University of Virginia Library

The Third ACT.

Enter Paulina, Joanna.
Paul.

Marry a Lady o'my quality, and then deny the marriage!
oh perfidious ungrateful man! and was it then for this
trampled on my self, my Honors, Fortunes, run on the pikes of my great

Fathers anger, bestow'd thy life, when all thy friends abandon'd thee,
and for thy sake am now become a poor and wandring Exile; and
thou thus reward me, basely abandon me? oh horrid, horrid, weep,
bleed, die, fall at my feet thou Tyrant, quick, quick, or see this Steel is
in thy heart.

Jo.

How wild she looks, and talkes; oh my poor Princess, how
deadly pale she is? now weeps again.

Paul.
What shall I do? in a strange Country here
Expos'd to shame, yet strangled if I return,
Death waits me at home, disgrace and ruine here;
Like a poor Ship thus lab'ring in a storm,
I view the angry Ocean, o're and o're,
And see a thousand Waves, but not one Shore.

Jo.
Oh, that I were a Witch to torture him!

Paul.
To night he dies: where is Alexey gone?

Jo.

Gone out to see what means these strange confusions, shouts, clamours,
cryes, billows and tydes of people flowing in the streets, calling
to arms, to arms.

Paul.
Alexey knows his Chamber: then to night,
When weariness betrayes him to his rest,
And he lies Coffin'd in the Vaults of sleep,
Haunted with mournful dreams; I'le to his bed,
Unwrap his breast, Anatomize his heart;
Here runs a vein of courage, there of falshood,
This Fiber shews him man, but that a Devil;
Then if he groans, or else with cast up eyes,
Shall sigh a prayer, I'le stab it as it flies,
And beg of heaven both soul and prayer may
To those blest Regions, never find their way:
But then lest heaven should deny my prayer,
I'le kill my self, even to torment him there.

Enter Alexey.
Alex.
Oh Madam; there's the strangest news abroad,
The Princess and the Count are up in arms,
Poland's in a blaze, all's in confusion,
The General Diett's equally divided,
And millions of reports fly to and fro:
Some say they design to Crown the Duke;
Others to murder him, and Crown themselves.
The Duke lies sick of an invenom'd wound,

But more of jealousie; I listned at his Chamber, and heard him groan of
both; his soul is bubling, a little heat would boyle him to a height.

Paul.
Ile go, Ile go I'le sting his poyson'd soul,
Put fire under his heart, Ile boyl him, boyl him,
Till in his rage, he runs and kills his friend,
His Mistriss and himself, then we'l be merry,
Be jolly, carouze, drink health in their bloud.

Jo.

Our Landlord too 's a talking News-monger, I'le go and stuff
the fools Cranny with all the rascally news I can invent.

Paul.
Do, all tools shall help; there's nothing now
So base, I would not do to have revenge:
Revenge to me, doth even seem above
Celestial joyes, or the delights of love.
Ye Powers!—
Let but revenge give me one minutes ease,
And cast your other joyes to whom you please.

Enter Ossolinsky, Cassonofsky, Lubomirsky, and their Trains, at several doors running in confusion. Two Gentlemen. The Scene the Town.
Om.
To arms, to arms!

Osso.

Not mounted yet my Lords; the Cardinal is ready to march into
the field.

Casso.

Heaven speed his Eminence, I hope he is in his Coach; for if he
was a horseback, and his horse trotted as high as his designes, he would
jolt the old mans bones.

aside
Lub.

I thought what would become of these violent proceedings.

Casso.

So here's Machiavel, Policy in the abstract; the wind of
t'other party blows a little dust in's teeth, and he wheeles about.

aside
Osso.

You thought, were not you as forward as any one?

Casso.

So Blunderbuss, my Lord Grand Lubber; be sure if there be
any simple knavery, thou wilt be forward enough in it, but thou want'st
wit to be an ingenious knave; and yet this fool got the Marshal Batton
from me, thank the good King.

aside
Lub.

As forward as any one? no, I was not as forward as any one
Sir.

Osso.

I hate this.

Lub.

Well, and I hate Sir.

Osso.

Nay Sir, ben't so passionate, farewel to you; I'le stand by the
Cardinal my self.

Casso.

