University of Virginia Library

Scena quarta.

Enter Bernard disguised like a Doctor, Landoff his Tutor like a Seruingman.
Ber.

Come Asmody, thou seest I am rul'd by thee, I take
thy aduice; and how do'st thou like me in this Doctors
Habit?

Land.

Why very well Sir, and handsome, you looke as
if you had trauell'd for your Degree: but 'tis the better,
for no experience is gotten without trauaile.

Ber.

But what shall I doe, when they bring me their
brittle Pispots? I cannot cast 'hem.

Land.

No: then giue them me, I can.

Ber.

VVhy, art thou skilfull in Physicke?

Land.

Enough to cast away an Vrinall, or two.

Ber.

Cast it away; I marry Asmody, so can I.

Land.

Why and that's sufficient. If it be troubled water,
let 'hem carry it home againe to make Lye with, 'twill
saue Sope: But you must know Sir you must be reseru'd,
and not a publike Professor, like your Tutor.

Ber.

As little as thou wilt, Asmody.

Land.

If it please you Sir, you may take away the first
part of my Name, it does not sound so well in a Seruingman,

because hee is alwayes at the heeles of his
Master.

Ber.

VVhat, thou wudst haue As taken away, and be
call'd Modie?

Land.

For your good Sir I wish it, and for breuity sake:
besides Sir, you hannot one Scholler amongst twentie,
but knowes what Asmody is.

Ber.

Thou say'st well: then henceforward Moody, let
As goe to the Spirit.

Land.

I Sir, for I am now you know your Familiar.

Ber.

And a wittie one, me thinkes.

Land.

I must be so, for I shud haue a sad Master of you
else. And looke you Sir, because you shannot proue me
a Lyar, here is your sweet-hearts Brother (in time of
yore your Chamber-fellow) in a worser pickle then you,
for he is in loue Aurium tenus, you are but vp to the middle.

Enter Frederick and Dorilus.
Fre.

Why, I tell thee my Sister is such a Wild-Cat,
there is not her fellow againe in all Germany, and yet thy
Sister followes well after; they are a Couple, and so is
the Deuill and the Hangman, and as good Companie:
they'le flowt any man vnder the Cope; they wud laugh
at me, but that they know I care not for't, and put 'hem
out with an excellent Tricke that I haue, call'd borrowing
of Money. Come, beare vp man, and drinke, looke
you, here's mine Host come to bid vs welcome.

Enter Host.

How now mine Host, what time of day is't with you,
ha?

Host.

Full Tide Gentlemen, full Tide. But you are
welcome; I am your Seruant, your Slaue, your Cat, or
your Dogge, or any thing in Rerum natura.

Fre.

Hah mine Host, ist come to that Point?
Goe thy wayes, goe sleepe, and send thy Dromedaries
in with VVine, and Glasses cleare as Crystall.

Host.

As cleare as Claridiana, my braue Bullyes.

Fre.

VVhat in Historie, mine Host?

Host.

And in Poetry too, when I am pleas'd to couple
—Some VVine you Knaues, some VVine.

Fre.

Your legges couple ill-fauouredly, mine Host.

Host.

My legges were not brought vp to it.

Enter Bernard.
Ber.

By your leaue mine Host.

Host.

VVelcome of this side too my man of Knowledge,
I am thy Slaue, thy Seruant, Dog, or Cat, or any
thing in Rerum natura.

Ber.
By your leaue Gentlemen.

Fre.
You are welcome Sir.

Ber.
I am a Stranger here, and vnderstand
You are Gentlemen of this Countrey, well descended,
And I doe want such good Acquaintances,
Therefore make bold to presse into your Company.

Fre.
An Italian Sir, I take it.

Ber.
Yes Sir, and a small practiser in Physicke.

Fre.
O Sir, let not your modestie wrong you,
I wud you had a Pill to purge Melancholy,
Here's a Gentleman much offended with't;
Giue him a Glasse of Claret, you are a Stranger,
And he will not refuse you.

Ber.

That I will Sir.—Fellow, some VVine.—
Sir—

Doril.

I cry you mercy.

Ber.

I drinke this to your Health, & I haue brought it.

Doril.

How Sir?

Fre.

Let him drinke off his Wine, and hee'le tell you
more.

Doril.

You spoke something like comfort, Sir.

Ber.

I did, and will perseuer.

Doril.

You are a welcome man, pray shew how.

Fre.

Drinke off your Wine, and heele shew you how.

