University of Virginia Library

Michael Capobianco

Essentially, the Liquifactionists stand for
the common sense that everyone who is even
remotely clever is associated with (i.e.
abolishing rules, permitting refrigerators and
stoves, dishwashers, etc. in dorms, student
strikes, etc.) Additionally we favor abolishing
the Student Council and setting up a system of
student referendums in its place, returning the
Glass Hat to its former position as far as the
line goes, distribution of free contraceptives to
any student requesting them, and the
publication at student council expense of the
action-packed 262 joke Helen Keller Joke Book
in full color. Ultimately we hope to program
the Gilmer Hall computer with a simulation of
everything that happens on the Grounds, and
let everyone go home.

The LPBCC has already achieved many of its
goals: to send a critique of the Contract
Cafeteria to all incoming first-yearman to
abolish Phys Ed, to hold more referendums, to
open (at least temporarily) the SM (Sex Books)
Section of Alderman Library, etc. All this
without even winning an election! Think what
we could do if we won once. Vote for us. We
are not a joke.