University of Virginia Library

Sir Iohn Harringtons Epigrams, the second Booke.

1 To the Lady Rogers, th' authors wiues Mother.

If I but speake words of a pleasing sound:
Yea though the same be but in sport and play,
You bid me peace, or else a thousand pound,
Such words shall worke out of my childrens way.
When you say thus, I haue no word to say.
Thus without Obligation, I stand bound,
Thus, wealth makes you command, hope me obay.
But let me finde this true another day:
Else when your body shall be brought to ground,
Your soule to blessed Abrahams bosome, I.
May with good manners giue your soule the lye.

2 Of the Bishopricke of Landaffe.

A learned Prelate late dispos'd to laffe,
Hearing me name the Bishop of Landaffe:
You should say, he aduising well hereon,
Call him Lord Aff: for all the land is gone.

3 Of Don Pedro's Dyet drinke.

Don Pedro drinkes to no man at the boord,
Nor once a taste doth of his cup affoord.
Some thinke it pride in him: but see their blindnesse
I know therein, his Lordship doth vs kindnesse.

4 Of Leda and Balbus.

Leda was Balbus queane, yet might shee haue denide it.
She weds him, now what meanes hath Leda left to hide it?

5 Of Cinna his Gossip cup.

When I with thee, Cinna, doe dine or sup,
Thou still do'st offer me thy Gossips cup:
And though it sauour well, and be well spiced,
Yet I to taste therof am not enticed.
Now sith you needs will haue me cause alledge,
While I straine curt'sie in that cup to pledge:
One said, thou mad'st that cup so hote of spice,
That it had made thee now a widdower twice.
I will not say 'tis so, nor that I thinke it:
But good Sir, pardon me, I cannot drinke it.

6 Of Leda's Religion.

My louely Leda, some at thee repining,
Askt me vnto what sect thou art inclining?
Which doubts shall I resolue among so many,
Whether to none, to one, to all, to any?
Surely one should be deem'd a false accusant,
That would appeach Leda for a Recusant.
Her fault according to her former vsing,
Was noted more in taking, then refusing.
For Lent, or Fasts, she hath no superstition,
For if she haue not chang'd her old condition:
Be it by night in bed, in day in dish,
Flesh vnto her more welcome is then Fish.
Thou art no Protestant, thy fals-hood saith,
Thou canst not hope to saue thy selfe by faith.
Well, Leda, yet to shew my good affection,
Ile say thy sect is of a double section.
A Brownist louely browne, thy face and brest,
The Families of Loue, in all the rest.

7 That fauorites helpe the Church.

Of late I wrote after my wanton fashion,
That fauourites consume the Churches rents:
But mou'd in conscience with retraction,
Ile shew how sore that rashnes me repents.
For noting in my priuate obseruation,
What rents and schismes among vs dayly grow:
No hope appeares of reconciliation,
By helpe of such as can, or such as know.
My Muse must sing, although my soule laments,
That Fauorites increase the Churches rents.

8 Of Cinna his courage.

Pvre Cinna saith, and proudly doth professe,
That if the quarrell he maintaines be good:
No man more valiant is to spend his bloud,
No man can dread of death, of danger lesse.
But if the cause be bad, he doth confesse,
His heart is cold, and cowardly his moode.
Well, Cinna, yet this cannot be withstood,
Thou hast but euill lucke, I shrewdly gesse,
That biding whereas brawles are bred most rife,
Thou neuer hadst good quarrell all thy life.

9 Of a Lawyer that deseru'd his fec.

Sextus retain'd a Sergeant at the Lawes,
With one good Fee in an ill-fauor'd cause.
The matter bad, no Iudge nor Iury plyent,
The verdit clearely past against the Clyent.
With which he chaft, and swore he was betray'd,
Because for him the Sergeant little said:
And of the Fee, he would haue barr'd him halfe.
Whereat the Sergeant wroth, said, Dizzard Calfe,
Thou would'st, if thou hadst wit, or sence to see,
Confesse I had deseru'd a double Fee,
That stood and blushed there in thy behalfe.

10 Of Don Pedro.

A slaue thou wert by birth, of this I gather,
For euer more thou sai'st, my Lord, my Father.

11 Against Lynus a writer.

I heare that Lynus growes in wondrous choller,
Because I said, he wrote but like a scholler.
If I haue said so, Linus, I must grant it,
What ere I speake thy scholler-ship concerning,
I neuer thought, or meant, that thou hast learning:
But that hereof may grow some more recitall,
I'le teach thee how to make mee full requitall.
Say thou to breed me equall spight and choller,
Misacmos neuer writes, but like a scholler.

12 Of Don Pedros bonds.

Don Pedro cares not in what bonds he enter.
Then I to trust Don Pedro soone will venter.
For no man can of bonds stand more secure,
Then he that meanes to keepe his paiment sure.

13 Against Cayus that scorn'd his Metamorphosis.

Last day thy Mistris, Cayus, being present,
One hapt to name, to purpose not vnpleasant,
The Title of my mis-conceiued Booke:
At which you spit, as though you could not brooke
So grosse a Word: but shall I tell the matter
Why? If one names a Iax, your lips doe water.
There was the place of your first loue and meeting,
There first you gaue your Mistris such a greeting,
As bred her scorne, your shame, and others lafter,
And made her feele it twenty fortnights after:
Then thanke their wit, that make the place so sweet,
That for your Hymen you thought place so meet.
But meet not Maids at Madam Cloacina,
Lest they cry nine moneths after, Helpe Lucina.

14 Against an Atheist.

That heau'ns are voide, & that no gods there are,
Rich Paulus saith, and all his proofe is this:
That while such blasphemies pronounce he dare,
He liueth here in ease, and earthly blisse.

15 Of Cosmus heyre.

When all men thought old Cosmus was a dying,
And had by Will giu'n thee much goods & lands,
Oh, how the little Cosmus fell a crying!
Oh, how he beates his brests, and wring his hands!
How feruently for Cosmus health he pray'd!
What worthy Almes he vow'd, on that condition:
But when his pangs a little were allayd,
And health seem'd hoped, by the learn'd Physicion,
Then though his lips, all loue, and kindnesse vanted,
His heart did pray, his prayer might not be granted.

16 Of Faustus, a stealer of Verses.

I heard that Faustus oftentimes reherses,
To his chaste Mistris, certaine of my Verses:
In which with vse, so perfect he is growne,
That she poore foole, now thinkes they are his owne.
I would esteeme it (trust me) grace, not shame,
If Dauis, or if Daniel did the same.
For would I thanke, or would I quarrell pike,
I when I list, could doe to them the like.
But who can wish a man a fowler spight,
Then haue a blinde man take away his light?
A begging Theefe, is dangerous to my purse:
A baggage Poet to my Verse is worse.

17 Misacmos of himselfe.

Mvse you, Misacmos failes in some endeuour.
Alas, an honest man's a Nouice euer.
Fie, but a man's disgrac'd, noted a Nouice.
Yea, but a man's more grac'd, noted of no vice.

18 Of the corne that rained.

I handled, tasted, saw it with mine eyes,
The graine that lately fell downe from the skies:
Yet what it tok'ned could I not deuise,
And many doubts did in my minde arise.
At last, I thus resolu'd, it signifies
That this is our sole meane, to mend this dearth,
To aske from heau'n, that we doe lacke on earth.

