University of Virginia Library

A Soliloquy for an unregenerate Sinner.

Ah! wretched creature that I am,
To what state have I brought
Myself? Alas! now to my shame,
Woes me! I see my thought
And evil heart did me delude.
Ah! still they flatter'd me,
And told me that my state was good;
But now, alas! I see
That I am lost, yea, sure undone
For ay, unless the Lord
Bring me to Christ, and sin dethrone,
And strength and grace afford.
My sins, O Lord, my sins, unclean
Polluted wretch am I;
More loathsome in thy sight I've been,
Than venom in mine eye.
O what a grievous hell of sin
Is in this heart of mine,
Which I have thought ay pure within,
And wholly to be thine?
I am corrupt in ev'ry part;
My words, my thoughts and ways;
My pow'rs, performances, and heart,
Full of corruption lyes.
Is not my nature and my will
All enmity within?
I'm forward unto evil still;
My heart's a sink of sin.

236

The swarms of sinful thoughts I have
And words, are out of number;
Base wicked actions I perceive
They now my soul incumber.
The load of guilt that's on my soul,
My head is full, my heart,
My mind, my members all are full;
Yea, sin fills ev'ry part.
How do my sins all stare on me?
How do they witness bear
Against me? Woe is me! I see
My creditors appear.
Every commandement takes hold
Upon me, for far more
Than thousand talents ten times told,
Ten thousand thousand score.
O Lord, how endless is the sum
Of all my debts to thee!
When they in reck'ning, Lord, shall come,
Infinite they will be.
Suppose all empty space were fill'd,
From north, south, east and west,
With paper wrote by the most skill'd,
In figures of the best,
What could from earth to heav'n stand,
Short would the number be;
When all cast up, the least command
Craves more than this from me.
My debt's infinite (woe to me!)
My sin's increas'd so high;
For they are wrongs that's done 'gainst thee,
Almighty Majesty.
If one work treason 'gainst a king,
Altho' he's but a man,
Is worthy racking, quartering,
Asunder to be drawn.

237

That I deserve far more, I own,
Who lift my hand so high,
'Gainst Heaven, and struck at the crown
Of God's great dignity.
My sins, my sins, behold a troop,
Yea, multitudes appear;
Their num'rous armies make me stoop,
And guilt sounds in mine ear.
Infinite evils compass me;
Iniquities take hold
On me, and sadly terrify
Me, mustering so bold.
O it were better far to see
Hell's regiments on me fall,
Than have my sins to fall on me,
My silly soul to thrall.
How, Lord, am I surrounded so,
Before, yea, and behind?
How many up against me go?
I am undone, I find.
They swarm within me, and without
They all my pow'rs possess;
My soul they have inclos'd about,
And down to hell me press.
This brood of hell man's ev'ry part,
My soul keeps as her own,
'Gainst God that made me; in my heart
They do erect their throne.
The sands are many, yet but small;
The mountains great, but few;
My sins are more than they are all;
As mountains mighty too.
My sins are many, but their weight
Exceeds their number far;
The pond'rous earth, compar'd, is light,
Far lighter than they are.

238

It better were, that all the rocks
And mountains fell on me,
Than my sins' crushing load; the shocks
Thereof most dreadful be.
With sin, alas! I'm loaden sore;
Let mercy help, O Lord,
Or I'm undone for evermore;
Do thou relief afford;
Press'd down with guilt, Lord, bear me up
Under this load I feel;
Or I'll be crush'd, without all hope,
For ever down to hell.
If throughly weigh'd my grief were, and
My sins in balance laid,
They would be heavier than the sand;
(My words are swallowed.)
They would weigh down the rocks and hills
That in the world stand;
And turn the balance 'gainst the isles
That earth or sea command.
My mighty sins, O Lord, thou knows
How manifold they be;
And my transgressions o'er me goes;
They are not hid from thee.
Once did my soul in glory stand;
Now humbled is; but where?
Once the creation's glory, and
God's image thou didst bear;
But now a lump of filthiness,
Of rottenness a chest;
All cover'd o'er with lothsomeness,
That cannot be express'd.
Oh! how hath sin thee ruinate?
Thou shalt be nam'd forsaken;
Thy faculties all desolate,
Thy chiefest rooms down taken:

