University of Virginia Library

ACT II.

SCENE I.

Enter SOPHOCLIDISCA and LEMNISELENE.
SOPHOCLIDISCA.
An untaught, thoughtless, silly girl needs not
So often to be told.—I see you think
I am a country girl, a downright simpleton—
Tho' I drink wine, I drink not your commands—
Me, and my manners, I conceiv'd, by this
You'd tried enough—I've now attended you
Five years almost—Send but a dog to school
As long, he'll know his letters well.—But you,
Speaking or not, not all this while have learn'd
My disposition—Can't you say no more?
And leave off stunning me?—I recollect,
Remember, know, and understand you are
Unhappily in love—Love in your mind
Bubbles and boils—But I'll allay the ferment.

Lemn.
To be in love's a miserable state—

[Exit.
Soph.
And to love nothing's, to be good for nothing.
For pray what need of life to such a creature?
I should go now, and do what I am bid,
The sooner to obtain my mistress' freedom.
I'll meet this Toxilus, and stuff his ears
With these my orders which I have receiv'd—

SCENE II.

Enter TOXILUS and PÆGNIUM.
Tox.
Are these things plain and certain to you, boy?
Do'st understand them and remember them?

Pæg.
Better than you who taught me—

Tox.
Say you so,
You hang-dog?

Pæg.
Yes, I say so—

Tox.
Well, and what
Was it I said?

Pæg.
That, I'll tell her—

Tox.
By Pollux!
You do not know—

Pæg.
I'll wager you, I do—
Ay, and remember too—

Tox.
I'll wager you,
You cannot count your fingers—

Pæg.
If you wish
To lose, why I say, done.

Tox.
I'd rather have
A truce—

Pæg.
Why let me go then—

Tox.
Go, I bid you.
See that you be at home, before I think
You there—

Pæg.
I will—

Tox.
And whither going now?

Pæg.
Why home, that I may be at home, before
You think me there—

Tox.
You rascal of a boy—
I'll give you something you may call your own.

Pæg.
How ill are faithful services rewarded!
How difficult it is to prove them faithful!

Tox.
Well, go now—

Pæg.
Sir, you shall commend my speed—

Tox.
Be sure to Lemniselene herself
You give these tables, Pægnium; and tell her
That which I bid you—

Soph.
Why then don't I go
Where I was order'd—[apart.]


Pæg.
I am going, sir—

Tox.
Well, go then—Now I'll hie me home—
Be careful in this business—Run and fly—

[Exit Toxilus.
Pæg.
That's what an ostrich in the circus does—
Well—He's gone in—But who's this coming hither?

Soph.
'Tis Pægnium sure!

Pæg.
Why this is her own slave
To whom I'm sent—This is Sophoclidisca.

Soph.
He is a pickle dog, as I've been told—
I'll speak to him—

Pæg.
At this bar, I must stop—

Soph.
Pægnium, my sweet boy, hail!—What art about?
How fares it with you?

Pæg.
Yes, the gods will favour me—
They will, Sophoclidisca.

Soph.
And me too,
Will they not also favour?—

Pæg.
I don't know—
But if they act as you deserve, by Hercules!
They'll hold you in their hate; torment you too.

Soph.
Don't be abusive—

Pæg.
It is no abuse
To speak the truth—

Soph.
What are you doing?

Pæg.
Standing
Opposite you, and looking at a jade.

Soph.
I'm sure I never knew so vile a boy.

Pæg.
What mischief do I?—Whom have I abus'd?—

Soph.
Why, when occasion offers, every one—

Pæg.
None ever thought so—

Soph.
And yet many know it.

Pæg.
O brave!—

Soph.
And O brave too!

Pæg.
'Tis by yourself
You judge of others—

Soph.
I confess, I'm fit
For such a family as I am in;
A family of no repute, a pandar's—

Pæg.
You've said enough—

Soph.
But what are you?—Confess
You're what I guess'd—

Pæg.
And was I such, I would—

Soph.
March off—You've got the victory—

Pæg.
March you—

Soph.
First, tell me one thing—Whither are you going?

Pæg.
And whither you?—

Soph.
That you should answer me.
I ask'd you first—

Pæg.
But you shall last be answer'd.

Soph.
I'm not going far—

Pæg.
Nor I—

Soph.
But where, you rascal!

Pæg.
Unless you tell me first, you'll never know
From me—

Soph.
Nor you, if you don't open first—

Pæg.
And is it so?—

Soph.
And is it so? say I—

Pæg.
You're a vile jade—

Soph.
And you as vile a rascal.

Pæg.
Why so I should be—

Soph.
And so should not I!