19 To his wife, at the birth of his sixt Child.

The Poet Martiall made a speciall sute
Vnto his Prince, to grant him vnder seale,
Right of three children, which they did impute
A kinde of honour, in their Common-weale.
But for such sute, my selfe I need not trouble,
For thou do'st seale to me this Patent double.

20 Against Feasting.

Kinde Marcus, me to supper lately bad,
And to declare how well to vs he wishes,
The roome was strow'd with Roses and with Rushes,
And all the cheere was got, that could be had.
Now in the midst of all our dainty dishes,
Me thinke, said he to me, you looke but sad,
Alas (said I) 'tis to see thee so mad,
To spoile the skies of Fowles, the seas of fishes,
The land of beasts, and be at so much cost,
For that which in one houre will all be lost.
That entertainment that makes me most glad,
Is not the store of stew'd, boyl'd, bak't and rost.
But sweet discourse, meane fare; & then beleeue me,
To make to thee like cheere, shall neuer grieue me.

21 Against Cosmus couetousnesse.

Cosmus , when I among thine other vices.
That are in nature foule, in number many,
Aske thee what is the reason thee entices,
To be so basely pinching for thy penny?
Do'st thou not call vpon thy selfe a curse,
Not to enioy the wealth that thou hast wonne:
But saue, as if thy soule were in thy purse?
Thou straight reply'st, I saue all for my sonne.
Alas, this re-confirmes what I said rather:
Cosmus hath euer beene a Penny-father.

22 Against Vintners in Bathe.

If men ought those in dutie to commend,
That questions of Religion seeke to end,
Then I to praise our Vintners doe intend.
For Question is twixt Writer old and latter,
If wine alone, or if wine mixt with water,
Should of the blessed Sacrament be matter?
Some ancient Writers wish it should be mingled,
But latter men, with much more zeale inkindled,
Will haue wine quite and cleane from water singled.
Our zealous Vintners here, growne great Diuines,
To finde which way antiquitie enclines,
For pure zeale mix with water all our wines.
Well, plainly to tell truth, and not to flatter,
I find our wines are much the worse for water.

23 To Bassisie, his wiues mother, when shee was angry.

Madam, I read to you a little since,
The story of a Knight that had incurd
The deep displeasure of a mighty Prince:
For feare of which, long time he neuer sturd,
Till watching once the King that came frō Chappel,
His little sonne fast by him, with his Gardon,
Entic'd the Infant to him with an apple;
So caught him in his armes, and su'd for pardon:
Then you shall turne your angry frown from lafter,
As oft as in mine armes you see your daughter.

24 To his wife, of Poppea Sabynas faire heyre.

Mall once I did, but doe not now enuy
Fierce Neroe's blisse, of faire Poppeas rayes,
That in his lap, koming her locks would lye,
Each hayre of hers, a verse of his did praise.
But that prais'd beauty, fruitlesse spent her daies.
No yong Augustus euer cal'd him Dad.
No small Poppeas with their prettie playes,
And melt their hearts, and melting make them glad:
But thou in this, do'st passe his faire Sabyna,
That hast seuen times beene succor'd by Lucina.
Thy wombe in branches seau'n, it selfe displayes.
Then leaue I Nero, with Poppeas heyres:
To ioy, and to inioy thee, and thine heyres.

25 Against Lalus an ill Preacher.

Yong Lalus tooke a Text of excellent matter,
And did the same expound, but marre the latter,
His tongue so vainely did and idly chatter,
The people nought but hem, & cough and spatter.
Then said a Knight not vs'd to lye or flatter:
Such Ministers doe bring the Diuels blessing.
That marre vs so good meate, with so ill dressing.

26 Against Paulus an Atheist.

Lewd Lalus, led by Sadduces infection,
Doth not beleeue the bodies resurrection:
And holds them all in scorne, and deepe derision,
That tell of Saints or Angels apparision;
And sweares, such things are fables all, and fancies
Of Lunatiques or Fooles, possest with franzies.
I haue (said he) trauail'd both neere and farre,
By sea, by land, in time of peace and warre.
Yet neuer met I sprite, or ghost, or elfe,
Or ought (as is the phrase) worse then my selfe.
Well, Paulus, this, I now beleeue indeede,
For who in all, or part, denies his Creede;
Went he to sea, land, hell, I would agree,
A Fiend worse then himselfe, shall neuer see.

27 To Galla going to the Bathe.

When Galla for her health goeth to the Bathe,
She carefully doth hide, as is most meete,
With aprons of fine linnen, or a sheete,
Those parts, that modesty concealed hath:
Nor onely those, but eu'n the brest and necke,
That might be seene, or showne, without all checke
But yet one foule, and vnbeseeming place,
She leaues vncouered still: What's that? Her face

28 To one that had meate ill drest.

King Mithridate to poysons so inur'd him,
As deadly poysons, damage none procur'd him.
So you to stale vnsauorie foode and durtie,
Are so inur'd, as famine ne're can hurt yee.

29 Of giuing much credit.

Of all the Towne old Codros giues most credit:
Who he, poore soule! Alas that ere you sed it.
How can he credit much, and is so poore?
Hee's blinde: yet makes he loue to euery whore.

30 Of honest Theft. To my good friend Master Samuel Daniel.

Proud Paulus late my secrecies reuealing,
Hath told I got some good conceits by stealing.
But where got he those double Pistolets,
With which good clothes, good fare, good land he gets;
Tush, those, he saith, came by a man of warre,
That brought a Prize of price, from countries farre.
Then, fellow Thiefe, let's shake together hands,
Sith both our wares are filcht from forren lands.
You'le spoile the Spaniards, by your writ of Mart:
And I the Romanes rob, by wit, and Art.

31 Against Faustus.

In skorne of writers, Faustus still doth hold,
Nought is now said, but hath beene said of old:
Well, Faustus, say my wits are grosse and dull,
If for that word, I giue not thee a Gull:
Thus then I proue that holds a false position,
I say, thou art a man of fayre condition,
A man true of thy word, tall of thy hands,
Of high disent, and left good store of lands,
Thou with false dice and cards hast neuer plaid,
Corrupted neuer Widdow, Wife, nor Maid,
And as for swearing none in all this Reame,
Doth seldomer in speech curse or blaspheme.
In fine, your vertues are so rare and ample,
For all our sonnes thou maist be made a sample.
This I dare sweare, none euer said before,
This I may sweare, none euer will say more.

32 Of Free will.

I know a foolish fellow hath a fashion,
To proue that all is by Predestination,
And teach's, nor man, nor spirit hath free will
In dooing, no, nor thinking good or ill.
I am no Doctor at this disputation,
Nor are deepe questions fit for shallow skill:
Yet I'le renounce, with learn'd men reputation,
If I disproue not this by demonstration:
Ile proue so plaine, as none can it resist,
That in some things, three things do what they list:
The wind, saith Scripture, where it list doth blow,
His tongue talkes what it lists, his speeches showe,
My heart beleeues him as it list, I know.

