exit, R.
Enter Eugene, L., driving Buckram on before.
Eug.
(L.)

Come, move on, sirrah. I'll soon make a
soldier of you. [Puts a helmet on Buckram's head, knocking it over his eyes.]

Now, hang on your sword. [Buckram awkwardly obeys.]

Why, I declare you look quite a different
man altogether now.


Buc.
(R.) [Coughing.]

Now, pray, Mr. Officer, do
consider—what use should I be in the field of battle,
with this poor lame leg, and terrible churchyard
cough?


[Coughing.
Eug.

No hesitation, sir, or—


[Raising his sword.
Buc.

Come, come, I say; take care what you're about
with that great bodkin.


Eug.

Will you march, I say? We shall be too late.


Buc.

What, to get our throats cut? Plenty of time
for that, believe me. But you will let me just stop to
tie my shoe-string, won't you?


Eug.

Not a moment. March, I say!


Buc.

Oh, dear! what a terrible stitch that was in my
side! Oh! I'm extremely ill! This is cruel usage for
a poor, weak, lame, consumptive creature, like me!—
Oh, dear! oh, dear!


[Exit, driven off by Eugene, R.