The Works of John Hall-Stevenson ... Corrected and Enlarged. With Several Original Poems, Now First Printed, and Explanatory Notes. In Three Volumes |
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| THE CONFESSION OF SIR FRANCIS OF MEDENHAM, AND OF THE LADY MARY HIS WIFE. |
 | The Works of John Hall-Stevenson |  |
267
THE CONFESSION OF SIR FRANCIS OF MEDENHAM, AND OF THE LADY MARY HIS WIFE.
[_]
The sins of Lubricity, however shocking or unnatural, are handled in this absurd and impious manner by Escobar, and all the most celebrated Casuists amongst the Jesuits.
269
THE CONFESSION OF THE KNIGHT.
The good Frier was in the Confessional Chair,
“By my Faith,” said Sir Francis, “I'm glad you are there;
My sins are so heavy, and gall me so sore,
Till you lighten their weight I can carry no more.
“By my Faith,” said Sir Francis, “I'm glad you are there;
My sins are so heavy, and gall me so sore,
Till you lighten their weight I can carry no more.
Derry down, down, &c.
Proceed, said the Frier, no trifles I pray,
I expect all the wives of the Parish to-day,
My sins, said Sir Frank, are not many, nor old;
But no trifles I bring, they're as sterling as gold.
I expect all the wives of the Parish to-day,
My sins, said Sir Frank, are not many, nor old;
But no trifles I bring, they're as sterling as gold.
Derry down, &c.
270
As your time is so precious, to save repetitions,
Without any comment or any omissions,
I will open my budget, and lay down my deeds,
Rank and file in a string, like St. Francis's beads.
Without any comment or any omissions,
I will open my budget, and lay down my deeds,
Rank and file in a string, like St. Francis's beads.
Derry down, &c.
Like a Hotspur young cock he began with his mother,
Cheer'd three of his sisters one after another;
And oft tried little Jen, but gain'd so little ground,
Little Jen lost her patience, and made him compound.
Cheer'd three of his sisters one after another;
And oft tried little Jen, but gain'd so little ground,
Little Jen lost her patience, and made him compound.
Derry down, &c.
Jen play'd on the flute, with her fingers so white,
And twinkled her eyes, and kept time very right,
Then he serv'd up his cousin, a delicate blade,
And old Bridget his aunt, for the sake of her maid.
And twinkled her eyes, and kept time very right,
Then he serv'd up his cousin, a delicate blade,
And old Bridget his aunt, for the sake of her maid.
Derry down, &c.
And, lastly, he ravish'd his Lady so meek,
When she had not lain-in much more than a week,
Although she declar'd she would give her consent,
But had vow'd the last week to lie fallow in Lent.
When she had not lain-in much more than a week,
271
But had vow'd the last week to lie fallow in Lent.
Derry down, &c.
“These are eight deadly sins,” said Sir Francis, and cried;
“Yet the gates,” said the Frier, “of mercy are wide;
I can reckon but five, for I pass little Jen,
And old Bridget's a penance instead of a sin.
“Yet the gates,” said the Frier, “of mercy are wide;
I can reckon but five, for I pass little Jen,
And old Bridget's a penance instead of a sin.
Derry down, &c.
As to wives—there's no part of a wife is her own,
For the church gives a part, and the parts are well known;
To withhold what she gives you is sinful and strange,
And courtesy gives you the rest for a change.
For the church gives a part, and the parts are well known;
To withhold what she gives you is sinful and strange,
And courtesy gives you the rest for a change.
Derry down, &c.
The wife is to blame that replies or demurs;
If the act is a sin, 'tis her husband's, not her's:
Let her yield to his fancies, his right is so strong;
And his bargain so hard, he can hardly go wrong.
If the act is a sin, 'tis her husband's, not her's:
Let her yield to his fancies, his right is so strong;
And his bargain so hard, he can hardly go wrong.
Derry down, &c.
272
Though to cuckold the church is a sin that's unclean,
Yet, when the blood's heated, as your's must have been,
We have power to suspend the effect of her curse,
If you had not done that, you must needs have done worse.
Yet, when the blood's heated, as your's must have been,
We have power to suspend the effect of her curse,
If you had not done that, you must needs have done worse.
Derry down, &c.
