University of Virginia Library

Actus tertius.

Enter Lothario, and Iacenta.
Lo.
Qviet your tongue, or I'le take away your liberty,
Know y'are under me, and my command.

Iac.
Quiet my tongue? art officer of hell!
Thou Iaylor to the devill, fleshly fiend,
I'le waken heaven and earth with my exclaimes,
Astonish hell for feare, the fire be doubled
In the due vengeance of my hainous wrong,
My heavy hainous wrong.

Lo.
Forbeare I say: you are a crackt virgin,
And I'le bestow the widows almes on you
In charity, if you not hold your tongue.

Iac.
Worst of humanity, hold thou thy tongue,
Shame thou to speake; my shame enforceth me.

Lo.
Come, come, my little (what shall I call thee)
For it is now doubtfull what thou art; being neither
Maide, wife, nor (saving your reverence) widow.
Ha? Doest spit at me? I'le have you spitted for this tricke,
Spits at him.
And I will turne you as you see, and moreover
I will bast you.

Iac.
O that I could spit out the spiders bladder,
Or the toads intrals into thee, to take part
And mixe with the diseases that thou bear'st,
And altogether choke thee; or that my tongue
Were pointed with a fiery Pyramis
To strike thee through; thou bundle of diseases,
The store-house of some shaggy meteor,
Some blazing fire shon o're thy fatall birth,
And laid up all her sad effects in thee;
Gouts, aches, dropsies, and a hundred more,
For were not poyson to thee naturall,
Thy owne foule rottennesse would strangle thee.

Lo.
Thou art a looser, and I do consider it,
Thou hast lost a maydenhead, a shrewd cracke:
A flaw that will hardly be soaderd againe;
Some there be that can passe away these counterfeits
For currant, as brasse money may be taken
For silver, yet it can never be the same,
Nor restorde to his first purity, this I consider;
And beare, (but presume not too much to trouble
The poole of my patience, it may rise foule) it may.

Iac.
O that thine eyes were worth the plucking out,
Or thy base heart, the labour I should take
In rending up thy bosome; I should but ope
A vault to poyson me (detested wretch)
The hangmans man, basest degree of basenesse,
Thou liv'st upon the lees and dregs of lust,
Thy soule is a hyrde hackney towards hell,
O Iulianus, my much honour'd father,
How is thy simple faith deluded now!
Thou hadst not so much thought of ill in thee,
To breede a bad opinion of a villaine,
Tyrant, and ravisher; whilst thou art winning
Renowne and honour from Spaines enemies,
Spaine has dishonour'd and imprisoned me:
Thou understandst not this, unlesse the windes
Vpon their fleeting convey beare it thee;
Some gentle vision tell thee in thy sleepes,
And heaven instruct thee with a waking faith,
True to beleeve thy slumbers; boyle out my bloud,
And at the briney limbecke of mine eyes
Distill my faculties; alone I'le tell
My sorrowes unto heaven, my curse to hell:
And there I'le mixe that wretch, from thence they rise,
Oh whilst I looke on him, I loath mine eyes.

Exit.
Lo.
But that I have some kinder purpose, I would not
Be thus baited: I am given to the flesh as well
As the king my Master, I have some hope to taste
This dish after him; but tis yet too hot for me,
It will coole, and then I will draw my blade, and have
A flash at it: this womans two edgde tongue,
And this burthen of flesh that I beare about me,
Hath made me so heavy, I must take a nap.
Cob, boy, Cob, page.

Enter Page.
Cob.
Here Sir.

Lo.
There is some thing gone
Into my eares that troubles my braine, blow in
Some musique to fetch it out againe.

Cob.
The best I can, my Lord.

Lo.
And hearke you, having done, ascend the Turret
And see if you can discover his Maiesty
Comming to the Castle: this houre he appointed
For his recreation, if you do, descend,
And give me warning.

Cob.
I will.
A song within. Lo. falls asleepe.
Enter Cob.
So I have luld my Lord asleepe,
I see he takes my musique heavily,
Therefore I'le sing no more: now to my Turret
To see if the king come, now he may take him napping.

Exit.
Enter Iacinta.
Iac.
There is no resting place within a prison
To make my sorrows lesse by recounting:
I throw 'um forth, but empty none at all;
Ha, asleepe? I, security can sleepe,
Griefes a true watchman: how the devill snores?
There hell within him, and what a hideous noise
The fiends do make: oh had I a murdering heart,
I could with his office beat out his braines.
But I have better thoughts, these keyes may give me
My release from prison: Can I thinke
Of better release, no; I will not delay it,
I will keepe backe my sinnes from multitudes,
And I may flie for safety to my father.
Theres divers wayes, heaven instruct the privat'st,
And best for my escape: fare ill, not well,
Thou and thy lustfull Master: from all but one,
This key now frees me, O! that I beare about,
Which none but mercies key can deliver out.
Exit Iacinta.