Doril.

Prythy away.

Ber.

Pray Sir pledge me.

Doril.

I will pledge you.

Fre.

Did you not drinke two, Sir?

Host.

Yes marry did he, if I haue two eyes, he drunke
two.

Fre.

Prythy mine Host stand aside, thou hast ne're an
eye.

Host.

How, ne're an eye? that goes hard, if I haue
drunke out two eyes in three houres.

Doril.

Now Sir will you speake?

Ber.

Yes Sir, and tell you what I know, although a
stranger, and till this houre neuer saw your face.

Land.

O Villaine, they were Bedfellowes together for
a Twelue-month.

Ber.

You are in loue with faire Dorigene. Sister vnto
this Gentleman.

Doril.

You amaze me.

Ber.

'Tis true, Sir.

Doril.

Yes very true I find it: but for the cure of this?

Fre.

Why 'tis ordinary, get her good will, and lye with
her. How thinke Sir, is not that the Cure?

Ber.

A better cannot be applyed, Ile assure you.

Doril.

Wud thou wert gone.

Fre.

How doe you meane, in drinke? giue me some
Wine, I had forgot my selfe. Mine Host, I wud drinke

to thee, but thou art not able to pledge me: Therefore
here's to thee honest Blew-coat.

Land.

I thanke you Sir.

Enter Smirke with Baggs.
Smirke.

By your leaue Gentlemen.

Fred.

What Smirke? welcome, what wind droue thee
hither?

Smirke.

The best in the foure Quarters: Looke you,
here's Cash, Gold and Siluer, you must pay your Debts,
purchase new Clothes, and come to Court instantly.
Your Father is made an Earle, your Sister a Duchesse,
and you are a Count, or I know not what; and I am an
Esquire: my Boy is a Gentleman, when I haue him, as I
am laying about for one.

Fre.

The fellow ha's broken open some Goldsmiths
house, and will be hang'd: Do'st thou know what thou
do'st?

Smi.

My Lord, as I am a Gentleman and an Esquire, I
doe reuerence the very inuention of your Honours next
Sute: Ile helpe you to a Draper shall giue you all your
Men Liueries, to make it of Cloth; my Haberdasher ha's
a new Blocke, and will find me and all my Generations in
Beuers as long as we last, for the first hansell.

Fre.

The fellow is mad.

Smi.

Mad, or mad not, 'tis all one, I speake truth; your
Father's an Earle, your Sister's a Duchesse, you are a
Count, or I know not what, I am an Esquire, and my Boy
is a Gentleman, when I haue him.

Doril.

What does this fellow talke?

Smir.

This fellow talkes as he thinkes, and thinkes as
he talkes, and talkes what he knowes. I wonnot repeat
it ouer againe, for the disparagement of my Wit: but

what I say, I will maintaine, what I maintaine, I will
say; and the very Bells themselues shall ring it out
Probatum.

Drawer.

'Tis true indeed my Lord, your Sister's made
Duchesse of—and shalbe married vnto the Duke.
The Newes doth come to Towne with euery Man,
and no man disagrees, but constantly affirmes it for a
Truth.

Doril.
O that it were so; by my Fathers Soule
I wud be free as that is, and as happie,
For I wud laugh this Woman from my heart,
And she shud be no more to me, then her I know not,
I wud be so much Man, and something more:
For I wud wish to enioy her as a Man,
Lose her in mind, and find her in my bloud,
And I doe feele such turnings in my thoughts.

Fre.

Why now you are your selfe: Yet I'de aduise
you to goe to Court, and see her.

Doril.
See her, I and speak to her, and call her Woman,
There were no Treason in't, were it?

Fre.
Not any.

Doril.

Good; then let vs goe: for what Ile doe till
I come there, I know not, or if I did, I wud not vtter
it.

Ber.

Why Asmody, will you be found an ignorant
Spirit? how hap I knew not this?

Land.
You imploy'd not me to enquire of it.

Fre.
Gentlemen, as I vnderstand my selfe, I am a Lord,
I donnot know, I may be an abus'd Coxcombe;
But howsoeuer, here are good Tokens of it.

Mine Host, what haue I chalkt in sundry and seuerall
times?

Host.

Chalke is but Chalke, a Rundle makes a shilling,
but that's nothing.

Fre.
Ile come to you mine Host when you are sober.
Gentlemen, you are for the Court,
I am for the Taylors: When next we meet,
We will bring hearts as sound as our Clothes, sweet.