University of Virginia Library

A Composure, for his private Refreshment made by the same Prisoner, upon considering the sad outward Condition of his Dearest Relations in the Flesh: after which is added the Narrative of a sudden distemper thereupon ensuing.

My Contemplation, evr'y hour so travells,
In new pursuits, and into all things Ravells
With so much restlessness, as if she ment
The whole world in a Mapp to represent.
One while she maketh introdes on my Foes,
To bring me some Intelligence from those;
That, I consid'ring what they go about
Their malice, may the better weather-out.

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72

Another while, to me she represents,
What mischiefes, troubles, fear and discontents
There are abroad; that, I may thereby see
How, they are troubled, who have troubled me;
How 'twixt the two shoars, Pharohs Army reels;
How, GOD hath taken off their Charret Wheels
How, he obdures the Insolent and proud;
How dreadfully, he looks out of the Cloud
Which he hath placed, betwixt them and those,
Whom they pursue to their own overthrowes.

I

All suff'rings, that have tended
To my probation, here,
Cannot be comprehended
In what my words declare;
For, though to help expression
I have a knowing-sense,

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73

The sum of my Condition
Cannot be gathered thence.

II

In Pleasures, and in Sorrows,
I have had no small share;
Sad Nights, and joyful Morrowes,
My Portion often were;
That, which with Joy affects me,
Is far above the Skie,
And, that, which yet afflicts me
As deep as Hell doth lie.

III

My near'st, and dear'st Relations,
Unmention'd though they be,
Among my Meditations,
Are not forgot by me.
For, though I would not mind them,
My heart, them so retains,
That, there, I still shall find them,
As long as life remains.

IV

Lest that might have miscarry'd
Which, to neglect I fear'd,
Like one, quite dead and buried,
I have to them appear'd:
And by my late employments,
Despairful they are made,
Of me, and those enjoyments
Which else, they might have had.

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74

V

Reciprocal Indearments,
Are by my troubles crost;
The means of their Preferments
With my Estate are lost.
These times, have quite bereft them
Of that which gave content,
And, in their power nought left them,
New mischiefes to prevent.

VI

My Blossoms are quite wither'd,
My Leaves are much decay'd;
My Fruits, by those are gather'd,
Who nothing for them paid;
I, from whom (when they need them)
They should supplies have had,
Have neither Fruits to feed them,
Nor boughes to give them shade.

VII

We could, when we were troubled,
Each others hearts have eas'd;
Converse, our pleasures doubled,
When we with ought were pleas'd;
Such Comforts, now to give them,
Companion they have none,
But, they (what ere doth grieve them)
Must sit, and grieve alone.

VIII

In Mercy, LORD, look on them,
And pitty their Estate;

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75

The wrongs that I have done them,
Proceeded not from hate;
I did, what I conceived
Doth to thy work belong,
But, that's thereby bereaved,
Which is to them a wrong.

IX

Thereof, be therefore heedful,
Them, favour not the less,
Supply with all things needful,
In this their great distresse;
And, when thou me shalt gather
Out of this Land of life,
Be thou my Childrens Father,
A Husband to my Wife.

X

When I with them must never
Speak more, by Tongue or Pen,
And, they be barr'd for ever,
To see my face agen.
Thy Loving kindness show them,
Lost comforts to revive,
Instead of what I owe them,
And pay not whilst I live.

XI

Let all my former failings,
Through frailties, in time past,
And, what may cause bewailings,
Quite out of thought be cast;
And, onely recordation
Of those things be exprest,

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76

Whereby their consolation
May dayly be increast.

XII

Preserve them from each Folly,
Which ripening into Sin,
Makes Root and Branch unholy,
And brings destruction in.
Let not this World bewitch them,
With her besotting Wine,
But, let thy Grace inrich them,
With Faith, and Love Divine.

XIII

And, whilst we live together
Let us, upon thee call;
Help to prepare each other,
For what, may yet befall;
So just, so faithful hearted,
So constant let us be,
That, when we here are parted
We may all meet in thee.