33 Of a drunken Paracelsian.

VVhen Pilo other trades of thrift had mist,
He then profest to be an Alcumist,
That's all too much, Chimist you might him call,
And so I thinke twere true, and leaue out all:
He takes vpon him, he can make a mixture,
Of which he can extract the true elixar,
Tinctur of Pearle and Currall he doth draw,
And Quintessence the best that ere you saw,
He hath the cure, except Aqua Mirabilis,
Only he wants drammes Auri potabilis,
Ile doth of nature so the secret ferrit,
I hat he of euery thing can draw the spirit:
Spirits of mynes, spirits of stones and herbes,
Whose names can scant be told with nownes and verbes,
But of all spirits my spirit doth diuine,
His spirit best doth loue the spirit of wine.

34 Of Misacmos his successe in a suite.

Misacmos hath long time a suter beene,
To serue in some neere place about the Queene:
In which his friends to work his better speede,
Doe tell her Highnesse, as tis true indeede,
That hee's a man well borne and better bred,
In humane studyes seene, in stories read,
Adding vnto an industry not small,
Pleasant conceit and memory withall.
And chiefely that he hath beene from his youth,
A zealous searcher of Eternall Truth:
Now neuer wonder, he his suite doth misse:
What I haue told you, that the reason is.

35 A Groome of the Chambers religion in King Henry the eights time.

One of King Henries Fauorites beganne,
To moue the King one day to take a man,
Whom of his Chamber he might make a Groome,
Soft, sayd the King, before I graunt that roome,
It is a question not to be neglected,
How he in his Religion stands affected.
For his Religion, answered then the Minion,
I doe not certaine know whats his opinion:
But sure he may, talking with men of learning,
Conforme himselfe in lesse then ten days warning.

36 To Doctor Haruey of Cambridge.

The prouerbe sayes, Who fights with durty foes,
Must needs be foyld, admit they winne or lose.
Then think it doth a Doctors credit dash,
To make himselfe Antagonist to Nash?

37 An infallible rule in rule a wife. To his wiues mother.

Concerning th'wiues hold this a certaine rule,
That if at first, you let them haue the rule,
Your selfe at last, with them shall haue no rule.
Except you let them euer-more to rule. Probatū est.

38 Why Paulus takes so much Tobacco.

When our good Irish neighbours make repaire,
With Lenton staffe vnto Bridge waters Faire,
At euery Boothe, and Alehouse that they come,
They call for Herring straight, they must haue some:
Hostis, I pree dee hast tee any Herring?
Yea, sir: O passing meat! a happy Herring.
Herring they aske, they praise, they eate, they buy;
No price of Herring can be held too hie.
But, when among them it is closely mutter'd,
Those Herrings that they bought, to sell are vtter'd.
Then giue them Herring, Poh, away with these:
Pree dee good Hostis, giue's some English Cheese.
Hence I haue learn'd the cause, and see it clearely,
Why Paulus takes Tobacco, buyes it dearely,
At Tippling-houses, where he eates and drinks,
That euery roome straight of Tobacco stinks.
He swears tis salue for all diseases bred,
It strengthens ones weake back, comforts the head,
Dulls much flesh-appetite, tis cordiall durable,
It cures that ill, which some haue thought incurable.
Thus while proud Paulus hath Tobacco praised,
The price of eu'ry pound, a pound is raised.
And why's all this? because he loues it well?
No: but because himselfe hath store to sell.
But hauing sold all his, he will pronounce
The best in Cane not worth a groat an ounce.

39 Of a formall Minister.

A minister, affecting singularitie,
And preaching in the Pulpit of his theame,
Borne with the current of the common streame,
Extolling faith and hope, forgetting charitie.
For while he was most busie in his Text,
He spyde a woman talking with her next,
And straight he crid to her, Dame, leaue thy babbling
Wherewith the good poore woman shrewdly vext,
Could hold no longer, but fell flat to squabbling:
Beshrew thy naked heart, she doth reply.
Who babbled in this place more? thou, or I?

40 Of a lawfull wife.

At end of three yeeres law, and sute, and strife,
whē Canon lawes, & cōmon both cōmand her,
Cys married thee; now sue them for a slaunder,
That dare deny she is thy lawfull wife.

41 Against Feasting.

Last day, I was vnto your house inuited,
And on the bord were forty diuers dishes,
Of Sallets, and of flesh & fowles and fishes,
With which (God knowes) I little am delighted.
Became, I came, I tooke that you did bid me,
But now, I rather thinke, you did forbid me.

42 Against Lynus, that said the Nobility were decayed.

You Lynus, say, that most of our Nobilitie
Are much decayd in valour and in wit:
Though some of them haue wealth, and good ability,
Yet very few for gouernment are fit.
foole, seest thou not, that in our stately buildings,
Plaine massy stones the substance doth sustaine,
Yet colloms wreath'd & staid, set out with guildings.
Must in high ranke for ornament remaine:
So men of noble birth, the State adorne,
But by the wise, stout, learnd, the sway is borne.

43 To Itis, alias Ioyner, an vncleanly token, conuayd in cleanly tearmes.

Torquato Tasso, for one little fault,
That did perhaps deserue some small rebuke,
Was by his sharp and most vngratefull Duke,
Shut vp close prisoner in a loathsome vault;
Where wanting Pen and Inke by Princes order,
His wit, that wals of Adamant could pierce,
Found meanes to write his mind in excellent verse:
For want of Pen and Inke, with pisse and ordure.
But thy dull wit damn'd by Apollos crew,
To dungeon of disgrace, though free thy body,
With pen, nay Print, doth publish like a noddy.
Base taunts, that turn'd vpon thy selfe, are true,
And wanting salt thy wallowish stile to season,
And being of vncouth tearmes a senslesse coyner,
Thou call'st thy selfe vnproperly, a Ioyner,
Whose verse hath quite disseuer'd rime and reason:
Deseruing for such rayling, and such bodging,
For this, Torquatos Inke, for that, his Lodging.

44 To his wife.

VVhen I to thee my Letters superscribe
Thus, To mine own; Leda therat doth iybe.
And aske her why? she saith, because I flatter.
But let her thinke so still, it makes no matter:
If I doe flatter, onely thou canst try,
Suffiseth me, thou think'st I doe not lye.
For, let her husband write so, for my life.
He flattereth himselfe more then his wife.

45 Sir Iohn Raynsfords confession.

Raynsford , a Knight, fit to haue seru'd king Arthur,
And in Queene Maries dayes a demy Martyr:
For though both then, before, and since he turn'd,
(Yet sure, perignem hanc, he might be burn'd.)
This Knight agreed with those of that profession,
And went, as others did, to make confession:
Among some Peccadilios, he confest,
That same sweet sinne, that some but deeme a Iest,
And told, how by good help of bawdes and varlets,
Within 10. months he had sixe times twelue harlots.
The Priest, that at the tale was halfe astonished,
With graue & ghostly counsell him admonished
To fast, and pray, to driue away that diuell,
That was to him causer of so great euill,
That the lewd spirit of Lecherie, no question,
Stird vp his lust, with many a lewd suggestion:
A filthy Fiend, said he, most foule and odious,
Nam'd, as appeares, in holy writs, Asmodius.
Thus, with some Pennance that was ne're performed,
Away went that same Knight, smally reformed.
Soone after this, ensued religions change,
That in the Church bred alteration strange,
And Raynsford, with the rest, follow'd the streame.
The Priest went rouing round about the Realme.
This Priest, in clothes disguis'd himselfe did hide,
Yet Raynsford, three yeers after him had spyde,
And layd vnto his charge, and sorely prest him,
To tell if 'twere not he that had confest him
The Priest, though this Knights words did sore him daunt,
Yet what he could not wel deny, did grant,
And prayd him not to punish, or controule
That he had done for safety of his soule.
No, knaue, quoth he, I will no harme procure thee,
Vpon my Worship here I doe assure thee:
I onely needs must laugh at thy great folly,
That would'st perswade with me to be so holy;
To chastise mine owne flesh, to fast, and pray,
To driue the spirit of Lechery away.
'Sownds, foolish knaue, I fasted not, nor prayd,
Yet is that spirit quite gone from me, he said:
If thou couldst helpe me to that spirit againe,
Thou shouldst a hundred pound haue for thy paine.
That lustie Lord of Lecherie Asmodius,
That thou cal'st odious, I doe count commodious.

