University of Virginia Library

The thyrde Satyr.

[Aduert we nowe who else there be]

Paule.
Aduert we nowe who else there be
that grasping gape for gaine,
And let vs place them in the cue
amongst this greedy traine.

Phisitions.

Phisitions take the seconde roome,
for worthy so they be:
They stately stalcke, and beare a port
in London now we see.
With reuerence and worship great,
with cap and eake with knee,
Wee must beseche his Maistership
our Patient to see.
And what of this? will this suffice?
No: Nummus doth the deede.
Vnguentum Aureum or such lyke
will make him runne with speede.
Go Symon go, or Gilbert else,
go cast my footecloth on?
No neede to byd the Doctor go,
he will be gone anon.
And when hees there, with solempne face
and graue deuised porte
He frames his talke for to perswade
or else for to dehorte
As lykes him best: he both can doo,
and both so finely frame,
That Nummus shall be nymmed streight.
O passing pretie game?
Who would not blushe to see such frawde,
and such fine framed knacks?
Who would not hate the falsehoode vyle
of these so pieuish Iackes?
And (soothly if I should affirme)
I beare so much deceat
Of theirs in progging after gaine,
as tongue can not repeat.
And (as of course) I doo demaunde
howe they doo spend the same?
Forsooth, I heare no good they doo:
No man can iustly blame
Or ought accuse them of good deedes.
But this my selfe can saye,
That most thereof that I see spent,
is on apparell gaye.
For but of late, ene thus I heard
a worthy Doctor say:
My matters frame not as I would,
Ile worke some other way.
I see these weedes be not to weare.
Ile henceforth so prouide,
That I will haue a pretie Nagge
about the Towne to ride.
Ile haue a footecloath, and each thing
belonging to the same:
My felow Doctor hath the lyke,
and passing flyes his name.
A Gowne with graundcape will I haue,
a swinging Ueluet Cap,
A Coate according verie braue:
and then ift be my hap,
With mighty lookes, and learning such
as God hath giuen mee,
Ile hooke syr Nummus to my handes,
and make the Ruddockes flee
For feare almost into my purse.
Ile leaue my simple gate,
Ile rather frame my selfe to ride
lyke one of high estate.
And what? were these but scoffing words?
Yes sure, hee (earnest bent)
Hath so purueyde, that now he hath
euen all for that intent.
And thus you see with how great care
they seeke t'enrich their store,
You see the pride that they mayntaine
through this excessiue lore.
And (well I wote) none other meanes
of spence at all I see,
But only such as wicked are:
(if any else there be.)
Wherefore, it seemes they hoorde it vp
and hyde it from the Sunne:
They couer't close, and lock it fast
tyll more thereto be wonne.
They giue small almes as I can heare,
for beggars barcke apace,
And say that they of all men woorst
relieue their wofull case:
Their pride is great, and high they looke
for feare of waxing lowe:
Theyle giue no place to any man
where ere they hap to go.
I well recorde a pretie tale
alluding to a truthe:
I force not much to tell it you.
Harke how the same ensuthe?

A Ciuilian, or a Canonist, or both.

Once hapt it (through a fowle mischance)
that great debate did ryse
Betweene a Doctor in the Law
(for so th'example lyes)
And Doctor (eke) of Phisick, who
should haue the vpper hande
In each assembly where they met
to walke, to syt or stande.
The Lawyer layed for him selfe
and sayde well to the case,
Phisition dyd full wisely to
and with a goodly grace:
Alledging well (euen both of them)
lyke handsome learned men.
But nought could be agreed vpon.
So fell the matter then,
That they vnto the Pretor would
for to decyde the same.
They made relation of the case
and finely gan it frame.
The Pretor when he heard the dolts
contend about a Straw,
Was soone content to iudge the same,
and askte the man of Law
Who went vnto the Gallowes first,
the Hangman or the Thiefe?
Who formost was of both them two
and which was there the chiefe?
The Hangman quoth the Lawyer tho,
for he doth kyll the man:
The Hangman he must go before,
the Theefe must follow. Than
Quoth Pretor harke. This is my minde
and iudgement in the case.
Phisition he must go before,
and Lawy

Bertulph.
Why then (quoth Bertulph) by your tale
Phisitions men doo kyll.
And Lawyers liue by robbing men,
and so their Cofers fyll.
Whereby with pride emboste they swell,
and whereby (raging) they
T'aduaunce themselues to honors type
vnlawfull meanes assay.