This being writ, and once or twice sung over,
My Reason, did sufficient strength recover
Those Passions to repell, which did begin
Upon my heart at that time to break in:
But, ere they were alay'd, an Accident
Fell out, which that good issue did prevent;
I have so much of common Manliness,
(Which might more profit me if it were less)
That, all the frailties of the Humane Creature
(Co-incident since my depraved Nature)
Still so attend me, that do what I can
I fall into distemper, now and then;

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77

And ere that day was wholly overpast,
I, by a sudden accident was cast
Into a Passion, which did give occasion
Of this ensuing sad Ejaculation.

My Treacherous Flesh and Blood, how false are you!
To me, and to your own selves, how untrue!
How quickly to revolt do you begin!
How cowardly have you my Foe let in
At his first summons? how have you conspir'd
To give him that advantage he desir'd?
And whilst I for your safety did prepare
Joyn to surprize me ere I was aware?
LORD, let them not prevail; but, help me rally
My scattered Forces, and to make a sally
On those who my weak Citadel beset:
For they have seiz'd but on my Out-works yet,
And, if but over me, thou please to hover,
(Though at a distance) I shall soon recover.
Therefore, at this Assault, for me appear;
From me, this Black Cloud, by thy presence, clear;
Renew my courage in this day of trouble;
Increase my Faith, my former Hope redouble;
And let thy Spirit teach me so to pray,
That what I shall request, obtain I may.

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78

Be likewise pleas'd the chatterings of the Swallow,
And mournings of the Turtle, so to hallow;
That those things which are now express'd by me,
May be both acceptable unto thee,
And unto those who hear them not in vain,
Though to my private suff'rings they pertain:
For peradventure, that which me oretakes
Hath partly been permitted for their sakes;
That they, by heeding what on them at length
May fall, might by my weakness gather strength;
For, what is in it self a single Trouble,
By circumstances, may be sometimes double.

My best Friends peradventure, now will wonder
How, I am thus, as with a clap of thunder,
Struck suddenly; and my Foes, with a scoff
Will Jeer, to see me so soon taken off
From my late courage and high Resolution,
(Whilst I was putting it in Execution,)
When they shall know, that, but concerns my Wife,
Which breaks through all the comforts of my life,
And thus disorders me: But, when they hear me
Ev'n some of them, who at the first will Jeer me,
(If they have any Manhood left in them)
Shall me of no such levity condemn,
As yet they may, when all the circumstances
I have declar'd to cure their ignorances:
For, one of GOD's choice Prophets, had a Tryal
Not much unlike this, of his self-denial,
When he (as I do) in his Generation,
Bore witness of their great abomination:
Which (if ought more) had little more effect,
Then I may, at this present day, expect.
He (whilst GOD's work he follow'd) to the heart,
Was pierced (through his Wife) with sorrows dart.

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79

She (as the holy Scripture testifies)
Was unto him, as precious as his eyes,
The comfort of his life, and far more dear
(As I believe) then all things transcient were.
And peradventure he had grieved more
Then yet I do, had not the day before
GOD, both foretold her death, and charg'd him too,
Not to bewail the Wife he loved so.
What, this to me doth intimate, I shall
Forbear to tell now; but, if that befall
Which I may fear, it will have an effect,
Whose demonstration, I shall not neglect
If so long I survive, as to declare
That Sequell, for which, it will way prepare.
Mean while (since hope hath taken truce with sorrow)
For some few dayes, that little time Ile borrow,
To make it known, how, by a Pannick dread
I am at present, so distempered;
And in such sober Language will declare it,
Without Hyperboles, that, if men hear it
With like sobriety, it will perchance
Their edifying in some kind advance.

When, I had finished those Meditations
Last mention'd (which concern my dear'st Relations
As to the world) A messenger of sorrow
That very day, (I, looking for, next morrow
My Wives arrival) brought, not newes alone
That suddain sickness, her had seiz'd upon;
But, that, she likewise in a Feaver lies,
With which are complicated Maladies
Portending death: and Death desired so
That, they about her, can with much ado
Preserve her life. This newes, as soon as told,
Laid instantly, upon me such fast hold,

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80

That, er'e I could into my heart retire
I seemed to be wholly set on fire:
And (being for surprizal, the more fit
By what, that day, for better use was writ)
Instead of that, which might have quencht the same
I snatcht up oil, and threw't into the flame.