Enter Cob.
Cob.
My Lord, I spie the king comming privately
By himselfe, my Lord, one were as good attempt
To wake a watchman at three a clocke in the morning,
My Lord, lend me your keyes if you'le not stir your selfe:
Me thinkes he should wake himselfe with snoring, but it may be
The more noise makes him sleepe the sounder; the best is,
I take it, the king has a private key to let in himselfe;
If he have, he will do his own work himselfe, and my Lord
For this time shall be an innocent pander,
In this act of sleepe a harmlesse husband may be so
To his owne wife; Tis as I guest, he is come
In of himselfe.

Enter Rodorique.
Rod.
Where's your Master?

Cob.
Hees here
In his private meditations, my Leige.

Rod.
He was ever heavie, where's Iacinta?

Cob.
Safe enough,
My Leige, she strucke my Lord into these damps
With the very musique of her tongue, but they were all discords.

Rod.
Command her hither, her father sends me word,
He has a noble fortune to bring home
Conquest and royall captives, I shall not well
Requite him: therefore I must now be heedfull
What I returne, how the villaine snores!
Sleepe on Sir, your sinne will be the lesse, in being
My bawd. Now where is she?

Enter Cob.
Cob.
Alas my Lord,
I have beene—.

Rod.
Beene impe, where have you beene?

Cob.
Seeking about all the corners in the Castle
For Iacinta.

Rod.
Why, is she to seeke slave?

Cob.
I can neither heare nor see her any where.

Rod.
Rogue, thou neither seest, nor hear'st more if I see not her:

Cob.
I'le go seeke better, my Leige, I doubt some leger-demaine,
But if I finde not her within, I know the way out.

Exit.
Rod.
You dormouse, baby of fifty, bundle of security,
Awake Rogue, pocks of your heavy flesh, hast thou no soule?

Lo.
Mynnion, I'le clog your heeles with irons for this,
Will you not let me rest by you?

Rod.
Mischiefe ope your eye-lids: blocke, image.

Lo.
I will tell the king, and he shall tickle you for this.

Rod.
Sir death, I'le tickle you for this, loggerhead, where's Iacinta?

Lo.
O my Leige, is it your Maiesty, I beseech you pardon me:
These after dinner-naps are the repasts to my body.

Rod.
Diseases devoure your body, where's Iacinta?

Lo.
Safe, safe, my Leige, my keyes, where be my keyes,
Saw you my keyes, my Leige?

Rod.
Confirmde, she has the keyes, and is fled the castle:
Dog, hell-hound, thou shalt be my foot-ball, slave:
I'le drag this hatefull lumpe into his grave.

Lo.
Nay but my Lord, I protest by mine honour.
And the office I hold about you, I left 'em by me
When I went to sleepe, and my first dreame told me
They were there still. My boy, my Cob, saw you my Cob, my Leige?

Rod.
Dogs worry you both; search slave in every angle,
Send pursuite after her, if thou returnst her not,
Thou shalt curse thy being.

Lo.
If she be not above steeples,
Nor beneath hell, I'le finde her, for so high
And low I can reach and dive, as heavy as I am.

Exit.
Rod.
If she escape us, and once reach her father,
Now in his height of honour, we know not how
He may receive his wrongs, nor the event;
We will command him distant from the Court,
And his prisoners sent to us; And this shall haste
Before her possible speed, if she scape:
Wele threaten his heads losse, if he deny 'um,
Those that do wrong, had need keepe safety by 'um.

Exit.
Enter Margaretta and Fydella the Moore.
Mar.
O that some striking aire had blasted me
Before this poyson entred at mine eares;
Married?

Fy.
Madam, sweet Madam.

Mar.
Madam! prethee mock me not, nor gard my folly
With such a linsie wolsie ornament.
Madam, is the mad dame, and thence mad woman:
Define it so and I will borrow still
That little of my store. A coat of tissue
If a foole weares it, is but a fooles coat.
Such are my trappings; oh for time thats gone,
Equality, oh sweet equality,
Borne under Libra, thou hast both right hands,
Without advantage, or priority.
Base ones made big by beauty are but slaves,
Their Lords nere truly bed but in their graves.
Ha? a dangerous conceit, call my brother, Fidella.

