University of Virginia Library

Scene Third.

—The Docks at Queenhithe. Pretty view of the River, with trees on both banks—stone quay, by the side of which is stationed the stern of a large ship, R., “The Kafoozleum”—large bales and packages of merchandise about—barrels, ropes, &c.
Chorus of Sailors.—“Buccaneer.”
Then into the dark steer we our barque,
Leaving our care behind us;
Little care we, so we are free,
Where the dawn may find us.

(Hornpipe)
Binnacle.
(C.)
My lads, the old stage dodge you all remimbers!
Oblige me, then, by “shivering your timbers!”
Come on—for idleness don't think I'll praise ye;
Like scholars, you're haul taught, yet all be lazy.
Amongst the Navy education's slight;
With sailors, when a man is taut he's tight.

Blocks.
(L. C.)
Here comes the Captain! (looking off, L.)


Binna.
With some other parties;
Bowze jibs, or something of that sort, my hearties.

(they cheer)
Enter, L. 1 E., dancing to “Mandolinata,” Dick, Rose, Mysterious Mariner, the Cat, and Muley—cheers.
Mariner.
Enough! Hoist slacks, bend stays, and heave the lead!

Binna.
The tide's out, sir!

Mariner.
Reef topsails, then, instead!
Batten down hatches! Let the painter go!
(Sailors and Muley enter ship)
Haul bowlines up aloft! Belay, below!
Clew up the mainstay, if the port careens!
(to audience)
I've not the slightest notion what that means,
But I'm obliged to over-awe these boys;
It sounds professional, and makes a noise.

Rose.
Is this the vessel?

Mariner.
Ay, a gem we deem her!

Rose.
I thought that we were going, love, by steamer?

Dick.
Oh! that's the clean expensive trip, they say;
This is what's called the ship and nasty way.

Rose.
What is that dreadful person doing? look!

(Muley, on ship, is putting on white cap and sleeves)
Muley.
When I'm aboard dat ship I am de cook;
Dere's dinner at nine bells.

Dick.
That's very well!
On my heart fortune's only struck one belle!

Muley.
(R.)
Is Missey a good sailor?

Rose.
(R.)
Only so-so.

Muley.
And little Massa?

Dick.
(C.)
Not at all,

Muley.
I s'pose so;
'Cos all de fresh provisions dey have put on
Board ship are biled calf's head and fat biled mutton.

(goes up to ship)
Mariner.
You're not a traveller?

Dick.
Not to my knowledge.
I've made a trial trip, sir, to North Woolwich;
I've doubled Cape Southend; once, I recall,
I dared the stormy ocean off Blackwall.
My chief experiences, though, afloat,
Have been confined, sir, to the penny boat.

Mariner.
Were my child living he'd have just been such?
Why does this stranger interest me much?
I must one question put before we go. (wildly)

Had you a father, boy?

Dick.
Who? I? Oh, no!

Mariner.
It is not he, then! (sobs)


(Muley, from ship window)
Muley.
Cap'en, it's nine bells.

Mariner.
Another failure! he is some one else.

(Sailors retire to ship)
Dick.
They've gone to dinner.

Rose.
Earthly thoughts above!
We can sustain ourselves, dear Dick, on love!
Love's never hungry—sweet words it recoups on,
And thrives upon the merest taste.

Dick.
(sniffing)
The soup's on!

Rose.
What's tea and shrimps, or buttered toast or rolls,
To the communion of kindred—

Dick.
Soles!

Rose.
How wrong for lovers thoughts on food to waste—

Dick.
(aside)
There's lamb on table.

Rose.
Lamentable taste!
Oh, swear you love me!

Dick.
Truth is in my phiz.
I'm always upon oath—that's where it is.
You know how I hate trade, and all its rigours;
In only one sense, love, I'm fond of figures.
(putting his arm around her)
For you I cut all chances of ambition,
And make your love, dear girl, the one condition.

Rose.
You're mine for ever?

Dick.
Who'll divide our hearts?
You little muff, we go to furrin parts,
Where none can follow.

Rose.
We're not started yet!

Dick.
And won't before my dinner, dear, I've eat.

Rose.
You're always thinking about food.

Dick.
I say,
Don't let there be a food between us—pray!
Lovers must eat.

Rose.
You're a sad maligner!

Dick.
The famous Villikins, dear, had his diner!

Muley.
Hi! come to dinner. (Cat runs into ship)


Dick.
Patly, now, he's stept in.

Muley.
You mustn't be kept out—so says de captain.

Dick.
You see that we are summoned, Rose, my beauty!
I don't want dinner, but I'll stick to duty!

(Duo—Dick and Rosemarye.
Air—“Ten Thousand Miles Away.”
Dick.
(C.)

(Chorus repeat—Mariner and Muley through portholes of ship—dance—then Dick and Rose get into ship)
Hurry Music.—Enter, R. 1. E., Fitzbabbage, Alderman, Mrs. C. and Philpott, looking upwards, excitedly.
Fitz.
(L.)
Keep him in sight. (looking through telescope)


Mrs. C.
(C.)
I've nearly cricked my neck
With staring up; he's only a mere speck.

