 | The Staple of Newes |  |
Scene. IJ.
Fashioner.Peniboy. Thomas Barber. Haberdasher.
God giue your worship ioy.
P. Iv.
What? of your staying?
And leauing me to stalke here in my trowses,
Like a tame Her'n-sew for you?
Fas.
I but waited
Below, till the clocke strooke.
P. Iv.
Why, if you had come
Before a quarter, would it so haue hurt you,
In reputation, to haue wayted here?
Fas.
No, but your worship might haue pleaded nonage,
If you had got 'hem on, ere I could make
Iust Affidauit of the time.
P. Iv.
That iest
Has gain'd thy pardon, thou had'st liu'd, condemn'd
To thine owne hell else, neuer to haue wrought
Stitch more for me, or any Peniboy,
I could haue hindred thee: but now thou art mine.
For one and twenty yeeres, or for three liues,
Chuse which thou wilt, I'll make thee a Copy-holder,
He sayes his sute.
And thy first Bill vnquestion'd. Helpe me on.
Fas.
Presently, Sir, I am bound vnto your worship.
P. Iv.
Thou shalt be, when I haue seal'd thee a Lease of my Custome.
Fas.
Your worp s Barbar is without.
P. In.
Who? Thom?
Come in Thom: set thy things vpon the Boord
And spread thy clothes, lay all forth in procinctu,
And tell's what newes?
Tho.
O Sir, a staple of newes!
Or the New Staple, which you please.
P. Iv.
What's that?
Fas.
An Office, Sir, a braue young Office set vp.
I had forgot to tell your worship.
P. Iv.
For what?
Tho.
To enter all the Newes, Sir, o' the time,
9
And vent it as occasion serues! A place
Of huge commerce it will be!
P. Iv.
Pray thee peace,
I cannot abide a talking Taylor: let Thom
(He's a Barber) by his place relate it,
What is't, an Office, Thom?
Tho.
Newly erected
Here in the house, almost on the same floore,
Where all the newes of all sorts shall be brought,
And there be examin'd, and then registred,
And so be issu'd vnder the Seale of the Office,
As Staple Newes; no other newes be currant.
P. Iv.
'Fore me, thou speak'st of a braue busines, Thom.
Fas.
Nay, if you knew the brain that hatch'd it Sr—
P. Iv.
I know thee wel inough: giue him a loaf, Thom—
Quiet his mouth, that Ouen will be venting else.
Proceed—
Tho.
He tels you true Sr. Mr Cymbal,
Is Master of the Office, he proiected it,
Hee lies here i'the house: and the great roomes
He has taken for the Office, and set vp
His Deskes and Classes, Tables and his Shelues,
Fas.
He's my Customer, and a Wit Sir, too.
But, h' has braue wits vnder him—
Tho.
Yes, foure Emissaries.
P. Iv.
Emissaries? stay, there's a fine new word, Thom!
'Pray God it signifie any thing, what are Emissaries?
Tho.
Men imploy'd outward, that are sent abroad
To fetch in the commodity.
Fas.
From all regions
Where the best newes are made.
Tho.
Or vented forth.
Fas.
By way of exchange, or trade.
P. Iv.
Nay, thou wilt speak—
Hee giues the Taylor leaue to talk.
Fas.
My share Sr. there's enough for both.
P. Iv.
Goe on then,
Speake all thou canst: me thinkes, the ordinaries
Should helpe them much.
Fas.
Sir, they haue ordinaries,
And extraordinaries, as many changes,
And variations, as there are points i'the compasse.
Tho.
But the 4. Cardinall Quarters—
P. Iv.
I, those Thom—
Tho.
The Court, Sir, Pauls, Exchange, and Westminster-hall.
P. Iv.
Who is the Chiefe? which hath preceedencie?
Tho.
The gouernour o'the Staple, Master Cymball.
He is the Chiefe; and after him the Emissaries:
First Emissary Court, one Master Fitton,
He's a Ieerer too.
P. Iv.
What's that?
Fas.
A Wit.
Tho.
Or halfe a Wit, some of them are Halfe-wits,
Two to a Wit, there are a set of 'hem.
Then Master Ambler, Emissary Paules,
A fine pac'd gentleman, as you shall see, walke
The middle Ile: And then my Froy Hans Buz,
A Dutch-man; he's Emissary Exhange.