Pæg.
What say you!—Jade of jades, are you determin'd
Not to inform me whither you are going?—

Soph.
And thou, thou rogue of rogues, hast thou resolv'd
The same?

Pæg.
'Tis like for like—Since you're resolv'd,
Be gone—I would not give a rush to know—
Farewell—

Soph.
Nay stay—

Pæg.
But I'm in haste—

Soph.
And so
Am I—

Pæg.
What stays you?

Soph.
And what is't stays you?

Pæg.
Nothing.

Soph.
Your hand then.

Pæg.
Say which hand? What this?

[giving his right-hand.
Soph.
No—Where's your left? your pilfering hand I mean.

Pæg.
At home—I've brought no other with me hither—

Soph.
Yes, but you have.

Pæg.
Let me alone, enticer—

Soph.
Suppose I love you—

Pæg.
You'll but lose your labour.

Soph.
How so?

Pæg.
Because, where love is not return'd,
It is no love at all.

Soph.
Be vigilant,
While youth and beauty yet are in their prime;
Lest when your hair turns grey, you still remain
A slave—As yet, you weigh scarce eighty pounds—

Pæg.
Spirit, not weight's the thing—I'm wasting time—

Soph.
How so?—

Pæg.
How so?—Because I teach my grannam.
But I stay loitering here—

Soph.
Stay—Do—

Pæg.
You teize me.

Soph.
Why so I will, unless you quickly tell me,
Whither it is you're going.

Pæg.
To your house—

Soph.
And I, in troth, was going unto yours—

Pæg.
Why there?—

Soph.
What's that to you?

Pæg.
You shall not go
Unless I know—

Soph.
You are impertinent—

Pæg.
That's my delight to be—You ne'er shall screw
That out of me, that you may be beforehand—

Soph.
'Tis painful to contend with you in mischief.

Pæg.
You're a bad piece of goods.

Soph.
What is't you fear?—

Pæg.
The same as you—

Soph.
Then tell me what it is?

Pæg.
I am forbid to tell it any man;
The dumb shall first divulge it.

Soph.
I am under
The same restraint—forbid to tell it any—
The dumb shall first divulge it—And now let us,
Upon our oaths not to divulge it, trust
The secret to each other—

Pæg.
Well I know,
All bawds are light of faith; than spider's legs
Their faith is lighter—

Soph.
Tell me, and I'll love you.

Pæg.
Tell me, and I'll love you—

Soph.
I would not have you
To be in love—

Pæg.
To follow your advice
Is easy to me—

Soph.
For your love, pray keep it
Within yourself—

Pæg.
Keep you this secret too—

[shewing a tablet.
Soph.
It shall be kept—

Pæg.
It shall: for you shan't know it—

Soph.
This tablet's for your master Toxilus—

Pæg.
Go—He's at home—And these seal'd tablets here,
Are for your mistress, Lemniselene.

Soph.
What's their contents?

Pæg.
Why that if you not know,
You know as much as I—Unless, perhaps
Soft words—

Soph.
I'm going—

Pæg.
So am I—

Soph.
March on then.

[Exeunt.

SCENE III.

Enter SAGARISTIO.
Sag.
For his deserts with pleasure I rejoice
In the renowned son of Ops, high Jove,
The mighty, powerful, and the supreme,
Who hope, and help and plenty does bestow.
For he it is has kindly lent the money,
That I may aid my friend—I neither dream'd,
Nor could have thought, nor ever could imagine
I should have such an opportunity—
'Tis just as if it drop'd from heaven—My master
Has sent me to Eretria, to buy
Some oxen train'd for service, and has given me
The money for the purchase—And he said
The fair would be the seventh day from hence.
A fool, to give me money, when he knows
My disposition—To some other use
I shall apply it—Then, there are no oxen
For me to buy—And now unto my friend
I'll give success, and freely gratify
My inclinations—One day's pain will pay
An age of pleasure—Thwack upon my shoulders—
Well, well—I care not—Now I will present
My friend with these train'd oxen from my purse—
O 'tis a charming thing, to bite your dry,
Niggardly, covetous, spiritless old fellows,
Who from their slaves lock up their very salt.
'Tis virtue, when a fair occasion serves,
To hold them in contempt—What will he do?—
Why strait command me to be scourg'd and shackled—
Then let him do't—I would not have him think
I'll be upon my knees—My curses on him!
He can do nought but what I have experienc'd—
But see! Here's Pægnium, Toxilus's boy.

SCENE IV.

Enter PÆGNIUM.
Pæg.
I've done my task, and now am hastening home.

Sag.
Stay—Tho' in haste yet hearken to me, Pægnium.

