British Wonders Or, A Poetical Description of the Several Prodigies and Most Remarkable Accidents That have happen'd in Britain since the Death of Queen Anne [by Edward Ward] |
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 | British Wonders |  |
The Streets of London now were fill'd
With heaps of Dirt, and Snow congeal'd;
Some nicely modell'd into Form,
By Art, to keep Industry warm:
Here, o'er a frozen Kennel, stood
A Passant Lyon carv'd in Mud,
Whose Teeth, that fortify'd his Jaws,
Were broken Pipes and Lobster's Claws,
Which made the King of Beasts appear
So fierce, so threatning and severe,
That all the Mob that came about him,
Paid Homage, and were proud to shout him.
So Indians homely Statues frame,
Then Worship 'em in Jos's Name.
Believing from their ugly Form,
They've Pow'r to do their Makers harm.
With heaps of Dirt, and Snow congeal'd;
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By Art, to keep Industry warm:
Here, o'er a frozen Kennel, stood
A Passant Lyon carv'd in Mud,
Whose Teeth, that fortify'd his Jaws,
Were broken Pipes and Lobster's Claws,
Which made the King of Beasts appear
So fierce, so threatning and severe,
That all the Mob that came about him,
Paid Homage, and were proud to shout him.
So Indians homely Statues frame,
Then Worship 'em in Jos's Name.
Believing from their ugly Form,
They've Pow'r to do their Makers harm.
In the next Street, perhaps, appear'd
A Frostwork Bull, by Butchers rear'd,
Whose Horns, that grac'd his frizzl'd Top,
Were pointed tow'rds some Cuckold's Shop,
Which serv'd his Helpmate for a Reason,
To keep him close the Frosty Season,
For fear the Rabble should agree
To Point, and cry aloud, That's he.
So when a Skimington comes by,
Each Scolding Housewife looks awry,
And to her Husband cries, My Dear,
Prithee come in, and stay not here,
I wonder you can take delight
To gaze at such a foolish Sight.
Thus guilty Conscience always flies
The Rod that scourges human Vice;
And even Sinners, who would pass
For Saints of a superior Class,
At Church will on the Preacher frown,
To hear their darling Sins cry'd down.
Yet all will others Faults disclose,
But think the Priest and Poet Foes,
If they presume to lash the Crimes
Of Impious Men in wicked Times.
A Frostwork Bull, by Butchers rear'd,
Whose Horns, that grac'd his frizzl'd Top,
Were pointed tow'rds some Cuckold's Shop,
Which serv'd his Helpmate for a Reason,
To keep him close the Frosty Season,
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To Point, and cry aloud, That's he.
So when a Skimington comes by,
Each Scolding Housewife looks awry,
And to her Husband cries, My Dear,
Prithee come in, and stay not here,
I wonder you can take delight
To gaze at such a foolish Sight.
Thus guilty Conscience always flies
The Rod that scourges human Vice;
And even Sinners, who would pass
For Saints of a superior Class,
At Church will on the Preacher frown,
To hear their darling Sins cry'd down.
Yet all will others Faults disclose,
But think the Priest and Poet Foes,
If they presume to lash the Crimes
Of Impious Men in wicked Times.
Thus num'rous Figures made of Dirt,
As Children do of Clay, for Sport,
Adorn'd the Kennels of each Street,
To make the Passage more compleat,
That Riding-Hoods and Clogs might move
About the grand Affairs of Love,
Without the danger of a Slip,
To sprain a Leg or bruise a Hip,
Or cause their Crupper-Bones to pay
Obedience to the frozen Way;
And that the Sharping Tribe, who range
The Nooks and Allies near the Change,
Might scowre about the Town, t'amuse
Believing Fools with Lying News;
Who make themselves the Tools and Slaves
Of Cunning, Cheating, Jobbing Knaves,
That daily study to disguise
The face of Truth with Impious Lies,
And, Devil like, support, we see,
Their Int'rest by their Villany.
