University of Virginia Library

Scene VIII.

THE KING'S AUDIENCE CHAMBER.
The Court in attendance.
Enter the King.
King.
Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I'm getting quite done up.
I'll cut this place, and take a little shop;
When I'm in bed, I've not a minute's rest;
And the row begins again before I'm drest.
A throne! The man who envies it's a fool!
Give me a cosy nook and three legged stool!
Crowns are unhappy hats. They fret the brow;
I'd change mine for a half-a-crown just now?
A good soft wide-awake's the thing for me.
A crown's a glittering bit of misery.
My bacco's done again, too, now I see;
I've finished that last ounce they voted me.
(Inquiries outside.)
There they go again!

A Voice.
I must see the king.

King.
Indeed! Oh; Thank you? You'll do no such thing.
That's an Adullamite, I'll bet a trice!
There's something foolish in the fellow's voice.
Oh, what a job to guide this groaning nation,
Between first this, then that, administration!
Apostate Radicals, and timid Whigs;
And Tory-Liberals, with their slipp'ry rigs;
Dull dwellers in Adullam's wretched cave,—
Who, round a diff'rent—leader,—sneaking rave;
And one lot and another. Oh, the pain!
When will my country cut the juggler vein?

Enter Sir Loin de Porc.
Sir Loin.
Your majesty,—the—

King.
Here's that fool again!
What is it, booby?

Sir Loin.
The Milkman.

King.
Pay him, then.

Sir Loin.
I've got no money.

King.
Let him call again.
(Exit Sir Loin.)
A king; without a copper in his purse!
I'm wretched; and a beggar can't be worse.
Like a poor donkey, weary of his load;
I'll shunt this business,—if I don't, I'm blowed!
(Grand shout without.)
Now, what's the row!

Enter the Wedding Procession of Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
King.
What, my bold Robin here; and, by his side,—
A sweet moss-rose,—I see the blushing bride!
Come; by your leave; one kiss.

Robin.
He's kissed her twice.

King.
Robin; upon my soul, she's very nice!
I wish you all the happiness that life can bring!
And,—when you want a sponsor—I'm your king!

(General shout of joy, in the midst of which enter, dolefully, Sir Brian, Miss Daisy, Tremuloso, and others, in the custody of Sir Loin de Porc.)
Daisy.
Oh, pa! Oh, what a sight! Oh, pa; I'm done!

Sir Brian.
Yes; with her you couldn't stand the test.

Daisy.
Is this blighted love, or is it the rinderpest?

Sir Brian.
Get thee to a nunnery!

Daisy.
What! be a nun, papa? My beauty bury?
That's a nun in white in prospect, werry.

King.
So, master Sheriff; you are here, I see.
What means this slight, sir, that you put on me?
A little while ago, I felt inclined
To let you feel a little of my mind.
But, as it's gallant Robin's wedding-day,
I'll grace it with a little lenity.
So, Sheriff; though I don't forget the crime,
I can forgive. I'll let you off this time.
Be a good lad; and don't do that again!
Now, come and join us in a merry strain.

Air—Mary Holder.
Daisy.
On a most unhappy girl, pray cast your eyes on—
Cast your eyes on, cast your eyes on.

Sir Brian.
Just gaze upon this damsel, oh! a prize one;
It's a fact, 'tween you and me.

Robin.
(To Tuck)
She's a very pretty girl, behold her,
And she wanted to marry thee.

Tuck.
No, she said; she wanted a soldier;
She could not fancy me.

Robin.
Oh! Tuck; oh! Tuck, don't say so,
With pity behold her;
Although you're short in stature,
You'd make a very good soldier.

Daisy.
Cruel, cruel Robin.

Tuck.
Behold her, how she's sobbin'.

Robin.
Oh! I do not care a bobbin,

Sir Brian.
Hush! one on the nose I'll bob him.

Robin.
Hold hard! my name is Robin Hood,
And all I've done I meant for good;
So let it now be understood
I shall not wed she.

Daisy.
An intriguing, nasty hussy, is that Marian,
Is that Marian, is that Marian;
I should like to smash her, like a piece of Parian.
Here have I been winkin' and blinkin',
Gentle Robin's love to catch;
Now for tenderness and blighted love a subject
I am for “Colney Hatch.”

Trem.
Oh! Daisy, raise your gentle head,
And take poor Tremuloso.

Daisy.
Our lackey! well, this is a go
I wasn't quite prepared for.

Tuck.
All the fat is in the fire!
Would you like to try a friar?

Daisy.
(Aside)
Oh! to wed is my desire,
So I think I will agree,
How light that Robin holds her;
The hussy's gettin' bolder.
I consent for want of better.

Friar.
Then I cannot marry thee.

Enter The White Gnomes, who desire to be in at the finish.
Air—“Men of Harlech.”
Chorus.
Now that all our strife is over,
And the game is yours, moreover,
Let us share your joyous mirth
Of merry Christmas time!
(All coming forward with hands to audience.)
Accept our invitation,
Dear friends in every station,
And warm our hearts with lauding shouts
To prove your approbation.
Your verdict give, and let us live
To hear you praise our Transformation;
And sound, with heart and voice rejoicing,
Praises everywhere.

THE GRAND TRANSFORMATION By T. Grieve, F. Holding, D. Horne, and Assistants.
Fairy Queen.
So, so! I'm here again, my friends, you see
One little duty; then, farewell to me!
Do change your characters!
(General movement of surprise.
And mind you mend 'em!
For, if you don't, I don't think I'll defend em!
Another chance you have to win renown,—
As Harlequin and Columbine; as Pantaloon and Clown!