Fy.
Then let me councell you, know hees open,
Plaine, and rusticall, and alterd from his first condition,
What ever your purpose is, let it not appeare to him.

Mar.
Prethee be gone, and call him.
Am I despis'd so soone? wedlocke uniust,
Vnequall nuptials are not love, but lust:
Come backe past time, oh tis a fruitlesse call,
I may repent, but finde no helpe at all.
Now I forestall thee heaven ere I begin,
Forgive me, I must act some a heinous sinne,
I must now be changde.

Enter Clowne, and Fydella.
Clo., Ia.
Lady sister, did your Madamship
Send for my worship?

Mar.
I did send for you brother.

Ia.
You may intreat me.

Mar.
I hope so, I have a letter
To my Lord (brother) containing so much love
And secresie; as I would trust none willingly
But your selfe for the delivery.

Ia.
A letter sister!
I would not have you to take me for a Carrier,
Or a Porter to carry words, or letters more
Then it pleases me; yet in the way of a Nuntius,
Partly Embassadour, or so, I will
Travell for your sake.

Mar.
Looke you, this is all, brother.

Ia.
Is this all sister?

Mar.
Vnlesse youle adde another:
Commends by word of mouth.

Ia.
By word of mouth?
Twas not well spoken sister.

Mar.
Why brother?

Iaq.
Why what words are there, but words of the mouth?
Except it be words of the tayle, which would sound but ill
In my Lord brothers eares: for words behinde
A mans backe are but winde, you know that.

Mar.
But be most carefull in the delivery, I entreat you brother;
You know our wedding is onely knowne to us,
A thing conceald from wide mouthd rumour, then should you
Find him in company with Nobles of his own rank.

Iaq.
Tush, I can smell the rankest of them all.

Mar.
Say amongst Ladies you should find him sporting
Dancing, kissing, or any such like wantonnesse,
Take heed your rude approach does not move him to any distaste.

Iaq.
O my nowne sister, my nose is a little more a kin to you
Now then ever it was; you woud have me be an informer
Of unlawfull games, as Ticktack, whipper ginny, in & in.

Mar.
No trust me brother, onely to instruct you I speak;
For the least disparagement should chance to him
His pleasure forbidding it, would be a death to me,

Iaq.
Well sister, heres my hand, and my heart is some where
Here about me too, but I'de be loath to bring him
Forth to witnesse, but I will be very carefull.

Mar.
You undo me else brother.

Iaq.
Pha, d'e thinke me for
A foole or your brother (sister)

Mar.
Do not thinke
But at your returne I shall be very thankfull.

Iaq.

As for that, it is sufficient your Ladiship is my sister;
oh ye little amiable rogue you, a good face is a good
dowry, I see sometimes; when we two tumbled both in a
belly together, little did our mother thinke which should
have beene the Madam; I might have beene cut the tother
way iffaith, if it had pleased the sisters three,if the Midwife
had but knowne my minde when I was borne, I had
beene two stone lighter; but much good do thee with thy
good fortunes; farewell honourable flesh and bloud, I will
deliver to my noble brother, pretty trim Lady, I thinke we
are eyde alike; fare thee well, I cannot chuse but see thee as
long as I looke upon thee.

Exit.
Mar.
Effect thy owne content, paper and inke,
And then thou bringst the worke into my hands.
Fudella.

Fud.
Madam.

Mar.
Thou louest me Fudella.

Fud.
Do you make a question ont Lady?

Mar.
No, I rather
Speake it as acknowledgement, suppose I went
In the right noble way, to meet my foe
I'th field, woudst be my second.

Fud.
To my second life, Madam.

Mar.
I do intend no such viragoes part,
But in shape, a danger to thee farre more worse,
But when tis done, the spatious world shall have to understand,
Spite of the low condition of my birth,
High spirits may be lodg'd in humble earth.

Exeunt.
Enter Dionisia and Anthonio.
Dio.
Sad still!

Ant.
I am as I was ever Lady,
Full of retyred thoughts.

Dio.
You draw these backward
Should be comming on, and meet in nuptiall pleasures.

Ant.
All strive to be their owne Physitians (Lady)
We know whats best and fittest to be done,
But who can follow it?

Dio.
Till the disease be knowne
In vaine it were to study remedy,
Pray whats your cause of sadnesse?

Ant.
I have none, Lady.

Dio.
Why are you not merry then?

Ant.
You must finde fault with my complexion for't,
Nature, perhaps, has not compounded me
Of equall portions; yet you discover
Diseases outward, I not feele within,
Me thinkes I'me merry.