46 A pretty question of Lazarus soule well answered.

Once on occasion two good friends of mine
Did meete at meate, a Lawyer and Diuine:
Both hauing eaten well to helpe digestion,
To this Diuine, the Lawyer put this question:
When Lazarus in graue foure dayes did stay,
Where was his soule? in heauen, or hell I pray?
Was it in hell? Thence no redemption is.
And if in heauen: would Christ abate his blisse?
Sir, said the Preacher, for a short digression,
First, answere me one point, in your profession:
If so his heyres and he had falne to strife,
Whose was the land, if he came backe from life?
This latter question mou'd them all to lafter,
And so they drunke one to another after.

47 Against long suits in Law.

In Court of Wards, Kings Bench, & Common place

Ho[illeg.]

Thou follow'd hast one sute, this seu'n yeeres space.
Ah wretched man, in mothers wombe accurst,
Thou could'st not rather lose thy sute at furst.

48 Of an importunate prater, out of Martiall.

He that is hoarse, yet still to prate doth please,

Di od[illeg.]

Proues he can neither speake, nor hold his peace.

49 Against Ielousie. To my friend.

Right terrible are windes on waters great,

Sa con abi[illeg.]

Most horrible are tempests on the sea,
Fire mercilesse, that all consumes with heat,
Plagues monstrous are, that Citties cleane decay:
Warre cruell is, and pinching famine curst:
Yet of all ills, the ielouse wife is worst.

50 Against Quintus, that being poore and prodigall, became rich and miserable.

Scant was thy Liuing, Quintus, ten pound cleare,
When thou didst keepe such fate, so good a table,
That we thy friends praid God thou might'st be able,
To spend, at least, an hundred pounds a yeare.
Behold, our boone God did benignly heare.
Thou gotst so much by Fortune fauourable,
And foure friends deaths to thee both kind and deare:
But suddenly thou grew'st so miserable,
We thy old friends to thee vnwelcome are,
Poore-Iohn, and Apple-pyes are all our fare.
No Salmon, Scurgeon, Oysters, Crab, nor Cunger.
What should we wish thee now for such demerit?
I would thou might'st one thousand pounds inherit,
Thē, without question, thou wold'st starue for hunger.

51 To my Lady Rogers.

Good Madam, with kind speech & promise faire,
That from my wife you would not giue a rag,
But she should be Exector sole, and heyre.
I was (the more foole I) so proud and brag,
I sent to you against S. Iames his Faire,
A Teerce of Claret-wine, a great fat Stagge.
You straight to all your neighbors made a feast,
Each man I met hath filled vp his panch,
With my Red-deere, onely I was no ghest,
Nor euer since did taste of side or haunch.
Well, Madam, you may bid me hope the best,
That of your promise you be sound and staunch,
Else, I might doubt I should your Land inherit,
That of my Stagge did not one morsell merit.

52 Of Sextus mis-hap comming from a Tauerne.

Now Sextus twice hath supt at Sarazens head,
And both times, homewards, comming drunk to bed:
He by the way his Pantoffles hath lost,
And grieu'd both with the mocke, and with the cost,
To saue such charges, and to shun such frumps,
He goes now to the Tauerne in his Pumps.

53 How Sextus laid claime to an Epigram.

When Sextus heard my Rime of Rainsford reeding,
With laughter lowd he cries, and voice exceeding,
That Epigram was mine, who euer made it.
I told him that conceit, from me, he had it.
Ah barbarisme, the blinder still the bolder!
Will Sextus ne're grow wise? growing older,
When Phidias framed had in marble pure,
Ioues goodly Statue, would a man endure
A Pyoner to challenge halfe the praise,
That from the quart the ragged stone did raise:
Or should a Carman boast of his desart,
Because he did vnload it from his Cart:
I thinke that Sextus selfe would neuer say't,
so in like manner, Sextus, that conceit
Was like a rugged stone, dig'd from thy foolish head,
Now 'tis a Statue caru'd by vs, and polished.

54 Of an Aborne Rabbet.

Late comming from the Palace of the best,
(The centre of the men of better sence)
My purse growne low, by ebbe of long expence:
And going for supplyes into the West,
My hoast to whom I was a welcome ghest,
Makes me great cheere, but when I parted thence,
My trustie seruant William tooke offence:
(Though now God wot, it was too late to spare)
That in the shot things too high prized are.
And namely for two Rabbets twenty pence.
The Tapster well enur'd to prate and face,
Told they were white, and yong, and fat, and sweet:
New kill'd, and newly come from Alborne chase:
For that good fare, good paiment is most meete.
I willing to make short their long debate,
Bade my man pay the reck'ning at his rate:
Adding, I know, a miser of his money,
Giues more then ten pence for an Alborne Coney.

55 Of hearing Masse.

Men talking, as oft times it comes to passe,
How dangerous 'tis now to heare a Masse;
A valiant Knight swore for a thousand pound,
He would not present at a Masse be found.
A Noble Lord stood by, and hearing it,
Said, Sir, I then should much condemne your wit.
For were you found, and follow'd ne're so nearely,
You gaine nine hundred pound & vpward clearely.

56 Of a Preacher that sings Placebo.

A smooth-tong'd Preacher that did much affect
To be reputed of the purest sect.
Vnto these times great praises did afford,
That brought, he said, the sunne-shine of the Word.
The sunne-shine of the Word, this he extold,
The sunne-shine of the Word, this still he told.
But I that well obseru'd what slender fruits
Haue growne of all their preaching and disputes,
Pray God they bring vs not, when all is done,
Out of Gods blessing, into this warme sunne.
For sure, as some of them haue vs'd the matter,
Their sunne-shine is but moone-shine in the water.

57 Of the naked Image that was to stand in my Lo: Chamberlaines Gallery.

Actæon , guiltlesse vnawares espying
Naked Diana, bathing in her bowre,
Was plagu'd with horns, his dogs did him deuoure.
Wherefore take heede, ye that are curious prying,
With some such forked plague you be not smitten,
And in your foreheads your faults be written.

58 Of the same to the Ladies.

Her face vnmask't, I saw, her corps vnclad,
No vaile, no couer, her and me betweene:
No ornament was hid, that beauty had,
I blusht that saw, she blusht not that was seene.
With that I vow'd neuer to care a rush,
For such a beauty, as doth neuer blush.

59 Of Don Pedroe's threats.

Don Pedro thinkes I scorne him in my Rime,
And vowes, if he can proue I vse detraction,
Of the great scandall he will haue his action:
I that desir'd to cleere me of the crime,
When I was askt, said, No, my Lord, I haue not.
Then sweare, said he, Not so, my Lord, I cannot.
Since that I neuer heard newes of this action:
Wherefore, I thinke, he hath his satisfaction.