So, these Lords will go to cuffs about State you shall see; come
my Lords, no dissentions, we have enemies enow.

Lub.

Sir, I am as ready to draw my sword i'th'Cardinals defence, as
he can be.

Casso.

No doubt, no doubt my sweet noble Lord, all the world
knows you'r Royal, Wise, and Valiant. My sweet Count Simpleton, all
the world knows you to be a Coxcomb, and so do I: well, I am so out
o'humour, I could hate all mankind.

Osso.

Then what need all this quarrelling among our selves?

Casso.

Enough o'this my Lord; I must reconcile 'um for my own ends,
or else they might fight and hang. [aside]
Well, what shall we do with
these impertinent women that are engaged against us?

Lub.

Is your Lady amongst 'um my Lord?

Casso.

I, I have an impertinent Hen amongst 'um, that would crow
o're all the Cocks in the Kingdom, if she could.

1. Gent.

Sha's reason, for half the Cocks in the Kingdom have crowed
'ore her.

aside
Osso.

They'l have the wit to keep out o'dander. By this time the
Cardinal is ready, bid 'um sound to horse.

Ex. Osso. Lub.
Casso.

So, thus am I forc't to soader 'um together to keep our rotten
building from falling in pieces, till I requite the kindness of the King
upon his Daughter, for opposing me in all the Offices of State, I stood
candidate for, Great Seal, Gold Key, preferring these, and every
Phlegmatick fellow before me; and now 'tis I have rais'd all this
storm, and the overwise Cardinal thinks to make me a Tool in his Design,
and I make him an Instrument in mine.

Ex.
2. Gent.

This is pretty, the women in arms; ha, ha! is thy Mistress
amongst 'um, she with the high Roman Nose?

1. Gent.

I, and thine too, she with the low flat French Nose.

2. Gent.

Ha, ha, how I shall laugh to see the little pretty uptails
come to make a home-thrust at a man; prethee let's follow our Lords,
and see this desperate Camp.

1. Gent.

But first let's arm, back and breast, bodkin proof.

Enter Juliana, Hypolita, Emilia, Francisca, and Ladies in Hats, Feathers, Vests; &c. with guilded Pole-axes in their hands followed by Sharnofsky, Colimsky, and Guard at a distance, Demetrius and Battista, as among the crowd. The Scene a large Pavilion.
Dem.

Not one face here that doth resemble his.

Bat.

My Lord, you'l be observ'd.

Dem.

Stand back Battista? I'le view 'um all; and if thou dost provoke
me, I'le fight 'um all.

Jul.

Let all the gazing crouds withdraw, and place strict Guards
about the Tents.

Bat.
Come let's withdraw in time among the crowd.

Dem.
I'le not withdraw, Curland is among 'um,
And I will make their close Cabal deliver him.

Bat.
Yes, yes, be cut in pieces by the Guards.

Guard.
Avoid the Tent all, all.

Dem.
Slave, who do you speak to?

draws
Guard.
Ha Sir, who are you?

2. Guard.
Cleave his head.

Bat.
Hold Sir, for heaven's sake.

interposes
Shar., Col.
What Mutiny's that?

Guard.
A Traytor, comes to murder the Princess.

Jul.
A Traytour?

Dem.
A Traytour, you Mercenary slaves.

Bat.
Oh Gods, what work is here?

Shar.
Deliver, Sir!

disarms Dem.
Jul.
Who employ'd you Sir, on so wise an errand?

Dem.

A thing, which I'm afraid Poland ne're heard of yet, cal'd Honour;
'tis to seek a person hid in your false Cabals, as false as they.

Jul.

The youth's distracted.

Bat.

This generous person is but a stranger, one of high quality, and
only comes in curiosity to see th'election.

Dem.

Sirrah, you lie; I come to seek the Duke, and I will have him
here, or fire their Tents about their ears.

Jul.

He is a little craz'd, he hath his liberty, conveigh him home,
and send for one of my Physicians to him.

Bat.

I humbly thank your Highness.

Dem.

Am I your Buffoone then? send your Physicians to me.

Sh.

Go young Sir, another time you shall be welcome hither, at present
Sir, indeed you must excuse us.

Dem.

Take notice Sir, I will revenge th'affront when y'are a King, at
present you are all beneath my anger.