Paule.
Yea sure (quoth Paule) and so they doo
a number of them now.
But as for our Phisitions,
their cunning knoweth how

Such are the euyll sort.

As well to kyll, as to purloyne:
they are expert in all.
And force not (so that Nummus come)
which way their staffe doo fall.

A Potion to cure all kinde of diseases and griefes.

One hath a Potion for to serue
and cure eche kinde of griefe,
Heele sell a quart for fortie pence.
This fellow is the chiefe
And finest chylde in casting of
mens waters when they neede.
Heele byd the healthy get him home
and make his Wyll with speede.
Although he liue from that tyme long,
without all kinde of paine.
Heele make him doubt and dread his life,
and all for filthy gaine.

Carnific{is} potius Medici quàm nomine dignus.

He wyll perswade that men haue lyu'de
in whordome and excesse,
Where neuer raigned fond affect,
and whoredome much the lesse.
Another is so Doltlyke seene
and learnedly beguylde,
That when he seeth your vrine, he
wyll say you be with childe
Although you be a man: for sure
but hittie missie he
And so full many of them play,
so Bussardlike they be.
O Paule, quoth Bertulph, giue mee leaue
to interrupt you here.
For by your patience, yle requite
the tale you tolde whyle ere.
Content quoth Paule (and with good wyll)
I am right well apayde
To heare thy tale: my talke shall cease
tyll thou thy minde haue sayde.
There dwelt (somtime) where I was born Bertulph.
a perfite cunning man,
A good Phisition well beseene:
and so it happed than,
That he should ryde abroade to see
a Patient of his.
He had a man that roade with him
(a ioly Knaue ywis.)
The Doctor draue his Horse apace
and roade with mery cheere.
He longed sore to see the place
where Nummus should appeere.
But as he pricked forth in haste,
by chaunce he did espie
A sort of Felons in a Carte
adiudged there to die.
And musing what ye prease should meane,
he sent his man with speede,
To knowe the cause of all the crowde:
his man performde the deede.
And posting, soone he did perceyue
the Theeues to hanging prest.
He turnd his Horse at sight thereof:
To flye, he thought it best.
And so he dyd with sturdie pace,
He gallopt on his way.
And as a man halfe skarde, he fled
as nought might make him stay.
His Maister lowdly askte the cause
why he dyd ryde so fast.
O Maister saue your selfe (quoth he)
I vize you make good haste.
The Doctor swallowde vp with feare,
spurde Cut and made away.
And tyll he came within a myle,
his Horse did neuer stay.
But when hee came vnto himselfe,
he called backe his man
And him demaunding cause of griefe,
the fellowe thus began.
O Maister, thanke we God (quoth he)
for this our good escape:
Else surely had we swinged both
within an hempen Tape.
For yonder, where the prease was so,
I sawe three handsome men
Which for the death of only one,
were to be hanged then.
But when I sawe that they (for one)
were all adiudgde to dye,
No neede to byd mee haste me thence,
no neede to byd mee flye:
For well I wyst, if you were seene
which haue a number slaine,
You should haue bene trust vp in haste
and neare returnde againe.
The Doctor being thus informde,
knew not what best to say.
He thought as chyldish him to take
and lightly him to way.
Wyse man you are no doubt, (quoth he)
the Uicar of saint Fooles
Go shriue you: for you haue bene taught
in some well learned schooles.

Paule.
Shrewde foole quoth Paule, I warrāt you,
but fooles and chyldren oft
Doo tell the truth: for all men know
their tongues are very soft.
But well, no doubte, yet some there be
in London (whome I know)
That both do gette syr Nummus well,
and well the same bestowe.
That leade no doubt a vertuous lyfe,
and lyue in Godly feare:
That goodes to get by meanes peruerse
at all times wyll forbeare.
Of those I haue not talcked here,
nor of the honest sort.
But such as (galled) seeme to kicke,
herein I doo exhort
To keepe their patience when they see
their faults reproued heere.
For sure I am that in my tale
gainst good doth nought appeere.
And so I leaue them to the Lorde,
and bid them all adue.
My tongue in order must recorde
such things as do ensue.