Scripscrapologia or, Collins's Doggerel Dish Of All Sorts. Consisting of Songs Adapted to familiar Tunes, And which may be sung without the Chaunterpipe of an Italian Warbler, or the ravishing Accompaniments of Tweedle-Dum or Tweedle-Dee. Particularly those which have been most applauded in the author's once popular performance, call'd, The Brush. The Gallimaufry garnished with a variety of comic tales, quaint epigrams, whimsical epitaphs, &c. &c. [by John Collins] |
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 | Scripscrapologia |  |
THE POLITICAL CHAPTER OF LETTERS.— A Song.
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Sung in the Evening Brush, by the Author, when representing the Character of an Irish Schoolmaster.
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N. B. According to the Prosody of the Brogue, the Accentuation of the Word “Characters” must be laid on the Second Syllable, instead of the First.
Though Letters are look'd on as harmless Things,
They've got, like the Roses, their Sweets and Stings,
For they often such whimsical Words compose,
As may lead foolish People from Words to Blows,
They've got, like the Roses, their Sweets and Stings,
For they often such whimsical Words compose,
As may lead foolish People from Words to Blows,
While the littlest Characters,
Would like your lame Actors,
Be Capitals all in their Turn!
Would like your lame Actors,
Be Capitals all in their Turn!
Thus, when A was an Alderman sleek and fat,
And B was a Beadle with nine tail'd Cat,
Then C was a Clerk who kept driving the Quill,
And D was a Doctor who found by his Skill,
And B was a Beadle with nine tail'd Cat,
Then C was a Clerk who kept driving the Quill,
And D was a Doctor who found by his Skill,
That the littlest Characters, &c.
146
For when E like an Englishman, bold and brave,
Found F, like a Frenchman, a fractious Knave,
Then G, like a German, said “Var vash near,”
And said H, like a Hollander, “Yaw Mynheer:”
Found F, like a Frenchman, a fractious Knave,
Then G, like a German, said “Var vash near,”
And said H, like a Hollander, “Yaw Mynheer:”
As the littlest Characters, &c.
Thus A B and C, D E F and G,
H I K and L, M N O and P,
Q R S and T, U W and X,
With Y and with Izzard the World may perplex,
H I K and L, M N O and P,
Q R S and T, U W and X,
With Y and with Izzard the World may perplex,
While the littlest Characters, &c.
As with Letters in France they've such Pranks and Freaks,
That they Almanacks make without Sabbaths or Weeks,
For the Devil a One in their Calendar's there,
And they're both kick'd out of their Dictionaire,
That they Almanacks make without Sabbaths or Weeks,
For the Devil a One in their Calendar's there,
And they're both kick'd out of their Dictionaire,
While the littlest Characters, &c.
And those Snakes in the Grass they are all at Work,
To poison our Principles all in a Jerk,
By the turning of Monarchy out of Doors,
To make us all Democrat Sons of Whores,
To poison our Principles all in a Jerk,
By the turning of Monarchy out of Doors,
To make us all Democrat Sons of Whores,
While the littlest Characters, &c.
But here such Characters no more would be,
Than the Dot of an I, or the Dash of a T,
If there did not some Dashers amongst us dwell,
Who, but give them an Inch, and they'll take an Ell,
Than the Dot of an I, or the Dash of a T,
If there did not some Dashers amongst us dwell,
Who, but give them an Inch, and they'll take an Ell,
As the littlest Characters, &c.
While the Capitals mostly that make them vex,
Are G for Georgius and R for Rex,
Though what stuck in their Stomachs awhile do ye see,
Like a great Choak Pear, was P I double T.
Are G for Georgius and R for Rex,
Though what stuck in their Stomachs awhile do ye see,
Like a great Choak Pear, was P I double T.
As the littlest Characters, &c.
147
And were such Characters to rule the Land,
Our Fate we might read in a legible Hand;
But unable to bite, they can only bark,
And 'tis well they're not able to make their Mark,
Our Fate we might read in a legible Hand;
But unable to bite, they can only bark,
And 'tis well they're not able to make their Mark,
As the littlest Characters, &c.
And then some of them too made a sad Mistake,
When they all thought wonderful Figures to make,
By putting our Government out of Joint,
But 'twas not on the Figures to carry their Point,
When they all thought wonderful Figures to make,
By putting our Government out of Joint,
But 'twas not on the Figures to carry their Point,
Though the littlest Characters, &c.
For by carefully minding our Ps and Qs,
We prov'd them such Cyphers in all their Views,
That they look'd when they found all their Projects fail,
Like a Figure of Nine that had lost his Tail,
We prov'd them such Cyphers in all their Views,
That they look'd when they found all their Projects fail,
Like a Figure of Nine that had lost his Tail,
Though the littlest Characters, &c.
And says I to a Rogue that a Groat wou'd buy,
There are two little Letters call U and I,
Yet I hope when the Devil demands his Due,
That, “I may be never mistaken for You.”
There are two little Letters call U and I,
Yet I hope when the Devil demands his Due,
That, “I may be never mistaken for You.”
Though the littlest Characters, &c.
But for Harmony's Sake between High and Low,
While the Changes we ring on the Cross-cross Row,
May a Change for the better in both produce,
The Enjoyment of Freedom without the Abuse;
While the Changes we ring on the Cross-cross Row,
May a Change for the better in both produce,
The Enjoyment of Freedom without the Abuse;
And then Englishmen all,
High and low, great and small,
Will like Englishmen act in their Turn.
High and low, great and small,
Will like Englishmen act in their Turn.
148
And I hope that while here above Ground we plod,
We never may flinch at Affliction's Rod,
And after we've taken a peaceful Nod,
With the Folks that lie quietly under the Sod,
We never may flinch at Affliction's Rod,
And after we've taken a peaceful Nod,
With the Folks that lie quietly under the Sod,
From the Ground to the Skies,
Like the Larks may we rise,
And be all of us happy in Turn.
Like the Larks may we rise,
And be all of us happy in Turn.
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