Ex. Dem. Bat.
Col.
What a mad fiery youth is this?

Jul.
And now must I with humble patience wait
Upon this Scarlet Minister of Fate,
Who comes with slow and a Majestick pace
To speak a Princes doom with greater grace,
And with a specious gravity to hide
His Trayterous design, and haughty pride?
Yes:—To his Grandeur, I owe more esteem,
I at his own Cabals should visit him:
And if he stayes, perhaps I shall prevent
With fifty thousand swords his complement.
In th'interim I'le divertize my self and these noble Ladies; Command
my Musick to sing a song of Triumph:
Fierce and Heroick tempers cannot stay,
To Court a Victory with long delay,
Like a dull Bridegroom for his wedding night,
But conquer and triumph, and then they fight.

The Song.

Enter an Officer.
Off.

Madam, the Cardinal's come into the Feild, and all the Lords
that joyn with him.

Jul.
The Lords, and doth his piety distrust
Heaven's protection of a cause so just?
But he good man, though he is arm'd with prayer,
And hath Battalions Marshall'd in the aire,
Yet will make use of other Guards beside,
And rather will in temp'ral Arms confide:

My Lord Sharnofsky, draw up the Squadrons of horse into Battalia, I'le
head 'um my self in person.

Col.

We have a braver appearance then could b'expected on so little
warning.

Enter another Officer.
Off.

Madam, the Cardinal desires to treat in person with you, and
demands caution, for the security of himself and those that shall attend
him.

Jul.
Let sufficient caution be given.

Sh.
Open to the right and left to make way for the Cardinal.

Enter Cardinal, Ossolinsky, Cassonosky, Lubormisky, and Train.
The Cardinal looks about and smiles.
Card.
The women arm'd! then sure w'are all mistaken;
This preparation's only made
For some great Masquerade.

Jul.
A Play, 'tis only to divert you, Sir,
And call'd, The downfall of the Cardinal.

Card.
And was it this, you and your Mighty Poets
Have so long studied on? The Plot's too mean
For such great wits, and such a mighty Scene:
An usurp't Crown a better plot would be
For arm'd Tragedians, such as here I see;
And if we make inquiry, we shall find
T'was such a Plot your Poetry design'd:
And to deny it Madam, is in vain,
For we have searcht your Vaults, and found your Train
And 'twill but set you higher on the score
To justifie your ills, by doing more;
But if in this contempt you will proceed,
Then thank your own ambition if you bleed;
You are an Orphan, so is the Kingdom too,
And no less trusted to my care then you.

Jul.
How blest am I, with this great State to share
In such a holy Guardians pious care,
Whose thoughts are busied for me night and day,
That my good Angel may have leave to play:
Whose love to that Romantique height is flown,
That he to save my soul would lose his own:
For though in complement he seem'd t'approve
The little youthful vanities of love;
And did my Marriage with the Duke advance,
To shew the King and me his complaizance;
Nay more did to my dying Father swear,
Our mutual loves should be his chiefest care:
He had a far more heavenly intent,
And swore in Courtship what he never meant;
For he, who from his youth hath understood
The pleasing Mysteries of flesh and blood,
And knows how seldom those that are in love
In their embraces think of joyes above:
He therefore charitably breaks his oath,
And becomes perjur'd to preserve us both.

Card.
I am not ignorant what you design,
By Ironyes like these, so sharp, so fine;
'Tis true, I promis'd I would ever bear,
Even of your loves, a most Religious care;
And that I would endeavour to redeem
The captive you did then so much esteem,
And faithfully engag'd when that was done,
I would compleat the vows you had begun;
Things good and just like these I vowed to do,
But not to uphold you in all evil too;
I did not swear if you should both combine
T'oreturn the State to share in the design;
Though with my honour you so pleasant be,
And think to laugh me into perjury;
Sport with me, Madam, as your scorn thinks fit,
We can distinguish innocence from Wit;
And if I'm perjur'd, Poland then shall know
Their safety did require it to be so:
turning to the Lords.
For know my Lords, th'ambitious Duke and she
Whom I have injur'd, as she charges me,
Have sought this Crown by Treason to obtain,
Which by just wayes they did despair to gain;
And to all Princes have addresses made
The Commonwealth by fire and sword t'invade,
Seeking that Throne which they dispair t'injoy
By mean revenge and envy to destroy;
And here their Partizans do seek by stealth
To gain upon the sleeping Commonwealth.
And now to stop so evil a design,
Stepping to take the Actours in the Mine;
Enrag'd their enterprize should hinder'd be,
They strive to blow up both themselves and me.