60 Against brauery.

When Romane Mutius had in countrey quarrell,
The seruant killed, to the Masters terror:
What time his eye deceiu'd with rich apparell,
Did cause his hand commit that happy error:
The King amaz'd at so rare resolution,
Both for his safety, and his reputation:
Remou'd the fire, and stay'd that execution:
And for his sake, made peace with all his Nation.
Perhaps it is from hence the custome springs,
That oft in Court Knaues goe as well as Kings.

61 Of Leda's vnkindnesse.

Faire Leda late to me is growne malicious,
At all my workes in prose or verse repining:
Because my words, she saith makes men suspitious,
That she is to the Puritanes inclining.
Leda, what ere I said, I did suspect,
Thou wert not pure enough, in one respect.

62 Of an Abbot that had beene a good fellow.

An Abbot that had led a wanton life,
And cited now, by deaths sharpe Sumner, sicknesse,
Felt in his soule, great agony and strife,
His sinnes appearing in most hideous likenesse.
The Monkes that saw their Abbot so dismaid,
And knew no lesse his life had beene lasciuious:
Yet for his finall comfort, thus they said,
Thinke not, deare Sir, we will be so obliuious,
But that with fasting, and with sacred ringing,
And prayer, we will for you such grace attaine,
That after requiem and some Dirges singing,
You shall be freed from Purgatories paine.
Ah, thankes my sonnes, said he, but all my feare
Is onely this, that I shall ne're come there.

63 Against Cinna a Brownist, that saith he is sure to be saued.

If thou remaine so sure of thine election,
As thou said'st, Cinna, when we last disputed,
That to thy soule, no sinne can be imputed:
That thy strong Faith, hath got so sure protection,
That all thy faults are free from all correction.
Heare then my counsell, to thy state well suted,
It comes from one, that beares thee kinde affection,
'Tis so infallible, that no obiection
There is, by which it may be well confuted.
Leaue, Cinna, this base earth with sinne polluted.
And to be free from wicked mens subiection,
And that the Saints may be by thee saluted,
Forsake wife, friends, lands, goods & worldly pelfe,
And get a halter quickly, and goe hang thy selfe.

64 To Master Bastard, a Minister that made a pleasant Booke of English Epigrams.

Though dusty wits of this vngratefull time,
Carpe at thy booke of Epigrams, and scoffe it:
Yet wise men know, to mix the sweet with profit.
Is worthy praise, not onely void of crime.
Then let not enuy stop thy veine of Rime:
Nor let thy function make thee shamed of it:
A Poet is one step vnto a Prophet:
And such a step, as 'tis no shame to clime.
You must in Pulpit treat of matters serious:
As best beseemes the person, and the place,
There preach of Faith, Repentance, hope and grace,
Of Sacraments, and such high things mysterious.
But they are too seuere, and too imperious,
That vnto honest sports will grant no space:
For these our minds refresh, when those weary vs,
And spurre our doubled spirit to swifter pace.
The wholesom'st meates that are, will breed sacietie,
Except we should admit of some varietie.
In musike notes must be some high, some base.
And this I note, your Verses haue intendment,
Still kept within the lists of good sobrietie,
To worke in mens ill manners, good amendment.
Wherefore if any thinke such verse vnseasonable:
Their Stoicke mindes are foes to good societie,
And men of reason may thinke them vnreasonable.
It is an act of vertue and of pietie,
To warne vs of our sinnes in any sort,
In prose, in verse, in earnest, or in sport.

65 Of a kinde vnkinde Husband.

A rich old Lord did wed a rich yong Lady,
Of good complexion, and of goodly stature,
And for he was of kinde and noble nature,
He lou'd to see her goe as braue as may be.
A pleasant Knight one day was so presumptuous,
To tell this Lord in way of plaine simplicitie,
'Tis you, my Lord, that haue this worlds felicitie:
To haue a Dame so yong, so sweet, so sumptuous.
Tush, said the Lord, but these same costly Gownes,
With Kirtles, Corknets, plague me in such sort,
That euery time I taste of Uenus sport,
I will be sworne, cost me one hundred Crownes.
Now, fie Sir, said his wife, where is your sence;
Though 'tis too true, yet say not so for shame,
For I would wish to cleere me of the blame:
That each time cost you but a hundred pence.

66 Of Galla's goodly Petiwigge.

You see the goodly hayre that Galla weares,
'Tis certain her own hair, who would haue thoght it
She sweares it is her owne: and true she sweares:
For hard by Temple-barre last day she bought it.
So faire a haire, vpon so foule a forehead,
Augments disgrace, and showes the grace is borrowed.

67 Of Master Iohn Dauies Booke of Dancing. To himselfe.

While you the Planets all doe set to dancing,
Beware such hap, as to the Fryer was chancing:
Who preaching in a Pulpit old and rotten,
Among some notes, most fit to be forgotten;
Vnto his Auditory thus he vaunts,
To make all Saints after his pype to daunce:
It speaking, which as he himselfe aduances,
To act his speech with Iestures, lo, it chances,
Downe fals the Pulpit, sore the man is brused,
Neuer was Fryer, and Pulpit more abused.
Then beare with me, though yet to you a stranger,
To warne you of the like, nay greater danger.
For though none feare the falling of those sparkes,
(And when they fall, 'twill be good catching Larkes)
Yet this may fall, that while you dance and skip
With Female Planets, sore your foote may trip,
That in your lofty Caprioll and turne,
Their motion may make your dimension burne.

68 To Paulus.

To loue you, Paulus, I was well enclin'd:
But euer since you honour did require,
I honor'd you, because 'twas your desire:
But now to loue you, I doe neuer minde.

69 Of Table-talke.

I had this day carroust the thirteene cup,
And was both slipper-tong'd, and idle-brain'd,
And said by chance, that you with me should sup.
You thought hereby, a supper cleerely gain'd:
And in your Tables you did quote it vp.
Inciuill ghest, that hath beene so ill train'd!
Worthy thou art hence supperlesse to walke,
That tak'st aduantage of our Table-talke.

70 Of the commodities that men haue by their Marriage.

A fine yong Clerke, of kinne to Fryer Frappert,
Prompt of his tongue, of person neat and dappert
Not deepely read, yet were he put vnto it,
One that could say his seruice, and would doe it.
His markes & haire, show'd him of excellent carriage
This man one day hap'ned to talke of marriage,
And prou'd not onely, that 'tis honorable,
But that the ioyes thereof are admirable.
He told the tale to me, and other friends,
And straight I learn'd it at my fingers ends.
Which ioyes that you may better vnderstand,

Wise. and. [illeg.] children

I'le place on each finger of my hand.
Foure ioyes, he said, on married Priests he casts,
A wife, and friends, and coyne, and children last.
And first the wife, see how at bed, at boord,
What comfort, and what ioyes, she doth affoord.
Then for her friends, what ioy can be more deare,
Then louing friends, dwell they farre off or neare.
A third ioy then it is, to haue the portion,
Well got, and void of strife, fraud or extortion.
And fourthly, those sweet Babes, that call on Dad,
Oh, how they ioy the soule, and make it glad!
But now, Sir, there remaines one obseruation,
That well deserues your due consideration.
Marke then againe, I say, for so 'twere meete,
Which of these ioyes are firme, and which doe fleet
First, for the wife, sure no man can deny it,
That for most part, she stickes most surely by it.
But for thy friends, when they should most auaile you,
By death, or fortunes change, oft times they faile you.
Then for the portion, without more forecast.
Whiles charge encreaseth, money failes as fast.
And last the children, most of them out-liue you,
But ill brought vp, they often liue to grieue you.
Now marke vpon the fingers, who remaine,
The Children and the Wife, onely these twaine.

