3
There was one serious flaw in Ann Veronica's arrangements
for self-rehabilitation, and that was Ramage.
He hung over her —he and his loan to her and his
connection with her and that terrible evening —a vague,
disconcerting possibility of annoyance and exposure.
She could not see any relief from this anxiety except
repayment, and repayment seemed impossible. The
raising of twenty-five pounds was a task altogether beyond
her powers. Her birthday was four months away,
and that, at its extremist point, might give her another
five pounds.
The thing rankled in her mind night and day. She
would wake in the night to repeat her bitter cry: “Oh,
why did I burn those notes?”
It added greatly to the annoyance of the situation
that she had twice seen Ramage in the Avenue since
her return to the shelter of her father's roof. He had
saluted her with elaborate civility, his eyes distended
with indecipherable meanings.
She felt she was bound in honor to tell the whole
affair to Manning sooner or later. Indeed, it seemed
inevitable that she must clear it up with his assistance,
or not at all. And when Manning was not about the
thing seemed simple enough. She would compose
extremely lucid and honorable explanations. But when
it came to broaching them, it proved to be much more
difficult than she had supposed.
They went down the great staircase of the building,
and, while she sought in her mind for a beginning, he
broke into appreciation of her simple dress and self-congratulations upon their engagement.
“It makes me feel,” he said, “that nothing is
impossible —to have you here beside me. I said, that day
at Surbiton, `There's many good things in life, but there's
only one best, and that's the wild-haired girl who's pulling
away at that oar. I will make her my Grail, and
some day, perhaps, if God wills, she shall become my
wife!' ”
He looked very hard before him as he said this, and
his voice was full of deep feeling.
“Grail!” said Ann Veronica, and then: “Oh, yes —
of course! Anything but a holy one, I'm afraid.”
“Altogether holy, Ann Veronica. Ah! but you can't
imagine what you are to me and what you mean to me!
I suppose there is something mystical and wonderful
about all women.”
“There is something mystical and wonderful about
all human beings. I don't see that men need bank it
with the women.”
“A man does,” said Manning — “a true man, anyhow.
And for me there is only one treasure-house. By Jove!
When I think of it I want to leap and shout!”
“It would astonish that man with the barrow.”
“It astonishes me that I don't,” said Manning, in a
tone of intense self-enjoyment.
“I think,” began Ann Veronica, “that you don't
realize —”
He disregarded her entirely. He waved an arm and
spoke with a peculiar resonance. “I feel like a giant!
I believe now I shall do great things. Gods! what it
must be to pour out strong, splendid verse —mighty
lines! mighty lines! If I do, Ann Veronica, it will be
you. It will be altogether you. I will dedicate my
books to you. I will lay them all at your feet.”
He beamed upon her.
“I don't think you realize,” Ann Veronica began
again, “that I am rather a defective human being.”
“I don't want to,” said Manning. “They say there
are spots on the sun. Not for me. It warms me, and
lights me, and fills my world with flowers. Why should
I peep at it through smoked glass to see things that don't
affect me?” He smiled his delight at his companion.
“I've got bad faults.”
He shook his head slowly, smiling mysteriously.
“But perhaps I want to confess them.”
“I grant you absolution.”
“I don't want absolution. I want to make myself
visible to you.”
“I wish I could make you visible to yourself. I
don't believe in the faults. They're just a joyous
softening of the outline —more beautiful than perfection.
Like the flaws of an old marble. If you talk of
your faults, I shall talk of your splendors.”
“I do want to tell you things, nevertheless.”
“We'll have, thank God! ten myriad days to tell
each other things. When I think of it —”
“But these are things I want to tell you now!”
“I made a little song of it. Let me say it to you.
I've no name for it yet. Epithalamy might do.
“Like him who stood on Darien
I view uncharted sea
Ten thousand days, ten thousand nights
Before my Queen and me.
“And that only brings me up to about sixty-five!
“A glittering wilderness of time
That to the sunset reaches
No keel as yet its waves has ploughed
Or gritted on its beaches.
“And we will sail that splendor wide,
From day to day together,
From isle to isle of happiness
Through year's of God's own weather.”
“Yes,” said his prospective fellow-sailor, “that's
very pretty. “She stopped short, full of things un-
said. Pretty! Ten thousand days, ten thousand
nights!
“You shall tell me your faults,” said Manning. “If
they matter to you, they matter.”
“It isn't precisely faults,” said Ann Veronica. “It's
something that bothers me.” Ten thousand! Put that
way it seemed so different.
“Then assuredly!” said Manning.
She found a little difficulty in beginning. She was
glad when he went on: “I want to be your city of
refuge from every sort of bother. I want to stand
between you and all the force and vileness of the world.
I want to make you feel that here is a place where the
crowd does not clamor nor ill-winds blow.”
“That is all very well,” said Ann Veronica, unheeded.
“That is my dream of you,” said Manning, warming.
“I want my life to be beaten gold just in order to make
it a fitting setting for yours. There you will be, in an
inner temple. I want to enrich it with hangings and
gladden it with verses. I want to fill it with fine and
precious things. And by degrees, perhaps, that maiden
distrust of yours that makes you shrink from my kisses,
will vanish. . . . Forgive me if a certain warmth creeps
into my words! The Park is green and gray to-day,
but I am glowing pink and gold. . . . It is difficult to
express these things.”