Shar.
No more (proud Priest) how dar'st thou at this rate
Sport with a Princes, and a Kingdomes Fate:
And charge us boldly with this black intent,
When as thy conscience knows w'are innocent?
But thou whose valiant conscience never fears
To rifle Urns, and sell an Orphans tears,
To break thy Oathes made to a dying King,
Must have a soul debauch't for any thing.
Alas poor man! here are ten thousand eyes
That see thy plots through all their vain disguize:
Poor vulgar spectacles can sit at home,
And read thy darkest policies at Rome;
At Rome, the Market for thy Royal ware,
Thou chaffer'st Poland for the Papal Chair,
And here thou striv'st to beat that Interest down,
Which spoils thy trading for the tripple Crown:
Nay more, for fear thy Chapmen there should fail,
Thou to all Princes set'st this Crown to sale.
'Tis plac't upon thy private Stalls,
And cheapned in thy dark Caballs:
No Pacquets come, nor envy doth resort,
But brings thee pelf from every Christian Court:
And not a Princely Suitor sends to woe,
But thy good will must first be courted too,
Each Royal youth of Europe panting lies,
For fear the Cardinal his consent denies.
And now because some cannot beare to see
A Priest make Merchandize of Royalty;
That Money should the Throne invade,
And turn the Crown into a Trade;
He all impending evils to prevent,
Accuses us, to be thought innocent.

Car.
Well Sir, then since you have so good a cause,
Repose your life and honour in the Laws,
Deliver your self unto the State, and I
Will lay my Maces and my Scarlets by,
And from my Office, waving all pretence,
VVill to the State submit my innocence:
Then let the Diett freely try
VVhich is the Traytor, you or I.

Card. party shout.
Osso.
'Tis bravely spoken.

Lub.
Greatly like himself!

Casso.
Knavishly like himself.

aside
Sh.
Agreed, here bind my hands?

Jul.
My Lord, you shall not?

Shar.
His Proposition's fair; the Cardinal
Never preach't any thing so much Divine,
And let no blood be shed, but his or mine.

Jul.
'Tis all deceit, through you he aims at me,
That he my Fathers Throne might freely invade,
And proudly triumph o're his Royal Shade;
But that he shall not do whil'st I've a hand
To hold a Spear, and Armies to command.

Card.
And Madam, do you think that fate is amorous?
Or to find any Courtship from a bullet?
They like raw travellers court all they meet;
Nor can we send a Guide to give advice
VVhom to respect, but let 'um take their choice.

Jul.
Their rugged Courtship Sir I shan't deny,
Send them abroad, and give them all supply,
That may defray the charges of their flight,
Draw bills of death, they shall be paid on sight;
I will your faithful correspondent be,
And pay as fast as you can draw on me.

Card.
Madam, I'm sorry you resolve t'expose
Your self, and such a lovely Guard as those,
To all the sad' uncertainties of Fate,
To try your skill in fencing with the State;
For justice at a Traytours life doth flie;
And when it makes a pass, you put it by;
But if the sword doth hap'to run astray,
Then thank your self for standing in the way.

Ex. Cird. Osso. Casso Lub. shouting, and waving their Fauchions.
Jul.
Come valiant friends; the talking Prologue's done;
The Curtain's drawn, the mighty Play's begun:
The Musick of the field in Martial rage
Calls us to enter on this fatal Stage,
Where each brave man shall doubly have applause,
Crown'd by his courage, and his glorious Cause;
A Cause more glorious there cannot be,
I for the Kingdom die, and you for me.

Ex. Jul. and Train shouting and waving their Poleaxes.
Enter Theodore, and a Surgeon.
The Scene the Dukes Chamber.
The.
Offer to let my Master go out in this condition?

Surg.

I could not hold him Sir, he would go out whether I would
or no; but there's no danger, his wound's not great, nor was the arrow
venom'd, as first you fear'd.

The.

