University of Virginia Library

Smectymnuus? The Goblin makes me start:
I'th' Name of Rabbi Abraham, what art?
Syriac? or Arabick? or Welsh? what skilt?
Ap all the Bricklayers that Babell built.
Some Conjurer translate, and let me know it:
Till then 'tis fit for a West-Saxon Poet.
But doe the Brother-hood then play their prizes,
Like Mummers in Religion with disguises?
Out-brave us with a name in Rank and File,
A Name which if 'twere train'd would spread a mile?
The Saints Monopolie, the zealous Cluster,
Which like a Porcupine presents a Muster,
And shoots his quills at Bishops and their Sees,
A devout litter of young Maccabees.
Thus Jack-of-all-trades, hath devoutly showne
The twelve Apostles on a Cherry-stone.
Thus Faction's All-a-Mode in Treasons fashion;
Now we have Heresie by Complication.
Like to Don Quixots Rosary of Slaves
Strung on a chaine; a Murnivall of Knaves
Packt in a Trick; like Gypsies when they ride,
Or like Colleagues which sit all of a side:
So the vaine Satyrists stand all a row,
As hallow teeth upon a Lute-string show.
Th'Italian Monster pregnant with his Brother,
Natures Dyæresis, halfe one another,
He, with his little Sides-man Lazarus,
Must both give way unto Smectymnuus.
Next Strubridge-Faire is Smec's; for loe his side
Into a five fold Lazar's multipli'd.
Under each arme there's tuckt a double Gyssard,
Five faces lurke under one single vizzard.
The Whore of Babylon left these brats behind,
Heires of Confusion by Gavelt-kind.
I think Pythagoras's soule is rambl'd hither,
With all the change of Rayment on together:
Since is her generall Wardrobe, shee'l not dare
To thinke of him as of a thorough-fare;
He stops the Gossopping Dame; alone he is
The Purlew of a Metempsuchosis.
Like a Scotch Marke, where the more modest sense
Checks the loud phrase, & shrinks to thirteen pence:
Like to an Ignis fatuus, whose flame
Though sometimes tripartite, joynes in the same:
Like to nine Taylors, who if rightly spelled,
Into one man, are monosyllabled.
Short-handed zeale in one hath cramped many,
Like to the Decalogue in a single penny.

See, see, how close the Curs hunt under a sheet,
As if they speak in Quire, and scan'd their feet;
One Cure and five Incumbents leap a Truss,
The title sure must be litigious.
The Sadduces would raise a question,
Who must be Smec at th'Resurrection.
Who cook'd them up together were to blame,
Had they but wyre-drawne, and spun out their name,
'Twould make another Prentises Petition
Against the Bishops, and their Superstition.

Robson and French (that count from five to five,
As farre as nature fingers did contrive,
Shee saw they would be Seffers; that's the cause
Shee cleft their hoof into so many clawes)
May tire their Carret-bunch, yet ne're agree
To rate Smectymnuus for Polemonie.

Caligula, whose pride was Mankinds Baile,
As who disdain'd to murder by retaile,
Wishing the world had but one generall Neck,
His glutton blade might have found game in Smec.
No Eccho can improve the Authour more,
Whose lungs payes use on use to halfe a score.
No Fellon is more letter'd, though the brand
Both superscribes his shoulder and his hand.
Some Welch-man was his Godfather; for he
Weares in his name his Genealogie.

The Banes are askt, would but the times give way,
Betwixt Smectymnuus, and Etcætera.
The Guests invited by a friendly Summons,
Should be the Convocation, and the Commons.
The Priest to tie the Foxes tailes together,
Moseley, or Sancta Clara, chuse you whether.
See, what an off-spring every one expects?
What strange pluralities of Men and Sects?
One sayes hee'l get a Vestery; another
Is for a Synod: Bet upon the Mother.
Faith cry St. George, let them go to't, and stickle,
Whether a Conclave, or a Conventicle.
Thus might Religions caterwaule, and spight,
Which uses to divorce, might once unite.
But their crosse fortunes interdict their trade;
The Groome is Rampant, but the Bride displai'd.

My task is done; all my hee-Goats are milkt;
So many Gards i'th stock, and yet be bilkt?
I could by Letters now untwist the rable;
Whip Smec from Constable to Constable.
But there I leave you to another dressing,
Onely kneel downe, and take your Fathers blessing.

May the Queen-Mother justifie your feares,
And stretch her Patent to your leather-eares.