Dio.
No, I have heard you sigh so violent,
They have wak't my slumbers with you in bed,
One gust following another, as you woud breath
Out all your aire together, there most be cause.

Ant.
I know not how to win your good beliefe, Lady,
But if youle trust me; Lazarello come hither.

Enter Clowne.
Iaq.

A murrin o the carrier brought me hither, I shall sit
the worse this two dayes, but I thinke I have requited his
sides for't; Now to my letter, pat yffaith, here's my noble
brother; hum, I have a pestilent Lady to my sister, she told
me I should finde him amongst Ladies; if she had said Lady
she had guest singular well yffaith, I will carry it as well as
I can for my honourable brothers credit.

Dio.
Fie, that's a lame excuse, you won not honour
Equall with your will, my selfe from the Castle saw you,
Most nobly do, I saw you unhorse three brave opposers,
You kild and captiv'd many enemies.

Laz:
Nay now sweet Lady
You make too strict an inquisition,
Men emulate in honour for the best.
Who woud be second that can formost be;
For this a man may wrangle with his fate,
And grieve and envy at anothers fortunes.

Iaq.
Hum, hum, hum.

Laz.
See you yon fellow.

Ant.
Waft him hence good Lazarello, I am undone else,
Looke here Dionisia, here's a iewell,
I never shewed thee yet.

Dio.
Tis a very pretty one,
Shall I have it?

Ant.
With all my heart sweet.

Iaq.
He gives me ayme, I am three bows too short,
I'le come up nearer next time.

Dio.
When does the Army
March hence, Antonio?

Ant.
Some three dayes hence
I must prepare to go:

Dio.
I'le go with you Antonio.

Ant.
By no meanes sweet, I'le send for thee
With more harmonious musique.

Dio.
Indeed I must.

Ant.
Come, come, indeed you shall not.

Laz.
He wonnot off Sir.

Ant.
A mischiefe carry him.

Iaq.
Sings.

Dio.
How now, what fellow's this?

Iaq.
No mans fellow here, Lady, yet a good fellow too
In place where.

Laz.
Who! this fellow, Lady! he that knows not him,
Knows not a man of mirth, this Doctor I tell you
Gives as good cure for the melancholy
As the best Emperick in Spaine, what ere he be.

Dio.
I woud he woud practise on Antonio then.

Laz.
Troth Madam tis a good plot, please you to walke
I'le man you to the Castle, leave them together,
Tis an equall match, if he make him not merry,
Heele most terribly trouble his melancholly.

Ant.
Heele make me more sad I feare.

Dio.
I had rather stay and partake some mirth.

Iaq.

I am no womans foole (sweet Lady) tis two trades
in Sivill; as your mans Taylor, and your womans Taylor:
So your Lords foole, and your Ladies foole, I am for the
tongue, not for the bauble.

Dio.
Well Antonio, I'le leave you, and sirra make him merry,
And I'le reward thee.

Iaq.
If I cannot make him merrie, I know who can.

Dio.
Who I prethee?

Ant.
Twill out.

Iaq.
Why my—you can Lady.

Dio.
Now you iest too broad sirra.

Iaq.
That's womans iesting, Madam.

Exit Laz. and Dio.
Ant.
I was afraid he woud have namde his sister.

Iaq.
I will make bold to be cover'd, brother thou knowest

Ant.
Oh brother.

Iaq.

Looke thee theres black and white for thee from
the little honourable rascall my sister, and a thousand commendations
too without booke, which I was bid to tell
thee by roat, if thou canst reade and heare all at once.

Ant.

Yes I can.

Iaq.

Theres honourable bones a breeding; my sister is
the peevishest piece of Ladies flesh growne of late, we have
good sport at it to see her vexe and fret, she boxes me as
familiarly as if I were her Cobler, for talking to her, an unnaturall
varlet, to strike her owne flesh and bloud, but I
beare with her for thy sake.

Ant:

I thanke you fort, brother?

Iaq.

Nay, she cuts her lace, and eats raw fruit too, what
sallet do you thinke she long'd for tother day?

Ant.

I know not:

Iaq.

For a what doe call 'um? those long upright things
that grow a yard above the ground; oh Cuckow pintle
roots, but I got her her belly full at last.

Ant.

So twas well.

Iaq.

But the best iest was, she bit her shoomaker by the
eare as he was drawing on her shoes; and another time her
Taylor for girding her too straight, he had a long nose, but
she did so pinch his bill; what, hast thou good newes brother?

Ant.

Very good brother, all I reade are well.

Iaq.

Yes faith brother, we are in health, and drinke to
thine sometimes.

Ant.

Brother, I woud have your swift returne.