Wife. Child

71 To Marcus that would borrow.

You sent to me, Marcus, for twenty marke:
But to that sute, I would by no meanes harke:
But straight next day, you sent your man in post,
To tell me how a Lord with you would host.
And I must lend, to entertaine this State,
Some Basons, Ewres, and some such other plate.
Are you a Foole? Or thinke you me a foole,
That I should now be set againe to schoole?
Were not my wisedome, worthy to be wondred,
Denying twenty markes, to lend one hundred?

72 To his wife after they had beene married foure yeere.

Two Prētiships with thee I now haue been,
Mad times, sad times, glad times, our life hath seen,
Souls we haue wroght 4. payre since our first meeting
Of which, 2. soules, sweet soules, were to be fleeting,
My workemanship so well doth please thee still,
Thou wouldst not graunt me freedome by thy will:
And Ile confesse such vsage I haue found,
Mine heart yet ne're desir'd to be vnbound.
But though my selfe am thus thy Prentice vow'd,
My dearest Mall, yet thereof be not proud,
Nor claime no Rule thereby; ther's no such cause:
For Plowden, who was father of the Lawes
Which yet are read and rul'd by his Enditings,
Doth name himselfe a Prentice in his writings,
And I, if you should challenge vndue place,
Could learne of him to alter so the case:
I plaine would proue, I still kept due priority,
And that good wiues are still in their minority:
But far from thee, my deare, be such Audacitie:
I doubt more thou dost blame my dul Capacitie,
That though I trauaile true in my vocation,
I growe yet worse and worse at th'occupation.

73 Of a Bequest without a Legacy.

In hope some Lease or Legacy to gaine,
You gaue old Titus yeerely ten pound pension.
Now he is dead, I heare thou dost complaine,
That in his will of thee he made no mention.
Cease this complaint that shewes thy base intention.
He left thee more, then some he lou'd more deerely,
For he hath left thee ten pound pension yeerely.

74 Of one that lent money on sure band.

VVhen Lynus little store of coyne is spent,
And no supply of office or of Rent,
He comes to Titus knowne a wary spender,
A pleasant wit, but no great money-lender,
And prest him very hard for twenty pound,
For which small kindnesse he were greatly bound,
And lest (quoth he) you deeme it might presumption,
If I should offer you my bare assumption,
I sweare All-hallows, I wil make repayment,
Yea though I pawne mine Armour and my Rayment,
And for your more assurance, you shall haue
What Obligation you your selfe will craue,
Or Bill or Bond your payment to performe,
Recognizance, Statute or any forme.
Now Titus by report so well did know him,
That he might scant trust him so far as throw him,
And said he should haue so much at his hands,
Forthwith if he might poynt the forme and bands.
Agree'd, quoth Lynus straight, and doth him thanke.
But Titus brings a Foorme of foure Inch-Plancke,
Two of the Gard might scantly well it lift,
And ere that Lynus well perceiu'd the drift,
Fast to that Foorme he bindes him hands and feete:
Then brought the mony forth and let him see't,
And sware till, he his fashions did reforme,
None other bands could serue nor other forme.

75 Of light Merchandize.

In Rome a Cryer had a Wench to sell,
Such as in common Stewes are wont to dwell,
Her name, nor his, I shall not neede to tell.
But hauing held her long at little price,
And thinking that some chapman to entice,
He clipt her in his armes as nothing nice,
And so he kist her more then once or twice.
What might he gaine, thinke you, by this deuice?
One that before had offered fifty shilling,
To giue one fift part, seemed now vnwilling.

76 Of father Peleus stable.

Old Peleus burn'd a Stable to the ground,
Which now to build doth cost three hundred poūd
That's but one Gennets price with him, no force,
A Stable? No: He did but lose a horse.

77 Of a censurer of English writers.

That Englishmen haue small, or no inuention,
Old Guillam saith, and all our workes are barren
But for the stuffe, we get from Authors forren.
Why, Guillam, that same gold thou tak'st in pension,
Which mak's thee loue our Realm more thē your own
And follow still our English Court, and campe.
Now that it hath our dearest Soueraignes stampe,
Is English coine, though once 'twere Indian growne.
Except not then 'gainst English wits, I pray,
You that accept so well of English pay.

78 Of Titus boasting.

A kinde companion Titus all his daies,
And till his last, a pleasant wit and tongue;
If he had heard a man his owne strength praise,
Would tell what he would doe when he was yong.
And hauing, with oathes, his speeches bound:
Thus would he speak: I would at twelue score pricks,
Haue shot all day an arrow of a pound,
Haue shot the flight full fortie score and fixe,
I would haue ouer-lifted all the Gard,
Out-throwne them at the barre, the sledge the stone,
And he that is in wrestling held most hard,
I would in open plaine haue ouerthrowne.
Now, say some by, Was Titus e're so strong?
Who he? the weakest man a hundred among.
Why tels he then such lyes in serious sort,
What he could do? Nay, sure 'twas true, though sport.
He said not he could doe. That were a fable.
He said, He would haue done, had he beene able.

79 To Doctor Sherhood, how Sack makes one leane.

I marueld much last day, what you did meane,
To say that drinking Sack, will make one leane:
But now I see, and then mistooke you cleane.
For my good neighbour Marcus, who I tro,
Feares fatnesse much, this drinke hath plyde him so,
That now except he leane, he cannot goe.
Ha, gentle Doctor, now I see your meaning,
Sacke will not leaue one leane, 'twill leaue him leaning.

80 Of swearing first betweene the wife and the Husband.

Cis , by that Candle, in my sleepe, I thought,
One told me of thy body thou wert nought:
Good husband, he that told you, lyde, she sed,
And swearing laid her hand vpon the bread.
Then eate the bread (quoth he) that I may deeme
That fancie false, that true to me did seeme.
Nay Sir, said she, the matter well to handle,
Sith you swore first, you first must eate the Candle.

81 To his Wife.

Because I once in verse did hap to call
Thee by this louing name, my dearest Mall,
Thou think'st thy selfe assured by the same,
In future ages, I haue giu'n thee fame.
But if thou merit not such name in veritie,
I meane not so to mis-informe posteritie.
For I can thus interpret if I will,
My dearest Mall, that is, my costliest ill.

82 To a prattling Epicure.

If thou loue dainty fare at others tables,
Thou must their humor and their houres endure:
Leaue arg'ments, contouling thwarts and brables.
Such freedome sutes not with an Epicure.

83 Of Don Pedro.

The wise Vlisses loathing forraine Iarres,
Fain'd himselfe mad, to keep him from the wars:
But our Don Pedro seekes our Martiall schooles,
Prefers before wise cowards Martiall fooles.
And fearing faining mad will not suffice,
To stay him from the warres, faines himselfe wise.