Imprisonment, I felt not till that day,
Wherein I found, that I was kept away,
Where, I to her could no assistance give,
For, whose sake, I did most desire to live;
My Fancie represented to my sight
In how disconsolate and sad a plight,
She there was left, dispoil'd of all she had,
Excepting, what might make her heart more sad.
With foes surrounded, not one to befriend her,
Not servants in that weakness to attend her,
No good Physitian living there about,
Scarce any thing within doors, or without,
For food or Physick: for, while she had health
Her courage did supply her want of Wealth,
And all things else, with help, of what from Heaven
Was by his providence in all wants given,

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81

Who hath been my support; By him alone
She hath in many straits been carryed on,
And all oppressions with such courage bore
As if she had been rich by being poor:
Which her despightful neighbours heeding well
(And, that she far'd like trodden Camomel)
Words unto this effect, were heard to speak
Will not, with all this loss, her stout heart break?
GOD, was, and still, her helper he will be;
But, for all this, what thanks is due to me?
What help am I who should a help have been,
When such extream Affliction she was in?

Dear BETTY, how inhumanly opprest?
Art thou? and oh! how is my Soul distrest
Now, I here think upon thy high desart,
And, how discomfortably left thou art?
If it might comfort thee, would thou, didst know
(Else not) what tears out of mine eyes do flow:
For, I, from whom the worlds despights can strain
Nor sighs, nor tears, from tears cannot restrain.
Woe's me (my Dear) my life I would resign
Might it accepted be, to ransome thine,
And were at my dispose; for, cause am I
Of that sad plight, wherein thou now dost lie;
Since, what the world hath done, is nothing more,
Then thou hast alwayes look'd for heretofore.
Yet, take it not unkindly; for, to thee
No ill was meant, in what was done by me:
He, (as I thought) to whom my self I owe,
(And, who did thee, and all I had bestow)
Requir'd the services that brought upon me
That, which to thy undoing, hath undone me;
And he will either back again restore
What's lost, or give us better things, and more.

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82

This, knowing thou believ'st, and dost confide
In him, hath much my Passion qualifi'd;
And makes me hopeful, GOD, will bring thee hither,
Or, me to thee, that, we once more together
May praise his Name, and live till we can part,
Without the least distemp'rature of heart.

What could the malice of the Devil invent,
To make more grievous my Imprisonment
Then at this time, wherein (for ought I know)
The last, and needful'st duty that I owe
Unto my dearest Friend, ought to be paid,
To be unjustly in a Prison staid?

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83

Were I detained but from such a one,
As many have, (a Wife in name alone)
I should be glad perhaps, I now am here,
Or, though within a far worse place it were:
But, if I may with modesty expresse,
What I believe, I can affirm no less
Then this; Though many women have done well,
Mine, with the best may be a parallel:
And, since my pow'r to nothing else extends
Which may, for what she suffers make amends,
In words, at least, Ile give her what is due
And say no more, then I believe is true.
Perhaps, when told, it will so far exceed
What is according to the common Creed,
That, many will suspect it; But, know this
There is in that man very much amisse
Who, of his consort, doth not so believe
In some degree, as I of mine conceive.
For, if he finds her not a helpful Wife,
Either, for this, or for the other Life;
The fault's his own, though she may faulty prove;
And he ingratefully requites GOD's Love.
GOD gave her not, but, he himself acquir'd her,
By some ill means; or, for those ends desir'd her
Which make no Marriages, but what are evil,
And, were made by the World, Flesh and the Devil.
Else, he would honour Providence Divine,
By praising of his Wife as I do mine.
Or, by confessing freely, as he ought,
That, GOD is just, in giving what he sought.
Whether mine live or die, let none who hear them
Grudge her these praises, for her worth will bear them.