Pæg.
If you want one to obey you, buy a slave.

Sag.
But stop—

Pæg.
You're plaguy troublesome I think—
How would you teize me, if I ow'd you money?—

Sag.
Won't you look back upon me then, you scoundrel?

Pæg.
I know I'm but a youngster; else I'd make you
Suffer, for thus abusing me—

Sag.
Where is
Your master Toxilus?—

Pæg.
Just where he likes—
He don't ask your opinion where to be.

Sag.
Won't you then tell me, hang-dog?

Pæg.
Why, I tell you
I do not know, of elm twigs thou destruction.

Sag.
What! do you dare thus to abuse your elders?—

Pæg.
You first deserv'd it, therefore learn to bear it.
I am a slave in office; but my master
Orders that I shall have my tongue at liberty.

Sag.
Won't you then tell me, where is Toxilus?

Pæg.
I tell you—You may go and hang yourself.

Sag.
And may you feel the lash this very day!

Pæg.
On your account, you cuckow?—Was I, whey-face,
To break your head, I should fear nought for that.

Sag.
Assurance!—

Pæg.
Ay, I am well assur'd, by Hercules!
One day I shall be free; and that is more
Than ever you can hope for—

Sag.
Leave off teizing—

Pæg.
That which you ask of others, you can't do
Yourself—

Sag.
Go and be hang'd—

Pæg.
And go you home—
There's one there ready for you.

Sag.
I am call'd
To court.

Pæg.
I wish your sureties may be absent,
That you may be in jail!—

Sag.
How's this?

Pæg.
Ay, how?

Sag.
Do you persist in your abuse, you rascal?—

Pæg.
And why should not one slave abuse another?

Sag.
Do you say so?—See what I'll give you then?

Pæg.
Just nothing—For you nothing have to give.

Sag.
May all the gods and goddesses confound me,
If I lay hold on you, and do not fell you
Down to the ground—

Pæg.
I am your friend, I wish
Your prayer success—You fell me to the ground!
You to the gallows will be fix'd ere long—

Sag.
May all the gods—You know what I would say—
But I restrain my tongue—Why can't you go?

Pæg.
You drive me off with ease—My shadow's now
Whipping within, because I staid so long—

[Exit.
Sag.
The gods confound this brat—A prating rascal,
And poisonous as a serpent—I am glad
He's gone—Open the doors—Out comes the man,
The very man, I've wish'd so much to meet.

SCENE V.

Enter TOXILUS and SOPHOCLIDISCA.
Tox.
Tell her, I've found out where to get the money.
Bid her take heart, and say how much I love her.
That when she's happy, I am happy too.
Do you understand what you're to say to her?

Soph.
O yes, your legs don't understand you better.

Tox.
Haste then home, Sophoclidisca. Go—

[Exit Soph.
Sag.
I'll play the perfect droll, myself swing in
With arms a-kimbo, and a saucy strut.

Tox.
What have we here? Sure a two handled jug!

Sag.
I'll spit with dignity—

Tox.
As I'm alive
'Tis Sagaristio—What are you about?—
How fare you, Sagaristio?—And what?
In my affair I have entrusted to you
Is there a little hope?

Sag.
Come hither then.
We shall take care—We wish the thing success—
Advance—Move forward—

Tox.
Ha!—What swelling's this
Upon your neck?—

Sag.
A tumour—Nay, don't squeeze it.
If you but touch it hard, there will be pain.

Tox.
How long has it been there?

Sag.
Only to-day.

Tox.
It should be lanc'd.

Sag.
I fear it is not ripe.
And then, to lance it will increase the evil.

Tox.
Let me examine your complaint.—

Sag.
Keep off—
Beware the horns—

Tox.
How's that?

Sag.
I've got a yoke
Of oxen in my purse.

Tox.
Pray, let them out.
Turn them to grass—They will be starv'd to death.

Sag.
I fear they'll stray—How shall I get them in
Their stalls again?

Tox.
Courage!—I'll drive them in.

Sag.
Well, I believe you—To your care I trust them.
Follow me—Here's the chink—The whole you wanted—

Tox.
What's that you say?

Sag.
Why, my wise master sent me
To buy some oxen for him, to Eretria.
Now this your house shall my Eretria be.

Tox.
Your words are quite enchanting—I'll return
The money safe immediately—I've set
My engines all to work, and form'd my schemes
How I shall chouse this pandar of the money.

Sag.
All for the best—

Tox.
And to procure my girl
Her freedom, and to make the pandar pay for't.
But do you follow me—I want your help—

Sag.
'Tis at your service—Use it as you please.

[Exeunt.