84 To Master Bastard, taxing him of Flattery.

It was a saying vs'd a great while since,
The subiects euer imitate the Prince,
A vertuous Master, makes a good Disciple,
Religious Prelates breede a godly people.
And euermore the Rulers inclination,
Workes in the time the workes and alteration.
Then what's the reason, Bastard, why thy Rimes
Magnifie Magistrates, yet taunt the times?
I thinke that he to taunt the time that spares not,
Would touch the Magistrate, saue that he dares not.

85 Ouids confession translated into English for Generall Norreys. 1593.

To liue in Lust I make not my profession,
Nor in my Verse, my vices to defend:
But rather by a true and plaine confession,
To make men know my meaning is to mend.
I hate, and am my selfe that most I hate,
I load my selfe, yet striue to be discharged,
Like sterelesse ship vnstai'd, runnes my estate,
Bound by my selfe, I sue to be enlarged.
No certaine shape, my fancies doth enflame:
A hundred causes kindle my affection,
If sober looke doe show a modest shame,
Straight to those eyes my soule is in subiection,
A wanton looke, no lesse my heart doth pierce,
Because it showes a pleasant inclination.
If she be coy like Sabines sharpe and fierce,
I thinke such coynesse, deepe dissimulation,
If she be learn'd, I honour gifts so rare,
If ignorant, I loue a milde simplicitie.
If she doe praise my writings, and compare
Them with the best, in her I take felicitie.
If she dispraise my Verses, and their Maker,
To win her liking, I my loue would lend her.
Goes she well grac't? Her gate would make me take her:
If ill, perhaps to touch a man, would mend her.
Is shee well tun'd in voice, a cunning singer?
To snatch a kisse, eu'n thus I feele a will.
Playes she on Lute with sweete and learned finger?
What heart can hate a hand so full of skill?
But if she know with heart her armes to moue,
And dance Carantoes with a comely grace,
T'omit my selfe that quickly fall in loue,
Hippolitus would haue Priapus place,
Like th'ancient Heroyes I count thee tall,
Me thinkes they fill a braue roome in the bed:
Yet comlier sports are found in statures small,
Thus long and short haue aye my liking bred.
If she goe plaine, then what a piece were this?
Were she attyr'd, if braue, I loue her brauery,
Fayre, nut-browne, sallow, none doth looke amisse,
My wanton lust is thrald in so great slauery.
If hayre like Iet, her neck like Iuory couer,
Ledas was blacke, and that was Ledas glory.
With yellow lockes, Aurora pleas'd her louer.
Loe thus my fancie sutes to euery story:
The Matron graue, the greene yong girle and pritty,
I like for age, for manners vnsuspicious,
In fine, to all in Country, Court and City,
My loue doth presse to proue it selfe ambitious.

86 A witty speech of Heywood to the Queene.

When old Queen Mary with much pain & languish,
Did on deaths bed in lingring sicknesse languish:
Old pleasant Heywood came her Grace to visite:
For mirth to such doth oft more good then Phisicke,
Whom, when the sickly Princesse had espyde,
Ah, Heywood! here they kill me vp, she cryde:
For, being smotherd quite with too much heate,
Yet my Physicians proue to make me sweat;
But it doth proue so painefull to procure it,
That first Ile die before I will endure it.
Heywood, with cheerefull face, but cheerelesse soule,
Thus her bad resolution did controule.
Sweet Lady, you must sweat, or else, I sweare it,
We shall all sweat for it, if you forbeare it.

87 To my wife, from Chester.

When I from thee, my deere, last day departed,
Summond by Honor to this Irish action,
Thy tender eyes shed teares: but I, hard-harted,
Tooke from those teares a ioy, and satisfaction.
Such for her Spouse (thought I) was Lucrece sadnes,
Whom to his ruine Tyrant Tarquin tempted.
So mourned she, whose husband feined madnes,
Thereby from Troian warres to stand exempted.
Thus then I doe reioyce in that thou greeuest,
And yet, sweet foole, I loue thee, thou beleeuest.

88 Against lying Lynus.

I wonder Lynus, what thy tongue doth ayle,
That though I flatter thee, thou still doost raile?
Thou think'st, I ly, perhaps thou think'st most true:
Yet to so gentle lyes, pardon is due.
A lie, wel told to some, tastes ill restoritie;
Besides, we Poets lie by good authoritie.
But were all lying Poetry, I know it,
Lynus would quickly proue a passing Poet.

89 Of lending our Priuy-seales.

A friend of mine, to me made mickle mone
About some moneyes lending in the lone;
Alleaging, that to lend, were little griefe,
If of repayment men haue firme beleefe.
But other mens examples make vs dread,
To speed as some in other times haue sped.
For if one faile, who then will care for vs?
Now I, to comfort them, replyed thus,
While God preserues the Prince, ne're be dismayd.
But, if she faile, be sure we shall be payd.

90 In defence of Lent.

Ovr belly-gods dispraise the Lenton fast,
And blame the lingring daies, and tedious time,
And sweare this abstinence too long doth last.
Whose folly I refute in this my rime,
Methusalem, nine hundred yeares was fed
With nought but herbes, and berries of the field;
Iohn Baptist thirty yeeres his life had led
With Locusts and wild Honey woods did yeeld.
He that the Israelites from Egypt brought,
Where they in slauish thraldome long did dwell,
He home to heau'n the firie Chariot rought;
Yea, Christ himselfe, that saues vs all from Hell:
These three, as holy Scripture doth repeate,
In forty daies did neither drinke, nor eate.
Why then should we against this Law repine,
That are permitted euery kind of Fish?
Are not forbid the tastes of costly Wine,
Are not debard of many a daintie dish:
Both Sugar, Ginger, Pepper, Cloues, and Mace,
And Sinnamon, and Spice of euery kind,
And Reysons, Figs, and Almonds in like case,
To please the taste, and satisfie the mind:
And yet forsooth, we thinke we should be mard,
If we from flesh but forty dayes be bard.

91 Malum bene positum ne moueas.

A iudge, to one well studied in the Lawes,
That was too earnest in his Clyents cause,
Said, Stir't no more; for as the cause doth sinke
Into my sense, it seemeth like a stinke.

92 To King Dauid.

Thou Princes Prophet, and of Prophets King,
Growne from poore Pastoralls, and Shepheards fold,
To change the sheephooke to a Mace of gold,
Subduing sword and speare, with staffe and sling:
Thou that didst quell the Beare and dreadful Lyon,
With courage vnappald, and actiue lymmes;
Thou that didst praise in it, induring Himms
With Poetry diuine the God of Syon;
Thou sonne in Law to King & Prince appointed:
Yet, when that king by wrong did seek thy harme,
Didst helpe him with thy Harp, and sacred charme:
And taught, no not to touch the Lords Anointed.
Thou, thou great Prince, with so rare gifts replenished
Could'st not eschew blind Buzzard Cupids hookes,
Lapt in the bayt of Bersabees sweet lookes:
With which one fault, thy faultles life was blemished.
Yet hence we learne a document most ample,
Our flesh then strongest is, when weak'st our faith.
And that the sinne forgiuen, the penance staieth;
Of Grace and Iustice both a sweet example.
Let no man then himselfe in sinne imbolden
By thee, but thy sharpe penance, bitter teares,
May strike into our harts such godly feares,
As we may be thereby from sin with-holden.
Sith we, for ours, no iust excuse can bring,
Thou hadst one great excuse, thou wert a King.