Oh! he'l hear all the news,
aside
And then I tremble at the consequence.
Now comes this babling rascal.

Enter Landlord.
Land.

Nay, I thought 'twould be as I said, the Count is to be King,
and marry the Princess: How now, where's your Master? I've news
for him.

The.

Get you gone with your news you prating bufflehead, or I'le
set you down stairs; come here with your news?

Land.

Prating Bufflehead; and you'l set me down stairs? do you
know who you speak to, Sirrah? come, come, you lie, you lie, you don't
know who you speak to, and you'r drunk Sirrah, you would not talk to
me at this rate else Sirrah; get me down stairs with my news Sirrah? I'de
have to know, the best men in the Kingdom are glad of my intelligence,
you drunken rascal you.

The.

Yes, no doubt you have all the intelligence—pray Mr. Corantoe-Master-General,
what may your Envoyes and Spies in Forraign Courts
cost you yearly?

Land.

What may they cost me Sir? pray what may your Envoyes
and Spies which you maintain with the Duke of Gally-pots, Count Palatine
o'Glister-pipes, Marquess o'Mouth-glue, and Baron o'Bathing-tubs,
for the support o'your rotten body politick, cost you yearly? ha,
Sir-Ragmanners, my intelligence comes from better men then you
or your Master either. I met no less now (because you prate) then six
Lords of my old acquaintance coming out of the field together all of a
knot.

The.

What knot? a bow-knot?

Land.

A bow knot saucy-chops; when did you see six Lords tyed
of a bow-knot? ha! can you tye your nose of a bow knot? you had
not best provoke me sirrah; but so, here comes my man, now it shall be
seen whether I am a lyer or no.

Enter Joanna and Alexey peeping.
Jo.

How, not here! where did we loose her?

Al.

I'le hold a wager the person we met in the Cloak was the Duke,
and she went after him somewhere, and is lost in the crowd.

Land.

Come, come Sir, you Mr. Peagoose that stand peeping there,
pray Sir thrust in your nose a little further, I have some employment
for you.

pulls in Jo
Jo.

The Rogue will discover all my design, and render us suspicious
to the Duke's servant, I am afraid, come in Alexey and help me
to out-face the fool.

aside to Al.
Land.

Come Sir, did not you hear in the field, as much as to say, as if
the Count was to be made King, and to marry the Princess? come answer
directly to the point; why don't you speak Sir?

Jo.

Who, me do you mean?

Land.

I, you sir, who should I mean else?

Jo.

I hear it, how should I hear it? was I in the field to day?

Land.

Why, you impudent stinking lying Rascal, you won't tell me
such a lie, will you?

Alex.

You mistake me Landlord, and ha' met some body like him.

Land.

No sir, I don't mistake; I can see, when I see, surely, I don't
carry my eyes in a Hand-basket, and more then that, 'cause he goes to't,
he's the very man, and no other, from whom I'de all this news now.

The.

Is this your six Lords of a knot you Ninny? I see you can invent
for a need.

Jo.

Oh, a most grievous impertinent lying fellow, I'm so plagu'd with
him sometimes!

Alex.

Hark you Landlord, are not you troubled with a dizziness in
your Noddle, a Megrim sometimes; I am afraid you eat too much mustard,
and such hot things.

Jo.

Some snush would purge your simple brain.

Land.

A little more would make me run distracted, don't you tell
me, o'your Megrims, your Snush, and your Mustard, a company of Rascals:
Sirrah, did not I meet you coming out o'th'field, and I ask't you
what news, 'cause I was loath to go farther, 'cause I was to go buy a
pole o'Ling for the womens dinner that lie in my house here; and you
told me all this bibble babble, and bid me go no farther, but go to my
Lodgers with it, deny't if you dare sirrah, I'le promise you if you do,
I'le churn those Buttermilk-chops o'yours, and let your Master take it
off; I care not if you and your Master both get out o' my house, I can
ha' customers for my rooms.

Alex.

Come, enough o'this Landlord.

Land.

I han't enough Sir, I won't be made a lyar on

The.

Why, what a troublesome fellow art thou?

Land.

And what a troublesome fellow art thou? I won't be born
down by a company o'saucy Valets that are good for nothing but to
twirle a whisker, and a shave the crown o'some Sir Nicolas Emptipate
his Master, and be kickt thrice a day for a cast suit, and Bread and
Cheese.