Iaq.

Twas my sisters charge, she thinkes of long things,
poore heart.

Ant.

I cannot give you the entertainment I woud brother,
but I pray you let this provide for you.

Iaq.

This is Hostesse, Tapster, Chamberlaine, & all, brother.

Ant.

In the morning early my letter shall bee ready
for you.

Iaq.

I will lye in my boots all night, but I'le bee ready
as soone as your letter: Bonos nocios, mi frater.

Ant.
Stay brother, one thing I must aske you,
And pray you tell me, Whats your thought of me,
Finding me in a Ladies company?

Iaq.

O brother, I woud not have you thinke you have
a foole to your kindred, what! I understand these toyes,
there are fowle, and there are fish, there are wag-tayles, and
there are Mermayds.

Ant.

Of what sort do you thinke she is?

Iaq.

Oh brother, definitions and distinctions! fie on
'um, come, I know flesh and bloud will be sporting. And
I were a married man my selfe, I woud not alwayes be at
home. I woud hawke, and hunt, and ride, there are divers
members in one body, there are flesh dayes, and there are
fish dayes, a man must not alwayes eate one sort of meat.

Ant.

I see you are a wag brother.

Iaq.

Alwayes let a married man get his owne children
at home if he can, if he have a bit abroad for procreation
or so—.

Ant.

Well good night brother, I pray hold a good opinion
of me.

Iaq.

O Sir, I can winke with one eye like a gunner; shall
I make my sister sicke of the yelow laundies? no, thought
is free, whatsoever I speake, I'le say nothing; Vale, valete,
valete, valetote.

Ant.
I can dissemble mirth no longer;
Oh my afflicted soule, wert thou capable
Of separation, thou woudst now be rent
Into a thousand peeces: Lazarello.

Enter Lazarello.
Laz.
Now Sir, you are full of newes I'me sure.

Ant.
Heavy and froward newes: where's Dionisia?

Laz.
At distance enough in the Castle; you may speake.

Ant.
I am discover'd, Margaretta knowes of this
Her wrong, and my disloyalty.

Laz.
It was no mystery,
And must be found, but how does she beare it.

Ant.
Better then her birth,
Aswell as my addition to her, nobly,
And if her hand does not belye her heart,
She's glad that I have found an equall liking.

Laz.
She has done as becomes her.

Ant.
Yet with this request,
That I woud not forsake her utterly,
But some times see her, tis articled too,
That twice a weeke sheed have my fellowship
By night, and private stealthes, the which obtainde,
Sheed loose the name of wife, and never shame
To be call'd my Concubine.

Laz.
I, this is well,
Fine light pageant worke, but now sure building,
This gilds a while, but will at length wash off agen;
This roofe must be raisde upon a sounder groundsill;
Give me your free bosome, you have one heart, and two wayes,
Which may have the better part freely.

Ant.
My conscience
And my affection warre about this quarrell,
My conscience saith the first, but my affection,
The second.

Laz.
So then, you shoud
Love Margaretta, but do love Dionisia.

Ant.
My heart's triangled, two points Dionisiaes,
And that downwards Margarets, and that's the smallest.

Laz.
I thanke you for this free delivery:
You seale your friendship to me, now let me build,
I ha'te, I'le rid your griefes at once; will you
But give consent.

Ant.
To any faire condition.

Laz.
No worse then Margarets request to you,
Or very little, returne your letter, that
You will satisfie all her desire, appoint
Your first nights approach, and privately.

Ant.
Night cannot hide it ever.

Laz.
But heare me,
You shall not go, I will supply your place,
Not to blemish, but to preserve your honour
Command your entertainment, so secret be,
As that no lights may leade you to your chamber,
Let me alone to counterfeit for once,
And once shall serve for all, if it but take,
And that she bed with me, not for the act,
For there your honour must be weighed, but company,
Shall serve the turne, then rise I and proclaime
Both our luxurious sinnes; how dares she then
Claime any part in you?

Ant.
Tis a strange extreame:

Laz.
Vlcers must have corrasives to eate, not skinde,
Extreames must have extreames to coape withall,
It will not yeeld else.

Ant.
I like it, and allow it;
Tis more then water that must fight with wilde fire.
This passage shall be instantly preparde
With some of my wearings, brought as neare my selfe
As art can make, this Ring to strengthen it,
I could subtract a third from my estate
To heale her iniury, and quite blot out
That taints mine honour, being voyc't,
It must be curde; pardon heaven and Margaret,
There is an innate falling from what's good,
Which nothing can repaire in's but our bloud.

Exeunt.