101. CI.
MEETS A PARDONED REBEL, WHO ENLIGHTENS HIM.
Saint's Rest, (wich is in the Stait uv Noo Gersey, }
September the 21st, 1865.
Ginral Boanerges Pogram, uv Mississippy,
who demonstrated his devoshun to the grate
prinsiples uv constooshnel liberty, by servin the
Confedrisy as a commissary, wrote me to meet
him in Washinton. He hed jest reseeved his
pardon, and the fust yoose he made uv his privileges,
wuz to cum to Washinton to meet me for
consultashen on the hopes and prospex uv the
Dimokrasy.
Ginral Pogram is a fine specimen uv the ginooine,
shivelrus Sutherner. Six feet 2 inches in
hite, he kin chaw more terbacker, spit with
greater accooracy, and walk uprite under a bigger
lode uv strate whisky than any man I ever
met. A unsofistikatid child uv nacher, he scorns
the polish and sham uv wat is called civilization.
Never shel I forgit the litenin-glanse uv contempt
he darted at me, when I askt him to qualify his
whisky with a little water!
Ginral Pogram opened by lamentin the un
[ILLUSTRATION]
"THE UNION AS IT WAS!"
[Description: 631EAF. Illustration page. Illustration of two men, one holding
the other by the collar as he raises his fist; the other kneeling on the
ground. A chair is tipped over in front of them.]
timely decease uv so many Suthern voters, in the
late diabolikle war Linkin and his helyuns made
upon em.
I replied, to wunst, that that deficit cood be
easily made up. “I hev,” sez I, “bin a considrin
this matter. At a triflin expenditoor uv money
the tide uv emigrashen from Europe kin be turnd
Southward, and the places uv yoor slawterd heroes
be filled with the Irishman, the German,
the”—
“Liar! theef! murdrer! nigger-steeler!” shoutid
the Ginral, seezin me by the throte, and brandishin
his cane over me.
Fallin on my knees, (formin a tablow, the
“Yoonyun ez it wuz,”) I gaspt,
“Why this violence?”
“O, nuthin,” replied the Ginral, relaxin his
holt, “I shel be electid to Congris, and ez I shel
hev to mix with yoo Yankees, I wuz a practisin
the old tacktix, jist to git my hand in agin. Wuz
yoo afeerd? Bless yoor sole, we woodent kill a
Northern Dimekrat for no money—we need em.
“But,” continnerd he, “this emigrashen skeem
uv yoorn won't work. Yer Irishman and yer
German wood work, but they 'd want wages!”
“Wal!” sez I, astoundid, not seein wat he wuz
drivin at.
“Can't yoo see,” sez he. “They 'd earn money,
they 'd save it. Our habits is expensive, and now
that nigger-breedin is dun away with, we can't
sell a half dozen niggers per annum, to keep up
our expenses. Alas! (teers suffused his beemin
eyes, ez he spoke) the last nigger I sold wuz ez
white ez yoo are; my son Tom wuz her father,
and I got $2,500 for her in Mobeel, when she wuz
16. I sold her to the Presdent uv the Suthern
Sosiety for the covershn uv the heathn. I knockt
a hundred off the price uv the gal, on that account.
But to resoom.
“The furriner works, and saves suthin. We
won't work, can't sell no more niggers, and git
hard up, and hev to sell land to furriners. Then,
he 's OUR EKAL! and wat becums uv the anshent
shivelry?”
“But,” sez I, “yoo hed the poor whites among
yoo afore the war. What wuss wood a furriner
be?”
“Them poor whites wuz a pekoolyer class; we
kep em coz we hed to hev em to vote. We allowd
em to squat on our lands, never let em learn
2 read, and kep ther skins full uv cheep whisky.
When wun uv em got to know too much, we
either killed him or sent him North, keepin
among us jest sech ez we wantid. With our poor
whites doin our votin at hum, yoo Dimekrats doin
it up North, and the niggers doin our labor, trooly
we wuz a favord peeple.”
“But who are yoo goin to git to do yoor labor?”
“The nigger.”
“But yoo 'll hev to pay him wagis!”
“Not much. The Northern legislachers are a
passin laws agin their comin there, so they can't
git away from us, and jest ez soon ez the thrice-accursed
hirelin soljers are withdrawd, our laws
is in force, and then wat good is a nigger's contract
to him? Methinks the cuss uv Kanan is
still onto him, Linkin to the contrary notwithstandin.
I shel be kind to mine—I shel pay the
able-bodied field-hands $4 per month, mechaniks
say $6. Uv coarse, ef furriners kin compete with
em, and work for less, we 'll take em, pervided
they 'll be ez umble.
“The nigger wuz made to be a slave. God
cust Kanan, and sed he shood be a servant forever.
Did he mean us to pay em wages? Not
enny; for ef he had, he wood hev ordered our
tastes and habits so ez we shood hev hed the
wherewithal to do it.
“Nasby,” sed he, a pausin to drain the bottle,
and rollin his ize uppards, “I am the child uv a
pious parence, and never, no, never, will I depart
from their faith. God cust the nigger, and I will
do my part, manfully, toward carryin out His
will. Watever betides us, the sons uv Ham must
be the servance uv the sons uv Japheth, and their
dawters likewise, that the Skripter shel be fulfilled.”
I partid with that grate and good man, my
mind full uv the neerly white gals he owned, and
determined, ere long, to be assistin uv him in fulfillin
that part uv the Skripter.
Petroleum V. Nasby,
Lait Paster uv the Church uv the Noo Dispensashun.