239

Thy name shall be call'd Ichabod;
Or, Where's the glory gone:
How dreadfully art thou down trode,
Inglorious wretched one!
My beauty to deformity,
My glory into shame
Is turned now; O Lord, I see
What lep'rous wretch I am.
When Job and Lazarus their boils
And ulcers ran full sore,
To man's eyes, nor in his nostrils,
Was not offensive more,
Than I must needs be, in the view
Of God's great majesty,
Who is of purer eyes, than to
Behold iniquity.
What mis'ry have my sins, alas!
O Lord, brought me upon?
Sold under sin; in what a case
I am, to thee 'tis known.
Out of God's favour I am cast;
Curs'd from the Lord I am;
In soul and body I am curs'd;
In kindred, state, and name.
All that I have is curs'd; and oh!
My sins unpardoned;
My soul within a step of death;
Alas! where is remeid?
What shall I do, or whither will
I either look or go?
God, from above, frowns on me still;
Hell gapes for me below.
My conscience smites me sore within;
Temptations me surrounds
About; without, oh sin! oh sin!
My soul and body wounds.

240

Where shall I fly, or can abide
From God's omnisciency?
What pow'r can me secure or hide
From his all-piercing eye?
Alas! my soul, what mean'st thou now
Thus to go on content?
Art thou in league with hell? Hast thou
With death made covenant?
Art thou in love with misery?
Here is it good to be?
Alas! what shall I do? shall I
Live in iniquity?
Why, then, damnation, certainly,
Will be mine end, 'tis plain,
If in a nat'ral state I stay,
Or in known sins remain,
Ah! shall I so besotted be,
And madded, as to sell
My soul to flames, eternally,
For what prognostics hell?
For pleasure, flesh-content, or gain,
Shall I longer delay,
And in this wretched state remain;
I die, if here I stay.
What then? is there no help, no hope?
Except I turn there's none;
Yet is the door of mercy ope'
To such a woeful one.
Is there redemption, after such
High provocation?
God's oath is plighted, that is much,
To give salvation.
He will have mercy yet, if I
Unfeignedly do climb,
And turn me unreservedly,
By Jesus Christ, to him.

241

O God, I'll thank thee, ear' and late,
Upon my soul's bent knee;
That hitherto thy patience great
Hath waited upon me:
For had'st thou taken me away
In this estate, I had
Been cast off from thy mercy ay;
For certain perished.
But now, let free grace be ador'd,
Since mercy it is free;
I will accept thy offers, Lord,
Thro' Jesus strength'ning me.
My sins, O Lord, renounce I will;
And so resolve, by grace,
To set myself against them still,
And follow thee for peace.
In holiness and righteousness,
All my appointed time;
Until that my life's motion cease,
I will thy praises chime.
Who am I then, O Lord, that I
Should make a claim to thee;
Or have a part or portion by
Thy grace bestow'd on me,
Who am not worthy, certainly,
To lick dust from thy feet?
Since thou holdst forth the sceptre,
Am bold to touch at it.
If I despair, I mercy slight;
Or, to stand off, when thou
Call'st me to come, is great unright,
And would me quite undo.
If humiliation I pretend,
And so rebel 'gainst thee,
'Twill prove destruction in the end;
Therefore I come to be

242

A prostrate at the throne of grace,
With hearty resignation;
Extend thy mercy, Lord, speak peace,
And give me thy salvation.
I will accept, with thankfulness,
Of thee, O Lord, as mine;
And will give up all, more and less,
I have, to thee, as thine.
O'er me and mine, thou sov'reign shall
Be, and my king and God,
Thou shalt be in the throne, and all
My pow'rs be at thy nod.
They worship shall thy feet before,
For thou my portion art;
I'll rest in thee, O Lord; therefore
Thou art my better part.
Thou callest for my heart; oh! that
It were made fit for thy
Acceptance, blessed Lord, but what
A worthless wretch am I
Of any gift, or to be thine?
But, since thou'lt have it so,
I freely do my heart resign;
Take it as thine; and O!
That it were better. Lord, I put
It freely in thine hand;
For thou alone canst fashion it
Into a mould to stand.
O make it after thine own heart,
As thou wouldst have it; soft,
Humble, and heav'nly in each part,
As thou hast promis'd oft.
O make it holy, sound and pure;
Yea, altogether fit,
That I thy favour may procure,
To write thy laws in it.