93 Of Monsters. To my Lady Rogers.

Strange-headed Monsters, Painters haue described,
To which the Poets strange parts haue ascribed,
As Ianus first two faces had assign'd him,
Of which, one look't before, tother behind him:
So men, may it be found in many places,
That vnderneath one hood can beare two faces.
Three-headed Cerberus, Porter of Hell,
Is faind with Pluto, God of wealth to dwell.
So still with greatest States, and men of might,
Dogs dwell, that doe both fawne, and bark, & bite.
Like Hydras heads, that multiply with wounds,
Is multitude, that mutinie confounds:
On what seu'n-headed beast the Strumpet sits,
That weares the scarfe, sore troubleth many wits,
Whether seu'n sinnes be meant, or else seu'n hils,
It is a question fit for higher skils.
But then of these, if you can rightly conster,
A headlesse woman is a greater Monster.

94 Of a pleasant Broker.

A broker that was hyr'd to sell a Farme,
Whose seat was very sound, fruitful and warme
Thinking to grace the sales man with the tale,
Said thus: Friends, Marius sets this land to sale;
But thinke not this for debt or need to sell:
For as for money he is stor'd so well,
He hath at all times ready in his chest,
And some beside, he hath at interest.
Then were the chapmen earnestly in hand,
To question of the Title of the land:
Why should one sell, say they, that lets to vse?
The Broker driuen to seeke some new excuse,
Did study first, and smyling, thus replide,
His Worships beasts, and sheepe, and Hindes there dyde;
Since which, he neuer could the place abide.
Now though in this the foolish Broker lyde,
Yet the report thereof did so much harme,
That now, poore Marius cannot sell his Farme.

95 To the L. Ro.

To praise my wife, your daughter (so I gather)
Your men say, she resembleth most her father.
And I no lesse, to praise your sonne, her brother,
Affirme that he is too much like his mother.
I know not if we iudge aright, or erre:
But let him be like you, so I like her.

96 To his wife, in excuse he had call'd her foole in his writing.

A man in show that scornes in deede enuies
Thy seruent loue, and seeks the same to coole.
Findes fault, that in a Verse I call'd thee Foole:
And that it could be kindly tane, denies.
But thou didst kindly take it, then he lyes.
Well, therefore I wish him a wife most wise,
Noble descended from great De la Poole:
Learn'd to set her husband still to schoole,
So faire to draw to her all amorous eyes.
Let flattering tongues protest she doth deserue,
That great Commanders her should sue to serue:
Then let him walke and with Acteons lucke,
Amid the Herd, say, Welcome, fellow Bucke.
Meane while, my Mall, thinke thou 'tis honorable
To be my Foole, and I to be thy Bable.

97 Of the growth of Trees to Sir H. Port.

At your rich Orchard, you to me did show,
How swift the Trees were planted there, did grow
Namely, an Elme, that in no long abode,
Did of a twigge, grow vp to be a loade.
But you would quite condemne your trees of slouth
Compar'd to our trees admirable grouth.
Our planters haue found out such secret skils,
With pipe and barrell-staues, and iron Mils;
That Okes, for which none ten yeeres since were willing
To giue ten groats, are growne worth thirty shilling
At which I waxt so wood, I said in rage,
That thirst of Gold, makes this an Iron age.

98 Against promoting Lynus.

Thou, Linus, that louest still to be promoting,
Because I sport, about King Henries marriage:
Think'st this will proue a matter worth the carriage.
But let it alone, Lynus, it is no booting,
While Princes liue, who speakes, or writes & teaches
Against their faults, may pay for speech, and writing:
But being dead, dead men, they say, leaue biting:
Their eyes are seal'd, their armes haue little reaches.
Children they are, and fooles that are afeard,
To pull, and play, with a dead Lyons beard.

99 The Story of Marcus life at Primero.

Fond Marcus euer at Primero playes,
Long winter nights, and as long Summer dayes:
And I heard once, to idle talke attending,
The Story of his times, and coines mis-spending.
As first, he thought himselfe halfe way to heauen,
If in his hand he had but got a seu'n.
his Fathers death set him so high on slote,
All rests went vp vpon a seu'n, and coate.
But while he drawes for these gray coats & gownes,
The gamesters from his purse drew all his crownes.
And he ne're ceast to venter all in prime,
Till of his age, quite was consum'd the prime.
Then he more warily, his rest regards,
And sets with certainties vpon the Cards,
On sixe and thirtie, or on seu'n and nine,
If any set his rest, and saith, and mine:
But seeld with this, he either gaines or saues,
For either Faustus prime is with three knaues,
Or Marcus neuer can encounter right,
Yet drew two Ases, and for further spight,
Had colour for it with a hopefull draught,
But not encountred, it auail'd him naught.
Well, sith encountring, he so faire doth misse,
He sets not till he nine and fortie is.
And thinking now his rest would sure be doubled,
He lost it by the hand, with which sore troubled,
He ioynes now all his stocke, vnto his stake,
That of his fortune, he full proofe may make.
At last both eldest hand and fiue and fifty,
He thinketh now or neuer (thriue vnthrifty.)
Now for the greatest rest he hath the push:
But Crassus stopt a Club, and so was flush:
And thus what with the stop, and with the packe,
Poore Marcus, and his rest goes still to wracke.
Now must he seeke new spoile to set his rest,
For here his seeds turne weeds, his rest, vnrest.
His land, his plate he pawnes, he sels his leases,
To patch, to borrow, and shift, he neuer ceases.
Till at the last, two Catch-poles him encounter,
And by arrest, they beare him to the Counter.
Now Marcus may set vp, all rests securely:
For now he's sure to be encountred surely.

100 Lesbias rule of praise.

Lesbia , whom some thought a louely creature,
Doth sometimes praise some other womans feature:
Yet this I do obserue, that none she praises,
Whom worthy fame, by beauties merits praises.
But onely of their seemely parts she tels,
Whom she doth sure beleeue, her selfe excels.
So, Linus praises Churchyard in his censure,
Not Sydney, Daniel, Constable, nor Spencer.

101 Another of Table-talke.

Among some Table-talke of little weight,
A friend of mine was askt by one great Lady:
What sonnes he had? My wife (saith he) hath eight:
Now fie, said she, 'tis an ill vse as may be.
I would you men would leaue these fond conditions,
T'enure on vertuous wiues such wrong suspitions.
Tush, said her Lord, you giue a causelesse blame,
The Gentleman hath wisely spoke, and well:
To reckon all his sonnes perhaps were shame,
His wiues sonnes therefore he doth onely tell.
Behold, how much it stands a man in steede,
To haue a friend answere in time of neede.

102 Of old Haywoods sonnes.

Old Haywoods sons did wax so wild & youthfull,
It made their aged father sad and wrathfull.
A friend one day, the elder did admonish
With threats, as did his courage halfe astonish,
How that except he would begin to thriue,
His Sire of all his goods would him depriue.
For whom, quoth he? Eu'n for your yonger brother,
Nay then, said he, no feare, if't be none other.
My brother's worse then I, and till he mends,
I know, my father no such wrong intends,
Sith both are bad, to shew so partiall wrath,
To giue his yonger vnthrift that hee hath.