University of Virginia Library

PART II.

At noon she rose, recover'd quite;
Her colour and her eyes confess'd,
They were so radiant and bright,
That natural physic is the best:
As Angravalle had foretold,
Natural physic carry'd off her cold.
What could not be foretold so well,
What he could only hope, at most,
That night she rais'd him, like a spell
Raising the devil or a ghost.
Her charms and efforts were so great,
His cure was completed;
Nay, 'twas so thoroughly complete,
That all the proofs were twice repeated.
But this, she knew, she could not long rely on,
Nor would it do by half;
Unless a lamb will satisfy a lion,
That can digest a calf.
That half is far more than the whole,
In former times, was Hesiod's thought;
She was persuaded from her soul,
That half is only more than nought;
And consequently less than half must stand,
Just like a cypher, plac'd on the left hand.
This very sudden revolution
Caus'd in her Husband a revulsion,
Which caus'd a sudden resolution
To yield, and follow its impulsion.
His country-house wanting repairing,
He thought to take a three-days airing.
Though he had vow'd a trust unshaken
For his Bindocchia's late merits;
For all the trouble she had taken,
To comfort him, and raise his spirits;
Yet when he bade his wife adieu,
His jealousy broke out anew,
He left the Gardener instructed;
He was to watch and lie perdu,
To see how matters were conducted,
And to report upon a view:
And after this the Knight departed,
Sadly foreboding and faint-hearted.
His Lady knew, that time, like riches,
Should be enjoy'd;
Which are but lumber in one's breeches,
When unemploy'd:
Her greatest happiness she ow'd
To time judiciously bestow'd.
Paulina was directed strait
The Coadjutor to secure;
He was that night to officiate
In Angravalle's vacant cure:
Three morns he serv'd the morning service,
Three afternoons, afternoon function,
Three nights, like any monk or dervise,
He labour'd with great zeal and unction.
After such business and hurry,
It ever was my confident belief,
That he was rather glad than sorry,
When Angravalle came to his relief;
Though the last night an accident fell out,
That might alarm a man less stout.
Returning through the garden late,
He spy'd, within the avery,
The Gardener lying in wait
To perpetrate some knavery.
Although betray'd,
He knew his Cousin's parts too well
To be afraid
Of aught the Gardener could tell;
Nor ventur'd, in affairs so nice,
To interpose his own advice.
As to all salutary measures,
He trusted to that native wit,
Abounding in inventive treasures,
And inexhaustible as Pitt.—
In State Affairs, if not in Letters,
Niceno may be an example,
When we give credit to our betters,
To make it generous and ample.
Bindocchia thus, upon the brink of ruin,
Smil'd at the mischief that was brewing.
She was peeping through her window-lattice
Just when she heard her Husband's rap;
Not as a rat is,
A rat that's peeping through a trap;
But as a cat is,
A cat with a considering cap.
Whilst he was knocking at the gate,
Bindocchia slily descended;
She knew the temper of her Mate,
Enough to guess what he intended;
Having, incog, upon occassions,
Assisted at his consultations.
The council-room was under-ground,
Where he repair'd when he alighted:
The bill against his Spouse was found—
And the poor soul to be indicted;
A trial was decreed,
Proceedings settled and agreed.
The Court broke up, all parties to their task
Till things should be reveal'd,
Bindocchia issu'd from an empty cask,
Where she had lain conceal'd.
Her Husband took a turn or two
To smooth the wrinkles on his brow—
Then smiling, like a mind at ease,
He march'd up to his Lady's chamber,
And found Bindocchia on her knees
Before a crucifix of amber:
A situation,
That he beheld with indignation.
But he kept down his swelling bile,
Inform'd by sober reason,
That his revenge, delay'd awhile,
Would not be less in season;
She neither mov'd her eye, nor her eye-brow,
Till she had sung the Litany quite through.
Then rising with a chearful air,
So modest, and so unaffected,
That Angravalle well might stare,
When he consider'd and reflected.
However, with some perturbation,
He stammer'd this Oration.
I must return—this afternoon,
On bus'ness, that I can't neglect;
To-morrow I will be here—soon;
Sooner, perhaps—than you expect.
I thought, if I did not appear,
Knowing how great your love and care is,
That you would certainly, my Dear,
Be full of fears and quandaries—
So I must instantly go back,
As soon as I have got a snack.
Whilst this same snack was getting ready,
Paulina call'd upon her scholar,
A circumstance that kept him steady—
And help'd him to digest his choler.
His meal dispatch'd, he set out in an amble,
Full of his great and wise intentions.