243

come, Lord Jesus, quickly come;
Enter triumphantly;
Take me for ever to thee home;
I yield each faculty.
Thou art the way; to thee I come,
With guilt of sin o'erload;
Thou'rt mediator, and by whom
I can approach to God.
I have destroy'd myself; but in
Thee is my help: Lord save
Me, else I'll perish in my sin,
And sink below the grave.
I, as a pannel, come to thee,
With rope about my neck,
Acknowledging I ought to die,
And worse than death expect.
The hires more due sure never were
To servants; nor the penny
More due unto the labourer;
No, not so due to any,
As death and hell is unto me.
These are my wages due;
But to thy merits, Lord, I fly;
I trust thou'lt me rescue,
By virtue of thy sacrifice,
And by thy intercession:
Thy teaching, Lord, doth me suffice;
Guide thou my conversation.
Stand wide, ye everlasting doors;
Plain passage that you may
Give to King Jesus, and his pow'rs;
For he's to come this way,
Into my soul and heart, to take
Possession evermore:
O all pow'rs of my soul, awake,
And praise the King of glore.

244

O blessed Sp'rit of the Most High,
That consolation brings,
Who dost thy chosen sanctify,
And guides them in all things,
Come in with thy hostility,
And courtly 'tendants all;
Thy fruits and graces plant in me,
And let me hear thy call.
Thine habitation make thou me;
But nothing I can give,
But what is thine, O Lord, to thee,
Yet I desire to live.
With the poor widow, I cast two
Poor mites, as all I have,
My body, and my soul, into
Thy treasury to save.
Them I resign entire to thee;
O sanctify them now
To be thy servants; then I'll be
Changed from old to new.
They'll be thy patients, cure them now
Of all disease and pains;
They'll be thy agents, govern thou
Their motions by thy reins.
To Satan and the world I have
Too long a servant been;
Now I'll renounce them all, and crave
Thy blessing on each mean.
Thy dictates and directions shall
Still be my rule for ever;
My guide shall be thy counsels all;
O Lord, forsake me never.
Most glorious blessed Trinity,
And Unity in one,
Myself I render up to thee;
Receive me as thine own.

245

Thy name on me, Lord, write, and set
Thy mark on all I have,
As thine own proper goods; and let
Thy Sp'rit me guide and save.
Each member of my corps make thou
And all the faculties
Of my poor soul, O Lord, for now
Thy precepts are my choice.
Thy laws I'll lay before mine eyes;
They shall the copy be
Which I shall keep; and all my days
I'll write still after thee.
According to this rule I'll walk,
In strength of thy great grace;
Thy laws shall govern thoughts and talk,
And all that I possess.
Although I cannot perfectly
Keep thy commands, I'll not
Allow to break the least, or by
Me ever be forgot.
The devil, the world, and the flesh,
Tempt me, they will, to stop;
But thy free Sp'rit will me refresh,
Because in thee I hope.
Now I resolve, in thine own strength,
To cleave to thee always,
That I may in the heav'ns, at length,
Trump forth thy lasting praise.
Whate'er it cost me, well I ken't,
I'll lose nothing by thee;
Therefore I'm heartily content
With each difficulty.
Of all that's sinful, thro' thy grace,
I will myself deny;
To follow thee I will not cease
Until the day I die.

246

Thy yoke is easy, Lord; thy cross
Is welcome, as it is
The way to thee: I'll count but loss
All worldly happiness.
I'll be content to tarry, till
The time I come to thee:
Here, poor and low, let me be still
Despis'd, so I may be
Admitted once to live in bliss
With thee, hereafter, Lord;
Thou hast my heart and hand to this
Agreement, and my word.
Like to the Mede's laws let it be,
And Persians; Lord, command
It never be revers'd; make me
For ever there to stand.
This resolution I will still
Keep till the day I die;
I sworn have, perform't I will;
And that most chearfully.
To keep thy statutes I'll rejoice;
I given have my free
Consent; my everlasting choice
Is made with none but thee.
Now, O Lord Jesus, say Amen;
Confirm the contract band,
That I before thy Father's throne
In purity may stand.
O thou, my soul, rise up, and sing
Praise to the Trinity,
Who doth from death to life me bring,
And from hell set me free.
All glory to the Father, to
The Son and Holy Ghost;
As't was from the beginning, so
Is, and for ay shall last.