Alder.
(R. C.)
Wave something, somebody.

Phil.
(R.)
He'll see, mayhap.

Fitz.
All right! now, missis, lend your Sunday cap!
Hi!

Alder.
What's the good?—you needn't bellow so;
He may cry high, but you should shout hal-low.
This is a pretty pass, upon my word,
Engaging in a chase that's quite absurd.
I see no traces of the wretched pair!

Mrs. C.
Are these the Docks? then where's the shipping?

Fitz.
(pointing to ship)
There!

Phil.
What, that the British fleet?

Fitz.
They're out of sight,
Fighting the Frenchmen off the Isle of Wight.
As to the merchantmen, that squadron vast,
The Navigation Act has just been passed—
So they're all cruising just about this time.

Alder.
To those who still regard Burlesque as crime,
(to audience)
I'd here observe that in this case you see,
We've introduced some facts of history;
Which while they mix the useful with the risible,
Excuse there being but one vessel visible.

Mrs. C.
Ha! (ballast falls)


Phil.
What's the matter? Are you mad?

Mrs. C.
Good lack!
I've got a bag of ballast down my back!

Fitz.
He's coming! Now, as it is pleasant weather,
Should they steal here, we'll catch 'em altogether!

Sir H.
(from above)
Look out below!

(ballast falls)
Phil.
He's nearer than he looked it.

(grapnel descends, L., and catches Alderman by waistband)
Alder.
Good gracious—help! (going up)


Fitz.
Hallo, here's master hooked it!

Mrs. C.
Oh, save him?

Phil.
Here, catch hold!

(they all pull down Alderman and the balloon, with Sir Highbury, L.)
Mrs. C.
Oh, worst of men!

Sir H.
What was he getting in the way for, then? (gets out)


Fitz.
A shame to cause us such a consternation;
You're always showing off your air o' station!

Alder.
What I experienced when that was placed
In silent horror o'er my boundless waist,
I'll not reveal—nor yet again endure.
I'm only glad the waistband was secure.

Sir H.
Don't blame the cable; it was all stability;
Although you sadly tried its cable-bility.
Forget what's past! Say are the truants found?

Alder.
At present—no, but here's the likely ground.
If they take ship, we'll catch 'em—have no fears!

Sir H.
(reading ship)
“Kafoozleum. Morocco and Algiers.”

Fitz.
Let's give it up.

Phil.
They'll not go there.

Mrs. C.
That's flat!

Sir H.
Hush, for your lives!

Omnes.
What is it?

Sir H.
Why, the cat!
(the Cat comes out of the ship)
By George, they are aboard!

       

		Dick.	Rose.	Mariner.
Phil.	Mrs. C.	Cat.	Muley.	Sir H.	Alder.
					Fitz.
R.					L.

Fitz.
Don't make a fuss;
I'll wheedle Tommy.

Dick.
(appearing)
Hallo! Puss, puss, puss!
Where is he?

Omnes.
Ah!

Dick.
We're found out! Hallo!
(All on board appear)
Up with the gangway! Let the painter go!
(the gangway is raised)
You think to follow us, old chap; you're sold!

Alder.
Where is my daughter?

Dick.
You be young—be 'old!

Mrs. C.
You wicked girl, come back!

Rose.
I'm taking, Ma,
A little trip!

Alder.
A trip! il ne faux pas!

Sir H.
I won't be swindled; have her back I shall!

Dick.
She'll be a sailor's wife!

Fitz.
Oh, naughty gal!

Mariner.
I've promised him a passage, sir, that's flat—
On one condition—he must take his cat.

Mrs. C.
It isn't his; it's mine, by right of law.
Your passenger goes off without a claw!

(seizes Cat tight)
Dick.
Come to me, Tommy! Don't your humble guest shun.

Mariner.
Tabby or not tabby—that is the question!

Rose.
Puss, puss, you'll never let them be your match!
Exert your talons! Bring 'em to the scratch!

Dick.
Struggle, good Thomas! bite and claw and tear!
You wouldn't let 'em make your friend Lord Mayor!

(Cat bursts from them—runs to lights)
Cat.
Never! (jumps into porthole)


Dick.
A sentiment that with me pat jumps,
You'll now observe, good folks, which way the cat jumps.

Mariner.
Cast off!

Dick.
Good-bye!

Fitz.
We're after you, though, soon!

Sir H.
Passengers for the new Algiers balloon! (rings bell)


(ship begins to move—Sir Highbury enters car, and balloon slowly rises as the ship disappears—the Characters on stage trying to get up as scene closes)
Concerted Piece, Galop—“Dick Whittington”— (R. Reece).
Ensemble—Mariner, Dick, Rosemarye, Muley, and Chorus of Sailors.
Alder., Mrs. C., Sir H., Fitz., Phil.
Second Part.