Alex.

Come Landlord, I perceive you are abusive; this is not to be
endured, you must be corrected out o'this humor, it will be for your
good another day; and now our Masters backs are turn'd, we'l make
bold to give you a tast of our Parmesan.

The.

And Ile give him one lick for the sake of his Corantoes: Come
Sir, since you 'r so good at Corantoes, pray let's see how you can dance
a Coranto, come up with your news quikcly.

Land.

Rogues, you won't murder me, will you?

Theo.

On the fourteenth instant, at the Port of Hucklebone, was
drove in by storm a Vessel call'd the Royal Cudgel bound for back, bum,
belly, noddle, or any part of the Kingdom of Coxcomb.

Jo.
And near the same Port another.

Alex.
And another laden with Snush, for the cure of the Megrim.

Surg.
They'l kill their Landlord.

Land.
Rogues, Rascals, Thieves, will you murder me?
Why Surgeon, wilt thou stand by and see me
Murder'd? I'le lay my death to thee.

Surg.
Pray Gentlemen—

Alex.

How now Sirrah? do you prate, shaver o'shin-bones, Drawer
of Gum-stakes, Grafter o'broken Stilts, Trapanner o'crackt Coxcombs,
I'le teach you more manners.

Land.

Murder, murder.

Ex.
The.

See our Lords.

They beat Landlord and Surgeon off o'th'Stage; And enter Ladislaus and Paulina.
Lad.

And is it thus? come Theodore, my Sword.

The.

Oh heavens, what is't I hear?

Land.

Come Sir, I know they'r wrong'd, by the fond talking world:
they'r constant, generous, they'r Angels, Angel's, not a pound o'flesh about
'um Sir; and doth it sting thy soul? crawl, crawl about
aside
his heart (thou Serpent jealousie) until he foames with poyson.

Lad.

Heavens! I fear something is strangely amiss with
aside
with the young Duke, he hath talk't all day at this distracted rate,
What should the reason be? some secret sorrow sets heavy on him; but
I'le take no notice. Come Theodore.

Theo.

My Lord, upon my knees—

Lad.
No more, I'm wrong'd, abus'd, by my false friends,
And I will in, and dye in their defence,
Since they have lost their guard of innocence:
If in a cause so bad my blood is spilt,
I have revenge by adding to their guilt.
My noble Lord farewel, a thousand blessings
Lad. turns to Paul.
Crown your sweet youth; and when you see the Prince,
Do me the right t'inform him of my story,
And recommend me to his noble thoughts;
Tell him the dying Duke o'Curland begs
A place, a Monument in his fair soul;
And so heaven bless you both.

Paul.
Oh! oh, I faint.

she swoones
Lad.
Now Theodore—
Farewel to thee, if I ne're see thee more,
Here take these Jewels, they are all I have
At present, to reward thy love and faithfulness;
And now dear Theodore, when the day is done;
And with it me, seek out my lifeless carcass
Among the dead, and give it a private Monument:
Let not my Princesses insulting eye,
Find out where injured Curland's ashes lie;
Lest she in scorn should visit him, and there
Profane my Tombe with a dissembled tear.

Ex.
The.
My Lord, be sure I shall do this and more,
Ten thousand times, if I'm not dead before.

Ex.
Paul.
Ha, is he gone? and hath he left me thus?
Ne're was false Lady so belov'd as she,
Nor any so unfortunate as me!
But see he is not gone, there there he stands,
Come here my kindest Lord, and kiss me once,
But once before I die, for I am going
VVhere poor Paulina 'l trouble you no more.

Jo.
Oh heavens! her grief mislayes her noble reason, what shall we do

Alex.
I'le run and kill the Villain.

Paul.
Alexey see what shadow's that?
Is't not a Coffin? 'tis; come lock me in,
I know not whether I am dead or no,
But if I am not, I would feign be so.

Alex.
Oh, I shall run my sword into my self.

Jo.
And I shall break my heart.

Paul.
Sirs, lead me in.
VVell, since th'art gone, brave Ladislaus adieu,
I'de not have dealt thus cruelly by you;
But I forgive thee, and when no one's by,
I'le pray for thee, then fetch a groan and dye.