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84

At first, I lov'd her, for his sake that gave her;
Of him, I sought her, and from him I have her,
If she be yet alive, (which I yet hope,
And, that he to my fear will put a stop.)
That, we each other might affect the better,
(And, to be mutual helpers prove the fitter)
As EVE from ADAM, GOD did, as it were,
First, make her out of me; then, me by her
He made more perfect; And since Eve was made
No man on earth a fitter helper had.
If any woman may Charactred be
By Lemuels pattern, I think this is she:
For, having oftentimes compared them,
Betwixt them, little difference did seem.
She is a Prize, worth ev'ry precious stone
In India, were all their worths in One.
My heart in her hath trusted so, that yet
I never, since I knew het, felt a fit
Of Jealousie or doubt, in any kinde,
Which brought the least distemper to my mind.
She, at all times, much good to me hath done,
But, evil, in her life time, did me none.
With courage, her Affairs she went about
By Day; at Night, her Candle went not out.
She was among the last, who came to bed;
The first, who in the Morning rais'd her head;
And, that no duty might be left undone,
Martha, and Mary, she still joyn'd in One.
In all Domestick Business, she was skil'd,
Both in the house, and likewise in the Field:
And whilst my time was otherwayes bestown,
Dispatch'd both my affaires, and her own.
She was no Prodigal, nor basely sparing;
All things were done without vexatious caring;

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85

She chid those, who (when chiding was in season)
Were to be quickned more with noise, then Reason;
And, when to angry words they did provoke,
Her anger ended, when the words were spoke;
When, also, they were griev'd, who did misdo,
She pardon'd, and with them, oft, grieved too.
All her Affairs, she managing with Reason,
Appointed work and meat, in their due Season
To ev'ry servant; and good notice took
Both of what was well, or Ill done, or spoke.
She feared GOD, and honour gave to them
Who were invested with a Pow'r Supream;
Her life, she squared by GOD's holy Word,
According to the Light he did afford;
And, had her self so exercis'd therein,
That, often she my Concordance hath been;
Yea, and in Humane Histories, to me
Been in the stead of my MNEMOSYNE.

A better Woman, Mistris, Mother, Wife,
I never saw, nor shall see during life.
Rebecca like, she gave me still to eat
Aswell most savory, as wholsom meat;
And, when GOD fent me food, good care she took,
The Devil should not send me in a Cook.
To me, to mine, and our poor neighbourhood,
She, in the stead of our Physitian stood;
She, still according to her power was ready
To give what things were needful to the needy;
Who did not wilful Beggarship professe,
That, they might live in sorded Idlenese;
And, purchasing her own food with her sweat,
Abhor'd the bread of Idleness to eat:
She could speak well, yet readier was to hear;
Exceeding Pleasant, and yet as severe

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86

As Cato. Though Corporeal Beauties be
Worn out with Age, she is the same to me
She was at first, and 'twas no mean perfection,
Which, in my Youth, surprized my Affection.
This is her Character, and in the word
Of Truth, this is thereof, a true record.
In her, I did as much contentment find,
As if I had enjoy'd all Woman-kind:
For, though a poor mans Consort she hath been,
She had a spirit might become a Queen;
Yet, knowing how to want and to abound,
Could make it stoop ev'n to the very ground;
And, if she die, I shall but little care
For any thing she leaves behind her here,
Except her Children, and that which relates
To GOD, and to our Spiritual Estates.
The deprivation of her company
And, of thar joy in her society
Which I have had, is far a greater loss,
Then, all those many Baubles and that drosse,
Whereof the world deprives me; or, of them
(Had they heen mine) which others most esteem.
This seperation is the great'st despight
That malice could have done me at her height;
And might we live, where we might live alone
To talk of that, which GOD for us hath done,
(And means to do) my Joy would be much more
With competence, then with the worlds whole store,
Were I depriv'd of her; who, might be here
So necessary a Remembrancer.

Now, Judge (if you or I, do this believe)
Whether I had not cause enough to grieve,
That we were so, divided from each other,
Left hopeless, we again should meet together.

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87

Though such in ev'ry point, she may not be,
Yet, since that she doth such appear to me;
Think, if by fear of loosing such a Prize,
A man who is far stronger, and more wise,
Might not, when thereby suddenly oretaken
As much with like distemp'ratures be shaken:
And, whether (taking to consideration
The sense I have of ev'ry Humane Passion)
Ought may befall, as I am Flesh and Blood,
That could more difficultly be withstood.