Thank God, you have none—had you brothers a dozen,
They would all have been serv'd the same sauce with your cousin:
But tell me sincerely, my penitent son,
How long were you doing before you had done.
They would all have been serv'd the same sauce with your cousin:
But tell me sincerely, my penitent son,
How long were you doing before you had done.
Derry down, &c.
I perceive, by the last, that your fever was strong;
So I guess, quoth the Frier, 'twas not very long;
For, if there had been any great intermission,
You must have thrown in a small dose of contrition.”
So I guess, quoth the Frier, 'twas not very long;
For, if there had been any great intermission,
You must have thrown in a small dose of contrition.”
Derry down, &c.
273
“'Twas all done in six hours,” said the Knight to the Frier.
“You'll be damned,” cried the Monk, “for a damnable liar;
Neither you can dispatch, nor the devil, in fine,
As much work in six hours as will take a monk nine.
“You'll be damned,” cried the Monk, “for a damnable liar;
Neither you can dispatch, nor the devil, in fine,
As much work in six hours as will take a monk nine.
Derry down, &c.
After all,” said the Frier, “in all kinds of sport
A keen sportsman is apt to believe the time's short:
So your sins I absolve; but to wipe them out quite,
I enjoin you to lie with old Bridget all night.”
A keen sportsman is apt to believe the time's short:
So your sins I absolve; but to wipe them out quite,
I enjoin you to lie with old Bridget all night.”
Derry down, down, down, derry down.
274
THE LADY'S CONFESSION.
With a veil o'er her eyes and her bosom all bare,
Lady Mary kneel'd down, whilst the tears of despair
Down her cheeks and round breasts like hillocks of snow,
Descended in rills to the valley below.
Lady Mary kneel'd down, whilst the tears of despair
Down her cheeks and round breasts like hillocks of snow,
Descended in rills to the valley below.
Derry down, down, &c.
“Such tears of remorse, my fair penitent child,
Flow seldom in vain,” said the Frier and smiled:
“I'll ensure you quite through, you have nothing to dread,
From the sole of your foot to the hair of your head.
Flow seldom in vain,” said the Frier and smiled:
“I'll ensure you quite through, you have nothing to dread,
From the sole of your foot to the hair of your head.
Derry down, &c.
Though he neither minds bell, book, and candle, nor grate,
And is constantly tempting you early and late,
The tempter of Adam will at last, I believe,
Be too cunning and strong for the tempter of Eve.
And is constantly tempting you early and late,
The tempter of Adam will at last, I believe,
Be too cunning and strong for the tempter of Eve.
Derry down, &c.
275
All the devil can do with his pricking and spurring
Is to set you a longing and set you a stirring,
Like boys o'er an orchard half dropping, half sticking,
From longing you soon fall to handling and picking.
Is to set you a longing and set you a stirring,
Like boys o'er an orchard half dropping, half sticking,
From longing you soon fall to handling and picking.
Derry down, &c.
And when you have handled and pick'd what you will,
From the ladies at court to the lass of the mill,
You come here and repent with great sorrow and shame,
And the devil must go back like a fool as he came.
From the ladies at court to the lass of the mill,
You come here and repent with great sorrow and shame,
And the devil must go back like a fool as he came.
Derry down, &c.
The devil can easily trip up your heels;
But what then? You are all such a parcel of eels,
When your sins lie upon you, you'll every one
Riggle out like an eel that lies under a stone.
But what then? You are all such a parcel of eels,
When your sins lie upon you, you'll every one
Riggle out like an eel that lies under a stone.
Derry down, &c.
Then take courage, dear daughter, unburthen your mind,
And be sure, above all, you leave nothing behind;
'Tis no shame to discover what is death to conceal,
For your doctor must visit the parts he must heal.”
And be sure, above all, you leave nothing behind;
276
For your doctor must visit the parts he must heal.”
Derry down, &c.
“In you, my good father and heavenly guide,
I put my whole trust,” the fair lady replied,
“And will therefore premise, with most scrupulous truth,
A few of the sins I concealed in my youth.
I put my whole trust,” the fair lady replied,
“And will therefore premise, with most scrupulous truth,
A few of the sins I concealed in my youth.
Derry down, &c.
