The Priest Dissected A Poem, Addressed to the Rev. Mr. ---, Author of Regulus, Toby, Caesar, And other Satirical Pieces in the Public Papers. By the author of the New Bath Guide [i.e.Christopher Anstey]. Canto I. The Second Edition |
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 | The Priest Dissected |  |
And what art thou! whose unprovok'd disdain
Makes me the subject of thy rancrous strain?
With every talent that adorns at once
The pedant, coxcomb, slanderer, and dunce,
Say, could no civil, no religious broil
Employ the priest's, or politician's toil,
Could'st thou not find one object for thine hate,
One virtuous character in church or state;
No harmless virgin to provoke thy wrath
'Mongst all the fair inhabitants of Bath;
Not one poor native of the Scotian shore,
Unsung by thee, and not abus'd before,
Who wiser far than me with just disdain
Might read thy slander, and his wrath contain?
Ah! weel, right weel, he kens thy vile lampoon,
Yet aye contemns thy jibes,—thou canker'd loon,
Kind Scots! to whom thy heartiest thanks be given,
For suff'ring thee to crawl 'twixt earth and heav'n.—
Hast thou so soon forgot thy fav'rite themes,
Those gallant youths who drink sweet Liffy's streams?
They, generous souls, compassionate thy pains,
And oft' in pity to thy labouring strains,
Would fain the midwife's kind assistance use
To speed the produce of thy struggling muse,
Obstetricate as Vulcan did for Jove,
When in his head the infant Pallas strove,
And freely lend a hatchet or a cane
To ease the torments of thy costive brain;
On me at length must thou disgorge thy spleen,
Who ne'er but once thy miscreant face have seen?
On me invoke thy pestilential muse
To breathe such pois'nous vapours in the news?
Then like some dark ill-omen'd bird of night
Wing to the conscious shade thy hateful flight?
Yet tremble wheresoe'er thou screen'st thine head,
Whether to Don Saltero's thou art fled
On scraps of hungry politicians fed
Or at the
Chapter wait'st some printer's call
Lurching around the regions of St. Paul,
Or rather dost thou skulk in that fam'd street
Where captive bards oft' tune their ditties sweet
To liberty, within the precincts of the Fleet;
There to reward thy daily lyes art call'd in
To eat the crusts of charitable Baldwin,
Answer to CÆSAR, REGULUS, or TOBY,
Or any other name canine you go by:
Take heed—tho' ev'ry darksome fiend of night
Defend thee from the ken of mortal sight,
Tho' cellar, or tho' garret hide thy shame,
Tho' war with me each scrib'ling dunce proclaim,
Dæmons! that erst had made my nature shrink,
Memnonian tribes, black fusileers of ink
Couch'd in poetic corner all conspire
At me their crackers, and their squibs to fire,
Tho' friends, as dear to me as life, agree
'Tis base, to grapple with a foe like thee,
By heav'ns I'll drag thee forth; as erst the son
Of Jove, from Pluto's self his trophies won,
What time Eurystheus by fell Juno's ire
Compell'd the godlike hero to aspire
To deeds of matchless fame; he undismay'd
Pierc'd through the realms of everlasting shade,
Th' infernal king's prerogative to quell,
And drag the triple-headed thief from hell;
Him watchful e'en in slumbers at the door
List'ning th' arch-hell-hound heard, and straight with roar
Insufferable, shook the gates of Dis,
And made Styx shudder thro' it's deep abyss;
Nathless (like him the skilful artist's hand
Has giv'n depicted in the front to stand,)
Calm and serene amid the scorching flame,
The hero tug'd,—and out the monster came;
Conquering he smil'd, and lo! th' accursed race
Of snakes, that erst in life were scribblers base,
Dropt fangless at his feet; in foul abode
Trembling aloof th' affrighted Harpeys stood,
Base fiends! which all mythologists agree
Were printers once, and kept such dogs as thee.—
Makes me the subject of thy rancrous strain?
With every talent that adorns at once
The pedant, coxcomb, slanderer, and dunce,
22
Employ the priest's, or politician's toil,
Could'st thou not find one object for thine hate,
One virtuous character in church or state;
No harmless virgin to provoke thy wrath
'Mongst all the fair inhabitants of Bath;
Not one poor native of the Scotian shore,
Unsung by thee, and not abus'd before,
Who wiser far than me with just disdain
Might read thy slander, and his wrath contain?
Ah! weel, right weel, he kens thy vile lampoon,
Yet aye contemns thy jibes,—thou canker'd loon,
Kind Scots! to whom thy heartiest thanks be given,
For suff'ring thee to crawl 'twixt earth and heav'n.—
Hast thou so soon forgot thy fav'rite themes,
Those gallant youths who drink sweet Liffy's streams?
23
And oft' in pity to thy labouring strains,
Would fain the midwife's kind assistance use
To speed the produce of thy struggling muse,
Obstetricate as Vulcan did for Jove,
When in his head the infant Pallas strove,
And freely lend a hatchet or a cane
To ease the torments of thy costive brain;
On me at length must thou disgorge thy spleen,
Who ne'er but once thy miscreant face have seen?
On me invoke thy pestilential muse
To breathe such pois'nous vapours in the news?
Then like some dark ill-omen'd bird of night
Wing to the conscious shade thy hateful flight?
Yet tremble wheresoe'er thou screen'st thine head,
Whether to Don Saltero's thou art fled
On scraps of hungry politicians fed
24
Lurching around the regions of St. Paul,
Or rather dost thou skulk in that fam'd street
Where captive bards oft' tune their ditties sweet
To liberty, within the precincts of the Fleet;
There to reward thy daily lyes art call'd in
To eat the crusts of charitable Baldwin,
Answer to CÆSAR, REGULUS, or TOBY,
Or any other name canine you go by:
Take heed—tho' ev'ry darksome fiend of night
Defend thee from the ken of mortal sight,
Tho' cellar, or tho' garret hide thy shame,
Tho' war with me each scrib'ling dunce proclaim,
Dæmons! that erst had made my nature shrink,
Memnonian tribes, black fusileers of ink
25
At me their crackers, and their squibs to fire,
Tho' friends, as dear to me as life, agree
'Tis base, to grapple with a foe like thee,
By heav'ns I'll drag thee forth; as erst the son
Of Jove, from Pluto's self his trophies won,
What time Eurystheus by fell Juno's ire
Compell'd the godlike hero to aspire
To deeds of matchless fame; he undismay'd
Pierc'd through the realms of everlasting shade,
Th' infernal king's prerogative to quell,
And drag the triple-headed thief from hell;
Him watchful e'en in slumbers at the door
List'ning th' arch-hell-hound heard, and straight with roar
Insufferable, shook the gates of Dis,
And made Styx shudder thro' it's deep abyss;
26
Has giv'n depicted in the front to stand,)
Calm and serene amid the scorching flame,
The hero tug'd,—and out the monster came;
Conquering he smil'd, and lo! th' accursed race
Of snakes, that erst in life were scribblers base,
Dropt fangless at his feet; in foul abode
Trembling aloof th' affrighted Harpeys stood,
Base fiends! which all mythologists agree
Were printers once, and kept such dogs as thee.—
| The Priest Dissected | |