Fas.
I had thought Mr. Burst the Marchant had had it.
Tho.
No,
He has a rupture, hee has sprung a leake,
10
Then the Examiner, Register, and two Clerkes,
They mannage all at home, and sort, and file,
And seale the newes, and issue them.
P. Iv.
Thom, deare Thom.
What may my meanes doe for thee, aske, and haue it,
I'd faine be doing some good. It is my birth-day.
And I'd doe it betimes, I feele a grudging
Of bounty, and I would not long lye fallow.
I pray thee thinke, and speake, or wish for something.
Tho.
I would I had but one o' the Clerkes places,
I'this Newes Office,.
P. Iv.
Thou shalt haue it, Thom,
If siluer, or gold will fetch it; what's the rate?
At what is't set i'the Mercat?
Tho.
Fiftie pound, Sir.
P. Iv.
An't were a hundred, Thom, thou shalt not want it.
Fas.
The Taylor leapes, and embraceth him.
O Noble Master!
P. Iv.
How now Æsops Asse!
Because I play with Thom, must I needes runne
Into your rude embraces? stand you still, Sir;
Clownes fawnings, are a horses salutations.
How do'st thou like my suite, Thom?
Tho.
Mr Fashioner
Has hit your measures, Sir, h'has moulded you,
And made you, as they say.
Fas.
No, no, not I,
I am an Asse, old Æsops Asse.
P. Iv.
Nay, Fashioner,
I can doe thee a good turne too, be not musty,
Though thou hast moulded me, as little Thom sayes,
He drawes out his pockets.
(I thinke thou hast put me in mouldy pockets.)
Fas.
As good,
Right Spanish perfume, the Lady Estifania's,
They cost twelue pound a payre.
P. Iv.
Thy bill will say so.
I pray thee tell me, Fashioner, what Authors
Thou read'st to helpe thy inuention? Italian prints?
Or Arras hangings? They are Taylors Libraries.
Fas.
I scorne such helps.
P. Iv.
O, though thou art, a silk-worme!
And deal'st in sattins and veluets, and rich plushes,
Thou canst not spin all formes out of thy selfe;
They are quite other things: I thinke this suite
Has made me wittier, then I was.
Fas.
Belieue it Sir,
That clothes doe much vpon the wit, as weather
Do's on the braine; and thence comes your prouerbe;
The Taylor makes the man: I speake by experience
Of my owne Customers. I haue had Gallants,
Both Court and Countrey, would ha' fool'd you vp
In a new suite, with the best wits, in being,
And kept their speed, as long as their clothes lasted
Han'some, and neate; but then as they grew out
At the elbowes againe, or had a staine, or spot,
They haue sunke most wretchedly.
P. Iv.
What thou report'st,
Is but the common calamity, and seene daily;
And therefore you haue another answering prouerbe:
11
Fas.
'Tis true, Sir.
And thence wee say, that such a one playes at peepe arme.
P. Iv.
Doe you so? it is wittily sayd. I wonder, Gentlemen,
And men of meanes will not maintaine themselues
Fresher in wit, I meane in clothes, to the highest.
For hee that's out o' clothes, is out o'fashion,
And out of fashion, is out of countenance,
And out o' countenance, is out o' Wit.
Is not Rogue Haberdasher come?
Hab.
Yes, here, Sir.
They are all about him, busie.
I ha' beene without this halfe houre.
P. Iv.
Giue me my hat.
Put on my Girdle-Rascall, sits my Ruffe well?
Lin.
In print.
P. Iv.
Slaue.
Lin.
See your selfe.
P. Iv.
Is this same hat
O' the blocke passant? Doe not answer mee,
I cannot stay for an answer. I doe feele
The powers of one and twenty, like a Tide
Flow in vpon mee, and perceiue an Heyre,
Can Coniure vp all spirits in all circles,
Rogue, Rascall, Slaue, giue tradesmen their true names,
And they appeare to 'hem presently.
Lin.
For profit.
P. Iv.
Come, cast my cloake about me, I'll goe see,
This Office Thom, and be trimm'd afterwards.
I'll put thee in possession, my prime worke!
Gods so: my Spurrier! put 'hem on boy, quickly,
I'had like to ha lost my Spurres with too much speed.
His Spurrier comes in.
| The Staple of Newes | |