As Children do of Clay, for Sport,
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To make the Passage more compleat,
That Riding-Hoods and Clogs might move
About the grand Affairs of Love,
Without the danger of a Slip,
To sprain a Leg or bruise a Hip,
Or cause their Crupper-Bones to pay
Obedience to the frozen Way;
And that the Sharping Tribe, who range
The Nooks and Allies near the Change,
Might scowre about the Town, t'amuse
Believing Fools with Lying News;
Who make themselves the Tools and Slaves
Of Cunning, Cheating, Jobbing Knaves,
That daily study to disguise
The face of Truth with Impious Lies,
And, Devil like, support, we see,
Their Int'rest by their Villany.
The Watchmen too vouchsaf'd to stoop
And build Nocturnal Hovels up,
With Kennel-Dirt and Snow together,
To fence their Worships from the Weather,
That they might Sit, Drink, Swear and Prate,
Like Midnight Magistrates, in State,
And Lurk, like hungry Wolves, to prey
On Drunkards that should reel that way.
And build Nocturnal Hovels up,
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To fence their Worships from the Weather,
That they might Sit, Drink, Swear and Prate,
Like Midnight Magistrates, in State,
And Lurk, like hungry Wolves, to prey
On Drunkards that should reel that way.
Now crafty Glasiers threw about
Their Foot-Balls to the Rabble-Rout,
And sent their Youngsters to Bombard
Their Neighbours, whilst the Frost was hard.
Oft have I heard of Quarrels pick'd,
And Tradesmen out of Bus'ness kick'd,
But the wise Glasiers change the Scene,
And kick themselves, not out, but in.
Their Foot-Balls to the Rabble-Rout,
And sent their Youngsters to Bombard
Their Neighbours, whilst the Frost was hard.
Oft have I heard of Quarrels pick'd,
And Tradesmen out of Bus'ness kick'd,
But the wise Glasiers change the Scene,
And kick themselves, not out, but in.
Week after Week the Winter strengthen'd,
And froze more sharply as it lengthen'd,
That the poor Girls were forc'd to use
Dutch Stoves in old St. Barthol'mews,
To keep their Maidenheads from freezing,
The Weather was so cold and teazing.
And froze more sharply as it lengthen'd,
That the poor Girls were forc'd to use
Dutch Stoves in old St. Barthol'mews,
To keep their Maidenheads from freezing,
The Weather was so cold and teazing.
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Marriage, that comfortable Vow,
Could ne'er be more approv'd than now;
For as in mild delightful Weather,
Int'rest and Love bring Fools together,
So now the most prevailing Charm
That made us Wed, was to be warm:
Nay, some so very Cold were grown,
They could no longer lie alone,
But crept together, hugg'd and kiss'd,
Without remembrance of the Priest.
As hungry Gluttons eat apace,
Till cloy'd, and never think of Grace.
Could ne'er be more approv'd than now;
For as in mild delightful Weather,
Int'rest and Love bring Fools together,
So now the most prevailing Charm
That made us Wed, was to be warm:
Nay, some so very Cold were grown,
They could no longer lie alone,
But crept together, hugg'd and kiss'd,
Without remembrance of the Priest.
As hungry Gluttons eat apace,
Till cloy'd, and never think of Grace.
The Old complain'd of Coughs and Gouts,
And crawl'd about with dripping Snouts,
Vowing Dame Nature ne'er had dealt 'em
Such Weather, since their Age had gelt 'em.
And crawl'd about with dripping Snouts,
Vowing Dame Nature ne'er had dealt 'em
Such Weather, since their Age had gelt 'em.
Beggars crept up and down, poor Souls,
Cursing the Price of Bread and Coals,
And in Expressions too severe,
Damn'd those that kept them up so dear.
Thus Providence, to whom we owe
All we enjoy, and all we know,
In e'ery Dispensation, finds
Some pleas'd, and some with grumbling Minds;
Whilst the good Christian sits at Ease,
And bends to all that Heav'n decrees.
Cursing the Price of Bread and Coals,
And in Expressions too severe,
Damn'd those that kept them up so dear.
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All we enjoy, and all we know,
In e'ery Dispensation, finds
Some pleas'd, and some with grumbling Minds;
Whilst the good Christian sits at Ease,
And bends to all that Heav'n decrees.
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