But, notwithstanding what's exprest, let no man
Suppose I have forgot she is a Woman.
I am not so Uxorious, or unwise,
To think that she hath no Infirmities;
Or, that to any other she doth seem
So worthy as she is in my esteem.
The rough hard shells in which rich Pearls do lie,
Shew not their Beauty to a strangers eye.
And Vertues, when that they most perfect are,
Sometimes, like faulty Actions may appear
To lookers on, who have not means to know
How done, nor to what end, nor whence they flow;
And then especially, when their Spectators,
Are Envious, or their Foes, or Vertue's haters.
The mildest Medicine, sore eyes, diseases,
A sickly Stomack wholsom'st meat, displeases;
And so the best and noblest Dispositions,
Are most dislik'd by men of base Conditions;
Because their Vertues, if they neighbours are,
Do make their Vices greater to appear.
Her precious Balms, have sometimes made me smart,
But, I confesse, the cause was on my part,
If she administred a bitter pill
In love, to make me well, when I was Ill.

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88

And well she might sometimes occasion find,
To give me wholsome Physick of that kind,
By cautions and remembrances apply'd
In season, when my wit was foolifi'd:
For, nothing purposely, from her I hid
That, in my life, I said, or thought, or did.
And (that she might, at full, be privy to
My whole Affairs, and all I had to do)
No Letter unto me in absence came,
But leave I gave her to break ope the same.
Which freedom (with such) mutually bestown
Made me to her, and her to me so known,
That, what the outside of my Actions be,
My Conscience hardly better knowes then she.
Small use of an Affection can be there,
Or proofs of Friendship, where no failings are.
There's hardly possibility of living,
With any one, who never needs forgiving;
For, he, who in his Consort, finds no blame,
When he fails, will confounded be with shame.

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89

That Helper, which thou didst on me bestow,
(And, Whose assistance is much needed now)
Thou seem'st to call upon me to resign,
As one, who must no longer now be mine.
Be not displeased LORD, if I shall say
Thou tak'st the comfort of my life away;
And that, I do expect thou shouldst not leave me
Quite comfortless, if thou of her bereave me.
Why dost thou Dictate to my heart this Prayer,
If thou intend'st, to leave me in despaire?
It cannot be, thou move me shouldst to crave,
That, which thou dost not purpose I should have.

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90

I do depend on thee, and hazarded
Both her, and all that in this world I had
For thy Cause, if my heart be not untrue:
Though therefore, nothing is by merit due,
Vouchsafe, (if with thy will accord it may)
Her life with health, and for a longer day,
That, we with thankfulness, in praises giving,
May shew thy Mercies forth, among the living.
With Tokens of thy favour, make us glad,
According to the Troubles we have had.
And, make thy other servants hopeful be
Of that Salvation, which thou shew'st to me.

Make it appear unto this Generation
That, we have the same GOD, the same Salvation
In these our dayes, that was in former times,
Aswell, as such like Tyrrannies and Crimes.
Make it appear that thou hast love for us
Aswell as heretofore for Lazarus;
That, thou, who didst hear Hagar for a Son,
And, Hannah's Prayer, when she beg'd for one,
Dost not despise my Prayer for the life
Of my beloved and Afflicted Wise;
Or, hast less pitty now then heretofore
Thou hadst of other some, who did deplore
Their dead or dying Friends; and when they mourn'd,
Had them into their bosoms back return'd.
Let it be known to those who do begin
To think, thou art not that which thou hast been,
Because that this Age hath produc'd occasions
To shew thy self in other dispensations.
Though to run back to Egypt, we are ready;
As froward, as Rebellious, and as giddy.
As they whom thou broughtst thence; though, every way
As false, as faithless, and as apt as they