Bindocchia, in a short preamble,
Explain'd her doubts and apprehensions,
Laid open all her plans and schemes,
Her arguments and speculations,
Which were so far from being dreams,
Paulina thought them revelations;
Her schemes, like Harlequinery,
Were all dumb shew and scenery;
The whole so artfully invented,
So free from all affected airs;
It must succeed, if represented
By any tolerable players.
Paulina had a part assign'd,
In which her cousin knew she shin'd.
They were resolv'd to try the event,
And set about it with good-will,
Knowing, before the night was spent,
They might be forc'd to shew their skill—
Which made Paulina hasten home,
To be prepar'd against the time to come.
Paulina told the Gard'ner in the entry,
To mind her message, and take heed,
To leave his post where he was sentry,
And let his Lady know with speed,
That she had quite forgot to say,
The message he was to convey:—
That she had bus'ness in the town,
But she would send the fringe and lace,
Drawings and patterns for the gown,
By her own maid the Bolognoise.
Bindocchia might keep her slattern,
Keep her all night, if she requir'd,
Till she had drawn and done the pattern,
And the designs that she desir'd.
Though these were terms to him like Greek,
Yet he deliver'd his commission,
And did, as well as he could speak,
Deliver it with great precision.
And now as soon as it was night
He lock'd the gates of the great court,
And introduc'd the jealous Knight
By a back way, or sally-port.
Within the av'ry, in ambuscade,
His Lord and Master watch'd and pray'd.
Being inform'd how matters went,
That none had enter'd since his going,
Except a wench Paulina sent,
A wench to draw designs for sewing,
A Bolognoise with scarf and veil,
Twanging through the nose and snuffing,
As if she had been from head to tail
Loaded with a Naples stuffing.
The night was still, the moon was bright,
When he, in an ill-fated hour,
Discover'd plainly, by her light—
Niceno passing by his bow'r
On which, with might and resolution,
He put his wrath in execution.
Our jealous Knight, in the first place,
Summoned all his wife's relations,
As witnesses of her disgrace,
And of his sufferings and patience;
Dragging along, with many others,
His Lady's father, and her brothers.
How did her brothers storm, her father weep!
When, op'ning her room-door, upon the bed,
They all beheld the Lovers fast asleep,
Upon her bosom lay Niceno's head.
But when they saw the Lovers rise,
How great their wonder! what must they suppose!
They hardly could believe their eyes,
Seeing Paulina in Niceno's cloaths—
And here the injur'd wife began to hector,
Reading aloud the following lecture:—
His jealous fits were every hour,
Nay, every minute, growing stronger,
Till he had put it past my power
To bear his folly any longer.
Having observ'd the jealous fool
Following me when I was sick,
Every time I went to stool,
I own it touch'd me to the quick.
Paulina's goodness and devotion
Were shock'd at my determination,
Insisting it was a rash notion,
Although she own'd the provocation;
Advising me to club our wits,
To try to cure my husband's fits.
Whilst Angravalle was away,
Indeed, I blush whilst I am speaking,
I spy'd the Gard'ner, where he lay,
Watching like a thief, and sneaking.
So, having found the thing I sought,
A key that turn'd the garden-lock,
I was transported with the thought
Of punishing my stupid block.
Paulina, as she had often done,
Borrow'd her cousin's cloaths, and in the garden,
In order to complete our fun,
Appear'd before the Gardener, my warden.
My spouse, we did not doubt the least,
Would be inform'd, as we desir'd;
We knew that the suspicious beast
With rage and vengeance would be fir'd.
His second trip, we judged, was to deceive;
It happen'd just as we suppos'd:
And now I humbly do conceive,
He is sufficiently expos'd.—
This is the true and perfect history,
Of all this mystery:
And now I do insist, his temper such is,
To be deliver'd from his clutches.
Her husband, conscious of her merit,
Acknowledg'd his transgressions;
She spoke with so much force and spirit,
He promis'd before all the sessions,
If she would pardon what was past,
That this offence should be the last.
And, as a proof that his designs were good,
The Gard'ner should be discarded;
She should chuse servants, and go where she would Unguarded.
Bindocchia consented,
And never afterwards repented.
Paulina to her maid retir'd,
Which maid was not according to the letter,
But in this fashion was attir'd,
On purpose to conceal Niceno better.
So well he acted, I'll engage,
That this Niceno might have play'd,
On any theatre or stage,
The snuffling Bolognia maid.
Paulina dress'd herself before she went,
Her maid had brought her cloaths for that intent.
People that I suspect for scoffers
Pretend that, whilst Paulina was undressing,
Niceno made her handsome offers,
Which she could not refuse, he was so pressing.
They were together, 'tis confess'd,
Two hours before she could get dress'd.
However 'twas is undecided,
But as to him he was complete,
In every circumstance provided,
And fit to serve a pious cheat;
But, to be able to serve two,
Is more than I, perhaps, or you, can do.