I was taught at sixteen, by a masculine nun,
Till I learnt, from a pistol, to handle a gun;
And then I encounter'd a frier from Furne's
That used to serve her and the abbess by turns.
Till I learnt, from a pistol, to handle a gun;
And then I encounter'd a frier from Furne's
That used to serve her and the abbess by turns.
Derry down, &c.
No Flanderkin monk, since good monks were begot,
Could furnish more game for an abbess's pot;
But how the nun came by such luck should be known,
You must know that the abbess was deaf as a stone.
Could furnish more game for an abbess's pot;
But how the nun came by such luck should be known,
You must know that the abbess was deaf as a stone.
Derry down, &c.
277
Though as deaf as a stone, yet so sound and so nice,
Was her judgement, when steer'd by the frier's advice,
She consign'd to my nun, as the flower of the flock,
The keys of St. Peter, to open and lock.
Was her judgement, when steer'd by the frier's advice,
She consign'd to my nun, as the flower of the flock,
The keys of St. Peter, to open and lock.
Derry down, &c.
Thus my nun watch'd the signals, and had for her pains,
Both the abbess's leavings, and other small gains;
For the abbess to balance and make accounts fair,
Put all the young novices under her care.
Both the abbess's leavings, and other small gains;
For the abbess to balance and make accounts fair,
Put all the young novices under her care.
Derry down, &c.
Now, whether in Sappho 'twas passion or whim,
She amused herself better with me than with him;
So we struck up a bargain that pleased us all three,
And I stuck to the frier, and she stuck to me.
She amused herself better with me than with him;
So we struck up a bargain that pleased us all three,
And I stuck to the frier, and she stuck to me.
Derry down, &c,
Like a filly, quite aukward at first in a manage,
I neither had action or grace in my carriage;
But from the first lesson to every new chapter
He found me improve, and I found myself apter.
I neither had action or grace in my carriage;
278
He found me improve, and I found myself apter.
Derry down, &c.
And thus we went on in a round of delight,
When, to vary the scene, I fell in with a knight,
Who had found a way into my cell like a fairy,
And went out, like a surfeited rat from a dairy.
When, to vary the scene, I fell in with a knight,
Who had found a way into my cell like a fairy,
And went out, like a surfeited rat from a dairy.
Derry down, &c.
Between frier and knight, my Lesbian's brother,
I was like to become an unfortunate mother;
But by her assistance and skill I miscarried,
And at last, through her means, to Sir Francis was married.
I was like to become an unfortunate mother;
But by her assistance and skill I miscarried,
And at last, through her means, to Sir Francis was married.
Derry down, &c.
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Twas his confessor's trick, 'twas the frier of Flanders,
To whom all the friers on earth are but ganders;
Who, to save the knight's soul, set his sister a dreaming,
When 'twas mortgaged so deep it was scarce worth redeeming.
To whom all the friers on earth are but ganders;
279
When 'twas mortgaged so deep it was scarce worth redeeming.
Derry down, &c.
Since the time that the frier has quitted this quarter
I have sometimes had luck and sometimes caught a Tartar;
But I never yet played with a squire or a knight
That could play with such temper and lose the whole night.”
I have sometimes had luck and sometimes caught a Tartar;
But I never yet played with a squire or a knight
That could play with such temper and lose the whole night.”
Derry down, &c.
I know, said the frier, they all are slack mettled,
And you'll always be changing and always unsettled,
Instead of one sin you'll have four sins to score,
And your profits and income be less than before.
And you'll always be changing and always unsettled,
Instead of one sin you'll have four sins to score,
And your profits and income be less than before.
Derry down, &c.
The sins of your youth are forgiven and sunk,
From the first of the nun to the last of the monk;
But there's nothing can take out a burn like the fire,
Nor the heat a monk leaves but the heat of a frier.
From the first of the nun to the last of the monk;
280
Nor the heat a monk leaves but the heat of a frier.
Derry down, &c.
I soon could convince you my counsel is right;
Said my lady, “Good father, convince me to-night,
Do but come to the door of our garden at ten.”
“Adieu,” said the frier, “fair daughter, till then.”
Said my lady, “Good father, convince me to-night,
Do but come to the door of our garden at ten.”
“Adieu,” said the frier, “fair daughter, till then.”
Derry down, down, down, derry down.
| The Works of John Hall-Stevenson | |