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91

To set up golden Calves: Though, as were then
There be among us here, such wicked men
As Jannes, and as Jambres, who resist
Not Moses, but a greater, JESUS CHRIST;
And, strive by their Inchantments how to bring
Us back to bondage, and seduce the King
By cursed sorceries; yet, make it known;
That, thou in Btittain dost a People own:
That as when Israel was from Pharoh saved;
That, as thou wert with Moses and with David,
And with thy People who in thraldom were
At Babel, thou art present with us here.
(LORD! I beseech thee mind thou not the less
My private suit, although my zeal to this
Diverts me from it: for, Ile further yet
Pursue that, though thou me shouldst quite forget)
Apparant make it, that, some yet inherit
A Portion of the self same pow'rful Spirit
Which fill'd Elias; and if need require,
That thou hast Prophets, who can call down Fire,
Hail, Thunder-bolts, and other dreadful things
Upon the Troops and Armies of those Kings
Who Persecute thy Saints; and Heaven constrain
Either to let fall, or withhold the Rain,
As to thy service it shall appertain!
For, this, though, hardly yet believ'd of any,
Will shortly be made manifest to many;
And thy vouchsafeing this request of mine,
May make it, to this Age, perhaps, a signe
That, thou, as heretofore, dost lend an ear
At need, to every private sufferer,
As well as unto Publick Grievances,
And, that, when ripen'd are Iniquities

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92

A greater Conquest will be got by Words,
Then ever was in any Age, by Swords.
My Dear Redeemer, if it may be thus,
Be pleas'd to Mediate this boon for us.

LORD! this my Consort, is as dear to me
As Isaac unto Abraham could be;

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93

Yet, if thou wilt resume her at this time,
(Although with me thou deal not as with him)
As absolutely, as he did intend
His Sacrifice; I, her to thee commend.
From thee I had her; up to thee I give her;
I, wholly unto thy disposure leave her;
And, whether thou shalt keep, or give her back,
Ile wear it as a Favour, for thy sake.
And, this is all Ile absolutely crave,
(Wherein, I know, I my request shall have)
If, with thine honour, it may to her good
Conduce, to let her make with me abode
A little longer time, that time allow;
Or else with all my heart, resume her now.
For, save to serve thee, and our Generation,
According to the end of our Creation,
(And for thy Glory) neither she, nor I
(If I do know her) wish to live or die.

If, her appointed labour now be done,
(And I must here abide to work alone,)
Take her into thine Arms before she go;
Make her not barely, to believe, but know,
That, this our sad and suddain Separation
Is for thy Glory, and for our Salvation:
(For, from the life and Death of greatest Kings
But seldom so much real honour springs
To glorifie thy Name, as doth from some
Who fill on earth, a despicable Roome.)
Give her an earnest, that she shall possesse
Thy love, in everlasting happiness;
And, that, we, whom she leaves afflicted here,
(Continning in our love to thee sincere)
Shall by the Mediatorship of him
Who bought us, meet at thy appointed time,

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94

Where we shall never part; where, Tyrannies,
Of others, nor our own Infirmities,
Nor any thing which is to come, or past,
Deprives, of what for thine, prepar'd thou hast:
And, if she live, so let our deeds expresse
Whilst here we live, what we in words professe;
That others, may, until my dying day
Believe ther's truth, in what I write and say.
To that end, keep us pleased with our Lot,
Though little, much, or nothing shall be got
Of what we had; my GOD preserve us too
From stumbling, and from reeling to and fro,
Or stagg'rings in our Tryals, whereby they
Who are in like Afflictions, stagger may:
But, with true Joy, so let thy Holy Ghost
Replenish us, that, (although all be lost
Belonging to this world) thy Saints may see
That, there is All-sufficiency in thee.

Now, live or die my DEAR, GOD's will be done;
He fills my heart, and my Distemper's gone.
Since, GOD hath freed me from this Carnal Fear,
Let World, and Devil henceforth do what they dare.
The greater weights they shall upon me lay,
The sooner, I from them shall scape away.
If, me, they shall into a Dungeon throw,
Both dark and deep, that none may come to know
What, I say, think or do; yet, what's done there,
By these my Scraps and Crums, it will appear,
Though scribled hastily, yea, help prevent
What, peradventure, is the Worlds intent:
And hint, that, though Close-Prisoner me they keep,
I shall not wholly spend my time in sleep.
For, doubtless, to my GOD, there, speak I shall
Like Jonas, in the Belly of a Whale,

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95

And (as the Blood of Abel dld) speake then,
That, which will more prevaile then Tongue or Pen.

The living, The living (O GOD) shall praise thee as I do this day. (YET) Blessed are they who die in the LORD; for they shall rest from their Labours, and their works follow them. Revel. 14. 13.